Hello fellow writers and readers. I'm Dragoon Tidus and you might all know me as the author of such stories as Love Among Shinobi and Our Story. Today's story will be very different and will have one goal in mind. To make you laugh. Without further to do, I present you with:
Things You Should Know About Konoha
Don't tell Sasuke that Chicken Little wants his ass back.
Don't ask Kakashi to perform Lightning Blade while standing on a power line
Don't tell Tenten that Neji cut his hair
Do not put carnivorous plants around the Aburame household
Don't call the dog catcher on Akamaru
Don't try and give Kiba a flea bath
Don't tell Sakura to rent her forehead out as a billboard advertising space
Don't give Gai a cape and cowl
Don't ask Orochimaru to do the moonwalk
Do not sprinkle salt on Tsunade's slug
Do not ask Gamakichi or Gamatastu to run across a busy intersection
Do not give Enma barrels to throw
Hip Hop Harry is never to be summoned again
I will not try to deepfry Tonton
Jiraiya's alter-ego is not Master Roshi
Ebisu is not Jiraiya's secret pervy apprentice
I will not burn trees and blame it on Sasuke
I will not compare the Lightning Blade to a certain yellow mouse
I will not throw water balloons at Gaara
I will not replace Karasu's poison bombs with stink bombs
I will not paint Choji red and ask him to run around yelling "Oh Yeah!"
I will not ask Kisame to eat Sharkfin Soup
I will not summon Gamakichi to rid my home of flies
I will not pluck Lee's eyebrows and give them to Gaara
I will not call Gaara a momma's boy
I will not ask Tenten for swordchucks
I will not tape a "Kick Me" sign to Neji's blindspot
Never call anyone in the Hyuga Clan Mr. or Mrs. H
Do not give Gai a cape
Do not give Lee a Flash costume
Do not dump water on Konan
Do not ask Kurenai if she drinks Asuma's blood
It is unwise to ask Anko to tie you up.
Do not call Tsunade the Wicked Witch of Konoha
Similarly, do not call Shizune or Sakura Dorothy
Do not ask Shizune for acupuncture
Do not yell Clone Dogpile around Kiba
Do not read Jiraiya's books, lest you lose your innocence
Do not spoil said books' ending to Kakashi Hatake
Do not call the Third Hokage a dirty old man
Do not use Rasengan to stir food
Do not use Chidori to jumpstart a machine
Never try and ask Shino what's under his glasses
Similarly, never ask Kakashi what is under his mask
Do not hang flypaper or bug zappers around the Aburame Manor
Do not use Fire Style Jutsu in place of fireworks.
For my sake and yours, do not ever call Tsunade an old woman
Kakashi cannot summon Snoopy, so stop asking
Similarly, Kakashi cannot summon Scooby or Scrappy Doo.
Jiraiya cannot summon a being known as Frogger
Orochimaru is not to be referred to as Michael Jackson, even if he does like little boys
Similarly, do not call Tsunade Big Momma
Kisame Hoshigaki is not to be called a failed movie experiment
It is unwise to yell "fire in the hole" when Deidara is present
Just because Naruto Uzumaki has done most of these things doesn't mean you should too.