Of Heroes and Traitors
Chapter 1
Severus Snape sat at the Slytherin table, absentmindedly nudging his food around on his plate with a fork. He didn't really feel like eating, even though his stomach felt uncomfortably empty. It was Christmas day, most of the students had returned home for the holidays. However, this wasn't the reason he sat alone. Just days before Severus had made the long trip home like the others, only to return to the school a day later. The students that remained at Hogwarts must have heard the horrifying rumours about his return and decided to leave him be. Realising that attempting to eat was a pointless task, he stood up from the table and made his way out onto the grounds. Winter meant the weather was cold, dull and miserable. It was cold enough for snow but none had fallen. As he stepped outside a rush of icy wind nearly pushed him off his feet. Leaning forward slightly, he braced himself against it and began to trudge slowly onwards.
The air stung his chest, feeling as if it was taking small sharp bites out of his lungs every time he inhaled. A thin layer of fog was beginning to cloud the air as he walked down to the lake. Upon reaching it, he slumped himself down lazily, his back resting against a tree. Severus cursed as the sensation of small cold bumps crept over his skin; he wished he had dressed warmer. He wrapped his arms around himself and stared fixatedly at the dusty ground before him. He cursed again before feeling about his robes for his wand. He drew it out and pointed it at a nearby tree stump.
"Incendio," he muttered, as flames leapt up, swallowing the tree stump in its warm orange glow. Turning to it, he stretched out his arms to warm his hands. He watched as the flames licked slowly at the wood and tried his best to force any memory of his home from his head. His state of mind as of late was too fragile for thoughts of that nature. In order to clear his head, he decided that when he got back to his dormitory he'd write to his mother, which surely would stop him recalling the events of his visit. Then, maybe, he could go back to sleeping peacefully. The nightmares he'd been having the past few nights seemed to be taking their toll on his sanity.
"Severus?" The sudden voice startled him, making his head whip around to seek out the intruder that broke him from his reverie. Severus blinked a few times before he could register who was talking to him. Remus Lupin stood looking down at him with one eyebrow slightly raised. He was a skinny boy with soft features and tawny hair, which he sometimes had to flick it out of the way as it fell over his eyes. Severus assumed the boy found it irritating but liked it that length all the same.
"Aren't you cold Severus?"
"Absolutely freezing," he grumbled and gestured to the fire. He clearly had been here for quite some time, as the fire was almost out. Remus sat himself down a few feet in front of him, putting his stuff down and sighing to himself.
"You don't mind me joining you do you?" Remus asked sheepishly. His tone made Severus question his intentions.
"Not at all. I do understand the need for company at this time of year, despite what others may say." Remus winced at these words. He clearly had been informed of Severus' morose mood and had been intending to tip-toe around it.
"Don't look so tense, Lupin. Did you seriously think that I did not realise people were discussing my personal life behind my back?"
"I-I'm sorry," he stammered. "I didn't want to seem like-"
"Out of interest," Severus began, cutting him off. "What is everyone saying about me? Surely nothing worse than...the usual." Remus tensed up, scared he provoke an angry outburst from Severus. There was a brief silence when neither of them spoke, just listened to the fire crackle and burnt out.
"They're saying you were unhappy at home so you came back. But nobody really knows why."
Severus' eyes scanned the other boy's face. He was telling the truth, that much was obvious. They didn't know anything more. All they knew was that he wasn't happy at home. Severus considered this to be a ridiculous understatement, but he was glad nothing more was being discussed so he simply nodded.
"I've got something for you." Remus reached into his messenger bag that was on the ground beside him and hastily pulled out a book. Severus watched, eyes wide, as the boy held it towards him. He stared, fearing that it was some kind of joke. He was frightened that if he tried to take it Remus would pull it out of his reach, leaving him empty handed. It was years of bullying that had left Severus so paranoid. He worried that he'd be ridiculed if he responded to kindness. This was how he had slowly learnt to put up a cold stone barrier when around others, a barrier that held his emotions captive against their own will. Severus had never received a gift in his life and was now overwhelmingly confused as to why Remus Lupin would be doing so. They weren't friends; they didn't know a great deal about each other; in fact Remus' three best friends taunted Severus every time they laid eyes on him.
"Take it. It's not much. I was going to give it to somebody else, but it seemed more...you." Risking the small amount of pride he had left, Severus reached forward and took the book with ease from Remus' grip. Feeling slightly more comfortable, he allowed himself to look at the gift. It had a thick black leather cover, and a green snake down the spine of the book. It was clearly intended to be a diary as the pages were blank except for the date in the top right corner of every page.
"You like it?" Severus nodded in reply, a little speechless. He loved it. He looked up at Remus and gave him a sceptical stare.
"Do you mind me asking why?"
"Why did I give it to you, you mean? I thought you'd make better use of it than the person I had intended to give it to... I've been trying to get Sirius to take notes in class for years and failed, so why should he listen now in his final year?" Severus suppressed a growl that almost escaped his lips when he heard the name that he detested beyond belief.
"Thank you," he said, biting back any emotion that was attempting to seep out into his voice. He looked everywhere but at Remus, trying to avoid his piercing gaze. His eyes eventually fell on the horizon when he realised something.
"Shouldn't you...be somewhere?" he asked gently. "The moon isn't exactly in your favour tonight." Having found out in his sixth year that Remus was a werewolf he'd gotten used to it and had even privately made a note of when the full moon would occur each month.
"Oh," Remus exclaimed jumping to his feet. "I was on my way there before I saw you. I only intended to stay for a minute and I lost track of time." Severus pushed himself up off the ground and stopped himself from smiling, he could see the boy was trying to justify himself.
"I best be off... Get back to your dorm soon; it's too cold to be sat out here." With that they turned and headed their separate ways, Remus towards the Whomping Willow and Severus towards the school. Severus clutched the book tightly to his chest and was about to break into a run when he heard something.
"Snape." He turned around upon hearing the other boy shouting. Remus stood in the distance waving at him. "Merry Christmas." Severus was glad they were stood so far apart; otherwise Remus would have seen the huge grin spreading across his face.