Koi no yokan.
Lovelorn. A distinct characteristic of him, so known it could have been his name. He was the most popular in his academic race, the star of his program taken, the someone everyone wished to be. If perfectness is the topic, he got the A+ for he was a hallmark of socialization and scholastic standards.
Lovelorn. No matter how many girls swoon over him, he was someone known to maintain his love life a clean record - no Xs and Os. Len Kagamine, the genius of every subject that has existed, rejects the existence of love. It was nonsense, he said one time when he was asked by a friend. 'Love is just a feeling manifested by the hypothalamus and hormones all over your body-that one day, you will wake up with such irrationality feeding you up.' His answer was firm - though it sounded like a joke - but nonetheless taken seriously by his guys. His guys who have girlfriends. They said he was almost perfect...only if he would be able to meet someone to match him and break his belief of love as a mere feeling.
Len's friend - a childhood friend - Oliver, tried arranging him on blind dates with either the prettiest ones of their college, or the smartest ones-both swooning to Len due to his looks. The blond lovelorn refused to go on dates but ended up on Oliver's trap by being deceived that it was a study session among them guys. He ditched them one after another because he really couldn't take the idea of committing himself into intimate relationships and be tied and slaved by a woman. Len never understood the process of attraction, it was completely short-lived so he decided not to prolong its existence in his senses. Other words, he could resist women appearing to be goddesses by physique, because he peeled it off from his system. Who knows if their brains are weightless, he hated that next.
His nakama, Gumo from the student council, attempted to make him envy the pros of being in a relationship. The green-haired fellow would often bring his girl, IA with him, working on student council's papers with her. She was really helpful, Len noticed that. Work time is time, though there were brief moments of flirting-sweet talks and cooing and chaste kisses- Gumo seemed to work at his best and more productive with IA. Before the sun set, Gumo asked IA to go home first for he would have a best friend bond with Len. The beauty nodded a yes and kissed Gumo a goodbye. Len watched this sickly sweet moment and rolled his eyes with the animated waving hand of Gumo-even IA was out of sight.
"Alright, Gumo. What's next? Is this to follow up Oliver's blind dates?" Len asked as he put his things neatly inside his bag. The nakama coughed after Len stated the obvious but he decided not to spoil whatever is already unveiled. Gumo ran to pack his things too and walked by Len's side as they quietly get off from the student affair's building.
"So Len," Gumo doesn't know how he would open the topic of girlfriends, or IA specifically. Len's icy eyes (literally) pierced through him, causing Gumo to stutter and fret. His palms began sweating like shit, it was just Len but well, knowing the blond worth the wave of panic. "Ah, how...how do you find my relationship with IA? D-do you think I shall continue it until, well, we get old?"
There was a deafening silence choking Gumo after he voiced out his advance. The walk was quiet, Len wasn't responding for the last five minutes. Thoughts clouded Gumo's always-organized-mind as the quietness between them continued. He needed a cover up to appear less suspicious and obvious with his goal for that afternoon. A flock of birds flew above them, signalling the departure of the heatless sun from the orange skies. A brain blast.
"Len, you kn-"
"Honestly," Len interrupted Gumo by raising his hand level to their faces, "I find it...beneficial," Gumo noted his word, beneficial. Seriously, Len has to stop talking this way. "You should marry her, if that's what you want to hear from me. I think you really should since IA is motivating you to be more productive than usual, opposite to the effect of relationships to other couples."
"Really?" That was astounding, Gumo thought. "Yeah, I think so. She's my everything. She's everything I could ask for, you know." He laughed and gave Len's shoulder a weak slap as they crossed the railroad. "I feel so complete whenever I'm around her."
Len laughed with Gumo's musing, which the other guy took it offending. Nothing's funny about his girlfriend-brag so what's Len's point of laughing? The blond quieten down when he noticed Gumo's hand on his shoulder to dig a little deep through his sleeves. Yes, the guy's pissed off. "Wow, I mean. That's so sappy-you're so sappy. I mean, cool." Len patted his friend's shoulder by praising him, if ever it was a praise. "I wish you luck, guys."
"Don't you feel like you have to find someone to complete you, too?" Gumo pulled Len with him as they sat on a bench alongside the park they're walking on. Len was staring at orange canvas in front them, the sky fading with the yellow puffs of clouds stuck there. Incomplete, that word echoed in Len's head as though it was a broken CD played through some portable.
His eyes glanced at his companion, studying Gumo's serious face drawn to the sun's adieu. Len realized it right there, that moment; the answer came to him at that one look at Gumo's ugly face when serious. "Gumo, I feel complete by myself. You, guys, are enough and I shall not crave more affection. Your attention given to the group is enough, bro."
"We're not going to be bachelors forever, Len. All of us will eventually settle down in latter time. When that time came, our attention is not for the group alone. Family becomes priority." Gumo stood as his hands were kept in his pockets, an audible sigh escaped his mouth. It was an uneasy task to convince someone with things he found faulty. It's hard to make people believe stuffs they find unbelievable, especially when their kind of thinking is already closed.
"Then I shall be. . . alone," Len laughed and tapped Gumo's shoulder and ran the other way, departing ways with his nakama to avoid further probing. Gumo sagged his shoulders as he dialed IA's number to check if she was at home, and she was. Next, Oliver. When the blond picked up, Gumo reported his failed mission.
"Thy lad ditched me, sire." Gumo scratched his head, "he still refused the idea of relationships, love and settling down. He even called me sappy! How's that!?"
"Hah, I'd seen this coming. Well, Gumo. You totally are! It's like you won't exist a second if you haven't mentioned IA. Bragging her isn't a good thing, bro. You want Kaito to steal your girl?" Oliver laughed on the other line, so loud it irritated Gumo.
"Just shut up, Oliver. Or else,"
"Yes, yes. Well, we have no choice other than to send Kaito to pursue our Len?" Oliver asked, fiddling his pen at his fingers. A smirk stretched his pallid lips as he listened to Gumo's sigh.
"Are you sure? That douchebag will, of course, use carnal advances to pursue Len."
"What is this? Are you worried 'bout Len, Gumo?" Oliver chuckled and heard Gumo's reply that chastity is important. "You're surely a conservative old man. Worry not about Len! He is, as he called, rational."
Len slumped on his bed, face down. The Script songs played on his stereo, blocking the noise coming from his parents' argument downstairs. Every day is a new reason for them to keep on nagging. And he is running out of reasons why he shouldn't intrude their daily lifestyle. His parents are both working; they have a stable job. But they are not as good as they used to be. Beginning the day his mom lost his sibling while s/he was conceived, his parents began blaming each other for the loss. Right then, when Len was only 10, he knew that love between his mom and dad was lost.
"How can someone avail to have a life like this in the future?" Len murmured, fists clenching against the sheets. He directed the blame to his parents for he grew disbelieving the foolish irrational concept of love. A bitter laugh escaped his throat as he indulged himself with the songs, rather than his parents' incessant heated quarrel. Oliver and Gumo's attempt of encouraging him to get a girlfriend, though failed to convince him, was funny. It was in his own bewilderment why his guys were busying themselves with his love life. Don't they get that he was enough?
Len rolled over to face his ceiling studded with luminescent star-stickers, each was stuck there with hopes that he would find a truce amid the war between his parents-two people in love in the past, but no more than a pair of people committing themselves to a suicide. A love lost is a suicide. Or probably, self-harming. No matter how it hurts, they keep on living with it. 'They don't understand that I am not capable of loving,' he smiled, 'because I am not loved, am I?' A warm liquid ran down from his eye-something that reminded him that he wasn't numb, and his heart was just closed to such possibilities. His parents forgot that they still have a son to love. They're always too busy to care, anyway.
Maybe, he really is just wanting his parents' affection. As long as it isn't given, he will not be able to look for others to complete him-a girl, exactly. We learn from knowledgeable others, says Albert Bandura. But with his parents as his models, he knew that it wasn't an epitaph of what is love and how is it shown. If love includes ignoring one's child and living in the past regrets, he won't commit himself. That's why... That's why... there's no one out there... Len laughed when he heard the song, coz there's no one out there... Slowly, the blond felt his eyes heavy as he blinked staring at the stars. Once, twice, thrice, each blink succumbs him to a dreamless state. The last thing he knew is that, the stars on his ceiling glowed green.
What are you? An attention whore? That moment when Len's mom told him such derogatory words, he was only 10. Len came home carrying medals from an interschool contest he joined. He thought it would make his mom cheer up after three days of staying in their house after what his parents called accident. His father said that his supposed to be sibling died, Len was saddened, of course. He badly wanted to have a playmate. So, when he won this competition, he thought it would make his mom proud, but no. Instead, she fussed about it like a machine gun, depressed, desperate, bawling into yells. He was frightened. Saucer-eyed, Len watched his mom broke down and she tossed his medals away. The sound of the clattering metals echoed in the living room as his mom sobbed like there was no tomorrow. His feet were glued, guilt stabbed his chest as if a sword was lunged forward to his little heart.
"Mom?" He would like to hold her and hug her like she does when he was beaten by his bullies, and shush her as she does to him. He wanted to make her feel that she needed not to keep all those emotions just hers; he wanted to show that he is there. Yet, when his fingers grazed on her shoulder, she turned around swiftly and slapped his hand away. Such action startled him; never in his lifetime that his mother hurt him physically. She, who was always worried whenever Len wounds himself; she, who always brought him to school; she, who taught him how to walk... Just slapped his hand away. And it stung more than thousand bees piercing on your skin. It was a bigger deal than the physical pain, because after all it was his mother who hurt him in the insides.
"Don't touch me!" Her scream was as if full of hatred - and it was towards him. The boy didn't know why he seemed to be at fault when he all he did was nothing but to show her his achievement. "How can you be so happy like that, Len?! We lost your sister, or brother - who knows! We don't even know what he could have been. Why do you deal with it as easy as that,"
"Mom, I don't understand-"
"Then learn how to! I don't want a child as attention seeking as you are! Go away! Leave!" His mom continued to sob as she caressed the dress which will be used to the child's christening, only if s/he lived. The young Len ran upstairs, weeping like the sky during a stormy night. His heart was crushed by the words coming from someone he loved and trusted; from someone he expected to hurt him last. It was the dawn of his disbelief about love for his mother could not harbor it to him, he, who was her son.
That night, the young Len did not come down for dinner. He was sulking at his bed, curling like a fetus as his mom's words reiterated in his mind. Words were powerful to destroy and create stuffs, he proved it true today. Tears left his eyes now and then, draining his energy every sob. It was already seven in the evening, he expects his father to come home at any moment. The door of his room swung open as a tall blond in suit entered his room, calling his name.
"Len," the boy pulled his blanket over his head and pretended to sleep. This didn't stop his father, he sat on the boy's bed and patted the kid. "Let's go down and have dinner. Don't worry, mom's asleep." Len relaxed after hearing that and uncovered his face, his swollen eyes worried his father.
"What happened?" His father pulled him up and plead him to tell the truth. "What did your mom do this time? Did she hurt you?" Len nodded and sobbed. The father looked at his son with equally melancholic eyes, and watched his son broke down more than his mother. It was unnecessary to end like this, their son should not be affected. But it turns out that as long his wife is as vulnerable as herself now, it will keep their son hurting. "Hush now," he gave his 10 year old boy a piggyback and went downstairs. "Today, we're going to have a dad-son dinner, and we're going to watch Batman movies, just stop crying, Len." And the father realized that he suck at consoling his son.
"Dad, does mom hate me?" The table fell silent amid the dine between Len and his father. The beeswax polished table glistened with the small chandelier above them, as though it is the only thing listening to the moping boy. It is impossible for him to get his angered mother out of his head, what she said and did. Len's curious eyes met his father, who stopped eating. He wiped his mouth with his napkin and stood to occupy the seat beside his son. There was silence still; Len's father was just patting his shoulder. His father did not answer because Len wasn't certainly hateful, it was only his mother who couldn't cope at their loss.
Len was waken by the unremitting ringing of his phone. The sun was up, glaring to him through that gap in between his curtains. His head felt like spinning, so the blond ignored to move a muscle from where he fell asleep. It was a peaceful Saturday morning-exclude that bothering phone-for his parents weren't arguing at the beginning of the day. The phone stopped ringing after a minute, but resumed after some seconds. Groaning and muttering incoherent profane words, Len crawled to the opposite side of his bed to grab his phone on his bedside table. It's so early, he hasn't eaten his breakfast yet, and here is Kaito-calling.
"How are you, Len!?" Kaito's chirping drained Len instantly and so, the blond laid flat on his bed again.
"I just woke up, mister. And you?" And so, the blond tried to maintain his politeness.
"I just woke you." Kaito answered, and was followed by an annoying laughter that seemed to be endless. The blond ended the call and rolled over his bed to nap once more. After a minute, his phone rang again and Len yelled this time.
"What the heck, Kaito?!"
"I'm coming over your place this afternoon, grumps. Later!"
No, shit. Len glared at his phone and ran downstairs to grab some meal. When he reached the kitchen, there were his mom and dad seated in quietness. It was one of the rare moments to see them together at normal days, let alone in the dining area. He wanted to ask but seeing his mom's face? It's a big no. His mom was the ice queen, and he hated being frozen by her. He kept an eye on them as he poured cereals on his bowl. The noisemade by his meal was unheard by his parents, his father flipped the page of his newspaper; his mom brought down her cup of coffee and flipped the page of her magazine. Len began nibbling on his lips as he sat on the stall from the kitchen sink and spied on his parents on the dining table. His parents both grabbed a loaf; his father accidentally touched his mom's hand. It was so cliché. Len wanted to puke, the scene was like a normal drama.
Len is expecting his mom to yell 'don't touch me!' or some sort like that, as if she is allergic to her husband and son. It is Len's own surprise that both his parents laughed and let go of their hands. The blond's eyes almost gouged at the sight of his mom laughing. Again, his mom is laughing. It has been a decade since he saw that genuine laugh or smile from her, she was always sad. He watched the golden haired woman to smile and talk shortly with his father animatedly, smiling like an angel. Len scooped on his cereal and stuck it in his mouth one after another, eyes fixed on his mother. He was full of disbelief with such 'surprising' ambiance of his mom. The woman, who seemed to be a stranger for him, turned around and their eyes met. Two pairs of familiar blue eyes clashed with that look - as if Len is looking to a mirror.
"Len," she called. It wasn't the same stiff and cold voice he heard since that day. Instead, her voice was gentle and motherly. He longed hearing this, right? But, why was he more afraid to oblige or at least soften a bit? Was it because she, the mother Len was seeing now, is a stranger? The son looked at his mother without recognition, just wide eyed, baffled. "Can we talk?"
What. Len emptied his bowl and washed it, then turned around. Albeit his mouth is still full, he managed to say that he has plans with a friend today so he has to prepare now. And a mother won't buy that stinking alibi. He heard his father call his mom saying, "Rin? Are you sure with what you are planning?" There was a soft laughter after the inquiry with his mom's reply, "Don't worry about it Dad. I've been a terrible mom."
Len felt himself shudder with such words as he hasten his pace to lock himself in his room - but he forgot to lock it, really. He has to escape such eerieness today. That is definitely not his mom. He repeated that like a prayer as he searched through his wardrobe to find a shirt so he could leave-only to be stopped when his door swung open as the middle aged woman stood there. And she was smiling at him. Scary, he thought.
"Len? Can we spend this day with your dad? Like a family day?" He hated it. He hated to hear that coming from her. His hands strangled the green shirt he was holding, head stooping to hide his angered expression. Here was he, lip biting to vent on his anger to himself. "I was thinking of going to a restaurant so we could dine, like when you're younger. I received a gift certificate from my superior yesterday, how was tha-"
"Mom," Len's voice was questioning, why now? "Do you know how old am I?" Their eyes met and the coldness searing was from Len this time, not from his mom. The vulnerable being today was his mom and not him. "My childhood is over. I am 20 years old now. Why are you doing this...now that I am unattached to you?"
"Len, I'm sorry. I - I realized that I'm at fault -"
"Just now? You 'just' realized it 'now'? Mom. You ruined my-" tears gushed down his eyes as he abandoned the shirt on the ground. Len leaned forward his window to look at the green lawn as he resumed talking. "Do you know how you affected me? It's like I don't have a mom! Have you ever thought of that?" Today, Len was honest. Today, he decided to speak and so, to stop running from it. He won't play songs to deafen himself from the voices outside his head that are bothering him. But isn't he looking forward to this?
"Yesterday, your dad and I talked. He wanted a divorce. For the whole time I'm being paranoid, yesterday halted the other side of me. When your father said that word, I thought of it. I love him. I love you. Why did I lose sight of the love of my life? I've been grieving and lamenting to all sorts, but I forgot that I still have you. Then, I remember that I can't live without my husband and son. I can't bear that. I lost a child even before she or he was born. Now, I can't afford to lose what is already existing." Trembling because he was stopping himself to cry, Len listened fully to his mom. She was right, indeed. And then, he heard that word. Love. How can someone forgot somebody she loves? It's stupid. It isn't love. It's stupidity. It's being blind. Where is love -
"I'm sorry mom. I'm a grownup, there's no need of family bonding or the like! I'm mature! Can't you see?" Len turned around to face his mom...and dad standing behind him. He was shaken by their smiles and tears mixed together. "I-" and he really wanted to go, because after all, there was a child inside him who was trapped in the past; who did not grow, who was stuck with his ideal family, who was lost. "I'm sorry," the blond came to them and hugged his parents. When was the last time he got the chance to embrace his parents? It doesn't matter. The important thing is that he's doing it now. "I know you hate me, I know you hate me..." The man he was became a child who broke down gradually, emotions spilling from the jar where he kept it. And a jar spills when it is full. "...why now?"
Some hours later, Kaito received a message from Len. The blond apologized that he wouldn't be able to accommodate the jerk because his family has a plan today. Too bad, Kaito was already in front of Len's house when he read that text. The guy's face wrinkled with a frown for he practically escaped his girlfriend when they were strolling in the park. Moreover, his girlfriend was one of a kind. Because tomorrow, Kaito will be called "the battered boyfriend".
Len noticed how trying hard his mom was. She was back to zero, learning what he likes and dislikes. His dad was helping her out in picking what shirt, shoes or any item they should give Len. He watched his parents as they walked to the parking lot, the two glistened at his eyes. They were like young couples wandering in the mall, his mom clung to his father, head leaning against his shoulder. They were perfect, he thought.
What wonder can make these two people forget that they love each other, and upon the topic of divorce, his mom regained her lost feelings? No. It's not feelings. Feelings are fleeting, so once lost, not the same feeling will come back. Len wondered what could it be? Is this love? Is this really love?
He was summoned back to reality when his parents were looking at him from the distance. They were smiling brightly, blooming like two sunflowers under the sunshine. Hands gestured him to go back with them and the blond felt like he was a child, so young and innocent, scampering towards his parents. When he reached them, he stood in between his father and mother. Even though they were an amusing sight because he was not a child anymore, he wanted this moment to last. Their arms were around him as they talked all the way until they reached their car, and home probably. He felt so delighted. Len felt like he was only 10 as he spoke about his friends. The things they should have done many years ago, it was filling his heart with the thing he kicked out of his nature. Love, today he felt it from someone, he never thought was, incapable of it. Now, love is more than an abstract noun for him.
When the time came for him to get a sleep, it is funny to see his parents giving him a good night kiss. The three of them are laughing in his room as Len told them that they really don't have to do that just to pay the time they missed with him. He was running around his room just to escape his parents chasing him; the room was filled with laughter and bliss. When his mom caught his arm, she placed a kiss on his head and hugged him. Then, his father followed. They muttered their apologies and promises of making it up to him. Len was moved, he was touched. But the words that came from his mouth were, "it's okay, there's one thing I want to know..." His parents looked at him like he was a new discovery, curious. "Can you tell me...how did you meet?"
I hate your father just like a typical teenage girl hates a frog, his mom said. There was no attraction at first, it's pure disgust and annoyance towards him. But there is a certain pull as though we are connected by some invisible string that draws me to him. And then, I know that falling for him is inevitable. Len thought of this too much, deducting things he could. It wasn't infatuation nor love at first sight. It sounded like something fated or the folktale of the red strings, but that was too mushy for him to internalize. He continued contemplating about it until Monday, with his friends noticing him.
"Hey, Oli. Our boy is more silent than usual," Gumo told Oliver when they spent their vacant periods together. The blond and the green-haired guys glowered at Len as he kept on spacing out at a corner. Kaito was not with them today. He sent a message informing that he got his muscles aching. Or maybe, Meiko had beaten him up again. The two, Gumo and Oliver observed Len in stealth - that when Piko came, the two quickly covered the guy's mouth so nothing could disturb Len's silence. Oliver was instructing Piko what to do - how to shove the concept of love to Len - by means of using it in music. In Piko's case, he uses love as his inspiration in writing songs. Oliver wasn't done yet when Len stood and told them that he would be in the library and left the three. "Did you see that?" Gumo looked at the other two and swore to spy Len.
The air-conditioning system of the library made Gumo dizzy. It was summer and he hated how temperature affected him. He tailed the genius and hid behind the shelves, wondering why Len would read books from the Psychology and Sociology sections. When the blond settled on a seat, Gumo pulled out a random book and sat behind the blond, secretly peeking to what was Len reading. He received weird stares from the other students but he ignored it, they didn't matter. His eyes almost fell out as he gasped - attracting more stares from the people around. Len was reading about emotions... He was reading about love!
The bell dinged and Gumo sat instantly. The book he pulled out was used to cover his face. He couldn't believe it, Len was... Gumo quickly left the library to tell Oliver the good news. The possibility of Len getting off the lovelorn status was narrowing down! He worked out his unsportsmanlike legs as he ran back to the shed where he left Piko and Oliver. There was a miracle happening right now and the guys need to see it! More and more students glared at the weird green-haired guy running of breath. "Oliver! Oliver! Piko! You people outta there? You have to see Len! He's reading about lo-" Gumo was silenced when he saw a girl sitting on the bench where Oliver and Piko was sitting. She glowered at him and shut the sketchbook where she was drawing, then left.
"Hey, Gumo!" Oliver slapped his shoulder from behind. "I heard you yelling. What was that again?" The blond sat on the bench and waited for him to talk.
"Who was that girl?" Gumo asked as he sat across Oliver. The blond shrugged, saying he has no idea and asked Gumo what was he saying a while ago.
"Oh, yeah. Len was reading about love." He might be mistaken, but Gumo was sure that he saw Oliver's eyes sparkle.
Later that afternoon, Len spent his vacant period with Piko practicing a band performance. Piko Utatane was the lead singer of the university's Band Republic and so, he was rehearsing and finalizing a new composition they would present at the foundation day. The blond didn't ignore the invitation he received from Piko when he was asked to sit on the guy's rehearsal so the song would be criticized for further improvement. Len was fond of music. In fact, he likes the songs of The Script. He sat on the only chair in that room and watched. Piko prepare his electric guitar, playing piano and strings medley in his laptop.
"Are you ready, Len?" The androgynous looking band singer asked, in which it was replied with a thumbs-up to go ahead.
It was a slow music playing through the stereo; Len was hypothesising that the new song was a ballad - a calm, slow rock. Piko's guitar skills are admirable, that's something Len wouldn't be. He got the ear for music but couldn't play an instrument. Piko began singing and Len closed his eyes to appreciate the musicality and the song's message.
"At what station shall this train stop?
Where will this trip bring my heart?
Is this ride gonna bring me back
To a place where there is love?
You are no more than any other people,
In this ride, you are one of the passengers.
But they said that it isn't like that,
Because the time I spent with you makes you special.
Through the ups and downs
And all twists and turns,
You were there, by my side,
Holding my hand, never letting go.
Is this love fated? Then, I love you.
In this train trip, stay by my side.
I will never let you go.
Let's sew our hearts together like parts of a whole.
Travel at the ends of the world,
All that matters is our heart and our soul.
Sit with me and see the world.
As I look at you, I'm fine...
Because I'm traveling with my world.
Will this train stop? I hope so not...
Because as we sit side by side,
I want this trip to be endless.
So we can be like this forever.
The warmth of your hand interlocked with mine
Melts all worries I had in the future.
*Anatawa sekai, my world,
Let me be the moon to linger around you...
Through the ups and downs
And all twists and turns,
You were there, by my side,
Holding my hand, never letting go.
Is this love fated? Then, I love you.
In this train trip, stay by my side.
I will never let you go.
Let's sew our hearts together like parts of a whole.
Travel at the ends of the world,
All that matters is our heart and our soul.
Sit with me and see the world.
As I look at you, I'm fine...
Because I'm traveling with my world."
Len gaped at the singer in front him. He would admit that he pictured his mom and dad at that song, and he realized what made his father stay by his mom all these years. Because of love, what the heck else!? His hands voluntarily clapped as Piko did the finishing instrumental, and grinned with Len's gawking expression. "That's wonderful, Piko! The music is perfect, slow and nostalgic. The lyrics too, I can feel it."
"What?" There was chuckling in Piko's counter as he unplugged the stereo. "You could feel what?" He wasn't sure if he misheard the lovelorn saying he felt the song. Len pulled out a sheet of paper as he began scribbling. Piko ignored him, assuming that Len was just making a note of what improvements shall be done. He began keeping his things instead.
"I think you have to see this," a paper was presented to Piko. He read it with a smile - and that smile widened as he read further with whatever Len could have written there. "The part of the song that says this, I think that was the second verse:
Will this train stop? I hope so not...
Because as we sit side by side,
I want this trip to be endless.
So we can be like this forever.
Am I correct? I think you ought to change that so you could justify the speaker's intention of staying by the lover's side. You can make considerations on what I devised here:
In this first train trip we take,
Do you feel my heart race?
It doesn't matter how far we go,
For if I present a ring, don't say 'no'.
This first part of the chorus can be improved too, you know it's mushy. That's good. Look at it.
Is this love fated? Then, I love you.
In this train trip, stay by my side.
I will never let you go.
Let's sew our hearts together like parts of a whole.
You know, Piko. It would appear to be less obligatory type of love if you didn't say, 'Is this love fated, then I love you'. That didn't sound genuine to me, no offense.
This love is fated - you and I
In this train trip we ride,
All troubles, I wouldn't mind.
Let's sit together for life.
And I think you can make it more heartfelt by adding some percussion instruments to make the song more enthralled. I really don't know much about love, that's what I think of it since you asked for it. And so the musicality. A job well done, Piko. I need to go."
Piko watched Len to jog out of the rehearsal room, Piko's jaw dropping. Len made revisions on the lyrics and Piko agreed with what the blond made. However, it was Len's sudden change of heart - wasn't the lyrics Len contributed too rich coming from someone who refuses love? Piko dialed Oliver's number and reported the miracle that afternoon. The lovelorn is changing. Initial assessment: Len is not Len.
The blond reached home just before the sky darkened. An aroma long gone wafted as Len entered their house, the smell came from the kitchen. His mom, still in her office suit and skirt, was cooking their dinner. He couldn't stop smiling with such progression from his mom so he went there to witness it firsthand.
"Mom, I'm home!" Len flashed a grin to his mother, and was replied with a smile from his her. She placed the food on a plate and asked Len to change upstairs so they could eat altogether once his father came. The grownup obliged and ran merrily-only to come back after he was called by his mom again.
"Len, can I ask you a question?" His mom smiled as she put down the pan on the sink. 'I saw you talking to someone over your phone last Sunday. Could that be your...girlfriend?" Len stared blankly at his mom, the blonde woman was waiting for an answer.
"Mom, that's Oliver. Do you remember him?" He shrugged it off and ran upstairs. "Well, I don't have a girlfriend. Heck, I don't even understand love!" His mom watched him vanish from the vicinity, a sad smile spreading on her face. She knew it all along, that she was the reason why Len didn't learn how to love. All of his conversations with his friends on phone, she overheard it. Len was always saying that he hated being on dates, that he didn't like the idea of commitment. Rin knew that she was the reason why Len is loveless. She wanted him to feel loved so he could love.
The next day came like a lightning flash. Len didn't get enough sleep, or hadn't slept at all, because he spent the whole night speculating his parents words. They lectured him about being in a relationship. His parents said that Len was old enough to commit himself, but the young man laughed during their talk. He explained it well, he didn't feel like he has to. At least, he hasn't met someone who can make him feel like butterflies inhabit his stomach. His father scolded him by sermonizing that loving isn't just attraction and love at first sight. When Len defended himself with the words like, 'I didn't mention anything like that', his father lectured him more. What's this now, he thought as he walked towards the university, a peer pressure to get a girlfriend? Len felt his head liquefying with the thoughts of being in a relationship. He still hasn't drawn a conclusion to his parents' relationship, and here are these people, forcing him to find one.
A pair of hands covered Len's mouth and dragged him away from the arc that would lead to the university. The blond felt himself fall on the grassy ground, crashing hard on his butt. His phone slid out of his pocket and drifted further through the bushes. Len got on his feet to run after it, only to be stopped by hands - so many, he was held on place. The grumpy blond snapped to his abductor with eyes burning like a bonfire. If he is a dragon, these people will be ashes now.
"Hi, Len!" Kaito waved a hand, grinning as if he is the most stupid person born. The brainless guy was so flashy, even in his clothing, and Len would like to punch him right now. Len was surrounded by the other guys: Oliver smirking, Piko smiling, Gumo wincing. "You see, we have a big question for you!"
Len cursed softly as he stood and retrieved his phone, then glowered at the bird-brained jerk who dragged him behind the trees. "What do you want? Blind dates and all?"
"No!" Kaito exclaimed, clapping his hands like a magician preparing for a final trick. His sheepish grin was scaring Len because it meant one thing. Something unfavorable for him. "Gakupo will teach you poetry." Len's friends smiled with brilliance, except for Gumo.
He blinked with what Kaito said, and chuckled. "Are you serious?" Len sagged his shoulders and began walking out of the bushes. He was pulled back by Gumo who was screaming 'matte, matte, choto matte!' And Len would comply with his Japanese lad. "What's up with poetry?" He spat.
The sweating palms of Gumo left Len's arm as the green-haired fellow straightened his back to announce that Len would be joining a poem recital, where people were asking for a love-themed poem. Since Len made an incredible revision with Piko's song, they would like Len to try poetry.
"I don't understand your point. Among us, Gakupo is the magister. You don't need me here,"
"No! No!" Gumo pulled him back, wrapping his arms around his neck. "They don't want Gakupo this time, the guy writes heartbreak ballads. People need something lighthearted, you know."
"You called me a lovelorn, don't you?" Len's icy gaze made Gumo panic stricken once again. Gumo recoiled his arms from the blond's neck and let the guy leave. The group watched Len leave, they failed again. Kaito began sulking but he was kicked by Oliver as he asked all the guys look at the blond once more.
"See, he would go to Gakupo himself. No more ado," the mischievous blond simpered while caressing his chin. After Len's encounter with Gakupo, Oliver is wis on his deductions, the lovelorn will no longer be a lovelorn.
It wasn't so long after the Len's last class today, he met Gakupo in the library. It was only two in the afternoon and he could do a lot of things before heading home. Gakupo waved a hand to Len and the blond sat with him. Gakupo's long hair was gone, it was as short as Kaito's hair and Len wasn't sure if that looks good on his friend.
"What happened?" Len gestured to his hair and was replied by a pathetic smile from the guy.
"The university won't tolerate the hair length of mine. They said I wasn't a girl, so I cut it short!"
"So, what did Luka say?" Len scanned the books he has to read and waited for the guy to answer.
"She didn't recognize me at first but," Gakupo sighed and slapped his friend's shoulder weakly, "let's not talk about it. You have to understand love now because tomorrow, you have to present a poem in this -"
"Wait, you don't decide by yourself!" Len declined, prancing his hands to Gakupo. "I am not good in making poems!"
"Here, Len. Can you read this word?" Gakupo placed a book on Len's desk, opened to a page where the words koi no yokan were displayed. "Do you know what does it mean? I'm sure this will help you to think of a concept."
The blond, though doubtful at first, looked at the text and read whatever it could have meant. Len instantly found himself drowning with the words he read, it was too much for him to understand. There was a rambling of Len's ideas as he read through the words, slowly fading in the world of ideas. It reminded him of his parents. It was...
Koi no yokan. (lit. "Premonition of love") The sense one can have upon first meeting another person that the two of them are going to fall in love. This differs from the idea of " love at first sight" in that it does not imply that the feeling of love exists, rather it refers to the knowledge that a future love is inevitable.
The blond jerked to stand and ran out of the library to head home...because he finally understood it now. His parents' ties, the bond that kept them together, it is love. What shit could it be? If his father didn't love his mom enough, he could have left his mom when he was younger. His father endured all of his mom's tantrums and grumpiness, he never let her alone. His mom, why was she grieving? Because she loved her supposed-to-be child. She loved him/her and she couldn't bear to live without it. That is love, he concluded. There was no attraction when his parents first met, because love doesn't always appear at the beginning of a book. It was born amidst the tale, challenged and strengthened. That moment as he dashed out of the university, love is no longer an average abstract noun for Len.
Len is jammed standing right in front the train's door. Passengers are packed like sardines as the train traveled to the next station. He is certain that this volume will increase at the next stop. Why did he decide to go to his mom's office anyway? The train came to a halt and the doors departed to give way. Much to his surprise, the people unloaded the train but Len remained standing where he was. When the people going out of the train are gone, those who entered came like a wave-on the other doors, except where Len was. Alone, a lady entered with her eyes clashing with Len's. It was like...
No. Not love at first sight. That's not true.
Love at first sight? Never.
"Why are you staring?" She spat at him, standing in front him rather than occupying one of the empty seats around them. Her blue eyes were burning Len alive as his feet were glued on the ground. "Would you please stop staring, pervert."
"What, pervert!? I'm not doing anything to you!" Len fussed and looked away from her. She did not respond. Instead, she walked away from him and took a seat not so far from him. Geez, her hair smells like jasmine. He dared to look where she sat, it is easy to spot a teal-haired beauty in the - she was glaring at him. Shoot. When the train stopped, the girl went out. Even if it was against Len's original plan, he stalked the girl.
Seriously, I have to stop. Len grimaced and turned around, wanting to take the other path since it was the same place where his mom was working. Whatever could be this weird presence that urged him to follow the girl, it is scary. Horrible, moreover. He faced the opposite road to cross and go to his mom instead. When he heard the familiar cold voice, he knew it all along - he wouldn't be leaving the girl around.
"I said move. Stop obstructing my way or I'll call the police." The teal-haired lady demanded to the rascals surrounding her, tall and dingy. They all smelled like cigarette butts and it was stinking putridness. The guys laughed at her and moved wherever she would attempt to escape.
"No, little kitty. Let's play a little, hm?" The tallest one was about to touch her when she held his hand and twisted it, then kicked the guy's crotch, leaving the scamp cringing. A hand from that opening held her arm, and pulled her away from the gangsters taking advantage of her. Len was fleeing with her, aiming to reach his mom's workplace before the swindlers reach them. He wasn't looking back at her for her eyes were intimidating, but he knew that she was running with him. They crossed the intersection right when the signal for the pedestrian turned green. There were shouts from the gangsters yelling for them to come back, but the two ignored it as they vanished in the pool of strangers.
"Let me go, pervert." She pulled her hand away when they were inside the building where his mom works. His eyes clashed with her cold ones, asking her to stop regarding him as pervert. She turned on her heel, about to go when he yelled for her to stay with him.
"Don't leave, they might be around there looking for you."
"I have an invisibility coat."
"What, potterhead." Len watched her vanish from the building's main door.
What is love? He can't define. All he knew is that, it wasn't found at the beginning of stories, or some sort like that. His hands were kept in his pockets as he met his mom on the lobby. Her short blond hair bobbed as she ran to her son while waving a hand.
"Mom," he hugged his mom shortly, "you lied about love at first sight."
Fin.
Vocabulary words!
Nakama - (Japanese.) An intimate friend
Anatawa sekai - So, I meant it as is... It is literally translated to 'You are world'. So to that song, You are world, my world.
I made the lyrics. If I'll make it a song, I want to purchase Miku and make her sing it. Lol.