Anduin Lothar woke slowly, not wishing to be pulled from the temporary solace of sleep. But light was already making its way through the windows, and Khadgar was already stirring beside him.
"I was hoping I would wake up and it would have all been a dream," Lothar murmured, running a hand through his hair. He could still feel some of the flecks of dried blood, blood that Khadgar hadn't been able to wipe away completely before he'd helped the still-stunned man into their bed the previous night.
"I know. I'm sorry, I wish it could have been," Khadgar replied softly.
Lothar turned onto his side, facing him. "It's all right. I think…I think that maybe it's for the best that you told me, anyway."
The mage gazed at his lover sadly. "I wanted to spare you from the pain. Of knowing, I mean."
"You shouldn't have tried to bear this burden all by yourself," Lothar said, resting a hand on Khadgar's shoulder. "Knowing what I've become isn't easy – to be honest, I'm scared to death I might hurt someone, especially you – but at least now I know that you didn't accept the Fel out of selfishness or a lust for power."
The mage smiled, and cuddled up closer to him. "I'm going to find a way to help you, I swear it. You won't be a demon forever."
"If anyone can do it, it will be you," he replied, letting himself drift as Khadgar's talented hands caressed him. He'd been in no state to even consider this last night, but now he found himself needing to touch the mage. He pulled the younger man closer…and then stopped abruptly as a sudden thought hit him.
What he'd felt when Khadgar's hold over his mind had relaxed, even as little as it had, had been nearly overwhelming. The anger and soul-twisting hatred he'd experienced when the Fel within him was released had all been directed at the mage. Had he not been bound by Khadgar after his initial demon transformation in Karazhan, Lothar was sure he would have killed him.
"What's wrong, Anduin?" Khadgar asked, concerned at the sudden change in his lover's demeanor.
"Khadgar," Lothar began. He didn't know exactly how to word it. "How safe is it to do this?"
"To do…what?"
"This," repeated the regent, gesturing down at their naked bodies. "To have sex."
He cocked his head quizzically. "Why wouldn't it be safe?"
Lothar frowned; this was something that had to be considered. "Khadgar, I'm a demon now. Demons are inherently dangerous if they'd not controlled…and sex is all about losing control. What if I lose control of myself? What if I hurt you, or worse?"
"Bound demons can't harm the person who bound them, Anduin. It's part of the magic, part of the binding itself."
"Well, what if *you* lose control?" Lothar asked. "What if your control over me slips, even a little? If that happens, I could kill you before you even realized something was wrong – you have no idea how strong those urges were last night, when you showed me what was hiding inside my mind. Will we have to worry about this every time we're in bed?"
"Anduin, nothing like that could ever happen. I promise." He looked more relaxed, now that he knew what had been bothering Lothar. "A warlock's control over a demon they've bound isn't something that has to be consciously, actively maintained. It's like turning a key in a lock. Once the door's locked, you don't have to keep holding the key in it," he explained. His eyes were deep brown, with no hint of the Fel, and as warm and kind as they'd ever been. "And the bigger mana pool of the Guardian just let me make a bigger, stronger lock."
"You're absolutely positive about this?" Lothar asked. "Because if there's even the slightest chance of me hurting you—"
"I am absolutely, one hundred percent positive," affirmed Khadgar. "You have nothing to worry about. You can't harm me, the magic of the binding makes it impossible."
Lothar allowed himself a small smile. "That's a relief," he replied. "Although I can't see how you could possibly still want me, while I'm like this. Less than twelve hours ago, the Fel in me, the demon part of me, wanted me to kill you."
Khadgar shrugged, and moved back into Lothar's arms. "That's not the real you. Fel-contaminated or not, inside you're still Anduin Lothar…how could I not want you?"
Lothar pressed a kiss to the younger man's lips. "I love you, Khadgar. I know I haven't told you very often lately, but I do."
For a moment, Khadgar was completely still. Then tears welled up in the mage's eyes. "This is the first time you've said that to me since this all started, all those months ago."
Lothar felt a pang of guilt at that. Khadgar was right, he hadn't been able to say it since the mage let his Fel corruption be known. At the time, Lothar could not have comprehended the real reason behind it. But now that he knew the truth…
"I'm sorry, so very sorry," whispered Lothar, cupping his lover's cheek as he unconsciously echoed the other man's words from the night before. "And all I want to do now is make it up to you." He kissed him again. "I love you, Khadgar. You saved me – you followed me into the dark and pulled me back out again. No matter what I am, no matter what's inside me, I will always love you."
"You've risked yourself for me so many times, Anduin," murmured Khadgar, leaning into the kiss. "I could never do any less for you. Because I love you too, and I will never stop loving you," he said. "Just as I will never stop trying to save you from the Fel."