Finding the Light

We travel through our lives everyday hoping that we can find people that we can bond with and fight the one demon that always appears to be pursuing us no matter how fast or far we run: loneliness. Everyone is plagued by this demon that is always able to crawl its way into our thoughts and twist our minds into thinking and, in most cases, believing that we will be lonely until the day we die. It's a war that causes us to second guess ourselves, our decisions and our own value to this world and everyone in it, we fight so hard and, in the end, we give-up the fight and give-in to our fears. We accept that we will be alone no matter how hard we fight we give-in to our supposed fate and let the darkness that is loneliness consume us believing we are fated to be stuck there forever without hope. The darkness reigns over us without hesitation and always manages to win driving us further into darkness of loneliness and it seems that all is lost, but in our travels, we can come across a faint light that ignites into a bright flame that drives the darkness away and changes how we feel. This where we enter the town of Royal Woods, Michigan where the darkness has sunken its fangs into yet another victim who has done everything but give-up the fight, though it appears the darkness is close to winning. Jason Wayne, a thirteen-year-old resident of Royal Woods, has been fighting what appears to be a losing battle for years now and has almost reached his breaking point. He puts on a smile for everyone around him, but it's only a façade to keep everyone from worrying and stop the constant bombardment of questions about his well-being. For him, as it would appear, there isn't any light to help scare the darkness away, but he will soon find out that light will shine over his personal darkness and destroy the loneliness he feels.

A new day had just begun and, already, it felt like it had been dragging on forever with no end it sight, or it did to Jason at least.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!

"Why do I even bother keeping that stupid thing plugged in? It's not like I sleep any way." Jason said as he reached over to turn off his alarm clock.

Most kids Jason's age needs around eight to nine hours of sleep a night to function at full capacity and be ready to face the day head on, Jason managed to get around three hours each night, four if he was lucky. Despite his lack of sleep, he still was able to pay attention in all of his classes and maintain a relatively high GPA, he'd been functioning this way for so long it felt normal to him.

"And thus, begins another unexpectedly long day. Is it too soon to ask if it's over yet?" Jason asked to himself out loud.

Jason began to remove his covers and hung his feet over his bed to make the long walk over to his closet to get changed and ready for school. This always felt like a chore, just like everything else he did. He made his way to his closet and chose his outfit for the day: a pair of old jeans, a black t-shirt, an old hoodie that's seen better days, a solid black flat bill hat, and some old sneakers that are long overdue for a cleaning. Jason really couldn't care if he looked good or not, to be honest he probably couldn't tell you the last time he cared about how he looked or himself in general. He took one last look in the mirror before leaving his room to get the rest of the day over with.

"Let's just get this shit over with, the sooner I get to school the sooner I can come home and spend all weekend in bed where I belong." Jason said as he turned away from the mirror and opened his bedroom door to begin his walk to school.

It's true that today was Friday and the weekend was only one school day away from starting and, normally, kids would try to spend it doing something that was fun, like going to the mall or hanging out with their friends, but not Jason. Jason, for as long as he could remember, preferred to be alone and away from his family and friends for as long as he could, not because he didn't like spending time with him, but because he believed they didn't enjoy spending time with him. Now, Jason wasn't worried that his friends and family liked him, they told him that they loved him almost of a daily basis, but for the past seven years he's felt like a burden to any and everyone that he met. He believed that he was nothing but a problem his friends and family were stuck with until his time was up; something that he would wish for every day, so he could save the people he loved from having to be with him. Maybe one day his wish would come true.

Jason's next destination was the bathroom, so he could brush his teeth and use the bathroom before he left for school, he may not have cared how he looked but that didn't mean others had to suffer from his bad breath. When he opened the door to the bathroom his first destination was the toilet where he relieved himself and then to the sink to wash his hands and brush his teeth. When he made it to the sink he turned the water on and began washing his hands, after he was done he left the water running and grabbed his tooth brush, so he could begin cleaning his teeth. After he was done brushing his teeth he looked up and made eye contact with himself in the mirror, he paused everything he was doing because he didn't see himself, like a normal person would, he was a disease that plagued everyone he loved. He kept staring at himself, continuing to think of how much pain he's caused everyone and how much he hates himself for it. The only thing that snapped him out of his thoughts were the stinging sensation that he felt in the corners of his eyes, he quickly put his hands to eyes to wipe away his tears before going to school.

"No, not now. When I get home, I can cry all I want, but I can't give anyone an excuse to pry. I've done enough damage as it is, I don't need people wasting their time on a waste of life." Jason thought as he wiped away his fresh tears before they could fall.

After wiping his eyes to the point where they were both red, Jason left the bathroom and made his way to the kitchen to grab something to eat on his way to school. He didn't eat much, in fact he stopped eating lunch at school altogether, but he couldn't stand the feeling of hunger in the morning. As he made his way down stairs he could smell bacon being cooked, he'd be lying if he said he didn't feel hungrier when the aroma hit his nose. When he reached the bottom of the stairs he turned to his left and entered the kitchen, he looked over to the table that sat in the corner and noticed a full spread of food ready to be devoured. He was shocked. The table consisted of bacon, eggs, toast and even pancakes, everything looked amazing and Jason had to admit that his mouth was watering, but he couldn't sit down for a big breakfast. It would only make the day drag on longer than it needed to, and that was something he desperately wanted to avoid. Jason still found himself locked in a trance only to be snapped out of it from a voice that came from behind him.

"See anything you like?" a feminine voice asked.

"Huh? Oh, it's you. Hey Cassidy." Jason said as he turned around to greet his other housemate.

When he turned around he saw a tall, thin woman in her late early thirties who had brown hair and green eyes. She had a smile on her face when she entered the kitchen and saw Jason entranced by all the food she had made for them this morning, it was a lot of hard work, but he meant the world to her and she would always go out of her way for him.

"Jason it's been five years, you can call me mom." Cassidy said as she walked up and gave Jason a hug.

Jason was reluctant at first and wished he could just refuse it, but he returned the gesture under much duress and with little effort on his part; hugs weren't really his thing, almost anyone having any physical contact with him wasn't his thing. It was true though: for the past five years Cassidy had been raising Jason as his foster mother, but Jason still didn't view her as his actual mother. He always referred to her by her first name in their home and out in public and never mentioned having a mother to his friends, she was just Cassidy and she started to think Jason would never come to view her as his mother.

"I know I can, but it just… doesn't feel right to. I'm sorry." Jason said as he pulled back from his surprise, and unwanted, hug and glancing down at his feet.

"It's okay, go ahead and sit down I could hear your stomach from upstairs." Cassidy sighed as she looked at Jason with a bit of sadness in her tone.

"Actually, I was hoping to just grab a quick bite and head to school." Jason responded, but not without noting the change in Cassidy's demeanor to his earlier response.

"You sure? You've got some time before school starts and I made a lot of your favorites." Cassidy pleaded.

"Yeah, I just want to head to school and get the day over with as quick as possible."

"You okay Jay? Anything bothering you?" Cassidy asked with much concern.

Well, he should've expected that: the nickname she had always called him when she suspected something was wrong or when she was worried about him, he hated it when she did that because it only made him feel worse knowing that he was making her feel worse. He had to recover quickly, or he would end up having a long conversation that wouldn't end until he told her everything that was wrong or bothering him, and that would take more time than either of them had left.

"Yeah, I'm good. I just want to get to school and ask my teacher about some homework I had trouble with last night." Jason lied nervously hoping Cassidy wouldn't notice.

She thought about it for a second and thought it was weird that Jason struggled with his homework, he's normally good in every subject. She didn't want to push him and said, "Okay, but just be careful on your way to school."

"I will Cassie." Jason said as he grabbed a piece of toast and headed out the front door to begin his trek to school.

Cassidy walked into the front room and looked out the window and began watching Jason walk to school, but she couldn't stop herself from worrying about him, "I hate it when he calls me that. He only ever does it when he wants me to leave him alone or when he tries to fake me out. I just wish he'd talk to me and tell me what's bothering him, but if I push too much I might never get him to talk. I wish I knew what to do."

Jason was now left with his own thoughts, that and the piece of toast he grabbed before leaving his house and couldn't help but think about what happened this morning at home with Cassidy.

"I know she means well and she wants to help, but if I tell her how I've been feeling it's only going to scare her and drive her away for good. Nobody wants something that's broken and they sure as hell don't want something that's shattered beyond repair." Jason thought as he munched away at his breakfast.

Jason continued his walk, he lived close to the local middle school, with the hopes that maybe this would be the one day where no one noticed him and just let him be, "Hey Jase! Wait up!" Sadly, that would not be happening today.

"Well, shit." Is all Jason could say as he stopped in his tracks to see who it was calling for him. When he turned, his expression changed to one of delight as he saw that the mystery person was his friend, his best friend, Lynn Loud: Royal Woods local all-star and member of one of the biggest families in town.

He wasn't all that interested in seeing people today, but this was one person he was always glad to see, "Hey Lynn. What's up?" Jason asked.

"Nothing much, just thought I'd catch up with the best sports buddy in Royal Woods." Lynn said as she playfully punched Jason in the arm.

"It's good to see you too Lynn, even if it does mean getting a few bruises." Jason said as he rubbed his now slightly aching arm.

Lynn was right, Jason was the best sports buddy she could've asked for: he never said no, he would practice any and every sport she wanted to brush up on and he wasn't afraid of taking a few bumps here and there. Lynn was one of the first friends Jason ever made when he moved to Royal Woods and began living with Cassidy, he was shy and kept to himself when he started elementary school, but she approached him one day at recess when she saw him wearing a basketball shirt and sitting alone not doing anything and asked him to play basketball with her. Jason turned down the offer at first, but Lynn was persistent and unwilling to give up on a chance to play one of her favorite games with someone. She decided that if Jason was just going to sit there then so would she. She sat down next to him and began asking him questions about who he was, if he liked sports and who his favorite teams were. Jason was annoyed at first, but as time went on he saw that she wanted to get to know him and maybe be his friend so, he decided to put in a little effort and took her up on her offer to play basketball. Now here they are, seven years later, best friends and sports buddies.

"So, you want to come over after school and shoot some hoops?" Lynn asked.

"I don't know Lynn, I kind of wanted to take it easy today." Jason said as they both began walking to school.

"Come on Jase, it'll be fun." Lynn pleaded.

"Maybe another time, I'm just not feeling it today."

"Pretty please?" Lynn asked with her hands clasped together and big puppy dog eyes.

Jason normally had no problem telling people he didn't want to do something and being firm about it, but with Lynn he had a soft spot for her and found it hard to say no so, he gave in, "Okay Lynn I'll come over, you know it's hard for me to say no to you right?" Jason asked.

"And that's why you're the best buddy anyone could have." Lynn said with a smile.

"Yeah, I'm just amazing, aren't I?" Jason asked sarcastically.

"Alright don't get a big head one me now. Hey, I meant to ask, did you sleep well last night? You look exhausted."

"Same as usual: enough to keep me going."

"Have you told Cassidy?"

"Nah, it'll be fine. I've gone my entire life on no sleep"

"That's not good Jase you need sleep, and I saw that you were eating a piece of toast. Is that all you had for breakfast?"

Almost everyone hadn't even noticed that Jason wasn't really eating, just how he liked it, but there were two people who had managed to notice: Cassidy and Lynn. Cassidy never really pushed the subject, but Lynn on the other hand wasn't having it, Lynn viewed eating and sleeping as the corner stone of a well-functioning day. Jason hated lying to Cassidy, but he couldn't even bring himself to lie to Lynn so, he came clean.

"Well, yeah, but I wasn't very hungry this morning." Jason defended.

"That's still no excuse, here take this." Lynn said as she reached into her bag and pulled out an apple.

"Lynn you don't have to, really I'm not hun-." Jason couldn't even finish his statement before Lynn shoved the apple into his hand not taking no for answer.

"You need to eat, don't think I haven't noticed you not eating during lunch. I'm going to make sure you at least eat breakfast." Lynn persisted.

Jason looked down at the apple and then back up to Lynn, "You're very persistent Lynda. Alright I'll eat this." Jason said as he called Lynn by the nickname he gave her years ago, just like the one he gave Cassidy.

"Good, and look we made it to school. Now you eat that, and I'll see you in class." Lynn said as she left Jason and walked into the building.

When Jason saw that the coast was clear he chucked the apple into the nearest trash can, "I know she's just looking out for me and I appreciate everything she does, but when you don't deserve something you shouldn't take advantage of it." Jason thought as he made his way into the building.

As Lynn was walking to her class she couldn't help but think about what Jason had said to her, "I hate it when he calls me that. He only ever does it when he thinks he's fooled me, I know something's wrong and I wish he'd just tell me, I'm his best friend for fucks sake. Whatever is bothering him I'm going to find out and nothing's going to stop me." Lynn thought with determination.

After tossing away the impromptu breakfast given to him by his friend, Jason decided to make his way to his locker and grab what he needed for the day, hopefully that would be the only time someone decided to lend a hand today. As Jason was making his way through the halls he couldn't help but to look around at all his fellow classmates, but this only made him regret getting out of bed even more. Jason always tried to keep his head down when it came to being surrounded around large groups of people; seeing so many people laughing, hugging and having what seemed to be a great time only made envious of what he felt he didn't deserve or couldn't have. He truly believed he wasn't meant to have any happiness in his life.

When Jason had finally made his way to his locker he opened it, grabbed his books and made his way towards his first period class with the hopes just making it through the day without any complications. Jason had finally made it to his classroom, he moved towards his desk next to his best friend, Lynn, and sat down while putting his down on his desk, "Hey, you okay there?" a voice asked.

"Huh?" Jason asked as he looked up to see that the mystery speaker was none other than his best friend.

"Are you okay?" Lynn asked again.

"Oh, yeah, I'm good." Jason answered avoiding eye contact with Lynn.

"You sure? You still don't look very good. We can go down to the office and call Cass-." Lynn tried to say before she was cut off.

"NO!" Jason responded, a little more aggressive than he meant to. "Sorry, I mean no we don't need to I'm okay."

"Promise?"

"Promise." Jason said with a forced smile.

"Okay, just pay attention during class. I already hate taking notes for myself, I don't want to have to take them for you too." Lynn said.

"You won't have to." Jason said as he opened his notebook.

RING! RING! RING!

The bell run signaling for class to start which was meant with many audible groans, including Lynn, but Jason didn't seem to care like usual. When the teacher finally walked in and began speaking Jason could already tell this day was going to be long, "I should've stayed in bed, but then again I'd just rather not wake up." Jason thought.

Here is the second story I've written and I'd like to say that I didn't think that my first story would actually get viewed and thank you to everyone that read it and liked it. Now switching focus to my new story I hope everyone likes the first chapter, please leave your reviews and if you enjoy it enough give it a fav or a follow. I hope everyone enjoys and will follow the journey that Jason goes on with the Loud House crew.