Chapter 1. Nevermind

I was feeling unsure of myself. Is this really what I want? I know that Edward agreed to do this, but it made him uncomfortable. I hated knowing that I'm the one causing his discomfort. Every time I caused him a negative feeling, my blood raced to the floor. And if anything went wrong, it would never escape his conscience. He would feel intensely guilty for the rest of his life…forever…whichever comes first. I was not about to allow him to have a guilty conscience over something that was my fault in the first place.

I stared out the window of the bathroom into the moonlit waters. Esme Island was more beautiful than I could've ever imagined. The way the moonlight reflected on the midnight blue water was breathtaking. The house was modern, but beach like. The golden sand felt like silk against my feet. The air was perfect; not too cold and not too hot. And I couldn't wait to get into the water.

I couldn't see Edward from here, but I knew that he was out in the water. I saw his clothes laid out on the beach. Should I dress in a bathing suit? Should I go out fully dressed? (that wasn't an option I would really consider at the moment) But what did Edward want?

Don't be a coward. I thought to myself. Though I couldn't stop my hands from shaking. I wanted to go through with this. But I'm a chicken, born and raised. Not really, but by the way I acted, it seemed like it. Dying for the ones I love, no problem. Embarrassing myself? Humiliation is not something I take well. And appearing butt-naked in front of the guy I loved, with my body, was something to be embarrassed about.

I looked at myself in the mirror. I began to wonder how someone like me could end up with somebody as perfect as Edward was. I wasn't pretty (though Edward always begged the differ), and the only thing toned on my body was my flat tummy. But I absolutely loathed my thunder-thighs and bubble-but. I always felt embarrassed in shorts or a swimsuit. Going outside wearing nothing but skin was a stretch for me.

It was time to stop stalling. I've spent at least 15 minutes in this bathroom debating whether or not I made a good decision. I've finally made my choice. And poor Edward is probably grinding his teeth with impatience by now. Just talking about the subject made him anxious. I can't imagine what he will be like when it's the actual action.

I wrapped a towel around me, and walked outside.

I walked out onto the beach and I finally got a view of Edward. He was at least waist deep into the water. His skin seemed to glow. I was instantaneously jealous. My skin looked so plain. He was so still. The water didn't even ripple. He was absolutely perfect. Everywhere.

I knew he knew I was there. I was still shaking…and I prayed that he couldn't tell. I dropped my towel onto the smooth sand, and walked into the water.

The water was like bath water. It was the perfect temperature. It was so comfortable, that I actually quit trembling. I sank into the water and let it caress my skin. It was soothing.

I swam over to Edward. I stood behind him for a moment, and wrapped my arms over his shoulders. He let out a shaky sigh. I closed my eyes and took in the moment. It felt so perfect. I stored the moment in my vault of memories to never forget. I could feel every line on my body against his. It felt like are bodies were two puzzle pieces that fit together perfectly. It was strange how life worked its ways like that. How somehow, out of every human and vampire, we chose each other. It was like fate decided we should be like this together.

He slowly turned around. I kept my arms wrapped tightly around him. I opened my eyes and stared into his beautiful face. His neck was beautifully arched. He had sharp angles on his jaw and high cheek bones of Egyptian royalty. His disarrayed bronze hair had droplets of water in it that made him look like a model. Then I stared into his butterscotch eyes. They had a glistening, starlit quality to them. And his beautiful full lips had no expression. He kept them pressed together. Not firmly, but they were relaxed. He wasn't exactly as enthusiastic as me on this topic. Boy, was he about to get the surprise of his existence.

He continued to gaze down at me and spoke the first words.

"Bella, I promised we would try," his voice was quiet, but it still seemed too loud for the moment.

"Edward," I interrupted him. He looked the tiniest bit confused. But he looked hopeful at the same time. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and hugged myself closer to him, if that was even possible, and rested my head on his chest. "You don't have to. I changed my mind." I kept my eyes tightly closed, nervous about what he would have to say. This was one of the few reasons I got married to him in the first place.

There was silence for a moment. Then he hugged me back tightly.

"Why?" He breathed.

I took a breath to steady myself. Then I whispered, "I know that this may sound strange, but I'm just not ready for that. And more importantly, this moment is too perfect to disturb with discomfort. I think that this is just enough." We stood still for a long time.

He lifted my chin for me to look up at him. I opened my eyes and gazed into his. "Are you sure?" He whispered.

"Hm," I smiled. "I'm positive," I whispered and smiled up at him. He grinned is crooked smile that would never cease to take my breath away. He pulled me up to his face so my lips would meet his. It felt so good to have his lips moving with mine. I loved the feeling of his lips shaping them against mine. A shiver of pleasure slid down my spine. One of his arms wrapped around me, his hand gently pressing me against him. His other arm wrapped firmly around my narrow shoulders. My arms held the same way.

There was so much feeling in the kiss. Passion, love, and lust coursed through us like electricity. It was wonderful. The kiss lasted a beautifully long time.

All I could feel was every line of my body against his, his hand pressed into my lower back, and the water caressing every inch of me. Without much notice, we slipped further into the water. Both of my hands moved into his hair, while one of his hands fiercely kept my face to his. My pulse was racing, my skin was flushed, but I couldn't of cared less. The moment felt so perfect, so unbelievably right, that I didn't care that we weren't going to sleep together. Being together like this was as easy as breathing…which wasn't so easy to do at the moment, but as we slipped into our first night as husband and wife, I realized that we didn't have to make that kind of physical contact with each other to be satisfied. So we just slipped further into our little piece of heaven.