So, this is my humorous story that I have been itching to submit for awhile. I hope you guys like it, because it is pure fun on my side, something I need after serious/sad stories like The Beginning and Armand and His Angel. R&R as well as follow and fav!
Dedication: I am formally dedicating this story...*drumroll*... to myself! I was inspired to do this from my own brilliant mind. Go Kisses on the Steps!
Disclaimer: I do not own "The Scarlet Pimpernel" by Baroness Orczy, though I do own a Scarlet Pimpernel mascot. I also do not own Walmart, obviously, because I would be doing bigger and better things with my life, sorry fanfiction. net. Oh, and I don't own pokemon, which is not possible even if I wanted to, since I have yet to watch any real form of anime... wait is pokemon anime? I'm not entirely sure. I don't own any YMCA's or Fitness Plus' (you can sort of imply that from me not owning Walmart). And I absolutely do not own, "What Does the Fox Say?" because I hate that song with a loathing. In fact, this disclaimer sort of depresses me...what do I own? Oh yeah, my pillowcase, because I've drooled on that (and a screaming, unfortunate Freshman at the end of this chapter, which was me inserted into this story ;)
A Humble, English, Wayside Flower
The high-schoolers of Dover hated their mascot. It could never really be explained but through the comparison of perhaps a tiger and a chipmunk. Which will win? The tiger, of course, because it sounds more intimidating than a harmless chipmunk. Heck, if in the correct universe where a tiger would be existing in the same environment as a chipmunk, the tiger would eat the chipmunk.
Dover High School was great academically, their musical and drama department flourished, and the teachers were known for their support and superiority in modern styles of teaching that helped to raise all their students' grades...except that they had the most humiliating mascot ever. Dover High School was home to the Scarlet Pimpernel, which was to everyone's dismay, a flower that didn't even originate in New England, even better, it was from Great Britain!
For some reason, Principal George Regent and his staff took special pride in their embarrassing little mascot, planting the tiny red flowers in the gardens, which soon infested the tulips and roses, and choked them to death. The gardens were then a vision of red weeds and the skeletal remains of actual, real flowers.
Sports, however, held the worst time for Dover High School. Around the conference, they were known for their unusual mascot. Thankfully, the Dover sports teams did moderately well, but every player and student turned their heads away in embarrassment and flushed when they heard the cat-calls of their opponents' fans quite clearly:
"The Pimp Wimps lost again!"
or,
"Could you hook me up, Pimps?"
It was always the worst when they played against their biggest rival from across town, Liberty High School, which had a freaking awesome mascot (compared to Dover) called Chau-Chau the Fox. Liberty fans went wild when Chau-Chau, always dressed in black, sprinted with the cheerleaders down the track.
Liberty's school song was conveniently,"What Does the Fox Say?" and they always loved to rub it in everyone's faces. The fans usually joined in a dance mob on the stands whenever they scored, while their opponents tried to shake their jealousy off by saying that song was SO last year (but they secretly wanted to join in on the flash mob, just for the fun of it)
Pathetically, the Scarlet Pimpernel, with an embarrassing red hat and green stalk with happy, upturned eyes that secretly creeped out all the Freshman, received more boos and stony faces than cheers from its own crowd. Nevertheless, the current mascot of the football season of Autumn 2014 somehow never lost enthusiasm, which was secretly endearing to the athletes and cheerleaders. There was never appreciation shown to the Scarlet Pimpernel, mostly it was laughed and scorned at, causing many replacements every year.
Though, the first football game of the season, against Liberty, the Scarlet Pimpernel made a spectacle of itself. The whole crowd was shocked when their supposed wimpy mascot hoisted one of the foreign French exchange students into its arms and ran across the whole of the football stadium with her above its head. Girls failed to hide their drool and boys envied as they tried flexing their arms, but failed showing off their muscles impressively. Everyone had assumed the mascot would be a geeky Freshman whose mommy forced him or her to get a life. This was definitely not the case.
The mascot was definitely a male (and yes, most mascots had turned out to be girls), and he definitely worked out, perhaps at the Y, or another fitness center. The buildings were soon filled with teens suspecting and guessing while working out. More staff was hired to cope with the huge increase, but when the middle-schoolers took interest and became curious, the little facility could not handle the flock of adolescents. To everyone's relief, the YMCA and Fitness Plus announced their plans to expand to multiple buildings, causing workers to be hired in the construction of it.
Less and less teens went through drive-thrus. Now depressed potato chips on the shelves and chocolate ice-cream in the freezer were cozy tight at Walmart while waiting for the eventual, lonely buyer, while vegetables, fruits, protein shakes and energy drinks were constantly out. This caused someone in the community to open a small business dedicated to being fit.
Overnight, the Scarlet Pimpernel had become a local sensation! And all because he had ran Suzanne Tourney across a football field. He had inadvertently ended child obesity and rising unemployment in their community.
Everyone adored him, t-shirts with pimpernel flowers sold like crazy at school functions, and soon, a wise student took advantage of his situation and opened a merchandise stand called, "The Humble English Wayside Flower" that sold all things to do with the Scarlet Pimpernel: posters, action figures, seeds, hats, costumes (those were the most popular Halloween costume that year), bracelets, and bobble-heads. Little skits were put on each week by extreme fans from the theatre department, all a success financially. The football stands were packed and sold out every game afterwards, on both sides. Everyone wanted to catch a glimpse of this infamous Scarlet Pimpernel, all yearning to guess and theorize and suspect each other.
Chau-Chau the fox, now nearly forgotten, glowered whenever Dover's fans screamed louder than Liberty at games, and rubbed his hands cunningly when he saw his own fans cheering for their rival. He had the gall to approach each of them and personally asked each of them to leave Liberty's stands. The "traitors" were then mortifyingly walked to the track to Dover's stands, where they were greeted warmly by the Scarlet Pimpernel himself.
The next game against Liberty, the beloved, humorous mascot took advantage of the situation given him. After a brilliant half-time show by the Marching Band, which had done a formation in honor of the five-petaled flower, he, the Traitors and his theatre fans performed a skit. A thespian acted as Chau-Chau the fox, but dressed in tattered black clothes, where he picked on the real-life Traitors until the Scarlet Pimpernel showed up, in disguise in a pokemon pikachu blanket fashioned into a flowing cape. He whisked the victims away in his muscly arms to the Dover stands.
The applause was deafening as thousands raised their voices, screams pierced the air, and a little Freshman girl fainted! (Out of lack of breath of course. Reports say she had been screaming and freaking out for quite some time during the half time show and during most of the skit as well...there were other stories saying she had been knocked out by a rain of pennies coming from upperclassmen above her. Everyone went with the former)