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TIMES AND TALES OF ALTAIR IBN-LA'AHAD

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Disclaimer: Assassin's Creed and all of its characters are property of UbiSoft. I do not profit from it, apart from getting entertainment from doing my fanfiction and improving on my language and writing skills. Also, all events and characters are purely fictitious and any similarities to people or events in real life are purely coincidental.

Fandom: Assassin's Creed

Author: Heian Edenwood

Beta-Reader: -

Listening to: -

(Crack) Pairings: AltairxMalik, AltairxNapheem (OC), AltairxMaria

Warnings: Crack. Lots of it.

Author's Note: Just a compilation of some cracks that spawned from my discussions with ScarletCougar about her fic, Hard Secrets Between Altair and Malik. You should check it out. There's a very solid storyline going on there.

Summary: Sometimes, things are funnier without description.

What happens if Malik walks in on Napheem and Altair getting it on?

Altair: Unf unf.

*Malik walks in*

Malik: O.o

Altair: O3O

*Malik throws inkpot and storms out*

Altair: What? o.o

How does Nina die and how do you take her out of the picture?

Altair: Unf unf!

Naheem: *points* It's Nina!

Nina: o.o

Altair: o3o

Naheem: !

Nina: *nosebleed* *coronary* *dies*

...and they all lived happily every after.

Now that Malik's retrived the baby, how are they going to take care of him?

Baby: *crying*

Altair: o.o ?

Malik: Maybe he's hungry?

Baby: *crying*

Malik: ...he soiled himself?

Altair: *peeks into nappy* OAO

Malik: ...you're doing the cleaning.

Altair: But... but...

Malik: *holding inkpot* Now.

Altair: D:

Naheem: :o *Altair and baby!*

Tibah: :D *LMAO*

Junyad: :o *is fascinated*

Baby 1 ll Altair 0

Altair, Malik and a crying baby?

Altair: OAO

Altair: Stinky nappy D:

Malik: It's your baby!

Altair: Noooooooo! Tibbaaaaaahhhh!

Tibah: I thought you hated me and wanted me dead? ._.

Altair: But you glow bluez!

Tibah: OAO! You peeked at me! Bad Altair bad!

Junyad: *is still fascinated*

Naheem: But... but... you're the great master assassin! You're supposed to be able to do anything!

Malik: Except soiled nappies.

Altair: TT_TT Malik... I'll let you top me if you change the nappy for me.

Tibah: :o *yaoi fangirl*

Naheem: o.o

Junyad: Top?

Malik: ...

Malik: ...

Malik: ...

Malik: ... ... ... ... ... ...

Malik: Okay