April 16, 2105

I have recently come across some papers documenting a conversation between two highly sophisticated house elves. Names were not mentioned and I took the liberty of naming them elf-1 and elf-2.

As my research grew, I found that the elves were not on duty at the time and were, in fact, quite old. They were sitting in the back room, sipping on mini glasses of champagne (how they got that I'll never know) while a young second year student hid in the shadow's recording everything that was said. Notes in the margins of the parchment proved my suspicion of who this student was.

Hermione Granger. It has become apparent over the last few weeks, during my research, that she had started an organization of sorts just three years after hearing this conversation. This information has led me to believe that it was this conversation that led her to form S.P.E.W. (Society for the Protection of Elfish Welfare).

The conversation went like this.

Elf-1: I dare say, this champagne is spectacularly top notch.

Elf-2: Yes, yes. Most indubitably. (A rushing noise is heard) Oh… Do you hear that? It seems the other Elves are serving dinner. Have you seen that wretched Parkinson chit?

Elf-1: Oh yes. Horrid, absolutely horrid! Anorexia is not something one would expect to find in a school such as this. The food proportions are gargantuan. I'm surprised many of the students are as thin as they are. The Weasley girl especially. With the amount of food I've heard her mother feeds her, I would think she should be about the size of a rather large dog-house by now.

Elf-2: Oh I quite agree. And the making and serving of all that food is absolutely horrid on my nails! And those tea-cozy's and pillow cases! I think I should have a heart attack should I ever see one again.

Elf-1: OhI quite agree. And might I say, that Armani suit looks absolutely smashing on you.

Elf-2: Oh thank you. And I must say, charcoal really is your color! It really brings out the color in your eyes.

Elf-1: You look different somehow. Did you get your ear hair trimmed?

Elf-2: Oh, I'm so glad you noticed. I found it was getting too long, long ear hair really isn't my style.

Elf-1: Well it looks smashing.

Elf-2:Have you heard? That house elf the Malfoy's have ahs been coming to Hogwarts. It seems the Chamber of Secret's has been opened again. That douse elf… What's his name? Dibby?

Elf-1: Dubby.

Elf-2: Right, right. Well, Dubby has been coming to Hogwarts and has been doing all sorts of horrid things to Harry Potter. Did you know he did you know Dubby made Harry Potter and one of the Weasley boy's late for school. Almost had them expelled.

Elf-1: (Makes clucking noise) Well, I should hope that Dubby creature never comes to work here! Did you know Dumbledore's repl-

The rest of the conversation has been either smudged or torn or worn away. In any case, it is impossible to read. Should you want a copy of the parchment or have any information on the time during witch this happened please contactme at:

1-800-house-elf
OR
houseelf (at) ticklemepink (dot) com

A/N-Just something I thought up. Nothing important… Oh and don't call that number! I just made it up… Please R and R :D