My dearest Lily,
I saw you in my dream last night. I could smell your strawberry scented shampoo. The image of your auburn hair and bright, green eyes was so vivid, so real.
You walked closer to me. You had a smile on your red lips and you were looking at me with an expression full of love and desire. You seemed to have a glow about you.
"Lily…" I heard myself say. Your smile grew wider as you came closer, and closer.
You touched your hand to my face and wiped away tears I didn't even realize were there. In that moment, it was just you and me.
All I could think was how badly I wanted to touch your lips to my own. How I wanted to hold you and never let you go. I wanted to run my fingers through your soft, red curls. I never wanted to stop staring into your lovely emerald green eyes that look me to another world.
I cupped your face in my hand, loving the feel of your soft porcelain skin. I came closer to you until I could feel your breath on my face. Your eyes closed shut and you whispered my name. I felt a chill go down my spine. You stroked my back and brought me even closer. I held my breath thinking; finally I get to kiss you. But then I blinked. And you disappeared.
"Severus?" You said my name again. I looked around but you were nowhere to be seen.
"Lily!" I yelled. But you never called back to me. You were gone. And there I was again, all alone, in a pool of darkness and misery.
I woke up crying. I felt empty, as if there was a hole in my heart. A void only you could fill. As I remembered the events of last night, I felt even worse.
My throat ached and my hands shook as I thought of your fragile, limp body just lying there. You were dead. You were gone forever. You went before I could make things right between us.
I blame myself for your death. You're gone, I can't bring you back, it hurts and it's all my fault.
I lost you a long time ago when I called you that name. It was a moment of adolescent foolishness. I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted you to let me go. But because of what I said, you drifted away from me. Because of what I said, you ended up with that arrogant prat. And I watched as you laughed with him. It hurt so much to see you with him every day. It felt as if I was losing you all over again.
Every single day of my life, I regret what I did. If I could go back in the past and change that day, I would. Believe me, Lily, I would. I would do anything for you.
Forever yours, Severus.