Things Like Springs
A Weasley family visit leads to an alarming discovery and an important announcement at Hogwarts. One-shot, sort of next-gen.
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There was a small round table in the bay window of the kitchen. It was a sunny window, enhanced by the bright yellow curtains and table cloth Hermione Weasley always insisted had been a mistake, given her family of red-heads. The owner of the kitchen and her sister-in-law Angelina were basking companionably over their coffee. The rest of the two families were not in the kitchen. A low rumble of bangs and shouts and squeals coming through the kitchen door indicated that four children and two blokes old enough to know better were all having a riotous time in the playroom.
"I know they're having a nice time," said Hermione, wincing at a particularly loud bang, "but do you ever worry one of these noises might be the one that's fatal to somebody?"
"No," said Angelina firmly. She leaned forwards and poured herself a top-up of coffee. "If I worried about what any noise was or might be, with my three I'd be a permanent resident in St Mungo's as a victim of chronic nervous prostration."
"That's my girl," said George, popping his head suddenly round the kitchen door. "Understands the importance of a healthy bit of noise. Erm, ladies," he continued as Angelina giggled, "I found something concerning in the toy box."
The witch who worried and the witch who didn't both sat up in alarm.
"Is it broken?" demanded Hermione.
"Is it still alive?" demanded Angelina.
"No no no!" George held up one hand hastily as two mothers shoved back their chairs. "Not a spilled or broken sort of concerning! It's – it's the principle of the thing that's concerning."
"You've found Ron's collection of topless Quidditch player photos?" said Angelina, sinking down again.
Hermione gave her a withering look. "He doesn't have such things. He went off even joking he might like them after Ginny suggested she might feature."
George closed his eyes. "Please... ! I shan't sleep well for weeks now, thank you, ladies; my little sister and topless-!" He shuddered, and then popped his eyes open with sudden inquiry. "What did Harry say, by the way?"
"Are you going to tell us what it is you've found in the toy box?" said Hermione with deliberate innocence.
"As in, you won't tell," George retorted with a mock huff. "Very well, it is a concerning indication that somebody in this house is taking after Dad's obsession for plugs and wires and things like that. Concealed at the bottom of the box, I found – This!" And he held up a large metal spring.
Hermione put her mug down with a gasp of exasperated laughter. "The slinky! George Weasley, you've been having us on! Concerning! Oh come on," she added after a moment's silence, "you do know what a slinky is, don't you?"
George and Angelina stared at each other. "No," they said as one.
Hermione stared at both of them. "Don't wizards have slinkies?" she asked incredulously.
"What," said Angelina in a tone of utter bewilderment, "is a 'slinky'?"
George considered the thing in his hand. "And what does it do? Is it eklektric?"
"Electric," said the brightest witch in her year automatically. "And no, a slinky is not electric. They walk down stairs – it's a trick with gravity, all to do with the centre of balance and Newton's third Law of Motion and-"
George raised the slinky to cut her off again. "Only one revelation at a time, please! Whoever or whatever Messrs Gravity and Newton might be, and whether or not Ron ought to be concerned if they are hiding at the bottom of your toy box, are you really telling me, on your word of honour as a Weasley and a Gryffindor, that this – thing – Walks Down Stairs? Without magic?"
Hermione looked for a moment like someone who is counting to three lest they explode with laughter or fury, and then drew her wand. "Steps," she said, producing a set of kitchen steps which revolved slowly in mid-air for a moment like Professor Dumbledore's armchairs used to do, before parking themselves in front of her. Another wand flick summoned the slinky from George's grasp, and then Hermione set the coil neatly on the top step and flipped it forwards.
"Concerning?" she enquired sarcastically as George and Angelina both stared at the folded coil at the foot of the steps.
"In that there are generations of magical children growing up without them," said George earnestly, picking the slinky up again to examine it more closely. "They just walk down stairs, like that." He shook his head. "Hmm... only going down. How long have muggles had these things?"
Hermione shrugged. "They were kids' toys that became a sort of cult thing in the 1970's; now they're "retro." Like Rubix cubes, you know."
Pause.
"Wizards do have Rubix cubes, don't they?"
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Headmistress McGonagall's usual Start of Term speech was reaching its usual concluding notices. "...for the twenty-second year running, Mr Filch our Caretaker has a blanket ban on anything from Weasley's Wizard Wheezes, particularly-" Professor McGonagall paused, and peered at a small note in her hand. "'Things Like Big Springs,'" she read out forcefully, "'whether they go up stairs or down stairs.'"
There was a sudden flurry of movement along the House tables, and then an odd metallic noise. With outstanding law-abidingness and self-denial, the full spectrum of the Weasley/Potter clan, from rule-keeper Victorie to rule-breaker James, had relinquished their contraband goods.
A small legion of slinkies was walking up the aisles towards the High Table.
~:~finis~:~