The boy back in earth had left him with such vivid dreams, nightmares, and the voices in this dream of all the death he was responsible for. Commander Shepard knew he couldn't fall apart as he splashed cold water onto his face trying to wake and up and stay awake he couldn't go back to sleep, back to that boy he couldn't save, the boy who was just other person to add to list of people that the great Commander Shepard hadn't been able to save. Just like back on Elysium, or on the first Normandy, or Kaiden.
Commander Shepard looked as himself in the mirror as he said Kaiden name, and punched a wall? And thought to himself Kaiden what would you say to me if you only knew the reason why I choose to save Ash and not you. Would you be mad at me The Commander attention turned to the Asaria walking into his cabin?
Liara who looked straight into his eyes and asked if this was a bad time. Commander Shepard just said no I was just thinking about old friends that aren't around anymore. Liara respond that due to war not you. Shepard just responded Kaiden was because of me, because I couldn't, wouldn't lose Ash and yet I did lose her on horizon and I lost her on Mars because I couldn't keep her safe I couldn't protect them. John Shepard had just admitted the one thing that he had denied to everyone that he had saved Ash because he loved her not because she was the better choice. Liara looked at him and respond a couple months ago you were fighting for the future of Miranda Lawson and now you want to say that you still love Ash.
John responded I know Liara, but I need Kaiden to know that it was never my attention to leave him behind I was coming back for him, I need him to know that his sacrifice was not in vain. None of their sacrifices were in vain. Liara walked up to the Commander and put her hand on his back you know Kaiden would never blame you. Shepard let out a sigh and said I know and that is what makes it worse. How much more is this war going to take from me from you from everyone it already took my life once? As a solider once accepts death even plays with it but I cant stand to lose another person that I care for. And every time I close my eyes Liara I am reminded of the loses of the people who were under my command and trusted me to keep them safe and I failed them. Liara,, Commander I will say it again it do to the repears not you.
Shepard looked at Liara and smiled at her thank you Liara for being here for me. Thank you for being the one person right now that I don't have to be strong for, but am sure you come up here to tell something important not to play shrink. Liara I did Commander but even heroes need someone sometimes…. I will always be here for you….. The Salarain counselor would like a would with you over the intercom.
A/N please review and let me know what you think can improve if I dont get cristrim. Also I do not own mass effect