Ed-istry
Summary: Eddy and Double Dee go on a pseudo nature hike that ends with an unexpected surprise. Enjoy!
x x x
Eddy casually strode past the flimsy screen door into Double Dee's immaculate kitchen, interrupting his friend's methodical basket-stacking process.
"Hey Double Dee, what'cha doin?"
Double Dee gave a quick start before replying, "Ah Eddy, your timing is impeccable. Today's weather is just so sublime that I've decided to make a trip to Peach Creek Fields. Ironically named, though, as it's mainly composed of grassy knolls and babbling brooks just teeming with life. It's bound to be a thrilling biological adventure! Would you and Ed care to accompany me?"
Eddy grimaced and stuck out his brilliant lime-green tongue. "What's with you and learnin', Double Dee? It's summer for cryin' out loud! Take a break once in a while, before your brain overheats!"
Double Dee sniffed derisively. "I happen to welcome the world and its vast information, Eddy. Perhaps if you broadened your horizons as well, your insular attitude would be a thing of the past."
"Yeah yeah, whatever. There's no insulation in nature, stupid." Eddy was only half listening, opting instead to look over the noontime rations. "There better not be any garbanzo paste in these sandwiches."
Double Dee opened his mouth but thought better of it as he noticed that, in Eddy's own little way, he seemed to be willing to make the trek.
"No garbanzo paste here, Eddy. Only alfalfa sprouts, tomatoes, cucumbers, cheese and various condiments, brimming with all sorts of beneficial vitamins and proteins to grant us the energy required to climb –"
"Okay, I get it already, sheesh!" Eddy interrupted as Double Dee carefully placed the rest of his provisions into a traditional wicker picnic basket. A blue backpack also sat nearby, no doubt filled with materials for his intended scientific studies. Eddy briefly considered 'accidentally' dropping it into a river just to see what would happen.
"I take it you'll be attending, then?" Double Dee queried, just to fully clarify Eddy's intentions.
"Well, seeing as how it's either this, being by myself, or watching a crappy movie marathon with Ed, I s'pose I don't got much choice."
Double Dee beamed and promptly thrust the basket into Eddy's chest, winding him slightly. "Excellent, then I'll place you in charge of minding our lunch. Normally I wouldn't ask this of you, but since Ed won't be with us today, your assistance is required."
He then hefted the backpack onto his own shoulders. "Please be careful with it, Eddy. The contents are delicate and have been placed in an optimal order for their own protection, as well as to prevent spillage. Additionally, this is my Mother's basket, and she'll be very cross if it were to be damaged in any way."
"Y'know, I hear motor-mouth is a symptom of brain exploding," Eddy replied sardonically.
"Ha ha." Double Dee chortled flatly. "Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice, shame on you." He then opened the screen door to grant Eddy passage. "Shall we?"
They wandered down the street, led by Double Dee's incessant string of weather-related comments.
x x x
The duo of breathless pre-teens reached their intended summit at long last, letting their parcels drop heavily onto the padded turf with exasperated sighs.
"Y'know, that name really is ironing," panted Eddy. "I'm beat!"
"Ironic, Eddy," Double Dee corrected between breaths. He straightened up and wiped the sweat from his brow. "Phew! That was a far more arduous ascension than I had anticipated."
He suddenly dropped to the ground, and pulled out the stereotypical red-and-white checkered picnic blanket from within the basket. "Ah, I see our lunch is still intact. Very good, Eddy!" he commended as he unfurled it.
"Yeah, I'm the friggin picnic whisperer." Eddy rolled onto the mat. "Pass me a soda, will ya? I'm parched!"
Double Dee giggled, silently proud that his friend had finally learned its proper meaning. "Would you settle instead for a refreshing glass of lemonade, or perhaps some water?"
"It doesn't matter, just gimme somethin' will ya?" Eddy was promptly handed a glass of lemonade, which he downed in a single gulp. His throat suddenly burned, his entire face puckered into itself cartoonishly, his hair bent into several jagged lines, and a torrent of tears began streaming down his face.
"SOUR!" he roared, clutching his throat and gagging.
Double Dee inspected the contents of the pitcher, and took a quick sip to test it. His own bright teal tongue poked out of the corner of his mouth reflexively. "Strange, I'm certain I added the correct amount of sugar granules –"
The sounds of Eddy's wretching brought him back to the moment, and he quickly produced a remedial bottle of water. In one swift motion, he yanked Eddy's mouth open and dumped the contents inside. Eddy kicked his legs and gargled as he choked on some of the deluge, dribbling onto his shirt. Luckily, most if it cleared his esophagus, and he lay motionless on the mat as relief washed over him.
"Better?" teased Double Dee after a few moments.
"Yer gonna pay for that," Eddy rasped between heavy breaths.
"Oh come now, Eddy, this was just an unfortunate mishap, not the cause of any malicious intent –" Double Dee was cut off as Eddy pounced on top of him.
"Eddy, please –!"
"C'mere, ya little worm –!"
The pair created a big dustball as they tussled on the hilltop, and inevitably tumbled down to the base, thankful, at least, for a soft landing.
Eddy landed atop Double Dee and seized his chance. He pinned his friend's arms above his head, and with his free hand, mercilessly tickled along his torso and armpits.
"EDDY!"
"How's that? Feel better?" he mimicked Double Dee's earlier comment.
"EDDY-HEE!" his skinny little legs flailed fruitlessly.
"Say uncle," Eddy taunted.
"unc-AUGH!" Double Dee sputtered.
"Say it!" Eddy ordered.
"UNC-UNC-AAAAGH-UNC-UNCLE!"
Immediately satisfied, Eddy relinquished his grip and sat on his haunches, watching the color slowly drain from Double Dee's face and the rhythmic pumping of his chest as he came down from the high. It was a strangely exhilarating sight from which he just couldn't look away.
After what felt like an eternity, Double Dee sat up, adjusting his hat and wiping away the tears of laughter.
"Don't you ever do that again, mister," he ordered gravely stood and wrung out the front of his tear-soaked shirt.
"Serves you right for handing out sour lemonade," Eddy replied firmly as he began making his way back up the hill, Double Dee in tow.
"I hardly think I deserve such disproportionate retribution for a mere miscalculation, Eddy."
"Speak English, will ya?"
Double Dee's attempted rebuttal was once again silenced as they reached the top of the hill and saw their picnic blanket completely covered in bugs.
"Ants!" Eddy screeched and took a large sidestep, then coughed to regain his composure. "It's an infestation over here!"
"They must've caught the scent of our provisions, Eddy. Aren't they simply fascinating?" he advanced toward the swarm and produced a magnifying glass from his pocket to examine them. "Why, with all this food, they should be able to survive for months without having to forage for additional sustenance, depending on the size of the colony, of course. Did you know that the common worker ant – as you recall from Biology class – can lift twenty times their own body weight? Why, if humans could do that –"
"They're eating the food, Double Dee!" Eddy reminded him sharply as he advanced to squish them.
"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Eddy. Those are fire ants; their bite produces an alkaloid venom that can be quite painful to humans. Though they usually tend to infest farmers' crops, it seems that they've chosen to target us. I'm afraid we'll just have to leave our items here for the time being –"
Upon hearing this, Eddy promptly turned on his heels and wordlessly slid down the hill.
"Pardon me, Eddy, but where are you going?" Double Dee politely inquired, watching Eddy make his way down the path that would eventually lead him back to the cul-de-sac. "Eddy, wait!" he hastily grabbed his backpack, thankfully devoid of ants, and ran after him.
He caught up to his shorter friend fairly quickly, despite the extra weight holding him back. "Eddy –"
"Ants're disgustin', Double Dee. Remind me to never visit your room again."
Double Dee laughed breathlessly. "Oh Eddy, I assure you that the colony I possess does not pose a threat to you, or anyone else for that matter."
"I still ain't doin' it," Eddy replied firmly as he balanced himself on a log to make it across a trickling creek. "Hey, did we cross this river before?"
"That's an eddy, Eddy," Double Dee amended as he giggled behind his hand. "And if you recall, we –"
Eddy rolled his eyes at the terrible pun and suddenly lost his balance. Fortunately, only his right shoe and the cuff of his jeans were submerged before he'd been able to stop himself from falling any further.
"Aw for cryin' out loud!" he scowled and shook his drenched appendage. He dragged himself across the rest of the log and sat on a nearby rock, Double Dee tottering toward him cautiously.
Eddy took off his sock and wrung it out as Double Dee rummaged for something in his bag. "We didn't cross the log earlier, did we?" he'd been too preoccupied in making his exit to fully realize it.
"I'm afraid not," Double Dee answered regretfully. Eddy groaned and gloomily tossed his sock into the brush.
"Here, Eddy. I brought a spare set in case of just such an emergency." Jovially, he held up a pair of balled-up socks.
"Uh, thanks," Eddy took them and casually tossed out his other sock as well, pleased that his friend's eccentricities occasionally came in handy.
"I'm not picking them up," he predicted Double Dee's speech before he'd even opened his mouth, causing him to frown.
"Very well, then. I suppose the birds will find them useful for nesting materials. Though we may as well sit for a spell before continuing our journey home. Your shoe will need time to dry out."
"Fine, but I ain't sittin' on these stupid rocks." Eddy noticed a small slope nearby and stalked off toward it, attempting not to let his discomfort show as he trod on the sharp rocks.
Scaling up this hill was a much easier task than their first one, and there was even a fair-sized tree to shield them from the now-setting sun's rays. Eddy parked himself in a particularly sunny spot, and Double Dee joined him happily.
"Well Eddy, while this wasn't the site I originally had in mind, I certainly can't see any disadvantages to performing a few quick experiments here," Double Dee gushed vivaciously. "You don't mind if I proceed, do you?"
"Nah, knock yourself out," Eddy stretched onto his side and closed his eyes. "I'll just soak up some rays for a while."
"I hope you're wearing sunscreen, Eddy," Double Dee harangued as he unearthed a few supplies from the depths of his backpack. "Or have you forgotten a similar incident that landed you, Ed and I with a severe case of sunburn?"
"Yes, mother!" Eddy replied sarcastically, though he was of course fibbing. Luckily for him, Double Dee was too immersed in his studies to pay much notice, or even bother to follow up, monologuing with himself on the grand and beautiful scheme of the entire natural world and all its wonders.
x x x
He wasn't sure when it had happened, or how long he'd been out, but just as Double Dee's nattering had been the cause of his slumber, it was now the reason for waking him up. Eddy stretched and yawned loudly, quickly noticing that the sky was a darkening shade of blue. He started and yelped, accidentally bumping something beside him.
"Ouch! Please be careful, Eddy," Double Dee rubbed his hand, then reached out to retrieve the flashlight that had been knocked out of his grip. "Your reckless behavior almost cost us this flashlight."
"Double Dee, you idiot! Why didn't you wake me up?" Eddy snarled as he curled up onto himself. He didn't exactly enjoy darkness.
"I tried, Eddy, but you're an awfully heavy sleeper at times."
Eddy yawned at the mention of sleep, and despite the ever-increasing darkness, having both Double Dee and the flashlight nearby was strangely comforting.
"Well, I suppose now that you're awake, we'll be able to return home."
"Yeah, before that stupid battery runs –"
A loud explosion suddenly rang out, and Eddy dove behind Double Dee, raising his hands to shield his face. "AAH! WE'RE UNDER ATTACK, DOUBLE DEE!" he screeched into the back of his friend's shirt.
"Hardly. It's just fireworks, Eddy!" Double Dee cheered.
"What, you feel it too?" he asked, his voice thick with sleepy confusion.
"No Eddy, I mean to say that there are actual fireworks. Look!" he grabbed Eddy's face and tilted it skyward, forcing him to behold the beginnings of a dazzling fireworks display.
"Oh," came the flat reply.
"How strange. I don't believe today is any sort of civic or patriotic holiday," Double Dee placed a hand on his chin pensively.
"Ah, it's prolly jus' some backwater redneck getting a little trigger happy," snorted Eddy, who seized the opportunity to look for his misplaced shoe and restore his lost bravado.
Double Dee stood and took a few steps forward, clasping his hands dreamily. He gazed up, eyes wide with utter exhilaration. "Oh my! How remarkable that such exquisite flares can be created by a mere concoction of gunpowder, nitrogen, and carbon dioxide. Isn't it beautiful, Eddy?" he cooed gently.
Eddy considered the view before him as he rammed his foot back into his now-dry shoe. He was quietly mesmerized by it, feeling a surge of warmth he'd never felt before. It certainly was easy on the eyes, though he'd firmly deny it if anyone ever asked. He then wandered over to Double Dee and craned his neck to look up at the fireworks.
FIN