My Calculus Romance: Fake Deep (REWRITE), an adventure time with finn and jake fanfic

10/6/16: removed all of the a/n and mashed together chapters 1 and 2 because they were so fckn short and made them much more pleasant to read. really, this was so cringey, who let me write this? Also when the fuck did I start shipping marcelee like seriously.

8/30/17: hey, guys! wow, i just found the first part of this rewrite on an old flash drive and oh my god i lowkey want to start writing again. i can't believe i forgot i started this. i wrote a little update in my bio!

Marceline's POV

There was something so aesthetic about early mornings. Of course, I wasn't thinking that when I awoke to the sound of my obtrusive alarm clock, but the sentiment remained regardless. Maybe it was the bright overcast or the feeling of my feet warming up in my blankets, I was never quite sure. But mornings were, well, pleasant. At least on the weekends.

This morning was not part of the weekend.

Much like the large majority of sixteen year olds, I hated school. All of those asshole students, and pretentious teachers, and, ugh, work. Well, actually I was a pretty good student–one of the best, if I'm being completely honest. I made nice with all the teachers, was kind to all of the outcast students, and got some pretty great grades that would make almost any parent proud (emphasis on 'almost'). But, for some reason beyond me, that didn't make any of it easier. There were still hard times and they weren't going away. That was just the way it was.

But even though school was by far the least appealing thing I could be doing, I found my motivation. I knew my dad would kill me if he realized I skipped it (that is, if he even noticed at all), so I reluctantly got up, made my bed to the best of my ability, and showered. The water was kind of a wake up for me, telling me dream time was over and the universe needed me. When I got out and felt the cool, crisp air wash over me, it was like the world sighed in unison. And that was it: I was awake.

I changed into day clothes (a torn black singlet, oversized gray hoodie, jeans, and red laced boots, all from my store, thank you very much) and wandered aimlessly down the hallway. Sometimes I just wanted to burst into song and dance wildly around the huge house like they did in the movies (after all, I was the only occupant), but I wasn't that quirky. Instead, I grabbed my messenger bag, and after a quick breakfast of jam and toast, went to sit down on my front steps. Yeah, much duller in comparison. As a cute little addition to my arsenal of bleakness, my ass was going to hurt like hell; waiting for my friends to pick me up was a death sentence sometimes. Oh well, that was just the price I had to pay for not wanting to drive. Ever.

It was probably around 7:30, so I pulled out my phone to write a bit and look through my schedule for the week. No plans aside from the usual, again. How surprising. Marceline Abadeer, changing it up once in a while! What will she do next to shock the world?

When Fionna's blue car pulled up, I was saved from my self-induced embarrassment. Cake wasn't there, so I took shotgun.

"Hey, Marcy!"

"Hi, Fi," I said. "Where's your fake sister?"

She rolled her eyes at that. I always teased her about being adopted, but she said it never bothered her. At least that was what she claimed. Sometimes I couldn't read her but for the most part I could tell when I crossed a line. And I made it a point to never cross the line. In turn, she earned the right to make fun of my constant need for food and being rich/kinda famous because of my last name. It was a fun game we played.

"She's sick. I think she's got the stomach flu because she's throwing up and stuff and it is really gross."

I frowned. Cake didn't come to school on Thursday or Friday, and today was Monday. So she's been sick for… five days?

"Everything all right?" I asked. Concern was probably oozing from my tone of voice.

Fionna sighed—this ethereal sound that seemingly descended from the heavens to rest upon us. "She'll survive."

I nodded. "I'll come see her tonight. And I'll text Lady that we'll pick her up soon."

"Sure thing."

We sat in silence for a moment as I typed. It wasn't awkward in the slightest. That was something I was grateful for in Fionna. She was such a source of light that comfort radiated from even her smallest of grins. Silence was never awkward with her, and she made it better when I was in a state of unquietness.

My eyes fluttered and I glanced up from my phone at Fionna. It was meant to be brief but I found myself lingering. She was running her hand through her hair, eyes locked on the road as her wrist hung limply on top of the steering wheel. She was… beautiful. No, not the "I am romantically attracted to you because of your pretty face" beautiful, but the "wow, I am physically stunned by the way your appearance reflects your gorgeous interior" beautiful. She was light, everything good and pure and holy. For a minute, I believed she was the pale, shadowed manifestation of something like a supernova.

Okay, so that may have sounded a bit maudlin, or even overdramatic, but it was the truth. Her blonde hair was shimmering against the sun, blue eyes clear and determined, and her clothes were fitted, enough to show off her curves but not so much as to put it all out there. I admired that she could do that; wear whatever she wanted and feel no shame about it. She put up with a lot of shit because of her body shape.

Contrary to popular belief, I didn't envy her curves. That was because there was nothing wrong with not having curves as well. It didn't make me less of a "real" woman that I didn't have a curvaceous body. My body was more slender, and that was okay, just like her full figure was okay too. My body was good, her body was good. All bodies are good bodies. Why can't people get this through their heads?

She glanced at me. "You sent it yet?"

It took me a second to remember she was referring to the text I was supposed to be sending to Lady. Wow, way to go, Marceline. Instead of doing something important I was staring at my friend for a full minute thinking about how pretty she is. I had… troubled thoughts, didn't I? And the self esteem to match. But what a catch.

I looked over my text to Lady: Hey dude, we'll be there in a few minutes. Please be ready this time lmao

The fact that she never got up on time was both exasperating and endearing. Even if it was something incredibly pressing, she would keep hitting snooze until the last possible minute. How that girl managed her life throwing caution to the wind, I had no idea.

As I sent it, Fionna spoke up with casual excitement. "On the bright side of things, Queen Bitch won't be at school today."

We grinned in almost creepy synchronization. Queen Bitch was what we liked to call our great friend Ashley King.

"You always know how to brighten my day. Why won't she come? Daddy grounded her for playing around with his toys too much?"

"I think Finn pushed her down some stairs, actually…"

The suddenness of her statement had me choking on my on saliva laughing. Was I expecting that? No, no, I was not. Finn Hughman, one of the four hottest bad boys in school, pushing Ashley King, the most "perfect," bratty, bitchy vixen in existence, down a flight of stairs? It seemed too good to be true.

But Fionna never lied about tea like this.

"I take it back," I said, "that is what brightened my day."

"Right?" Fionna agreed with a chuckle. "Oh, and your boyfriend just happens to now have fourth period with you."

That ended my giggle fit.

I groaned. "When will you guys stop that? I've never even talked to him."

"That doesn't mean you're not perfect for each other!"

"You've never even talked to him!"

She scoffed. "I have my ways. And I know, from what I know of him, that you two totally belong together."

I groaned again, sinking back into my seat. "Oh yeah? Then what do you know about him?"

"I know that he's a nerd about certain books, has an amazing voice, is a total badass, absolutely loves–"

"And he's off-limits."

Fionna rolled her eyes. "Just because the two most evil witches in the school like him doesn't mean you can't marry him."

I sighed and told her that in her hopeless romantic frenzy she passed Lady's house.

We were talking about none other than Marshall Lee Pierce, Teen Heart-Throb, Greatest Musician, King of Badass. I, of course, didn't have any kind of feelings towards him whatsoever. I'd never spoken with him and the closest I could ever recall getting near him was when he passed by with his friends in the hallway. The only interest I ever had in him was regarding my personal safety, as he and his friends were known for being pretty freaking violent. But still, that didn't stop Fionna, Cake, and Lady from "shipping" us. Quite frankly it irritated the hell out of me. But since there was never anything I could do to quell their… intense feelings, I was forced to let them ship and fantasize.

Then I realized Fionna had said fourth period, which was G12 calculus. My jaw dropped. He had G12 calculus? I never took him for a, well, smart guy. I mean, it was hard just for me to get in, and I had one of the highest GPAs in the school.

Lady's sweet voice pulled me from my thoughts.

She tossed her bag into the car and plopped down. "Whoa, why is Marcy so pissed?"

I almost chortled. No "hello," no "how are you guys," just "why is Marcy pissed?"

"Oh, you know," Fionna replied, "we're just talking about the love of her life."

Even though I couldn't see her, I could feel her roll her eyes and smile. "Glob save us."

"I think you mean Glob save the Vampire Queen."

This time I rolled my eyes. That reference was so unnecessary.

Thankfully Lady changed the subject to a much more preferable one (specifically the unholy obscenities found all over Maja Mahariel's social medias) until we got to school.

I stepped out of the car, taking in everything around me. It was important to take stock of what you were dealing with at this school. Since the parking lot was directly in front of the steps to the entrance, I had a good frame of reference.

The Triplets (Sabrina, Gina, and Katrina Princesse) were speaking with the Twins (Clarence and Clarisse Ghost) in hushed whispers, like they were either trying to talk about something secret or not be noticed. Maybe both. Then underneath the huge 'Pendleton Ward High School' sign next to the Triplets and Twins were the Triplers (Sal, Gil, and Kel Princeton). I found it cute that Kel was persistent in his endeavors to gain Clarisse's attention. His brothers were snickering to themselves about it.

Ash Psyche and his gang of perverted assholes were hanging out on the steps, eying us in a very uncomfortable way. That was something they did often, that nearly all men did often. We knew that there was almost no stopping it. Oh the joys of being female: fear and danger everywhere.

Before I had an anxiety attack, I tried to find something else to look at. Instead, a deep scowl tugged at the corners of my mouth, for I discovered an almost equally unpleasant sight: the Perfects. Ten in total, and without their leader Ashley, making them nine, they looked angrier than ever. A full analysis is necessary.

First you had Summer Sera, Winter Willow, Aiden Aaron, and Elliot Evan. Sweetest kids you could ever know. I texted them regularly (behind Ashley's back, of course). The Faye twins, Summer and Winter, and I had been on friendly terms since we were snot-filled ankle-biters. Aiden and Elliot Niles tagged along just as we entered our elementary school years. It astonished me when they started hanging out with the assholes they call friends, but since they're pushovers, it made sense that pushers adopted them into their fold. I personally thought Ashley just wanted them with her clique because of their reputation, but I wouldn't dare say that out loud, not unless I wanted to get gutted in the middle of the night. The point was that the two sets of twins were the only redeemable ones of the crew.

Then came Bubba Gumball. He was nice, but that was all I could really say of him. He was a little dorky, and extremely awkward, from what I could tell of the few times I ever spoke with him. But still, he was very nice. Again, only word that I could really apply to him. I did hear some rumors that he had a crush on me and hated Marshall Lee, but… I tried to brush those off. Despite Bubba's sweet exterior, the fact that such an apparently kindhearted person would spend time with evil ones was very off-putting.

Next came Lily Simran Prices and Leon Sheldon Preiss, or the LSPs. A match made in hell. They were just plain mean. They were spoiled, cocky, mannerless, and perhaps the most disrespectful, rudimentary people I'd ever met. Not to mention the fact that they didn't give a damn about PDA. Rest in peace to the poor sods who happened to catch them sucking face in the hallway. It was not a pretty sight.

The most, well, intriguing out of the bunch was Maja. She was the epitome of creepy. Unlike Ashley, she was quick and calculating and actually thought out her evil schemes. She used her head and turned off her heart. I'd only seen her lose her temper on a few rare occasions, and even then her emotions were still under her control. She was cold. There was no telling what dark depths her mind held. Yeah, that makes her sound like a Batman villain, but there was no other way to put it. She terrified me.

Last, but certainly not least, was Bonnibel Bubblegum. If the moon could ever take form, it would be in her. She represented something beautiful but annihilating. I used to know her. In fact, she was my best friend when we were tweens. But she was different now. I never understood why she changed but she did. There was no sense focusing on what was. She was with them now; it wouldn't surprise me to see her and Maja pining for Ashley's place as second in command. And while I didn't like to admit it, it bothered me to see her with them. It bothered me a lot…

"What's wrong?"

"Queen? You okay? Marcy?"

"Marceline."

I snapped back into reality when Fionna and Lady's faces took over my vision. Lady was clutching my right hand like it was the only thing she had to hold on to. Fionna was gently rubbing my arm, eyebrows puckered at the center. They were obviously concerned. How distressed did I look?

"Everything okay?" Lady asked.

"Yeah, we almost lost you for a minute there."

I stared at them. What was I supposed to say? Sorry I zoned out and started mentally surveying the field of students like a sports player before a game? Sorry that that's a totally screwed up way of looking at other students?

Words started to form in my mouth but they slowly tumbled out into incoherent jumbles of terms and letters. My brain was static.

Fionna stepped back, staring at the ground intensely for a moment. "I have no idea what any of that meant."

Frustrated, I opened my mouth to say something, but then I saw them. Then I saw the Vampire Knights.

"Whoa," I breathed out.

Walking in a perfect straight line, dressed completely in black, in all their badass glory were Marshall Lee Pierce, Finn and Jake Hughman, and Lordo Monochromicorn.

I didn't freak out or do anything that most kids do when they see them (i.e. gasping, crying, screeching, swooning, groaning, anything short of dying…) but they did strangely calm me down. Like, I could think properly again when I looked at them. Thankfully, they also drew Fionna and Lady's attention away from me. Fionna appeared starstruck. I knew how much she respected Finn. Lady bit her lip, then blushed and turned her kaleidoscopic eyes elsewhere. If Cake were there, she most likely would've been drooling and making crude comments.

I couldn't blame Cake or Lady there. The Vampire Knights were very attractive, even I couldn't deny it. Lordo had ink black hair, stormy gray eyes, and was probably the most charismatic of the bunch. Jake lived for laughter, even if it was the kind that inspired fear, and had messy brown hair and large dopey eyes. Finn was the definition of 'hero,' from what I'd heard. Or maybe it was antihero. The rumors were never consistent.

Then there came Marshall Lee. I knew little to nothing about him other than what my girls told me, as well as the plain facts that people were both petrified and turned on by him. I think it was that there was some sort of allure about him. He got in fights, he smiled at elderly people, he disrespected who he wanted, and he was totally and completely sexy. I could see the kinky appeal of him.

I sighed. Thinking about that was sure to be bad for my aura of not being interested in him.

"Come on, you two," I said. "Let's get to class."

They mumbled their agreements and shouldered their bags as they followed me up the steps.

The school was laid out like it was on a grid, with most hallways being straight horizontal and vertical lines that intersected. It made the school both easier and more difficult to navigate. Even after years of coming here I still got lost from time to time. Thankfully the girls and I had a system where we would 'drop off' each other at our respective classes. Fionna always went first, then Lady, and Cake and I had first period together. That way none of us had to walk anywhere alone or get cornered by—

"There's my baby girl!"

…Ash…

Halfway up the stone steps, I paused. He made whistling and kissing sounds to get my attention, followed by his friends giggling to themselves. That was probably one of the worst things he could've done. It made me feel like I wasn't even a woman—just some barnyard animal or maybe even a simple object for their viewing pleasure.

I shut my eyes, balling my hands into fists. I'm not going to lose control, I told myself. Dad would be very mad. I am not going to lose control.

"Yo, come on, baby, turn around for me, let me see a twirl!"

He is making it very difficult to not lose control.

The three of us turned around to face them. Ash and his cronies' sickeningly ecstatic faces made my stomach turn. I faltered a little when I realized that even with a height boost from standing on stairs, Ash was still level with me. I glowered as harshly as I could.

"Now, that ain't a nice look! Smile!"

His eyes held a menacing glint, a possessive shine. He wanted to add me to his list of girls he's defiled heinously, as he has wanted for years. But I wouldn't let my resolve crumble. My jaw clenched.