Don't You Dare

by cityburnworld

Roxas, I have to tell you something!" he shouts./"What?" I scream, leaning over the sink./There's a pause. "I love you."/And I cut down, deep, until I can feel bone. Then deeper still. xAkurokux M for language. IAMIMPROMPTUVIVACESOTHISSTORYISMINETOO.

Axel

"Hey, dude," I say to my best friend, tapping on the window of his police car. He jumps partially out of his skin and glares at me.

Rolling down the window, he says, "I told you not to do that. Next time I'm gonna haul off and shoot you."

"You're no fun," I point out, which is partially true. Roxas can be a little uptight at times, but with good reason. Reasons he doesn't even know yet.

"Does it matter? You should know by now that scaring the police is a good way to get arrested." Yeah, he's arrested my ass before, multiple times. Once he did it because I freaked him out, just to get back at me. The other times I probably deserved, but we'll save those stories for later.

I sigh. "Whatever, dude. Are you getting off soon? I kinda need a ride home."

"Home, the apartment, or home, your jailcell? You've become quite accumstomed to both lately."

I ruffle his sandy blond hair, which he hates. "The apartment, silly. So?"

"You're a lucky bastard. I'm off in ten minutes. Get in."

I stroll around to the other side and climb into the passenger's seat. "Hm, this is different. I'm usually in the back of these things."

"Axel, the fighting has to stop. I can't keep bailing you out of things. They know we're friends, and my excuses are running short."

Okay, so I can't control my temper. What do you want from a pyromaniac? Besides, that last jerk deserved it. He made fun of my hair. "I know, I know… And I appreciate the help, but I don't think I can give up the fighting. What with the Heartless and Nobodies all gone, I have nothing to vent on."

Yeah, Namine finally found a way to give Nobodies hearts, give us beings. Roxas and I, and all of the Organization (or what's left of it), we're all human now. Of course, Roxas still wields the Keyblade, and I still have my ultimate control over fire, as it should be. Though, of late, Rox hasn't used the Blade once. He's got no need with his fancy police gun, and the lack of Heartless. Now he just takes care of regular, money-stealing, fight-starting criminals.

Like me.

"So find someone to screw, or something. Stop lighting innocent people on fire just because they comment your strangely colored, oddly spiked hair. You'll never make new friends that way, and I'm sick of constantly babysitting you."

I chuckle. "Who's the baby, Mr. Two-Years-Younger-Than-Me?"

"My point. I'm eons more mature than you, even though younger."

"You weren't back then," I mutter, and he looks at me.

"What did you say?"

I growl. "Nothing, Father. I'll behave, I promise."

"Good. Well, I guess I can go now. It's pointless to patrol here anyways. Nobody does anything here." It's true; Twilight Town has been dead lately. People keep moving away, and we have to operate our business out of Traverse Town. It really sucks to take a train to the shop everyday, but I love my parlor. I'm a tattoo artist, and I own a shop over there. It's called Axe!, the exclamation meant to replace the "l". Clever, eh? Roxas came up with it. He's pretty damn smart, he is.

"I'm sorry, Rox. I really don't mean for you to have to babysit me. I just… can't control my anger, I guess. Do you really want me to make new friends? Are you that tired of me?" I ask. I'm not too worried that he is, but he looks very depressed right now.

He puts the car back in park and groans, resting his head on the steering wheel. "Axel, you're the best friend I could ever hope for. Really, you are. But… I dunno. It feels like something is still missing in me. I thought a heart would fix it, but… it hasn't. And I don't think I can figure this out if every time I turn around, I need to bail you out of prison."

Shocker there. Namine erased all of his memories, and replaced them with more …pleasant ones. He doesn't know this, though. She said it would be all right to tell him, but I can't bring myself to do it. Lately, though, he's been remembering tiny bits of his actual past, which may result in trouble for both of us later.

"I didn't know… Sorry, dude. I'll stop fighting, I promise."

"You would."

I swear I almost stop breathing when he says that. "What do you mean?"

"You promised that a month ago. You said you would stop. But you didn't."

My heart rate starts to calm down and I let out a shaky breath. "You okay to drive, man?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he says, shaking his head a little before saying something to the dispatcher and pulling onto the street.

When we get home, I go to take a shower, and when I finish, Roxas has made dinner.

"Whoa, what's the occasion? I always cook," I comment, sitting down on the couch with my plate. We rarely ever use the dining room.

"I dunno. I got bored, and felt like cooking," he says, sounding hollow.

I sit up straight and study him as he seats himself in the recliner. He puts his plate down on the tray next to him, looks at it, then flips the leg rest up and lies down, curling into a ball and hiding his face in his arms.

"Rox, you okay, buddy?" I ask tentatively. He's never acted so down before.

"Yes," comes his muffled reply, and I know to stop bothering him.

I watch TV while I eat, occasionally glancing at Roxie, who hasn't moved an inch. I don't know what to do, so I put his dinner in the fridge and get dressed for bed.

"Hey, you gonna go to bed, Roxas?" I ask quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder. He doesn't answer, so I lift his head up from his arms and find that he's sleeping. "Well I can't leave you here, dummy. Your back will hurt for weeks." I finally decide to carry him into his bed. He's quite a bit shorter than me, though he's gaining on me quickly, and a lot lighter, so it's rather easily.

Once I've got him in my arms, he stirs a little, and I freeze. I can imagine it would be rather awkward to wake up in another man's arms. But I'm safe; he only turns toward me and snuggles against my chest. Okaayy… Mildly creepy. But I start moving again, glad when I reach his bed. I set him down carefully, with a groan of protest from him. He must be cold. I eye his clothing. "Eh, screw it. He can sleep in his uniform," I concur, and pull his covers over him. "He's lucky I'm a good friend. This house is absolutely frigid," I mutter to myself, though I wouldn't know from experience. My body temperature is always well beyond normal, and when I can even feel slightly cold, it must be freezing. It's no wonder he didn't want me to put him down.

I cross the hall to my own room and crawl into bed, pulling two comforters over myself. I can never have too much heat.

Roxas

When I wake up, I feel like ice is running through my veins, and scowl at the cold. "Why can't this goddamn apartment building have heat?!" I wonder out loud, padding into the hallway. Axel's door is still shut, which means he's probably still sleeping. Honestly, though, I don't remember going to bed last night. Or eating.

My stomach grumbles at me, and I remember not wanting dinner last night. Now, however, I want food, badly.

I wander groggily to the living room, only to smell bacon and eggs, and other yummy things.

"Axe?" I call, yawning mid-word.

"I'm in the kitchen, Rox," he says. I follow the scent and smile.

"You did all this?" I wonder.

He chuckles lightly. "No, a hobo strolled in and cooked."

"I guess that was a stupid question. But why? You're usually still asleep when I get up for work."

Setting a plate down on the dining room table (something receiving rare use), he turns to me. "About work… I called and told them you were sick."

"What?! I'm not sick!"

"Relax, dude… You need a day off. I'm not going to the shop, either. I'm worried about you, man."

I exhale sharply. "Don't be. I'm fine. I just got a little down yesterday."

"Hate to break it to you, but you were practically six feet under yesterday. Look, I know I'm usually a snarky bastard, with a comment for everything, butI can't take seeing you like this. What's wrong?"

He sits down across from me and waits for an answer. "I told you. Something is missing."

"What? What do you think is missing?"

I swallow hard and whisper, "Love."

"What was that?" he asks, leaning closer so he can hear.

"Love!" I pretty much shout at him. I immediately look down at my food nervously, waiting to be made fun of. "I think I'm missing love. I have nobody to fill my heart."

He sits back in his chair and smirks. "And here I thought you were on the edge. Buddy, this can be fixed. I know tons of girls! Just pick one!"

I fiddle with my wristbands and chew on my bottom lip. "But… that doesn't seem like it'd be a good way to find love."

"What other way is there? Love isn't just going to fall from the sky and thump you on the head," he points out, laughing.

"I guess…"

"You wanna go out tonight? Hunt down some dates?"

I sigh. I might as well. He's right; it's not as if love is going to pop out of nowhere. "Sure. Thanks, Axel. You're a great friend, even if you are a delinquent."

"It's a tad ironic, my policeman friend."

Axel and I balance each other out perfectly. I actually don't know what I'd do without him. I probably would've gone deeper long ago. He, in all of his insanity, keeps me sane.

"True, but I wouldn't have it any other way."

He grins. "It's good to see you looking happy, man. I was really afraid you were… …cutting."

"N… No. Of course not. Believe me, Axel, I would never do that, no matter how sad I am," I force out.

"Good. …Promise?"

I stay silent for a moment. "Promise."

Later that evening, I get dressed to go to the bar that Axel keeps raving about. I almost never drink, so I haven't ever been there. His track record with drinking hasn't been as fantastic.

I put on a red dress shirt and black skinny jeans, with my motorcylce boots. Axel is wearing almost the same thing, with a green dress shirt and a leather jacket, paired with dark blue jeans and boots.

"You'll love this place," he keeps saying on the train to Traverse Town. I almost believe him for a second.

When we get there, I almost turn around and leave.

And then she comes up to me.

Axel

"Roxas! Oh my gosh, long time no see!"

Shit…

"Um, Kairi," I intercept her before she hugs him. "How are you?"

"No worse than when you kidnapped me, jerk. Let me say hi to my brother-in-law," she bites, snaking around me to talk to him.

He stares blankly at her. "Um, do I know you?" he asks, massively confused.

"Of course you do! Silly, I'm Sora's wife!"

Roxas glances at me, suddenly worried. "Who's Sora?"

"Your brother," she tells him, raising a pink eyebrow. "You know, you guys are twins?"

I direct Kairi away from him again. "Kairi, he doesn't remember any of that. When Namine made us human, she replaced his memory."

"Why the hell did she do that?" she demands.

"Hello, his memories are horrifying! He wasn't supposed to exist, Kairi. How could he ever be happy knowing that?"

She looks at him over her shoulder. "He doesn't look happy now."

"Why the hell are you here anyways?" I snap. We've never gotten along.

"Um, waitress? Duh?" she tells me, pointing to the drink tray in her right hand.

"Oh. Look, I brought him here to cheer him up, and find him a girlfriend. Just leave us alone and quit freaking him out."

She smirks. "Fine, Flame-Boy. But, uh… it sounds like you care a little too much for your best bud over there, though."

"What're you talking about, bitch?"

"If I were you, I'd think about how you feel about Roxas. Like, deeply."

With that, she walks away.

I turn to Rox. "Sorry about her. She's crazy," I say, making the last part louder so she could hear. "Let's mingle."

I introduce him to a few people, then give him some space, getting us some drinks from the bar.

"Here," I say, handing him a deadly drink. "You'll need this."

"What is it?" he asks, looking scared.

The red-head he'd been talking to smiles. "It's yummy. Try it, Roxie."

I sneer at her use of my nickname for him. "I'll be back later," I mumble to him, patting his shoulder before I walk away.

"Well, that was cute," Kairi's voice slices through my first drink. "You do any thinking?"

"What do you mean?"

She sits down next to me at the bar. "I saw that look you gave her when she called him Roxie. Jealous much?"

"Are you trying to get fried? 'Cause I could roast you in two seconds, if you want," I growl, standing up.

…But then I remember my promise to Rox and sit back down. No more fighting.

"What, trying to behave? Think you'll impress dearest Roxie?"

I snarl at her. "I'm not gay, you stupid bitch!"

"Oh, too bad. You would be a cute couple."

"Who?"

She cackles. "You and Roxas, of course. I mean, he is gay. Or did you not know?"

"How do you know that?"

She points to him. "I think I can tell."

I follow her gaze and see him talking to the same red-head, but he keeps eyeing this guy sitting alone at a table. "Oh my God… How… ?" I trail off, averting my eyes from the strange sight.

"You really didn't know, did you?"

"No… I never would've guessed either."

She narrows her eyes on me. "How did it feel when he forgot you, Axel?"

"Stop it, Kairi," I say, putting my hands over my ears.

"He once laughed at the idea of you being friends."

I press harder. "Knock it off!"

"He left you alone, to die fighting for him."

"Kairi, quit!"

"Admit it, Axel. You love him."

"Aagghh!" I yell, and in one second, she's on the ground screaming.

The flames run down her arm, and I stand there in shock before Roxas runs over. "Put them out!" he pleads, grabbing my wrist. I put my hand up and the flames extinguish, but I can still only stand there, totally unfocused. His hand on my wrist drives me mad and I shove him away. "What are you doing?!" he asks, his voice a sound of ultimate distress.

The next half an hour is a total blur; a mix of "you fucking bastard!"s and "why?!"s and handcuffs and the look on Roxas' face when they take me back to jail.

Roxas

I shouldn't have gone to the bar, but I did.

I shouldn't have stared at that man, but I did.

I shouldn't have bailed him out, but I did.

I shouldn't have trusted Axel.

…But I did.

"Roxas, I'm sorry! She was pissing me off!" he calls after me, following me into the kitchen. I just bailed him out earlier today.

I slam the door in his face, then yell through it, "I trusted you, you jerk! But you decieved me yet again!"

"I didn't mean to!"

"And I didn't mean to actually believe you. I guess we can't change that."

I sneak out the back door of the kitchen and lock myself in my room. It takes him a minute to find me, but soon enough he's banging on my door.

"Roxas!"

I'm sick of hearing him apologise. I'm sick of all of this. It's all bull.

I slowly walk toward my bathroom, reaching into the medicine cabinet and taking my blade out.

"Roxas! I have to tell you something!" he shouts.

"What?!" I scream as loud as I can, leaning over the sink.

There's a pause. "I love you."

And I cut down, deep, until I can feel bone. Then deeper still.

"Roxas, did you hear me? I fucking love you!"

The other one now. I just can't handle this false world anymore.

Axel

I'm crying and scared, leaning against his door with all my weight, when I hear a thump. "…Roxas?" I question, wondering what it was. When he doesn't answer, I yank on the door knob. "Roxas?!"

I finally get frustrated and burn a hole through the door, stepping through. I don't see him at first, but his bathroom door is open. "Rox?"

When I find him on the floor bleeding, my entire heart leaps into my throat and I burst into tears, crumpling to the ground next to him. There's a blade on the ground next to him, and I can tell that the blood runs from his wrists.

I grab my cell phone and dial 911 as fast as I possibly can, sobbing into the phone that I need help immediately. Holding him in my arms, I check for life in his body, relieved to find that he's still breathing. "Roxas, you dumb fuck… You promised me… You promised!" I shout, holding him to me.

The ambulence comes quickly, and I'm shut out as numerous doctors fight to save him. Then, in the hospital, I'm bombarded with questions.

"We were fighting because of a promise I broke, and then he locked himself in his room… We were yelling at each other, but then he got really quiet. Finally I burned the door down and found him. He's never done anything like this that I know of…"

I sit in the waiting room while he gets taken care of and put my head in my hands. "Did I do this?" I ask myself. I hope to hell it isn't true…

"Axel, dear, he's not concious, but you can see him," Namine says, putting her hand on my back. She's a doctor here now.

"Why, Namine? Why would he do this?"

She wipes a tear out of her eye. "You would know better than I would."

I follow her to his room and she leaves us alone. I sit by his side, desperately wanting to take his hand, but afraid to touch his bandages and hurt him. Instead, I trace his jawline with my fingers, studying his peaceful face.

"You can't leave me here, Buddy. I need you. …I love you."

But an epiphany hits me, and I realise that it doesn't matter if I love him. He's not happy here, and I can't be selfish about it. I love him too dearly to force him to stay. …But if he's not here, I can't be either.

Roxas

I wake up in the hospital, feeling groggy and in pain.

"Axel?" is the first thing I say, looking around the gross white room for my friend. I may have been dreaming, but I can swear he said he loved me.

I'm alone, but the door creaks open and a blonde doctor walks in. "Hey, Roxas. How're you doing?"

"Well, I'm not where I wanted to be."

"Axel left this for you," she says, handing me a letter. She helps me open it (apparently I almost lost my right hand), and leaves me alone to read.

Roxas-

I'm sorry that I pushed you to this. Had I known… Things would be much different. I honestly hope that you end up where you desire, and that I'll see you there. I have something to take care of, myself. Let's hope nobody ruins my wishes, as I have ruined yours. I do love you, Roxas. Don't forget that.

-Axel

"What is he talking about?" I ask myself, then it hits me.

"Namine!" I shout, hoping I remembered her name from her nametag.

She runs in. "What is it?"

"I need to use the phone."

She hands me the phone, and I tell her what number to dial. When she's done, she goes.

The phone rings for eons before he answers. "Hello?"

"Axel!" I cry, tears streaming down my face. "Where are you?"

I can hear cars in the background. "You don't need to know, Roxas."

Something is really wrong. I can sense it. "Axel, listen to me. I want to be here. I want to be alive. I wasn't thinking."

"You were thinking, though. And so am I."

I can hear him moving to flip his phone shut. "Don't you dare!" I scream. "Don't you dare hang up!"

"Why?"

"Because I love you, you idiot!" I shout, sobbing heavily. I know the doctors are going to come in any second and tell me that I shouldn't be yelling. I can feel myself getting dizzy.

"What?"

"I love you, Axel! Got it memorized?!"

In that one phrase, my entire memory floods back to me and I drop the phone.

Axel

"Got it memorized?" he says, and I step away from the bridge, staring at my phone.

"Roxas? How did you… ?"

Suddenly the line disconnects and I feel like somebody has stabbed me. I run as fast as I possibly can to the hospital, only to find absolute chaos.

He's having a violent seizure, screaming, crying, and it's taking all the staff on call to hold him down. It looks like his skeleton is trying to tear itself from his skin. Somebody notices me standing there, and tries to get me to leave.

"Please, sir, you can't be here!" he shouts, barely heard over the commotion. I ignore him and run to the side of the bed, only to be yanked back by the strong male doctor. I shove him off and grab Roxas' hand. When the retarded doctor tries to pull me out the door, I flame him, and he calls for security.

Now, ontop of everything, there's a fight. I only want to see Roxie, but they don't understand.

"Sir, you need to leave!" a huge-ass security guard says, his partner mocking him almost exactly. When I continue to resist, they grab my arms and drag me out of the room kicking and screaming.

"ROXAS!" I shout, sobbing. "ROXAS!"

They lock me out of the waiting room, and I pace the hallways, occasionally banging on the thick metal door, too thick to melt. "ROXAS!" I cry through the door, hoping somebody will take pity on me and let me in. "ROXAS! I LOVE YOU!"

I can hear him screaming, and the sound nearly tears the heart out of my chest. I can't bear to listen to him go through so much pain. I finally collapse outside the door, weakly pounding on it in defeat.

"Rox…"

I don't know exactly how long the seizure lasts, but they finally open the door, and I fall at Namine's feet.

"Axel, you can come in now," she whispers, looking like she's in shock.

He looks so peaceful, just lying there on his bed.

"Roxas?"

"…Axel?"

I fling myself at him, crying all over again. He appears weak. …So weak. He can barely form words.

"Yes, Roxas, I'm here now. Everything's okay. I'm here."

"Don't… ….you dare… …ever leave me… …again."

I put a finger to his lips. "Shh, honey. I won't."

He doesn't listen. "…I remember everything…. I remember… the organization…. I remember Sora…. I …remember… …leaving you behind when I left them…. Axel, I'm sorry…."

After my little stunt to save Sora, everybody thought for sure I was dead, but Namine saved my life. Don't ask me how Roxas and Namine found a way to coexist either, because I honestly couldn't tell you. Roxas and I stayed with the Organization for a little while longer, but they were quickly falling apart without their leader. People started leaving. Roxas was third to go. I was eighth. Yes, he had left me there, alone. When I finally met up with him again, he told me that Namine had called him, and that she finmally found a way to give us hearts.

When we went to see her, I went first, but before she saw Roxas, I asked her to do something. "Replace his memories, Namine. Let him live happy, please." She had complied. She replaced them with a memories of our childhood together, which we never had, and of fighting heartless alongside me. He was never quite the same after that, and I regret telling her to do that every day.

"No, Roxas. I'm sorry. I made a huge decision for you, where it wasn't my place at all to decide."

"You tried to help me. Thank you," he says.

I can't help but smile. "I love you, Roxas."

"And I love you, Axel."

I also can't help but lean down and kiss him. The second our lips meet, I know that this, right now, this is good. This is right. This is true.

He starts to chuckle through the kiss.

"What're you laughing at?" I ask him, grinning.

"You would."