Well, this is a fic I wrote a while back in response to a challenge from the illustrious Ray by Another Name. Not my usual subject matter, but I like it. Oh, by the way: Rin (Trinity) and Sim (Samantha) are OCs Ray and I came up with. Charlotte is another random OC, because everyone needs a friend that appreciates Scandinavian death metal.
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. I do own my OCs, and hopefully the concept of butterbeer pong.
Of course, her day didn't start out covered in lace and horror. That came right after breakfast.
Rin and Charlotte were refereeing a rather intense game of butterbeer pong in the common room, a surprisingly frequent activity among their fellow Ravenclaws. At the same time Charlotte was complaining about her boyfriend, an activity Rin would have immediately eschewed had it not been for the fact Charlotte's boyfriend's main flaw was, apparently, that he simply did not like Scandinavian death metal enough. This, Trinity decided, was an acceptable complaint.
"And then he had the nerve to tell me that maybe I should borrow his classical recordings! That bloody fool couldn't appreciate good music if it beat him over the head with a broom, kicked him in the balls and butt raped him!" the deceptively sweet looking strawberry-blonde cried, eliciting looks of horror and awe from the guys playing butterbeer pong.
"Terrible taste," Rin replied, nodding. She'd only met Charlotte a few weeks ago, but she found her ability to offend absolutely everyone and anyone in the vicinity to be positively refreshing.
Moments later, Rose Weasley entered the common room, murmuring hellos before heading up to the girls' dormitory. She hadn't been up there two minutes before she came back down again, looking thoroughly disturbed.
"Trinity…may I please speak to you for a moment?" Rose said, her voice oddly neutral. Rin and Charlotte exchanged confused looks before Rin joined Rose in the corner by the stairs.
"What's up?"
"Trinity…has Samantha been having any, um, mental difficulties lately? Stress, death in the family, hallucinogenic substances, anything?" Rin blinked a few times, and then sighed.
"Rose, Sim IS a mental difficulty. What did she do now?" Rose glanced up at the door to the dorm briefly, and her eyelid twitched ever so slightly. "That bad, huh?" Rin asked sympathetically.
"I don't want to bother you or anything…but I'd really like you to figure out why the bloody hell your best friend has turned our dorm into some sort of frilly nightmare." Before Rin could reply, Rose shuddered and left the common room, obviously eager to get the hell away from whatever horror Sim had created.
Rin sighed again and gave Charlotte a little wave before starting up the stairs to the dorm. "Sim, why is Rose—what the fuck?"
Inside, the dorm had been turned into what Rose had aptly described as a "frilly nightmare". Everything inside was pastel, pink, satin, silk, lacy, frilly, or some sort of horrible combination of the above. Each bed had been meticulously decorated, and, to her horror, Rin saw her bed seemed to have received special attention. The once simple sleeping area was now swathed in a silky amaranth pink duvet and covered in red and carnation-colored pillows edged in black lace. Surrounding it was a curtain of carmine pink, complete with more black lace and small cream-colored rosettes. Rin was filled with a sudden urge to set it ablaze.
Sitting on the opposite bed (this one covered in more pastel hues), Sim was happily bobbing her head along to "I Kissed A Girl" and adding more lace to a pillow. "Why, hello Rinny! How delightful for you to join me! Please, do have a seat." Her high-pitched, musical voice gave it away immediately. Rin rubbed her temples, feeling a headache soon a 'coming.
"Samantha," Rin said patiently, referring to Sim's alternate personality that had obviously taken over, "would mind too terribly if I asked you what the fuck you did to our dorm?"
"Oh Rinny, do watch your language! It's just so unladylike!" Rin twitched. "Well, I just LOVE the video for this "I Kissed a Girl", so I'm making our dorm look just like the video! I even made us all some of those delightful little fans Katy Perry had," Samantha giggled, delicately tossing Rin a small and elaborate fan. Rin noticed, bitterly, that the one she received matched the pattern of her bed exactly.
Rin decided to try the patient approach. "Samantha, you can't just randomly sew a bunch of pillows and redecorate the entire dorm every time you see a music video you like." Samantha nodded vigorously.
"Oh, of course not! That would be silly," she replied, much to Rin's confusion. Samantha was never this easy to convince—blonde she may have been, but she had the stubbornness of a thousand mules.
"I didn't only redecorate—I'm also designing us all outfits like the ones in the video!" Aghast, Rin watched as Sim showed her sketch after sketch of skimpy and vaguely disturbing clothing, culminating in what appeared to be a small doll version of Scorpius Malfoy wearing nothing but a corset and fishnets.
I can never unsee the horrors I have witnessed today, Rin thought woefully. But she quickly pushed those thoughts away; there was work to be done.
Striding over to Samantha's bed, Rin gave one last small shudder at the sight of the Scorpius doll before whacking Samantha as hard as she could across the head with her fan.
"Ow! What the hell was that…?" Sim trailed off as she took in what the other side of her personality had done, her blue eyes going wide with horror. "Did Samantha do this?"
"Yup," Rin replied, playing with her fan. "You know, if I could stick some poisoned needles on this thing it wouldn't be half bad," she mused. Meanwhile, Sim was having something of a mental breakdown.
"This…this is an atrocity! Rin," she pleaded, grabbing her friend's arm, "we have to fix this! It's horrible!"
"Ha, you're on your own there buddy," Rin said, gently removing Sim's hand from her arm. "I've got to find arsenic and some duct tape. Oh, and I should probably tell Rose that she can come back without being mentally scarred for life again…"
"Rose saw this?" Sim asked, horrified. This was even worse than that time with the goldfish!
"Well, to be honest I'm not sure exactly what she saw, but that Scorpius doll would definitely explain her expression…" she replied, shrugging. "And if you were wondering, no, this is not worse than the goldfish thing." Sim visibly shuddered as she rummaged for her wand.
Rin left Sim to decide on how best to dispose of approximately 10 metric tons of pastel-colored silk, lace, and fluff, and whether she should keep the Scorpius doll or use it for some worthy purpose.
The next day, Scorpius Malfoy woke up to the image of himself in a ribbon-embellished corset. As he later burned the thing, he couldn't help but briefly think that he looked damn good in fishnets.
What do you think?