Set in the Marauder's seventh year, an unconscious James has an unusual adventure that is very similar to a story we all know.
Disclaimer: I own nothing in this story except maybe the plot, and I'm not really sure I own that.
Coming in from a particularly tough Quidditch practice, all James Potter wanted to do was go to the common rooms and relax. His muscles ached, and after trying desperately to teach the rest of his team plays (and failing several times), his brain felt quite like a soggy wet sponge. A soggy wet sponge that has been outside for too long and has begun to disintegrate, in fact. He could hear the plodding of his feet on the dry ground as he slowly made his way back to the castle. As he finally made it to the stone steps, an equally fatigued voice called out to him and the all too familiar form of Sirius Black could be seen running behind him.
"Hey Prongs! Wait up!" panted Sirius as he ran to catch up with his Quidditch captain and best friend. His sweaty dark hair fell into his eyes as he ran, and a group of girls crossing the grounds could be seen swooning as the young animagus swung his beater's bat over his shoulder and made his way up the stone steps to where a very exhausted James stood waiting for him. Sirius shot him the best lop-sided grin he could muster and muttered, "Pre-season practice is a killer, eh?" James looked at him for a second, blinked, and then turned around and opened the door leading into the Great Hall. Sirius followed behind him, and they silently made their way through the castle, climbing the several floors to get to Gryffindor Tower with obvious effort.
"Horklump," muttered James to the Fat Lady, barely opening his lips. Whether the Fat Lady could actually understand his mumbled speech or just did not want to risk the wrath of the two tired pranksters is uncertain, but she nevertheless swung the portrait open, allowing the two boys to climb into the common room. They slowly ventured to the couch and squishy armchairs, where they found their good friend Remus Lupin curled up, and quite absorbed in what appeared to be a massive Transfiguration essay that he was proof reading. James and Sirius plopped down on the couch uncharacteristically silent, causing the young werewolf to look up from his paper rather amused.
"Tough practice?" he asked with a hint of a smirk playing around his mouth. James and Sirius grunted in response. "I see," replied Remus in a good-humored tone, "you have all the enthusiasm of a dead flobberworm."
"Yeah? Well so would you if-," began James, but he fell quiet again when he saw the beautiful crimson haired goddess making her way toward him. They had been dating for about a month, but his heart still beat oddly fast when she was around. James did his best to smile back at her as she walked toward the couch, but he was quite certain it came out as a distorted grimace by the comical look on Lily's face.
Seeing what made his fellow Marauder shut up so quickly, Sirius made room on the couch between them, but not before grunting, "Shouldn't you go take a shower first, mate? You don't exactly smell like a field full of daisies." James shot him an annoyed look, but caught a whiff of himself and shrugged. Lily had already made it to the couch and as she sat between the two boys, she crinkled up her nose.
"Goodness, you two have just come from quidditch practice haven't you?" she exclaimed, laughing slightly at the look of indignation on Sirius's face.
"Hey, I don't smell that bad! Your boyfriend's the one who smells like he's just rolled in the remains of a dead decaying troll!"
"Charming, Sirius," frowned Lily as the mental picture of James rolling in such a thing obviously came to her mind.
"You both smell a little less than pleasant," added Remus chuckling.
"And what are you, the guru of fresh scents?" asked Sirius moodily as he got up from the couch and started walking toward the boy's dormitory, ignoring the laughter of his friends as he did so. "I'm going take a shower!" he said angrily, and shot them all the finger as they laughed even harder.
"Maybe you should follow suit," said a still laughing Lily to James.
"What are you trying to say?" said James in a mock hurt voice.
"Well…" said Lily grinning, "I don't know. Why don't you ask the "Guru of Fresh Scents" over here," she added, pointing to Remus. At this, Remus sat up very straight and put on his best professional, dignified voice.
"I do declare that you smell like one of Peter's old socks, dipped in sauerkraut, regurgitated by a dementor, and left to dry-,"
"Okay, okay, I get it. I stink. I'll go take a shower." Said James as he stood up. He looked at Lily and Remus with a raised eyebrow and said, "You guys suck." He could hear their laughter all the way to the seventh year boy's dorm.
Later that night, once everyone was showered and smelling fresh (so decided Remus anyway), James went down to the common room to meet Lily, whom he had decided to show a particular secret passage way behind a certain mirror on the fourth floor. Lily, who took her role as Head Girl very seriously, and who was usually a stickler for rules as well, disagreed at first. She didn't want to be sneaking around the castle after hours. James's consistent begging finally got to her, however, and in just a few minutes time she gave in. Her curiosity had gotten the better of her, and she and James rather gleefully snuck under his Invisibility Cloak to the fourth floor.
After checking the map to make sure Filch was nowhere around, James took the cloak off of them and held open the mirror for her to climb through. "My lady," he said in a mock noble voice and gesturing for Lily to climb through. Uncertainly, and with a doubtful look at James, Lily climbed into the pitch-black tunnel. James followed, and muttered, "Lumos!" filling the tunnel with a pale light from the tip of his wand. As the couple walked forward, Lily asked, "Where does this lead?"
Smirking, James replied "I guess you'll just have to wait and see."
Lily punched him playfully on the shoulder and grinned. "You're such an ass,"
James smiled more broadly and replied, "Yes, but I'm your ass." James frowned at his statement and Lily started to laugh. "Well not quite, but you know what I mean."
All of a sudden there was a loud groan in the tunnel and tiny rock fragments from the stone ceiling began to fall. James and Lily looked at each other wide-eyed as larger pieces began to fall. James took Lily's hand and yelled, "RUN!" They tried firing spells at the falling ceiling but nothing seemed to work. The entire top of the tunnel was rapidly caving in behind and in front of them. Lily screamed as a massive chunk of stone landed right in front of them. "It going to be okay! We're going to make it!" Yelled James, but as soon as the words left his mouth a huge piece of rock ricocheted off his head. Lily's scream of "JAMES!" seemed far away and he felt very tired all of a sudden. Dazed and unaware of what had just happed, James slowly went to his knees and proceeded to go unconscious.