She's curled up around my shirt like her life depended on it, and I can't take my eyes off of her as my mind races.
I can still feel her lips in mine. That kiss wasn't just a kiss, it was so much more than that. It was like wildfire burning through our veins. Something beautiful, wonderful, full of love, passion, desire. We couldn't get enough of each other. The way she was clinging to me.. I could feel every inch of her body against me. I could feel her heart racing with mine. Her green eyes were wide and wild when I kissed her, and as soon as our lips touched, the world disappeared. Clary wrapped up in my arms, her lips against mine, her body pressed into me..
If she was really my sister, shouldn't that have felt wrong? That shouldn't feel right, and it shouldn't have felt as good as it did. It shouldn't make me want more, it shouldn't make me fall more deeply in love..
And it definatly shouldn't have made me want to rip her clothes off right then and there.
If she was my sister, I should want to protect her from boys like me. From boys who want to do the things to her that I want so badly to do. I should tell her the real reason her and Simon aren't working out-and it's not just the fact that she's also in love with me. He should be in my position. He should be her brother. I should be her boyfriend-but even that word feels too small for what we could be.
If she was my sister, I shouldn't be having these thoughts. If she was my sister, I love her as such and not look at her and fall in love with her even more. I shouldn't want to kiss her like I do and I shouldn't want to rip her clothes off.
I should want to protect her from the bad boys like me.
But I don't want to protect her from bad boys like me. I don't want to protect her from me. I want her to be with me.
If she was my sister, that kiss would've felt horribly wrong.
But it didn't. It felt amazingly right.
Clary can't be my sister. And that's not be being in denial. That's me stating a fact. It doesn't make sense.
There has to be a way to prove it.
Because if Clary was really my sister, I don't know how I would be able to live like this any longer.