After four years, he went and lost it all.

"Ten," She'd counted down, and he didn't chase after her this time. Her breath caught in her throat and she hovered over the door handle. She muttered under her breath, hoping, praying that he just hadn't heard her. She waited. It was too late. She couldn't back down now – what would be the point?

So she got in her car, and she drove away. She drove to her house and she cried. By this time, she'd already moved out. She had to do everything for herself. She couldn't go and cry with her mom, and her mom couldn't tell her that everything would be okay, and that he isn't worth your tears.

Because to her, he was.

She started to think about her and him. When they first met, and how it all started.

He was the first person who made her feel beautiful, really beautiful. They'd started dating because Beck saw her across the hall. The new girl. She truly was new, too. She wasn't like the rest. She wore black lace up boots on top of opaque tights, with a short skirt and a too big plaid shirt over a little black vest top. It shouldn't have looked good, but it did. I guess when you're young, first impressions are everything.

She agreed, simply because it was easier to say "yes" than it was to say "no". She took a swig of her coffee, nodded her head and then left, leaving many words unsaid. They went to a coffee shop for their first date. It was a fancy, upgraded one. Miles away from the dingy little café Jade oh so loved. Beck led her inside, holding on to her arm. That's all she was to him – something to show off. She'd sniffed at his attempts, sighing whenever he'd asked her what was wrong. He didn't take her there again.

Dates after that were marginally better. He took her to restaurants, shops, or just to his RV. She liked his RV the best by far. It was little and it was a bit ratty, but it was homey and cosy and warm. It made her feel at home. They didn't even do much there. Sometimes they just sat on the bed, Beck's arms around Jade. Sometimes they watched old reruns and filmed silly videos that would never be seen on the slap.

Beck loved Jade. It was a stupid, hard falling, teenage love, but it was love. With that love, meant hurt - because with stupid teenage love, you can fall out of love easily too. Jade loved Beck. It was a true, flawless love from her. It took her so long to fall; to fall in love with him was so hard for her to do. With that love, comes great responsibility. You can't just fall back out of love. Be careful who you fall in love with. You're never really living until you've found something to die for, though.

They survived through the years. On their first anniversary, he surprised her. Blindfolded her and took her to a fireworks show. She loved it – all the pretty colours illuminating the sky, lighting up before her eyes. And when it spelled out "I love you Jade" she just shook her head, kissing him on the cheek adoringly. It was nothing unexpected, not from Beck. She didn't say I love you, not yet, but she was close.

Half way to their third anniversary, Jade and Beck broke up for a while. Jade just held her head up high, too proud to cry. Beck didn't shed a tear; not even alone. She'd cried and cried and cried, the mascara tears pouring down her face. It was all gone by morning though. Every inch of her face was covered in a layer of foundation, who knows how thick. It had never occurred to her that nothing was different about him. Thinking about it, nothing ever was.

When they were almost in their fourth year, everything was jeopardised. You see, Jade wasn't the interesting new girl anymore. There was a new and shiny girl – and her name was Tori Vega. Brown hair, tanned skin, pretty, and she had a great personality too. She was the polar opposite of Jade. What's worse was, Tori took a liking to Beck, and the feeling was mutual. So they kissed. Jade did the only thing she could think of. The only thing she knew – hurt Tori like she'd hurt her.

Jade's hands shook as she poured the coffee over Tori's head. Andre's eyes looked into hers and she knew it was too late to turn back. She cried that night. Cried for the girl she once was, and for the girl she was now. The next day, she held onto Beck's arm, and walked through the halls of HA with her head high and pride intact. It was never the same, though.

She was always so confused after that. She didn't understand how someone could say "I love you" and then not give that person another thought, while doing things do hurt them. She didn't understand why he'd want to hurt her. Didn't he love her? She didn't let go, because all she could think about was the reason she was hanging on. Promises are meant to be broken after all – she learnt that from him.

Shortly after that, they broke up again. It was during that time when Tori got accepted to appear and perform at the platinum music awards. Jade didn't purposely get Tori fired, nor did she purposely get chosen. It happened though. She hated the costume, the design, the whole concept of having to have an image created around her. She wasn't all that bothered when Tori got the lead, after her. She couldn't have been considering she gave it to her. She owed her after rejecting Beck. It still didn't help her broken heart though.

She realizes now, that she doesn't miss Beck. She misses the person she thought he was.

Nothing has really gone well for Jade. It always rains the hardest on those who deserve the sun, though.

And now, as she sits in her room thinking it through, she's wasted four years of her life on a boy that doesn't even love her. Not really. She hopes he realizes how much he's broken her. She hopes he realizes she still loves him. She hopes he realizes that she's so sick of crying.

When she walks into the classroom the next morning, and all eyes are on her, she knows that it really is all over. She checks the slap, and her relationship is gone there, too. Beck walks in, and it reminds her of the first time her and Beck walked into class together. Only this time, it's Tori on his arm. The memories flood back and she picks up her bag, ready to leave. As she passes him, her breath tickles his ear as she whispers, "When you forget about her, don't you dare remember me,"

Who was he to say she loved him?

A/N:

OK. So that was just running through my head and I wrote it down. And before someone comes along and says, "this is all out of order and weird, it doesn't make sense" or something like that, I'll explain. It's all muddled up, but just forget about the show's order while reading. This probably should have been at the top…well.

Review? Oh. And I was listening to "Who am I to say", while writing this, if you wondered. I'm always listening to something.