Death, Albert and Binky are characters of Terry Pratchett, but I have no permission whatsoever of him to use them. Let it be known, therefor that I am not calling them my own nor selling them or anything of the type. I hope in this way to circumnavigate copyright infringement laws.
Author's note: Ok, I know I've criticised a dialogue between Death and a person before, and I apologise, but I'm bored so I'm thinking of doing a series of these. If you think I shouldn't, please tell me so in your Review.
Anthropomorphic Personifiwotsits
Death. Not death, that's a common-place event that happens every day of our lives (or not in some cases). No, here the subject is Death. For a more detailed explanation, let the bigger picture be revealed...
The universe is a strange place made up of reality and "the other place*". One of the strangest things about it, is how much room there is, not exactly infinite**, yet still, vast. Thus, there is plenty of space for the star-turtle Great A'Tuin to have a quiet swim without all the queuing that usually take when going to your local space-center.
Consider now as A'tuin starts once more his eyelid's long voyage known throughout turtle-dom as blinking, consider what it*** must be thinking. Watch. Look. Look at the four elephants standing on it's meteorite-pock marked shell. Look at the disk spinning on top of them with it's waterfall that goes off the edge of the rim. Look at that thin shiny substance with holes all over it doming over the disc. That substance is fabric. The fabric of reality and thanks to all the magic-polution that exists on the disc, it is very, very thin indeed. On a world where the fabric of reality is so thin that creators wonder why they made it in the first place, anything is possible. One good example is Anthropomorphic Personification: belief giving shape and form to ideas like The Tooth Fairy, The Soul Cake Duck or even Death.
So we start again.
Death. He**** happens to us all at one time or another. Death was in the shed mounting Binky, Albert was just going through the clients.
-"Only one tonight sir."
-ONE?
-"Yep, that's what I said."
-HOW, NOW WHAT IS THE WORD? AH YES, UNUSUAL.
-"Well 'sa special case, innit! 'San N.D.E!"
-N...D...E...?
-"Near Deaf experience."
-OH, HOW TIRESOME, I THOUGHT WE'D HIRED A NEAR DEATH FOR THAT.
Albert had been dreading this. He gulped and quickly said, "It's 'is day off sir. He said he come along to make sure everyfing's allright. There 'e is!" He pointed to an almost exact replica of Death himself, apart from the fact that he still had pieces of flesh clinging to his bones and one eyeball, coming riding a skeleton horse.
-"WHOOOOOA HORSE," said NDE, he had a voice like knives sharpening on a tombstone.
-YOU CALL YOUR STEED HORSE?
-"IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? WHAT'S YOURS CALLED?"
Death paused. BINKY.
-"I SEE."
Death racked his skull for conversation topics but only came up with: YOU LOOK A LOT LIKE PESTILENCE.
-"HE IS MY COUSIN."
-AH...I UNDERSTAND. YOU ARE TAKING THE DAY OFF?
-"I AM."
-BUT THERE ARE HARDLY ANY, Death tried out the long-unused phrase, NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES.
-"THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT."
-I RATHER BELIEVE IT IS EXACTLY THE POINT. WELL, LOOKS LIKE I HAVE A LONG NIGHT AHEAD OF ME, I HATE THESE OCCASIONS.
Death clicked his teeth, Binky stepped on air and disappeared.
-"NOT VERY PLEASENT, IS HE?" NDE asked noone in particular.
-"He's allright," replied Albert.
-"I WASN'T ASKING YOU, PUNY MORTAL!"
-"Now, let's 'ave none a tha', who were y'askin then?"
-"NOONE IN PARTICULAR."
-he's allright, replied noone in particular.
-NDE nodded, clicked the remnants of his toungue and was on his way.
Albert waited to make sure noone was around and pulled out his hourglass. He then showed it to noone in particular, "See that? Allright? He's a bloody saviour, stopped me sand flowin' wiv that much left, 'e did.
Noone in particular nodded, maybe I underestimated him, but let me point out that you used the same terms to describe him.
Albert left for the abode mutterin something along the lines of "Blood anthromorphic personifiwotsits, all literalists, a fry up would do me a world a good, now wouldn' i'!"
Noone in particular chuckled. He didn't leave but settled himself down in the hay.
*Also called The Dungeon Dimensions.
**Sensible people don't believe such fairy-tales any more than they believe tortoises can swim through space. Only turtles can.
***Sex-unknown
****And when spelt with a small 'd', it.
Author's Final Note: Well? Any good, please review me and tell me whether or not to write more. If yes, let me say that the next conversation takes place between Death and the person who's had an NDE. Thanks for bothering to read and review.
Author's note: Ok, I know I've criticised a dialogue between Death and a person before, and I apologise, but I'm bored so I'm thinking of doing a series of these. If you think I shouldn't, please tell me so in your Review.
Anthropomorphic Personifiwotsits
Death. Not death, that's a common-place event that happens every day of our lives (or not in some cases). No, here the subject is Death. For a more detailed explanation, let the bigger picture be revealed...
The universe is a strange place made up of reality and "the other place*". One of the strangest things about it, is how much room there is, not exactly infinite**, yet still, vast. Thus, there is plenty of space for the star-turtle Great A'Tuin to have a quiet swim without all the queuing that usually take when going to your local space-center.
Consider now as A'tuin starts once more his eyelid's long voyage known throughout turtle-dom as blinking, consider what it*** must be thinking. Watch. Look. Look at the four elephants standing on it's meteorite-pock marked shell. Look at the disk spinning on top of them with it's waterfall that goes off the edge of the rim. Look at that thin shiny substance with holes all over it doming over the disc. That substance is fabric. The fabric of reality and thanks to all the magic-polution that exists on the disc, it is very, very thin indeed. On a world where the fabric of reality is so thin that creators wonder why they made it in the first place, anything is possible. One good example is Anthropomorphic Personification: belief giving shape and form to ideas like The Tooth Fairy, The Soul Cake Duck or even Death.
So we start again.
Death. He**** happens to us all at one time or another. Death was in the shed mounting Binky, Albert was just going through the clients.
-"Only one tonight sir."
-ONE?
-"Yep, that's what I said."
-HOW, NOW WHAT IS THE WORD? AH YES, UNUSUAL.
-"Well 'sa special case, innit! 'San N.D.E!"
-N...D...E...?
-"Near Deaf experience."
-OH, HOW TIRESOME, I THOUGHT WE'D HIRED A NEAR DEATH FOR THAT.
Albert had been dreading this. He gulped and quickly said, "It's 'is day off sir. He said he come along to make sure everyfing's allright. There 'e is!" He pointed to an almost exact replica of Death himself, apart from the fact that he still had pieces of flesh clinging to his bones and one eyeball, coming riding a skeleton horse.
-"WHOOOOOA HORSE," said NDE, he had a voice like knives sharpening on a tombstone.
-YOU CALL YOUR STEED HORSE?
-"IS THERE A PROBLEM WITH THAT? WHAT'S YOURS CALLED?"
Death paused. BINKY.
-"I SEE."
Death racked his skull for conversation topics but only came up with: YOU LOOK A LOT LIKE PESTILENCE.
-"HE IS MY COUSIN."
-AH...I UNDERSTAND. YOU ARE TAKING THE DAY OFF?
-"I AM."
-BUT THERE ARE HARDLY ANY, Death tried out the long-unused phrase, NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES.
-"THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT."
-I RATHER BELIEVE IT IS EXACTLY THE POINT. WELL, LOOKS LIKE I HAVE A LONG NIGHT AHEAD OF ME, I HATE THESE OCCASIONS.
Death clicked his teeth, Binky stepped on air and disappeared.
-"NOT VERY PLEASENT, IS HE?" NDE asked noone in particular.
-"He's allright," replied Albert.
-"I WASN'T ASKING YOU, PUNY MORTAL!"
-"Now, let's 'ave none a tha', who were y'askin then?"
-"NOONE IN PARTICULAR."
-he's allright, replied noone in particular.
-NDE nodded, clicked the remnants of his toungue and was on his way.
Albert waited to make sure noone was around and pulled out his hourglass. He then showed it to noone in particular, "See that? Allright? He's a bloody saviour, stopped me sand flowin' wiv that much left, 'e did.
Noone in particular nodded, maybe I underestimated him, but let me point out that you used the same terms to describe him.
Albert left for the abode mutterin something along the lines of "Blood anthromorphic personifiwotsits, all literalists, a fry up would do me a world a good, now wouldn' i'!"
Noone in particular chuckled. He didn't leave but settled himself down in the hay.
*Also called The Dungeon Dimensions.
**Sensible people don't believe such fairy-tales any more than they believe tortoises can swim through space. Only turtles can.
***Sex-unknown
****And when spelt with a small 'd', it.
Author's Final Note: Well? Any good, please review me and tell me whether or not to write more. If yes, let me say that the next conversation takes place between Death and the person who's had an NDE. Thanks for bothering to read and review.