Slight spoilers for 3x01 and 3x02. References to 1x01, 2x01, 3x01 and 3x02.
Summary: The Doctor finds that he enjoys confusing Martha.
Disclaimer: don't own.
A/N: Written in a little bit more than an hour, and edited for around another hour. Very random. Oh, and by the 14th or 21st of April, this fic will most probably be AU. And if this idea's already been done, I'm sorry, but I didn't know. Honest. :D
Nailed
"Aw, damn."
Martha looked up from where she was standing by the console. "What?"
The Doctor grimaced and turned around. "Look what the arrow did!"
"What arrow?"
"That arrow! Queen Elizabeth the first's arrow!"
"Oh. That arrow. What about it?"
"The pointy bit stuck through the door and tore a hole in my lovely long coat!" He pulled it off to get a better look.
Martha was baffled. "So…?"
"You don't get it," he said, offended. He leapt towards the console, punching buttons, flicking switches and yanking levers as he explained, "That arrow has mortally insulted me, so it's time for it to pay the consequences!"
Martha blinked. "You're mad, you are!"
He stopped abruptly, staring at the monitor. "You're right," he muttered. "But why? You can't be doing that!" He sprang into action again, taking out a hammer and whacking several buttons. A sudden jerk sent Martha tumbling to the floor where she watched the Doctor dance madly around the console. "Do you even know what you're doing?" she yelled over the noise.
"Stop following it! Why are you following it?" the Doctor shouted at the TARDIS, getting more manic by the second.
"Who's following what?" Martha shouted back, utterly bewildered.
Suddenly all the noise and mayhem stopped and in the quiet the Doctor gently reached up and caressed the pulsing time rotor. "You all right, old girl?"
Martha shook her head disbelievingly. "Tell me you're not talking to your ship."
"She's a living, sentient being Martha, so don't be rude!" he chastised while racing round the console to check the monitor again.
Martha's eyes nearly popped out of her head. "It's alive? But…we're inside it! We're inside a living thing!"
"What, you've never been in one before?" he asked, eyes glued to the monitor and fingers flying over the keyboard. "Seriously Martha, you need to get out more! Do something, have fun and – oh…" he murmured, a look of comprehension dawning on his face.
Martha shook her head and stood up. "What is it?" she asked, looking over his shoulder.
"The Face of Boe, I bet," the Doctor replied. He dug through his coat pockets and pulled out the psychic paper. "Yep, he wants to see me. Still just as textbook enigmatic as before. I mean, pulling the TARDIS off course and using psychic paper just to give me a message, of all things! Why not an email? Or better still, an e-card? I'd like an e-card – an express e-card. Enigmatically expressed in an elegant, electronic envelope, of course," he said, grinning. "Ooh…alliteration," he added as an afterthought. "Must be the Shakespeare Effect."
"Who's the Face of Boe?" Martha interrupted, taking the psychic paper from him.
"Exactly," he replied distractedly, pulling on his coat and opening the door only to teeter to a stop when it jammed. "Ah…" he mused, rattling the door. "This complicates things."
"What does?"
"This 16th century Earth arrow. Fascinating, sharp, pointy things they are, usually. But this one's not letting the door open properly." He tugged his ear thoughtfully. "He won't mind waiting a bit more, will he?"
"Who?"
"Sonic screwdriver!" The Doctor grinned, pulling it out with a flourish. "Time for a road test!" He fiddled with it, a puzzled frown slowly appearing on his face. "Martha, you're not going to believe this, but there's no setting for pulling arrows out of blue, wooden, police box doors."
"Obviously not. Settings are never that specific!"
"But my old one was! …or was that one of the ones I added?" he wondered, tapping the screwdriver against his bottom lip thoughtfully.
Martha just stared. "You're telling me that you actually had a setting for pulling arrows out of wooden –"
"Blue wooden," he corrected.
"– blue wooden police box doors on your old sonic screwdriver?"
He looked at her strangely. "Yeah. What's wrong with that? It was dead useful."
"What on earth did you need that for?"
"The hordes of Genghis Khan. And yes, that was on Earth. You lot are extreme. What do you do when you see a strange blue box? You either ignore it or you stab it to near death! Now stand back!" He planted his feet on the door, perpendicular to the ground, gripped the arrow with both hands and pulled. Martha shook her head slightly in amazement and simply settled for holding the door still. But the arrow wouldn't budge.
After five minutes, he gave up on pulling and stepped back. "Right, so this isn't working. Think, think, think!" He spun around in a tight circle while running his fingers through his hair.
"Let me have a go," Martha said calmly. She put one foot against the door and gently wriggled the arrow back and forth. The Doctor, muttering to himself about reaction and electrostatic forces, the conservation of energy and the value of acceleration due to gravity on New Earth, trailed off and watched her, utterly stunned as Martha managed to coax the arrow out of its hole in the space of ten seconds.
"How did you do that?" he exclaimed, trying and failing to keep the surprise out of his voice.
She tapped his nose with the feathered end of the arrow. "It's called being patient, Doctor," she said sagely.
"Oh. I knew that." He did, really.
Martha gave him a teasing look. "You weren't a very good patient at the hospital either."
"That's why I'm the Doctor." He grinned and bent down to study the hole left by the arrow. "I'll have to fix that though. After I fix the sonic screwdriver."
"And after you see the Face of Boe." She showed him the psychic paper.
"Ah…" the Doctor said slowly. "He's using super large caps. Must be getting impatient in his old age."
"Like someone I know." Martha smiled, nudging him in the side.
"Who?" he asked, all wide-eyed and innocent.
Martha sighed and said, thoroughly exasperated, "Never mind. Now come on!" She proceeded out the door, the Doctor grinning madly behind her.
One confused and aggravated Martha: check. Score: one-zero.
Roll on 3x03! Preferably this week, not next week!
Can someone suggest another title? I don't really like this one. And did anyone else have HUGE problems with uploading docs? In fact, I still have huge problems with it, since it's not working yet. (This fic would've been posted last night if ffnet was working...) I just get an error, and then when I try to click the link for that support fanfiction net thing, it says the page can't be displayed. I'm going to hope that it's not my computer playing up... -growl-
Anyway. Please review! -cajoles you with the Doctor's wide-eyed, innocent look-