If you looked around the Smosh Games Headquarters during a Game Bang, everything would seem okay. Matt Sohinki would be schooling everyone, no matter what game it was. Mari Takahashi would probably be in last place, but smiling. David Moss, aka Lasercorn, would be pulling out his raptor claws at any given moment. Joshua Ovenshire, or Joven, or Jovenshire, if you were one of his close friends, would be making an inappropriate comment about whatever it was they were discussing. Ian Hecox would be making 'Iancorn' jokes, and Anthony Padilla would be chatting aimlessly about Nintendo games, even if they weren't playing them.
Today was no different. They had played WWE '13 again, this time as divas. The teams had been Marhinki, Lasershire, and Ianthony. This combination just happened to be a lot of peoples' favorite and many were pleased.
However, appearances can be very deceiving and as Ian walked up the front steps to his house, he thought about how fucked up everything was now.
He slumped onto his sofa, face down, biting his lip and sighing.
Being that close to Anthony today, Ian thought to himself, it just about killed me. I don't know how much more of this I can take.
With that, his phone buzzed and he rolled his eyes. When he pulled it out of his jeans pocket, he saw that it was Melanie calling. That was probably the one and only thing that could make him smile on such a horrible day. Strangely enough, that one thing was a call from his ex-girlfriend.
"Hello?" he answered.
"Hey Ian," she said, "what's the matter?"
Ian just about chuckled at Melanie's ability to read him so very well. "Oh nothing," he replied, "we just shot a game bang, is all."
"You saw Anthony, I presume?" She said, and Ian cursed her for knowing exactly what was wrong.
Ian smiled sadly. "Yeah. And David."
"Well, who'd you team up with?" she prodded.
"Anthony," he replied.
As if she didn't know the answer, Ian thought to himself, I wouldn't be so broken up if it were David.
"Figured," she replied, "were you in the punishment?"
"No," he answered, sitting up, "David and Josh were."
"But you're not upset about that," Melanie stated, "you're not upset at all that your ex-boyfriend had to do something provocative with someone else, right?"
Ian chuckled. Honestly, it kind of felt like Melanie had been there with him, living through minute after agonizing minute he had to spend with Anthony.
Melanie continued. "You're upset that the boy you actually love and can't be with was so close, right?"
Ian nodded, knowing full well that she couldn't see him. "You know me too well, I'm afraid, Mel."
He could picture her grinning on the other side of the phone.. "Dating someone for seven years can do that," she said.
Ian grimaced. "Yeah, I-"
"Don't worry about it, Ian," Melanie said quickly, "that's not what I called to talk about."
"What'd you call to talk about, then?" Ian asked, furrowing his brow.
Melanie hesitated. "I just...What if someone suddenly decided that they weren't bisexual?"
Ian thought he knew exactly what she was talking about. "So, you're just straight now?"
Melanie laughed. "No, it's not that."
Ian raised his eyebrows. "You...Well, who's the girl?"
"Why do you automatically assume it's just one girl?" she asked, puzzled.
"Because," Ian said, "you're not one to change your mind so quickly. So, who is she? Do I know her?"
Melanie sighed. "Yeah."
"I guess the real question here is, 'will I approve?' Ian asked with a chuckle.
Melanie paused; Ian waited.
"I honestly don't know," she finally said.
"Well...," Ian trailed off, "is she a nice person?"
Melanie let out a breath. "She was at one point. I don't really know what happened. She...she changed, I guess."
Ian sighed. "Is it Kalel?"
Melanie chuckled, a very sad chuckle that broke Ian's heart. "Yeah, that'd be her. But she's with Anthony, so...," she trailed off.
Ian shook his head. "Kalel's with Anthony, so you can't have her. Anthony's with Kalel, so I can't have him. What a fucking world."
"Yeah," Melanie replied, "but you also had David. And you can have any guy you want..," she trailed off, realizing what she was saying.
"Except Anthony," Ian said sadly.
"Oh my God, Ian, I'm so sorry, I-"
Ian interrupted her. "Don't worry about it. Just finish what you were saying, Melanie."
"Well, I was gonna say that I...that I have nobody," she finished, wistfully. "Don't say that!" Ian exclaimed, "you're a beautiful, sweet girl. And you'll find someone who loves you!"
Melanie chuckled. "Thanks, Ian. But the problem is, I'm never gonna want anyone else. So...," she trailed off.
Ian swallowed. "I...I understand."
It was silent on both ends as both of them chewed on the harsh reality that had just sank in for the two of them.
"I think...," Ian stammered, "I think you should talk to Kalel."
His ex-girlfriend almost laughed. "Yeah, that's a great idea, Ian."
"Seriously Mel," he retorted, "don't be like me and regret the way you feel. Maybe she'll return your feelings."
She snorted. "Probably not."
"Maybe," Ian replied, "but you're not exactly friends right now. If she doesn't like you, no harm, no foul. If she does, you'll seriously thank me later."
Melanie sighed. "I...I guess I'll think about it, Ian. Thanks for listening."
He smiled. "You know I'm always here. I may have been a shitty boyfriend, but you're my best friend in the entire world."
She giggled. "Not Anthony?"
His smile disappeared. "Well, no. Not since the thing with Kalel."
Melanie was silent for a few moments. "Oh, I see. Well, you're my best friend, too. If that makes it any better."
Ian chucked. "It does. More than you could ever know. I'll talk to you later."
"Bye," she said.
"Bye," Ian replied, shutting off his phone.
At that moment, Ian needed a cigarette badly. He ambled off to his bedroom where a full pack of Marlboro was waiting for him in an old jacket.
Ian had long since convinced himself to stop smoking, but he kept a pack on hand, just in case something - namely Anthony - happened. It was really the only thing that kept him sane, besides Jack Daniels, but Ian wasn't too keen on being disoriented, no matter how numbing the alcohol really was why he rushed to light it up. He took a drag and blew out, sighing at the sweet relief.
Suddenly, there was a knock at his door. He rolled his eyes, but walked to his living room, cigarette in hand. He was surprised to see Kalel standing there.
He frowned, opening the door. "K-Kalel?"
She nodded, letting herself in, staring at the cigarette in his hand. "Where did you get that?"
"My bedroom," Ian replied, "but what are you-"
She took off toward his bedroom before he could ask what she was doing at his house. Ian lived alone now, ever since Anthony had moved out to live with her, and it wasn't like Anthony would be visiting right now.
She returned to the living room, hastily puffing on one of his smokes.
Ian shook his head. "Would you kindly tell me why the hell you're in my house, smoking my cigarettes?"
She gave him a look. "I needed one and you're the only person I know who smo-"
"I don't smoke," Ian protested, but stopped when he looked down to see that he was. "Well, not normally."
Kalel chuckled. "I heard your conversation with Melanie," she pointed out.
He frowned. "What?"
She nodded. "I went to knock, but I heard you on the phone. On speaker phone, actually."
Ian frowned at the girl in front of him. "So you were eavesdropping? What the fuck gives you a right in hell to-"
She interjected with, "Before we talk about intruding, may we discuss who kissed who's fiancé?"
Ian shrugged. "Guess not."
She flopped down on the sofa. lying down and bringing her knees up to her chest.
"What's wrong?" Ian asked, sitting next to her.
But the real question was what the hell was wrong with him? He despised this girl. She'd stolen the boy he loved more than anyone else in the world from him years ago and she was also the object of his best friend's despair.
So why did he care how she felt?
Kalel sniffed. "I don't wanna fucking marry Anthony."
Ian's heart just about stopped. "W-what?"
Kalel snorted. "Don't act upset. You've been wanting to get into Anthony's pants since the day you met him. Which is why I came to you. You're the singular person that wouldn't get pissed at me for feeling that way...well, besides Melanie, apparently."
Ian sighed. "You can't say anything to Mel-"
Kalel shook her head. "I'm not. I just...I was surprised to hear that. I thought she hated me."
Ian shrugged. "Honestly? She should. She really should."
She rolled her eyes. "Not everyone hates me as much as you do, Ian. I don't really like you, either, but I try my best to hide it."
Ian decided to shut up. "Okay, sorry. But why don't you want to marry Anthony?"
Kalel sighed, taking another long drag. "He's a nice boy. He's cute, talented, and he makes me laugh. But I just...I don't love him. I don't feel anything when he kisses me. Or touches me. Like, we don't even have sex, anymore."
Ian raised an eyebrow. "Is there someone else?"
"On which side?" Kalel asked.
"Either," Ian replied, looking her straight in the eye.
She chuckled. "Yeah...For me, at least." Then she sat up, scooting closer to Ian. "You know, life is fucked up. Our world is fucked up. Everything is just fucked up."
"I know," Ian replied, nodding.
"Like, why is it such a big issue if you wanna be with guys or if Melanie wants to be with girls, or if I wanna be with girls...," she trailed off.
Ian expected Kalel to correct herself or to at least look shocked at what she had just revealed to him. But to his utter surprise, she did not. She merely kept smoking her cigarette.
"So...," Ian asked.
Kalel snickered. "Yep, Ian. I'm a lesbian. Aren't you happy?"
"It doesn't really affect me, to be honest," Ian replied, "I mean, I feel bad for Anthony, but it's your life, not anyone else's. I can't tell you how to feel. And if you like girls, so be it."
"Really?" Kalel asked, "'cause I figured you'd be thrilled. You love Anthony so much."
For once, her voice wasn't mocking. She was being totally serious.
Ian sighed. "He made it quite clear a long time ago that he has absolutely no interest in me, Kalel. You know that."
She shrugged. "I guess so. But that's my point. Anthony loves me, at least, I think he does, and I don't love him. You love him so much and he doesn't love you back. And...," she took a deep breath, "I love Melanie, but she probably doesn't want a thing to do with me."
Needless to say, that nearly knocked the air out of the blue-eyed boy.
"I wouldn't say that," Ian replied, shocked at what Kalel was saying. "Melanie, she really loves you. Like, I can just tell. Believe me, I know her better than anyone else."
Kalel snorted. "Yeah, but after that huge argument we had a couple years ago...I don't think she even wants to speak to me."
Ian had heard about that argument a million times. Something small had turned into something huge and the two girls hadn't spoken since.
"She loves you Kalel," he whispered, "she doesn't want anyone else. And if you'd just give her a chance...You'd be so happy."
A small smile played on her face.
"But you gotta make a decision," Ian continued, "either marry Anthony or go be with Melanie. You can't have both."
Kalel nodded, biting her lip. "I know what I have to do. And Anthony's gonna need you, so be there, okay?"
Ian frowned. "But we're not-"
Kalel shook her head. "You're not talking, I know. But...he misses you. You were, after all, his best friend for years and years, Ian. That doesn't just go away."
Ian sighed, running a hand through his hair.
Kalel finished her cigarette. "Thanks, Ian. For everything. I guess you're not so bad, after all." She walked to the door.
Ian followed. "I guess you're not, either."
Ian watched Kalel, leave praying that she'd made the right decision.
Haiiiiii! Um...A new Smosh fic? With all of my favorite pairings? :D Yes, indeedy! Now, this will be around three chapters long, with each chapter being about a pairing. Obviously, this one focused on Kalelanie, with a touch of Kalanthony, Melian, and Iancorn (just a hint), the next will be Lasershire, with Marhinki as a secondary (I haven't decided how important Marhinki will be) and mentions of Iancorn. But Ianthony will be last! And because everyone else will have had their chapters and resolutions, I think it'll just be Ianthony. We shall see. Trust me, it'll all make sense in the end, as everything wraps up in a neat little package.
Thanks for reading, everybody! Chapter 2 should be up soon!
-Kalina :)