AN: Hello, Internet! I am Not Another Writer, except, I am. Haha. Anyway, the idea of a Kurtbastian version of Pride and Prejudice has been eating away at me for ages now, especially since the introduction of The Lizzie Bennet Diaries on YouTube, and I'm yet to find a fanfic that does the same (if there is one, then please, let me know so that I can credit them for coming up with the concept first! This is just me letting out my creativity, I don't mean to steal anybody's ideas.) It's in Kurt's point of view and written as if he was writing a daily blog.

Read it and review it if you want, I don't mind. Parallels may not all be as they seem.

Without further ado…

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife.

Or, in my case, a husband.

My name is Kurt Hummel. I am seventeen years old, and I live in Lima, Ohio with my dad, Burt, my step-mom Carole, my step-brother Finn and our adopted puppy, Sam. That last one was a joke. Sam is actually a friend of ours that lives with us while his parents are out of town.

I live in a fairly upmarket part of Lima, which if you've ever been, isn't saying much. My house is nothing spectacular, though; we live in a three-bedroom semi-detached house, so it could be worse. Then again, with the addition of Sam, it could be better in that we could all have our own rooms. I had no problems sharing a room with him, until I shared a room with him. He'd be up at 2am playing…Skyrod? I don't know, I don't pay attention when he and Finn talk about video games. I thought maybe I'd get some peace by suggesting Sam move into Finn's room, but that just means they both stay up late playing video games. Which still means no sleep for me, because all I can hear is, "Dude, you totally cheated!" (FYI, I hate the term 'dude' with a burning, fiery passion.) or "Oh – oh – oh, get some!" which makes me question whether they really are playing games… I know, I have a wild imagination. You try being the only out kid in my school! It's not easy.

There is one house on my street that Carole always stares at wistfully when we pass it to go to the store. It's this huge estate-type house, one that nobody who lives in Lima could ever afford anyway. Anybody with enough money to buy it would not choose to live in Lima, either. That still doesn't stop Carole from the usual routine sigh and, "One day, Kurt."

You're probably thinking this is irrelevant, it isn't. I overheard this conversation today (I italicised my dad's utterances so you can tell who's saying what):

"Someone finally bought that big ol' house on the corner there, did you know?"

"No, I didn't."

"Oh yes, Mrs Abrams told me this morning."

My dad kept eating his lunch.

"Well, don't you want to know who our new neighbours are?"

"Go on, then."

"Well, apparently it's been bought by a family of four who loved the house immediately and are so fancy, they'll be moved in with servants by the end of the week!"

"What's the family name?"

"Anderberry."

"Fancy. Any kids?"

"A daughter and a son. Both single, and rumour has it the son is gay!"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Oh, Burt! He could be quite the match for our Kurt."

"So just because there's another gay kid, you think that's good enough for my son?"

"Of course not! But he might. And we won't find out if he's good enough unless you go and see them!"

"What's it to do with me? Boy can make his own decisions. You wanna go there, go. Better yet, send all the boys. Don't want this fancy new man muscling in on my wife."

"Burt!" Giggling. "After having a son like Finn and adopting you, Kurt and Sam into our lives, I'm nothing extraordinary anymore."

"But in most cases, women don't have much beauty to preserve anyway."

"Stop buttering me up, you! Anyway, you have to go and see the Anderberrys at some point.

"It's not necessary for me to go, Carole."

"Nonsense! What about the boys? I know that the Puckermans and the Abrams are planning on visiting them soon, and they like to keep to themselves! Besides, you're in Congress, they'll warm up to you more."

"You're exaggerating, dear. I'm sure the Anderberrys would love to meet you, and I'll be sure to drop them a line welcoming them to the neighbourhood. If anything, I might drop in a word on Finn's behalf for that girl."

"But what about Kurt? He is your biological son, how would he feel knowing that you're putting Finn first? And even then, what about Sam? We do have a duty of care for him, too."

"I'm not putting Finn before anyone, you said yourself you wanted to introduce Kurt to the boy! I'm just keeping both options open. And Sam doesn't quite seem as…Open as Finn is. He'd be too afraid of rejection to make any kind of move!"

"How can you say that without either of them meeting her? You didn't bring either of them up."

"Yes, and you didn't raise Sam or Kurt. Stop your worrying, Carole. They're all big boys, they can find love themselves."

So that was…Informative. I might go and visit this family anyway. Just to see what the girl's like. I know Sam and Finn better than they know themselves, I can make a good enough judgement on which one she's best for. And if I happen to stumble upon that guy, then who knows? ;)

- Kurt