Daria and Jane are forced save Xmas featuring Guy Fawkes Day.
"Ummm I call this one Jane and Daria are forced to save Xmas featuring Guy Fawkes Day. Now have you ever wondered were holidays go when they aren't been celebrated. Well they live on holiday island which is disturbingly close to Lawndale if you like Chinese food and there they all go to school to learn about the changing world and their role in it. The most popular holiday was Christmas, although lately he started to insist on being called Xmas because he thought it was edgier. Now New Years Day he was jealous of Xmas, in fact the only holiday he disliked more was his twin sister New Years Eve. So..." Daria began to spin her tale for the eager Gupty siblings.
...The plan was coming together nicely. New Years Day would soon no longer have to deal with his sisters mistakes or hangovers. He would no longer have to put up with his cousin's, Chinese new year, freaking out about when his day actually fell. No longer would he have to put up with that Australian exchange student Australia Day try to as she put it, crack onto him, and then the inevitable fallout when she questioned her existence when he turned her down. Best of all there would be no more broken promises as everyone broke their new year's resolutions a scant few hours into the day. The problem would be Halloween and that one half of President's day that were in the band with X. People assumed Guy Fawkes Day was the tough one but he was all hot air in the mind of New Years Day. Besides he was out with Boxing Day for a family thing.
Several hours later Guy Fawkes Day and Boxing Day were both at the holiday island pub. While they were both playing darts they argued heavily.
"Cricket's for wankers," Guy Fawkes Day said as he let a dart fly.
"Ah but think five days to consume larger while yelling at complete tossers for being shite at a bloody easy game," Boxing day said as he let his own dart fly.
"Bollocks," Guy Fawkes day said as he aimed his next dart. "You and I both know most of the idiots would rather go see the latest American tripe at the cinema, except for the bloody Yanks themselves, they instead want to piss their Chrissymas fivers away on shite they don't need."
"Even though they already killed each other on Black Friday to get that stuff," Boxing Day commented. "F'ing colonists."
"What's with all the harsh language?" Tricia asked.
"Someone should wash their mouths out with soap," Tad stated.
"Hey," Daria said. "I'm just trying to be accurate. Besides both holidays are very much English and lower to middle class."
"But I thought Boxing Day was a feature on the calendar of several commonwealth nations?" Tricia asked.
"Doesn't Canada have boxing day?" Tad added.
"Can I just get on with the story?" Daria said. "I'll explain which boxing day it is later in the story."
"Oi Bonfire boy," the publican called. "Phone call for ya you muppet."
"Bollocks," Guy Fawkes day said as he noticed he had lost the dart game.
"Buy us some crisps after you're done," Boxing Day smirked.
"Whatever you smarmy git," Guy Fawkes day as he accepted the phone handset from the woman at the bar. Speculation was that she was a previous Queen's birthday of a monarch long dead.
"Yeah what?" Guy Fawkes Day said harshly into the phone.
"It's me," came Halloween's voice from the other end of the line. "Have you seen X anywhere?"
"No I haven't seen that tosser anywhere," Guy Fawkes Day replied. "I thought he called that frigging meeting of the band I refused to go to because he wanted us to sully our style with some carols next gig."
"I was late," Halloween explained. "So was George."
"George?" Tad asked.
"Their nickname for their half of presidents day, Daria explained. "He's the one that wears the George Washington wig, while the other has an Abe Lincoln beard and matching chapeaux."
"Hey no fair you used the French vocabulary word before I could!" Tricia grumbled.
"He wasn't here when I got back from the free candy stand," Halloween said. "And George didn't see him when he and Dia de la Bandera were fighting nearby about who had the better flag and pledge."
"Well what the feck do you think I can do to find that commercialised bastard?"
"Can you go see if he's at his parents place?" Halloween said. "His mom's cool but his dad's likely to burn me at the stake. I'm going to see if he went to visit Trent in Lawndale."
"Then what the heck is George doing?"
"Setting up for the gig at the religious freak's party."
"Shite," Guy Fawkes day had forgotten that the Immaculate Conception day, Saint Nick's day and a few others had booked the band for a party up on the ski slopes on the Island's single mountain. And that it was the very next day. He didn't want it to go back to how it was before. They needed to make it to that gig and for that they needed Xmas.
"This is where Jane and I come in," Daria said.
At that same time in the boring reality of Lawndale Daria and Jane were contemplating stopping for Chinese on their way home from the films set at Christmas time but not about Christmas film festival. It had actually been the perfect escape from the over saturation of Christmas that had been prevalent since before Halloween. Night of the Comet was just the kind of thing she a and Jane enjoyed, although they both found the male lead a little wooden, even for that kind of dumb movie.
"So do you think any one else has every tried the it's not yours it's the supreme creator of the universe's?" Jane asked as they passed someone's nativity scene as they walked down the concrete pathway.
"No, can you imagine the pressure that would put on a kid?" Daria said. "Besides an alien probed me down there is the much more popular and believable explanation these days."
"You know Kevin is a stand up guy," Jane said. "I'm sure he'll raise it as his own when Brittany brings home a little podling."
"And thankfully because he signs Kevin Junior up for Pee Wee football the invasion is averted due to the knock on the head the kid gets in the big game from being just like his pa."
They were approaching the Good Times Chinese restaurant when they saw some one coming from behind the dumpster.
"Damn I was hoping last time was only a reaction to the peanut sauce combining with the below school cafeteria grade mystery meat," Daria said.
"Me to Daria, me to." Jane sighed.
Sure enough Halloween recognised them immediately.
"Yo Daria, Jane have you seen X?"
"The Good Times Chinese restaurant is wrong to refuse to stop using peanut oil in their recipes," Tad said. "It only makes sense with the growing number of people with peanut allergies..."
"For once I agree with you," Daria said. "Perhaps if they stopped spilling it behind the dumpster the inter-dimensional portal will close and I'd be free of personifications of holidays."
"Only in the hearts of those willing to push their fellow men under a bus in order to win the best Christmas light display," Daria dead panned.
"If we're talking Christmas spirit," Jane added. "The cranberry commons mall Santa keeps a stash in the fake gift box three to the left from his chair."
"Damn," Halloween replied. "I better come with you, ask Trent if he's seen him."
Daria and Jane both sighed accepting the fact a holiday was once again intruding in their lives much more than usual.
Meanwhile back at Holiday Island Guy Fawkes Day approached a house in a well to do neighbourhood. It showed how well off the occupants were by being right next to the fresh water lake in the mild of the island. But as usual for this time of year the occupants were having a verbal stoush.
"He gets it from you you know," a man said. "All that unnecessary feasting and..."
"Well at least I know how to have fun," a woman's voice replied. "I swear you're being even worse than when that Cromwell was about."
"But the true meaning..."
"You know as well as I do that meanings can be in flux or be both," the woman retorted. "We wouldn't have had Xmas otherwise."
"That's not our sons name damn it, and it just proves my point he shouldn't be embracing..."
Ding Dong. Guy Fawkes Day had finally had enough of the argument and had decided to interceded. Sometimes he wondered why Yuletide and Mr Mass had even shacked up together. As Cupid aka Saint Valentines day often commented love was a strange and powerful thing.
""Why hello," Yuletide said. "Please come in are you looking for X?"
"Indeed I am ma'am," Guy Fawkes Day said remembering his manners for once.
"I'm sorry but we both haven't seen him for a few days," Yuletide told him.
'Not unusual at this time of year," X's dad, a personification of the early Christian religious festivals, said. "We know we shouldn't fight about these things but we both feel so strongly about our roles during this time of celebration.
"That's a shame," Guy Fawkes day said. "If you see him though remind him that we have a gig tomorrow."
"I understand your playing for Immaculate Conception Day," X's dad said. "Now their is some one who takes been the personification of a religious holiday to far."
"Oh I know how much you love mince pies," Yuletide said. "I just finished making some."
"Thanks ma'am," Guy Fawkes day said as she went to the kitchen to retrieve some. "You know I heard somewhere that even though they are a traditional English Christmas food its technically illegal to eat them on Christmas Day."
"Fascinating," X's dad said as his wife handed over a container containing the snacks.
"Share these with your friends," Yuletide said.
"Thanks again."
As Guy Fawkes day walked down the road all he could think of was how much of a waste of bloody time that had been. He decided to meet up with Halloween in Lawndale.
Jane and Daria arrived at Casa de Lane with Halloween in tow. All three were surprised to see Trent decorating a tiny Christmas tree. What was more surprising was Trent's reaction to the uninvited guest.
"Hey Halloween long time no see," he said as he held and angel and Star in either hand trying to decide which one would sit atop the tree.
"Wait, you remember holiday island and the personifications?" Daria asked.
"How could I forget," Trent said. "Halloween here is the reason Monique and I split up that week."
"Have you seen X?" Halloween asked trying to avoid and awkward questions either of the teenage girls may ask.
"Well I saw him last week," Trent said. "He was buying some sugar cookies at the mall. We talked for a bit said you guys had a gig."
"So he didn't forget," Halloween said. "Well that's something."
There was a knock at the door and Jane went to answer it.
"Oh bollocks," Jane said as she saw who was at the door.
"That's copyright trademark infringement," was Guy Fawkes Day's reply.
"Any sign of X?" Halloween asked.
Guy Fawkes Day just shook his head.
"Damn now I'm worried," Halloween decided.
"So I'm guessing Christmas is cancelled if we can't find him?" Daria asked.
"It's worse than that," Halloween said.
"Our gig will be cancelled," Guy Fawkes day lamented.
"Despite my misgivings in regard to the downfalls of the holidays," Daria said. "I will help you find him."
"I'm out," Daria was surprised at Jane's words. "Last time it was all three of them bugging the hell out of you but...if its just him..."
Jane stormed out and up the stairs, seeming to make sure that she stood on the angel decoration with her heavy boots on the way out. Trent picked it up and started an attempt to unsquish it.
"What was that all about?" Daria asked.
"There were some things that Santa didn't come through on," Trent said. "Jane was kind of okay with it until Penny left, it was the Christmas after that she was the most disappointed, no one delivered what she wanted."
He handed the obviously home made decoration over to Daria. She could see writing were it wouldn't be visible once it was atop the tree. It proclaimed as being made by Penny and Jane Lane.
"I'll talk to her," Daria said her usual monotone voice wavering. "Trent get the rest of the Spiral together they can help search for Xmas."
Daria chased after Jane knowing exactly were she would be and what she would be doing. Sure enough when she entered Jane's room the teen artist was rather angrily stroking paint across a formerly blank canvas.
"Want to talk about it?" Daria asked.
"Not until after I murder my brother,' Jane said. "And even then it depends on whether I exercise my right to remain silent."
"I take it this is about the wandering Lane's never being home for the holidays?" Daria guessed. "I find it weird because you once said to me that you were looking forward to the thanksgiving it was just you with a TV dinner."
"Yes, but Christmas," Jane said. "Christmas was special, Penny managed to always make it special for me and Trent. Honestly I don't know how she did it, even though every year I sent a letter to Santa to ask for both my parents home at the same time and he never came through, what she did was almost as good."
"I take it the year she left you asked Santa to bring her back?"
Jane nodded as tears feel from her eyes.
"This was even after I stopped believing," Jane chuckled through her sadness. "You see I had caught Penny leaving the Santa presents the previous year, even though she was wearing the suit and everything you could tell she was definitely not a person who could even have a belly like a bowl full of jelly. I played along with her story about being Santa's kid."
"So seeing Trent put up that little tree bough up some unpleasant memories?" Daria asked.
"Oh Trent tried when Penny left to step up," Jane said. "But he was just a kid to. After the third year we mutually agreed to just exchange gifts. I haven't actually seen that tree in years."
"Well think of it this way," Daria said. "We don't find X, Christmas is cancelled a then I can't give you the expensive gift I already found for you."
"Appealing to my mercenary instincts," Jane said with a smile. "I like the way you think Morgandorffer."
They returned downstairs to find the other members of Mystic Spiral had arrived. Trent rushed over and gave Jane a hug.
"I'm sorry I upset you Janey," he said. "It's just, well the Morgandorffers invited us over for Christmas Day and well I thought maybe we could do something Christmas Eve. You know Pizza and Christmas movies and snow people if it snows."
"And maybe carolling just like before Penny left," Jane added.
"I know it won't be as good as when Penny was here," Trent said. "But I managed to put aside some money for more than my gift for you this year and well we've both been happier than we have been for a long..."
"I'll think about it," Jane said. "I just wish that idiot would come home for once."
"I know I miss her to."
"How sickenly heart warming," Guy Fawkes day commented.
Thankfully Trent and Halloween had filled in the rest of the Spiral about what was going on while Daria and Jane had been talking upstairs. They split up to search Lawndale for the missing Xmas. Trent and Halloween took his car to the area around Dega street. Nick and Jesse went to the Cranberry commons mall (after all Nick was taking his kid to see the mall Santa two birds with one stone as the saying goes) and Max and Guy Fawkes Day took the tank and checked the outskirts of town. Not after some argument though.
"Why do I have to go with the slap head git?" Guy Fawkes Day had asked.
"Because he knows the area better than you," Daria said.
"Then why can't I drive?"
"Because we drive on the right side of the road," Jane supplied.
"But the left is the right side of the road you bleeding colonists."
Daria and Jane wisely chose to ignore him.
Daria and Jane went back to the Good Times Chinese restaurant and started and outward search from there.
They after some searching they found themselves in front of Lawndale High. Strangely lights were on despite it being a weekend and almost ten at night.
"Ms Li adding some new stuff to the security grid?" Jane asked.
"Not unless the Asian educators conference she went to on the students dime finished early."
Both girls approached and Jane lifted Daria up on her shoulders so the smaller girl could see through the school's high windows. They had done it, they had found Xmas, he was tied to a chair in Mr. Demartino's history classroom. There was another person with him but before Daria could get a good look Jane shifted trying to maintain her balance, it caused Daria's glasses to fall towards the ground but Jane managed to catch them. Carefully Jane helped Daria back to the ground and gently placed the glasses back upon her face.
"Sorry," she said.
"Doesn't matter," Daria said. "X is here. You still got Guy Fawke's Day's cell number?"
"What the feck is a cell, it's called a freaking mobile you American wankers," Jane said imitating Guy Fawkes day accent unconvincingly. "You got some change for the payphone?"
Daria nodded and they went down the street to the phone booth that had originated the bomb threat that had probably started Ms. Li's current crusade to raise funds for call tracing equipment.
Fifteen minutes later Daria, Jane, Trent and Halloween all stood some distance away from Lawndale High's front door as Guy Fawkes Day put a firework, one that was illegal 27 countries and classed as a grenade type weapon by the UN, into the lock. He lit the fuse and rushed back to the others.
"So where are the others?" Jane asked Trent.
"Nick had to take his kid home," Trent said. "Jesse had something to do and Max..."
"Got sick of being teased by lord mucky muck," Daria guessed.
Despite Max's instance on the Spiral being criminales he surely was a sensitive soul. Sadly the firework only made a small pop and didn't blow the doors away. It did however damage the lock and it clattered to the ground. While Halloween and Guy Fawkes day rushed in, Daria and Jane were content to walk at a leisurely pace. Trent decided to stay with the car.
"Who had kidnapped the personification of Xmas?" Tricia asked. "Is it really New Years Day like you said at the start?"
"I'm getting to that," Daria said.
Guy Fawkes day rushed into the class room and grabbed Xmas's captor by the shirt collar.
"Oi nutter," the English Holiday cried as he head butted him. With a crack the person who had kidnapped Christmas fell to the floor. Daria and Jane arrived to find Halloween untying Xmas and Guy Fawkes Day sitting on a person with a young looking face and despite the blood marring his visage eyes full of hopes and possibilities.
"Let me guess New Years day?" Daria asked.
"Got it in one Daria," Halloween said.
"Hey thanks for coming for me," Xmas said. "I know I don't have much pull in your world but I can use the connections I do have to get you what you want for Christmas."
"No I'm good," Daria said looking at Jane, perhaps she could get Penny back for Christmas just once.
"Well," Jane said. "Having my family home for once would be nice, but hey I already have pizza, Trent and Daria and the prospect of Christmas with the Morgandoffers. If you could that's cool but if you can't that's cool to."
Suddenly someone else came through the door. A teenage girl who looked like she never stopped partying.
"I knew I'd find him over here," she said. "Hey Halloween, Fawkesy."
"Hello luv," Guy Fawkes day replied while blushing.
"Hey New Years Eve," Halloween responded.
"You might want to ask him what's wrong," Xmas suggested. "He bought me here with the promise of sugar cookies and then tied me up. Started complaining about how he gets no respect, how Christmas should just be new years like it was before and crap like that."
"Damn he did the same thing to April Fool's three years ago," she said. "I'll say the same thing I did then bro, you're the one people aim to have their baby on, you're day is the one the people who partied truly get lucky, think about all the resolutions people have actual kept. You're the day people actual think things can only get better from."
"Why the hell are you here sister?" New years day asked.
"Because Winter Solstice actually had the courage to come and ask you to Immaculate Conception Day's party despite how shy she is," New Years Eve said. "I'll need to have you along anyway, designated driver, more responsible, that stuff you know."
After they exited the school they said their goodbyes and parted ways. Daria, Jane and Trent went back to Casa de Lane in his car and the Holidays set of for the portal behind the Good Times Chinese restaurant.
"So did Jane get what she wanted?" Tad asked.
"Ask me after Christmas," Daria said. "This all only happened last week."
"Did the band make their gig?" Tricia asked.
"Well Halloween did visit Trent yesterday and he passed this on."
Guy Fawkes day looked over the crowd as he finished the song. Sure enough there was English Boxing Day and Australian Boxing Day together bugging Kwanza with a couple of saints days. No doubt the convict was planning another sicky this year meaning English Boxing Day could go watch the cricket while he filled in. Thanksgiving had bought his little sister Black Friday along and she seemed to be hitting it of with young Speak Like a Pirate Day. He could see New Years Day and his new girlfriend Winter's Solstice further up the ski slop, as far way from the party they could be without actually leaving. They seemed to be making snow angels and star gazing.
"That's the end of the first set," he said. "Don't expect more until I've taken a piss."
"How charming," Immaculate Conception Day said to him as he left the stage. "You're lucky your cute in that bad boy way, hmm in fact I was wondering if..."
"Bugger off slag," he said to her. "I already got a bird."
New Years Eve came up to him and he snaked his arm around her.
"That was great Fawkesy," she said. "Give us a snog."
With a humph Immaculate Conception day turned around and ran straight into Secretaries Day and Administrative Assistants day.
"Hi," Secretaries day said, her voice as seductive as possible. "We've heard a lot of things about you."
"Like the fact you think immaculate conception skips all the fun parts," Administrative Assistants day said as he leaned over and whispered in her ear. "We could help you with that."
"But then again brother," Secretaries Day said. "I've heard that she'll practice the fun bits with anyone that asks."
"Well what would you say if we ask?" Administrative assistants day said.
"Eep," was Immaculate conception day's only reply.
Meanwhile Australia Day had had a few to many beers and challenged the national holidays of several snow covered countries to a snowboard race, Xmas introduced his little sister Christmas Eve on stage and she sang some rock version of classic Christmas carols with Xmas backing her up and all was right on Holiday Island.
"Now remember no repeating the bad words while your parents are about," Daria said.
"Do we look stupid?" Tad asked as he rolled his eyes.
"I don't really think that story is true," Tricia said. "But I'll avoid any strange people I see near the dumpster of the Good Times Chinese restaurant"
"That's just good common sense," Daria replied.
"Still doesn't stop your story from being complete bollocks," Tricia said.
With a smile Daria just tucked the two kids in and turned off the light.