Ashley's Note: They'd make a fucking hot couple for sex. You know it's true. If only...
--
You had his brain open. Literally open. He was laying there unconscious and vulnerable and ...
You think I poisoned him with my anti-holiday venom.
Well you're the one that's always saying that there's a lot about the brain that we don't know. How do you know that your words didn't speak to him on some unconscious level? I mean he trusted you to be his ... Shepherd.
Dr. Stevens, you should be a little embarrassed.
I am.
--
She was not making out with Derek Shepherd.
Seriously. That would be wrong.
Izzie knew the difference between right and wrong. She knew that helping little old ladies across the street with their groceries was nice, and she knew that preforming surgeries and saving the lives of thousands of people was even better. And she also knew that making out with Derek Shepherd was wrong. It was wrong with a big capital 'W' stamped all over it. Which was why it was a good thing that she wasn't.
Making out with him, that is.
Besides, "making out" was so juvenile. Making out was something that teenagers did in the back of an old Chevy on a Saturday night. It was not something that two grown adults, who had medical degrees and jobs at one of the best hospitals in the entire country did. But it's not like it mattered anyway, because Izzie Stevens was not kissing Derek Shepherd.
Except that she was. And his hand was on her hip and a moan was escaping her mouth as her hands ran through his hair and she wasn't sure how much longer it would be before he pulled down her scrubs and lifted her up against the wall and oh god, seriously what was he doing with his mouth? His tongue was scraping against her teeth roughly and she couldn't help that she was leaning into his touch because what he was doing right then--it felt fucking good.
Izzie knew she shouldn't be kissing him. Because of Addison and because of Alex, but mostly because of Meredith and the stupid unwritten rule that Thou shalt not covet thy best friends ex-lover but in that moment Izzie just didn't care and even though just a few minutes ago he had been telling her that she should been embarrassed he was the one who had kissed her and she felt kind of obligated to let him finish.
Even if she was enjoying it too.
Suddenly she was groaning, Jesus she was groaning loudly as Derek places his knee in between her legs almost trapping her against the wall and Izzie's pretty sure they shouldn't be doing this in the stairwell because God knows who could round the stairs at any given moment. So she pushes out of his grip and adjusts her scrubs trying to seem professional and his eyes widen in suprise as though he's just remembered who it is he's kissing. And now their staring at each other awkwardly and Izzie wonders if it's maybe how Meredith stared at him after their not-so-one-night-stand that suddenly seems like so long ago.
"Izzie," he breaths out heavily, his face flushed.
"Dr. Shepherd," she replies, and cringes immediately at how formal it sounds. But Izzie's never been anything else to him besides behind his back when he was just McDreamy. So she quickly corrects herself: "Derek. I mean Derek."
He's smiling at her nervousness and Izzie's pretty sure she's smiling back.
"Well, that was...new." he states simply, running his fingers through his hair. His stupid McDreamy hair that Izzie suddenly finds fascinating and he's moving his lips again but Izzie isn't listening and now all she can see are the movements he's making and the way he's suddenly staring at her like she's lost her mind...
"Dr. Stevens?"
Izzie shakes her head quickly forcing herself to listen. "Yes. Yes, I'm sorry, what?"
"I asked you if you were all right."
"Oh!" Izzie says brightly, her voice just a little to perky to actually be taken seriously. "Yes. I'm perfect. Well not perfect, perfect because you know, nobody's perfect. I'm perfect in the sense that I'm fine and not nervous and not totally making an ass out of myself right now in front of you, my boss." she stops herself quickly before it could possibly get any worse and all she can think to herself is Seriously?
Now they're staring at each other again. Like a horny dog would stare at a leg, or someone whose been stranded for eight days out in the wilderness might look at a bucket of chicken. There's a glint of smugness in his eyes as she watches her, like he likes that he makes her nervous and now he's smiling and leaning towards her and Izzie suddenly loses all movement in her legs because she's just standing there letting him run his hand up her arm and Holy Mary Mother of God pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death it feels good.
"This doesn't mean anything." he whispers, his eyes searching her for some kind of silent approval. She nods with him and in the back of her mind she mentally reminds herself to get her Rosary out of her jewelry box when she gets home because she thinks Derek Shepherd is about to kiss her again and Izzie thinks she's about to let him.
So she stops thinking about Meredith who's still in love with him and Addison who wants to make things work and Alex who cheated on her with Olivia the stupid syph nurse, god even Christina who would find her repulsive and George who would be so disappointed right now, and starts to kiss him back.
This time her hands escape her and Izzie is fumbling with the drawstrings of Derek's scrubs before she can stop herself. And she's pushing the dark blue material down to the floor and now he's got one hand under her shirt which feel incredible and Izzie can't breathe in this stairwell but it doesn't matter because Derek is kissing her neck and she never really liked oxygen anyway.
His fingers pull at the light blue fabric of her scrubs and Izzie helps him push them down bringing her panties with them. Derek grabs her waist letting his fingers dig into her flesh, which Izzie is sure will leave little purple bruises, but it's not like she's complaining, because it's been six months since she's had sex and dammit Izzie needs this. So she helps him push her up against the wall, and she lets him drop her down upon him roughly. Izzie lets out a whimper and digs her fingers into his back as he rocks against her.
"Iz..." he says longingly.
She tries to speak but it feels like her mouth has never really moved before this moment and Izzie ends up making a strangled noise from deep in the back of her throat. And her legs feel so perfect wrapped around his waist and she can feel him so deep inside of her that she wants to scream but that might draw more attention than anything so instead she bites her lip and suppresses it as best she can.
Derek is thrusting and grunting and it feels incredible so she doesn't even notice when his hands start to grope her back searching for something to hold onto. It sends her just a little farther over the edge and she knows that she's almost done but she can stay still long enough for Derek to finish and holy shit her pelvis is escaping her control because it's bucking forward and he's groaning and suddenly they come together, out of breath.
She keeps her legs wrapped around his waist and her arms around his neck just a little longer. Derek holds her against the wall and presses his forehead against her cheek and he's breathing rapidly against her neck. As their bodies press together This doesn't mean anything floats around her brain and she knows that it's true. When they are done she will leave the stairwell and go check on her patients and Derek will go and find Meredith or avoid Addison or just be clueless and dreamy and everything else that he's so good at.
When Derek pulls out of Izzie he sets her gently on the floor and begins to pull on his scrubs. She follows suit and suppresses a smile feeling just a little better about her life than she did ten minutes ago and Izzie can't believe that no one walked in on them. She listens to the sounds of his breathing and then it's over. Just as soon as it started their moment passes and they each feel a little more complete.
Except now he's staring at her again but this time his eyes are laced with worry. Like he's just realized what has happened, what he's done. And Izzie can see that anti-holiday venom returning and he's scolding himself for thinking that he could actually do this. So Izzie in her attempt to make everyone's holiday just a little bit brighter tries to make things better.
"You didn't do anything wrong." she tells him. Derek looks hesitant to believe her and Izzie laughs brightly shrugging him off. "I'm okay. I'm okay." Izzie assures quickly adjusting her shirt before repeating, "This doesn't mean anything."
Derek nods slowly and licks his lips. His face is flushed and delicious but Izzie isn't sure she looks much better. "I know."
"I'm not going to tell Meredith, if that's what your worried about."
"It's not."
"Okay." she replies and stands still a moment. "Okay." She places a hand on her forehead and looks down seeing the chart he had ripped out of her hands on the floor. He's watching her movements and leans down to pick it up like he's doing her a favor by placing it in her hands. She gives him a nod then heads for the door. As she pulls it open Izzie stops and looks back at Derek hesitantly. "Derek?"
He's halfway down the set of stairs that leads away from Izzie but he turns around quickly looking at her curiously. "Yes?"
"About Mr. Epstein..."
"I'll see what I can do." he tells her with a small smile. Izzie watches him continue down the stairs and when he tosses her a "Merry freaking Christmas," Izzie can't help but laugh.