My take on what (should have) happened after the 100th episode part 1.
I do not own anything.
As Santana lay sprawled on her bed in her childhood bedroom, she glanced around at all the trinkets and mementos around her. Her eyes scanned the various photos of friends that dotted the walls and ended up on her collection of Cheerios trophies. Everything in her room reminded her of high school, which wasn't that unusual since she hadn't spent much time at her parents' house after she graduated. Right now, however, it only served to remind her of the unexpected event that occurred only a few hours earlier.
Brittany had kissed her. Not the quick peck of best friends, but the full on 'I want you to be mine' kiss. Then the blonde had to go and say how she knew she wanted her back. It was enough to make Santana's head spin and force her to retreat to the safety of the bedroom she'd had since she was in grade school.
With a soft groan she rolled onto her stomach and looked at the closest framed photo. It was a picture of her and Brittany after senior prom, they looked happy and completely in love. She smiled softly at that, unable to deny that she had been completely in love with Brittany for most of her time in high school. She'd been in love with her even after Brittany chose Sam, and in all honestly, she'd probably always love Brittany. She was her first girlfriend, her first love, and one of the most adorably innocent people on Earth. It would be impossible to not love her.
But then there was Dani: sexy, funny, sweet, talented Dani with who she was still in the early stages of her relationship with. Santana glanced away from the prom photo and pulled out her phone, scrolling through her recent pictures. Nearly all of them were of her and Dani, either at the park, their favorite coffee shop, one of their apartments…in all of them they were grinning and holding onto each other.
She loved Dani. She knew she did even though they'd only exchanged their first 'I love you' a couple of weeks ago. It wasn't the love she'd had with Brittany; but it couldn't be, not yet at least. It was new and it had a thrill of excitement that she hadn't felt when she first started dating Brittany. Although that was because her first relationship had been marred by secrecy and confusion about her sexuality.
There was no use comparing the love she had for each woman. The relationships were different and always would be, but she wasn't sure that made either more important than the other. She needed to figure out what she wanted, or better yet, who. She would be lying if she didn't admit she was pleased Brittany wanted her back. Ever since her ex had chosen Sam, Santana had been hoping Brittany would come to her senses and want her back. She'd played out this fantasy many times, sometimes Santana showed mercy and saved her from men by taking her back. Other times, her pride came first and she rejected Brittany's pleas. But those were all idle daydreams, this was happening for real and she had no idea what to do.
"I really want to be with you Santana, I've seen the world and I'm sure now more than ever that I belong with you. And I'm sure your girlfriend's great, but you can't recreate what you and I have."
Brittany's words ran through her head for what had to be the hundredth time. She kept trying to remember how she had felt in those moments. Happy? Upset? Confused? A mix of all of those and more?
She remembered dread at the first part, of course Brittany would want her now after she'd finally gotten over her and had moved on. Then she'd felt quiet exasperation, wanting to explain to Brittany that being in Massachusetts at MIT did not count as seeing the world. Then anger. She vividly remembered the hot flash of anger at hearing 'I'm sure your girlfriend's great'. Damn right she was! Dani was sweet, beautiful and absolutely amazing. She'd been upset at the lack of respect Brittany had shown her with the disinterested eye roll, only to be confused and pensive a moment later at hearing 'you can't recreate what you and I have'.
What exactly do they have? Wouldn't it have been more appropriate to say 'had'? The only thing they have now is little to no communication and a lot of confusion. What they had was beautiful. She probably could never have that with Dani; Brittany had been her first for so many things. Important things that can't be recreated, not that she'd want to.
Still, that didn't mean what she and Dani have and could have in the future wouldn't be even greater. Did she want to risk missing out on that opportunity to go back to what was already known and experienced? She had no assurance that she and Brittany would last this time. Especially ever since her ex had become this super genius. If anything, that was proof to Santana that even Brittany didn't know what she wanted yet. She was unhappy at MIT and missed dancing. Who's to say that she isn't seeking out her former girlfriend simply for familiarity and comfort?
Her phone vibrated in her hand, pulling her out of thoughts to focus on the real world. A text from Dani showed on her screen, and she pulled up her messages so she could read it.
Dani: Hey babe, just finished my shift. It's official – work sucks 100% more without you here to distract me. I hope you're having a good time with your friends. I miss you.
Santana grinned as she read the text and closed her eyes to try and picture where Dani was at that exact moment. Probably just getting into her apartment, maybe flopping on the couch to watch TV, or perhaps getting some food if she didn't eat much during her break. A small smirk crossed Santana's face as she pictured Dani changing out of her work uniform into something more comfortable. She forced herself to focus her thoughts back on the text before she got too lost in the daydream and she glanced back at her phone to reply.
Santana: I miss you too. I'm sorry work sucked but I can't say I'm surprised. I am the best thing about that place.
She smiled at that, knowing it would make her girlfriend chuckle. She really loved Dani's laugh and felt a twinge of sadness that she wouldn't hear it for another couple of days. If ever again…the thought struck her and made her sit up. She hadn't even thought yet about telling Dani about the kiss. It had been so innocent; she hadn't even realized it was something she would need to confess. She glanced at her phone again, knowing this was something to tell her about through a call. The bitter optimist in her reminded her that at least if Dani freaked out and dumped her, she wouldn't have to worry about how to choose between the two anymore.
She took a deep breath and exhaled before hitting the call button.
"Hey there" Dani's sexy, slightly raspy voice greeted her.
The sound of her girlfriend's voice was enough to set Santana's nerves on edge, she couldn't lose her, not by something as stupid as the barely-more-than-a-peck that had happened today.
"Hi babe" Santana murmured, willing herself to find the confidence to tell Dani what happened.
"You miss me?" Dani teased while smiling at the sound of Santana's voice.
"So much" Santana said quickly, as if trying to prove to Dani how much she cared for her by how fast she could respond. "I think about you all the time, babe."
Dani frowned at the urgent tone to her girlfriend's voice "Is everything okay?"
Santana bit her lip and closed her eyes, willing herself to take a breath. Obviously she didn't sound as nonchalant as she'd been trying to. "Yeah…it's just, um, Berry being annoying as usual. I kind of bitched her out today."
Dani released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding "Are you two still at each other's throats? I thought the break from New York would have helped things."
"Well it might have if she wasn't so annoying. She tried to have another diva off with Mercedes. She already has the lead in a Broadway show and she's still trying to prove to everyone how amazing she is. They didn't even include me in their diva off, but Kurt was part of it…I think. I don't know it was lame." Santana cut herself off, realizing she was rambling in order to stall having to tell Dani about the kiss.
"That's because there would be no contest if you're included, looks and talent equal the most supreme diva" Dani told her girlfriend with a small smile. "You should really try and fix things with Rachel though, I miss having band practice with my sexy girlfriend."
Santana couldn't help but smile at that, mentally adding 'smooth talker' to a pro column in her head. She paused a moment when she realized she was making a pro-con list. That didn't really seem like the best way to figure out this situation she was in. However, 'voted me out of the band' quickly popped up on the con list before she could debate the logic of having a pro-con list to figure out her dilemma.
"Santana?" Dani said softly, hoping she hadn't upset her girl by telling her to fix things with her roommate.
"Hmm? Oh, yeah. I miss practice with you too. I just wish Kurt hadn't convinced the little imp to join the band in the first place. Whatever, I'll apologize to her tomorrow. Or maybe in a month. Or after she apologizes to me first."
"Okay, whatever you think is best" Dani chuckled but rolled her eyes "Are you having fun besides the drama with Rachel?"
Santana swallowed roughly, realizing she needed to confess soon and feeling the anxiety that accompanied it. To keep her resolve in check, she started rambling about everything that had happened. From Quinn's asshole of a boyfriend from Yale whose looks and money didn't make up for his personality, to April Rhodes and Holly Holliday's random appearance at glee club. As she was describing the Unholy Trinity's reunion to perform Toxic, she got lost in a tangent about how the reunion came about because Brittany was being weird and trying to prove theorems and other weird math stuff. She hadn't realized how long she had been talking until she paused to catch her breath and noticed she was quite winded.
"So Brittany's there?" Dani questioned softly, recognizing the name of Santana's former girlfriend. "How is she?" She asked politely, not really caring about her welfare as much as wondering if she was seeing someone.
Santana flinched a bit at the sound of her ex's name from her current girlfriend. Her stomach clenched violently and her panic level began to rise. "She's um, well I mean she has all the genius stuff now or whatever, I don't think she likes it though. She's not happy and she's not dancing anymore, but dancing is what she's good at. So it kind of sucks to see her this way, I've been trying to convince her to take up dancing, so she's happy, you know? And so we were talking and she um…well she kissed me." Santana paused for a moment, expecting an angry outburst in the seconds that trailed that statement. She realized thought that although she would have reacted loudly, that wasn't Dani at all. Her girlfriend was more reserved and probably waiting to hear her out, which made Santana panic and start trying to explain in a rush "But it was barely a kiss, no tongue, no anything. I mean it was done before I could even realize what was happening and push her away. I don't know…I was just so confused. Baby…Dani, I'm so sorry please believe me, I wasn't trying to lead her on."
"Does she want you back?" Dani asked quietly, priding herself in how calmly she was able to respond. Although the news had come as a blow directly to her chest, she wanted to give Santana a chance to explain.
Santana took a deep breath, realizing a single tear had escaped during the terror-filled moment in which she had waited for Dani to reply. "Yes" she answered honestly "I mean she says she does…she thinks we belong together."
"Do you think that too?" Dani asked, her breath catching in her throat as she asked, afraid to hear the answer. The cool exterior she was putting on did not match the turmoil that was going on inside. She'd only just gotten Santana, it hadn't even been a month since they exchanged their first 'I love you'. She didn't want to lose her, not this soon.
"No" Santana said firmly, with more resolve than her heart currently had. However, she was afraid any other answer would send Dani packing and she definitely didn't want that.
"Are you sure?" Dani asked, her tone indicating she could detect the falsity behind her girlfriend's quick answer.
"I love you" Santana choked out before the tears started slipping out. Damn Dani for being so perceptive, even over the phone. "I don't want to lose you."
"But you're not sure what you want" Dani finished for her, her stomach feeling queasy from the uncertainty she suddenly felt.
Santana didn't answer that because she knew it wasn't a question. "I love you", she repeated while wiping away tears that had slipped down her cheeks. She needed Dani to know that was true.
"I love you too Santana" Dani said, her own eyes brimming with tears. She wanted to ask what she could do to keep her, to make Santana completely and only hers again, but she was afraid. The level of desperation also repulsed her; she had always been convinced that she would never put up with a girl who cheated on her or who wasn't completely sure what she wanted. But Santana hadn't really cheated, had she? Surely she couldn't blame her girlfriend for a kiss she hadn't initiated. Dani knew the main reason her heart was telling her not to run was because she loved Santana. It was easy to make declarations about what she would and wouldn't go through for a girl when she didn't have a girl. But now that she had a girl, a girl she had very real feelings for, it wasn't so black and white. "I should go", she said after a moment had passed. She could tell Santana was crying and as much as that hurt her, she knew if this conversation went on any longer, she couldn't keep her own tears back.
Santana tried to protest, but a sob escaped and she took a deep breath knowing that Dani deserved time to process things. "Just please, know that I love you so much. You're so amazing to me, Dani."
Dani nodded at that and let a tiny smile cross her lips "You're pretty amazing yourself" she responded, partly to make her crying girlfriend feel better but also to remind Santana how good of a girlfriend she could really be.
After they hung up, Dani put her phone away and glanced over at Elliott who was looking at her full of concern. "Well this trip just became a lot more stressful" Dani muttered as she glanced out the window of the bus, watching the city lights fade as they barreled towards Lima, Ohio.