This is a story about Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy. This is a story
that will hopefully leave you guessing until the end. A story about
everlasting love. A story about moving on. And a story about forgetting.
The Road to Remembrance Chapter One: Can I ask you a question?
I was sitting in my usual spot, the cushioned chair out on the balcony of our 5th floor apartment. I could hear sirens in the distance, saw people walking carelessly down 18th street, saw lightning strike across the river. This was my mundane existence. I heard keys jingling outside the door and looked away as my husband Eric walked into the apartment. I pretended I hadn't seen him come in.
He walked quietly out onto the balcony and placed a hand on my shoulder. I shivered at his touch. He kissed the top of my head but I still didn't acknowledge him. I didn't deserve him; he was too kind, too forgiving.
"Hey baby, you want some dinner? I brought home a chicken from the market." I shook my head no, and with a sigh he went back inside, closing the sliding glass door behind him. I looked out at the bleak sky and wondered why he stayed with me.
I met Eric when I was 24 years old. He was handsome, with curly brown hair and eyes that could make a woman melt. However, I didn't even notice him until he asked me out one Thursday morning, right after a staff meeting. Both fresh out of law school, we worked in a firm in New York City, helping the poor, taking hopeless cases, trying to fight the ever symbolic 'man'.
I was hesitant at first. I didn't know him and he most certainly didn't know me. He knew nothing about my past, about my education, about my friends, my world. I agreed to coffee and although we hit it off well, I declined a second date. He was persistent, however, and he asked me out several more times. I finally gave in after talking to Ginny one day.
"You need to move on, Hermione. We all need to move on." She told me. Although my mind agreed, my heart was screaming 'NO!'. Eric and I went out for eleven months before he proposed, and when he asked me that crucial question I said yes.
I couldn't believe what I had done. I still wasn't over everything that had happened, I couldn't be with him. But now... I felt obligated. I liked Eric, really I did, but he could never compare. He could never compare to my one true love...
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-FLASHBACK-
The music was overwhelmingly loud in the crowded hall; I grimaced as she downed yet another drink. This was my last year at Hogwarts, and had to make it count. No way was I going to waste all my time doing what I had done every other year. I had worked so hard for nothing. I wanted to have fun this year.
Every year I buried myself in work, I didn't really have any friends. I had worked so hard to get one thing and it had all been a big joke all along. I wanted to be Head Girl, and I wanted to be part of the Magical Alliance for Students. It was basically the elite of the wizarding community. But since I didn't have enough extracurricular activities I wasn't accepted into the group. I found out that morning that my application had been denied.
With emotions running rampant and thoughts swirling in my head I felt dizzy. I just wanted to forget. So now I was drinking shots of firewhiskey and a few other drinks at the start of the year party down in the Ravenclaw common room. Everyone was surprised to see me there, but i didn't care; they better get used to it.
"Well if it isn't mudblood Granger. Aren't we out a bit late?" A cold voice said from behind me. I laughed and turned slowly around, eyeing the speaker.
"Don't antagonize me Malfoy. What the hell do you want?" Malfoy's eyebrows rose, surprised to hear foul language out of such a perceived pure mouth.
"What's gotten into you Granger? Given up on innocence, or did someone just slip a little something into your butterbeer?"
"You are just so funny. Forgive me if I don't laugh. Now, I have better things to do, like hmm say talking to a brick wall, or maybe cursing myself to do a tap dance. Actually that could be quite amusing, but that's not the point." I started rambling.
"What is the point Granger?" He asked, I could tell he was becoming annoyed and regretting that he had ever come up to talk to me in the first place. I laughed and bent over a little, spilling the contents of my cup onto his expensive robes.
"Oops, sorry." I repressed my giggles and turned my face to avoid looking at his reddening face.
"You bitch, these are made of silk! How dare you! No wonder you didn't get into Magical Alliance, they wouldn't want such a klutz in their organization." I stared at him, contemplating what he had just said. He had struck below the belt. I shook my head, going quickly from laughing to crying, silent tears welling up in my eyes.
"I suppose you got in, by the means of your fathers money I assume." He nodded.
"It matters not the means, all that matters now is that I'm in, and you, perfect little know-it-all, are not. How does it feel to be beaten?"
"Pretty shitty to tell you the truth. Which is why I am going to get another drink. Hopefully I won't remember this foul encounter in the morning. Now if you will excuse me..." I turned to walk away. I could feel his eyes bore into the back of my head, he had to know what had caused me, this 'good girl', to go bad.
"I think if you want something to help you forget, you should come with me. You won't find any here." He whispered. I gave him a questioning look, but followed him, against my best judgment. "Don't let anyone see you're following me until we're out of here."
We ascended the stairs and exited the tower, walking leisurely down the hall. I wavered a bit with each step; my balance was beginning to be effected by the alcohol. I broke the silence with a hiccup, and Malfoy's laughter followed.
"I've never been drunk before." I said matter-of-factly, catching up with him.
"Really, I never would have guessed." He said sarcastically. What a git.
"Are you drunk right now, Malllllfoy?" He shook his head, and I continued. "Why not? You should try it sometime. Cause like, right now, I don't think I've ever been this upset in my life, but it doesn't matter. That's a great feeling, you know?"
"Oh yea, I know." He said lightly, ignoring me for the most part. I really was stone drunk, I bet my speech was barely coherent. Malfoy noticed I was walking closer to him, and then all the sudden I was whispering in his ear.
"Can I ask you a question?" He nodded, pushing me away slightly. "I was just thinking, I've never spent any time outside of class with you. And you are a lot more... nicer... now. You're such a meanie sometimes." I was silent. He waited, and nodded.
"There was no question."
"So? Why does there have to be a question?" I asked, confused. It's amazing what alcohol can do to you.
"You said you wanted to ask me a question."
"No I didn't." He laughed again, only the second time I had ever heard genuine laughter out of him.
"I assure you, you did. But it doesn't matter. We're almost to my dorm, so be quiet OK? We'll talk when we get inside." I nodded. He walked up to a statue and said the password quietly. The statue moved and allowed us passage. I could feel the warmth of a fire when we stepped inside, and I followed silently behind him.
"You're Head Boy too? Jeez. You've got it all."
"Oh please. Even you've got more going for yourself than I do. Sit down; I'll get that drink for you." He walked up some stairs and I heard a door open. I followed him, I wanted to see the bedroom since I wasn't going to be staying in one. At the top of the stairs I pushed open the door and stepped inside.
"Do you mind if look in here?" I called. He stepped out of his closet, and shrugged before going back to his search.
"It's like a palace." I commented as I ran my hand over the silken green comforter.
"Hermione, come here for a second. I need help." I walked over to the closet and saw him trying to pull open a floorboard. He handed me a box filled to the brim with different potions of sort. "Hold that for a second will you?"
He finally got the floorboard up and placed much of the contents of the box underneath it. He also grabbed a few books from behind his trunk and stuffed them in as well. Replacing the board he got up and took the box from me.
"Had to get my stash in order." I nodded, looking at him strangely.
"Why are you doing this?" He bit his lip and then sighed.
"I didn't mean what I said earlier. And then I felt bad; you looked so sad." I shook my head.
"You don't have to pity me. I'm a big girl."
"I know." We stood in silence for a moment before Draco sat the box down and pulled me after him downstairs.
"What was that all about?"
"That's my bedroom... and it has my bed in it." I nodded, looking at him as if he were a child. "No, OK what I meant was... Once I give you that potion, you won't remember anything. And I would be way too tempted to do something if opportunity arose."
"Thank you then. But I don't know if I really want to take it. I have to remember otherwise I'll never get over it." He nodded. "Is that the only reason you brought me here? Because you felt sorry for me?"
"No." I'm sure I looked surprised. "I thought that even though we aren't friends now that we could be. I really need a friend. And in your drunken state I figured you would just do whatever I asked, and so far I've been right." We smiled.
"That was unexpected. But in a good way I guess."
"So you'll consider it?"
"Consider it done."
**********************************
"Hermione, sweetie, you should come inside. It's starting to rain." Eric yelled from the kitchen. He was cutting up the chicken and putting it onto a plate. I nodded and strode quickly and quietly from the balcony, out of the living room/kitchen, and into our bedroom. I didn't look at him as I walked away. I couldn't bear to see that disappointed look he gets whenever I'm thinking of Draco.
Of course I've never told him what I'm thinking about at these times. I think he knows though, it wouldn't be that hard to figure out. I didn't tell him about Draco for a long time. He was sympathetic of course, and he knew that he was part of my past. I finally told him about Hogwarts as well, and while that was harder to comprehend, he accepted it, and even found enjoyment in me using magic sometimes.
He once asked me why I left London, why I lived in New York now. I wasn't sure how to explain that one. I cut the story short, telling him that I had to escape my past life after Draco, and that there were too many memories in London. This was true, but there was more. There is always more to the story...
**********************************
-FLASHBACK- "Mia, can I ask you a question?" I glared at him across the library table.
"Still making fun of me for that? Well har har, very funny. And you know I hate it when you call me Mia." I said. Ever since my drunken night two weeks ago Draco always asked if he could 'ask me a question' just to irk me.
"No really, I want to ask you something." I mouthed 'oh' and nodded. "Well, I was thinking we could go to Hogsmeade together next weekend. It would be fun."
"Sure, sounds fun. I'll tell Harry and Ron-"
"Don't tell them you're going with me."
"Why Draco?" I asked. I wasn't very good at lying to my friends.
"Because they hate me. And I don't want them following us around the whole time. You know they will too, just to make sure I'm not causing you any bodily harm or some crap." I sighed, resigned to the situation at hand.
"I have to tell them sometime. We can't keep this a secret forever. I mean, we're just friends, it's not like I'm dating you or anything." My face went pink.
"Oh, no, of course not. Because that would be weird." He replied hastily. We both nodded. I was so embarrassed, feeling disbelief that something so stupid had come out of my mouth.
"So, Hogsmeade on Saturday morning?" I said, changing the subject. He nodded and I looked back down at my assignment on the table, trying ever so hard to conceal the smile that tugged at my lips.
**********************************
"Mia, please open the door!" Eric called from the hall. Doesn't he know I hate when he calls me that? He knocked softly on the door. I stuffed the letters and newspaper clippings back in the box I kept them in, stuffing it hastily in our closet. I opened the door and gave Eric a half smile. He cocked his head to the side and reached out to stroke my cheek. 'Just like Draco used to do' I thought.
"You wanna talk about it?" He asked cautiously. I shook my head, but leaned against his chest to make him feel needed. He kissed the top of my forehead and stroked my hair. Why did he love me? I guess it's because I gave in so easily to whatever he wanted, I was so malleable. He could be complacent with me; it wouldn't be hard to convince everyone I loved him. But my heart already belonged to another.
"I'm sorry Eric. I wasn't trying to keep you out. My mind is just kind of scattered today." He nodded, though probably not convinced in my explanation.
"It's fine. I'm just here to make things better." He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me. I let him. I even put my arms around his neck for dramatic effect, to make him really believe I loved him. Maybe that's a reason I picked New York, because I'm such a great actress. I should really market my skills... Pulling away I squeezed his hand.
"Thank you baby. I needed that." He shook his head as if to say 'don't worry about it' and then walked back into the kitchen. Free at last...
**********************************
-FLASHBACK-
Draco and I walked down the streets of Hogsmeade in peaceful silence, occasionally pausing to look in the windows of shops. I hadn't told Ron and Harry who I was going with, just that I was going with a friend from another house. At least I wasn't lying. I was simply omitting a big portion of the truth. I noticed that Draco kept looking over at me, and I wondered what he was thinking.
"Draco, can I ask you a question?" He smiled broadly, thinking I was joking. "Oh my gosh, will I never live that down!?"
"No, unfortunately you will not. But do ask your question." I rolled my eyes exaggeratedly before speaking.
"I was just wondering what you were thinking. Before the whole question nonsense, obviously." He blushed, a rare occurrence, and tried to change the subject.
"Oh, look! A sale in the quidditch shop!" I kept him from walking away by grabbing his hand, and when our eyes met it was like electricity.
"I was thinking about you." I smiled, embarrassed.
"What about me Draco?" I stepped a little closer to him.
"About how wonderfully... nosy you are." He said, only inches from my face. I groaned and pulled away from him after that comment. "No, Hermione, just kidding!"
"That was not nice. You totally ruined the moment there."
"The moment? What moment?" He asked, obviously trying to make me more embarrassed than I already was.
"Urgh! Never mind, you stupid oaf." I said angrily before continuing walking. He caught up in a second and pulled me to a halt once again.
"I was thinking about how beautiful you are." I tried to keep the smile from coming, but it was an unstoppable force.
"I guess that changes things a bit." I leaned in, pretending I was going to kiss him. But I stopped just short of his face and whispered "But you're still a stupid oaf."
"Talk about ruining the moment." He said as we continued to walk down the streets, this time, hands intertwined and with a lighter step. I'll never forget the way his eyes glimmered that day.
**********************************
I lay still in bed, hoping that Eric will go to sleep. But alas, his cold fingers found their way to my stomach and his lips touched my shoulders. I opened my eyes in defeat and rolled over to face him. He moved closer until finally he was on top of me. I didn't protest, I didn't want to offend him.
He fumbled clumsily with my shirt and his, and finally he was ready. I was never ready, but I let it occur anyway. My strategy was always the same.
Pretend it's Draco. Think of Draco.
As Eric and I began to rock back and forth I let my mind wander to Draco. He could always pull me through...
**********************************
-FLASHBACK-
We were laughing hysterically as we stumbled into his bedroom. We had just escaped Filch. He found us making out in a broom closet and we ran. I don't know if he knew who we were, it was dark and his eyes weren't so good anymore. Hopefully he wouldn't be able to identify us. But the subject was abruptly changed when Draco moved to continue what we had been doing in the closet.
He kissed me with such skill and precision that I had to admire him for it. He was so incredible. No one knew we were dating, we figured it was for the best. I was steadily falling in love with him, and I knew the same was true with him.
As our kiss deepened, we moved over to the bed. We laughed through the kisses as we tried to maneuver ourselves to the bed without breaking the kiss. It was simply impossible. I broke away and ran the rest of the way, hopping on the mattress. Draco didn't follow however. I gave him a questioning look, but he just grinned maniacally at me.
He slowly began to remove his clothes, one piece at a time. I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. Finally he was in just his skivvies and he sauntered over to me, beckoning me to meet him halfway. I rose and took three paces before we were in very close proximity to each other. He caressed my face and kissed me softly. Then, like a true gentleman, he took my clothes off for me.
It wasn't long before we lay together on his bed, breathing heavily into each other. He was gentle with me. He asked my permission before he did anything. He was so good to me. In the end, I gripped tightly to him, holding back a deep moan. And then I was lying still underneath him, trying to commit every moment of this incredible night to memory. He trailed butterfly kisses down my cheekbone and then rolled over so he was next to me.
"Wow." I said.
"Yeah. Definitely wow." He said. I snuggled closer to him, nestling my head into his shoulder. He was glistening with sweat, and in the dim light looked like an angel.
"I think I love you." I said finally. He didn't respond for a while and then when the room was eerily quiet again he broke the silence.
"Good. Because I think I love you too."
"Then can I ask you a question?" I knew he would laugh at that, and I was right.
"Sure, ask away my drunken princess."
"Can we do this again tomorrow night?" We laughed together, and he kissed the top of my forehead, and we were happy.
**********************************
Eric grunted, and finally it was over. He tried to cradle me but I kissed his cheek and rolled over, feigning exhaustion. He sighed quietly, and I knew he must feel flawed in some way. I wish I loved him as much as he loved me. He deserved better than me. I figured he probably wouldn't be around forever.
After a while I could hear his steady breathing, he was finally asleep. 'Goodnight Eric' I thought. I got in the shower and washed the sweat off of me, I couldn't sleep like that. When I was fully clean, I crept back in the room only to be greeted by a despondent voice.
"Why do you always do that Hermione?" I sighed. I pulled on my robe.
"I'm so sorry Eric." I answered before leaving the room in a hurry.
I sat out on the balcony, tears streaming down my face.
"I guess its luck but it's the same hard luck you've been trying to tame. Maybe its love but its like you said, 'love is like a role that we play'. But I believe in you so much I could die for the words that you say. But I believe in you so much I could die from the words that you say." I started to sing the words of the song that had become my anthem since that day. That horrible day.
"But you're chasing the ghost of a good thing haunting yourself as a real thing. It's getting away from you again, while you're chasing ghosts." I heard Eric come out of the sliding glass door but I kept singing, singing words that I knew would hurt him.
"Just bend the pieces till they fit. Like they were made for it, but they weren't meant for this."
"Hermione, everything's going to be OK. You'll see baby, we can work through this."
I shook my head vigorously, he had no idea. This wasn't a problem to be worked through.
"Hermione, I'm so sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt you, please just talk to me. I want to help fix this." I laughed.
"Oh, God, you think you hurt me. I don't deserve you."
"What do you mean? Of course you do. You deserve so much more. You deserve everything." He said, putting a hand on my shoulder. For once I pushed him away.
"Eric, I'm not in love with you. I've always had Draco in the back of my mind. And you just... aren't him." He nodded gravely, and went inside the apartment thinking about what I just told him. I never wanted to hurt him.
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(A/N) There is more to come. Please review and tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, etc. Thank you for reading!! Reviews are appreciated. Expect Chapter 2 very soon. *Drowning in Misery or DiM*
The Road to Remembrance Chapter One: Can I ask you a question?
I was sitting in my usual spot, the cushioned chair out on the balcony of our 5th floor apartment. I could hear sirens in the distance, saw people walking carelessly down 18th street, saw lightning strike across the river. This was my mundane existence. I heard keys jingling outside the door and looked away as my husband Eric walked into the apartment. I pretended I hadn't seen him come in.
He walked quietly out onto the balcony and placed a hand on my shoulder. I shivered at his touch. He kissed the top of my head but I still didn't acknowledge him. I didn't deserve him; he was too kind, too forgiving.
"Hey baby, you want some dinner? I brought home a chicken from the market." I shook my head no, and with a sigh he went back inside, closing the sliding glass door behind him. I looked out at the bleak sky and wondered why he stayed with me.
I met Eric when I was 24 years old. He was handsome, with curly brown hair and eyes that could make a woman melt. However, I didn't even notice him until he asked me out one Thursday morning, right after a staff meeting. Both fresh out of law school, we worked in a firm in New York City, helping the poor, taking hopeless cases, trying to fight the ever symbolic 'man'.
I was hesitant at first. I didn't know him and he most certainly didn't know me. He knew nothing about my past, about my education, about my friends, my world. I agreed to coffee and although we hit it off well, I declined a second date. He was persistent, however, and he asked me out several more times. I finally gave in after talking to Ginny one day.
"You need to move on, Hermione. We all need to move on." She told me. Although my mind agreed, my heart was screaming 'NO!'. Eric and I went out for eleven months before he proposed, and when he asked me that crucial question I said yes.
I couldn't believe what I had done. I still wasn't over everything that had happened, I couldn't be with him. But now... I felt obligated. I liked Eric, really I did, but he could never compare. He could never compare to my one true love...
**********************************
-FLASHBACK-
The music was overwhelmingly loud in the crowded hall; I grimaced as she downed yet another drink. This was my last year at Hogwarts, and had to make it count. No way was I going to waste all my time doing what I had done every other year. I had worked so hard for nothing. I wanted to have fun this year.
Every year I buried myself in work, I didn't really have any friends. I had worked so hard to get one thing and it had all been a big joke all along. I wanted to be Head Girl, and I wanted to be part of the Magical Alliance for Students. It was basically the elite of the wizarding community. But since I didn't have enough extracurricular activities I wasn't accepted into the group. I found out that morning that my application had been denied.
With emotions running rampant and thoughts swirling in my head I felt dizzy. I just wanted to forget. So now I was drinking shots of firewhiskey and a few other drinks at the start of the year party down in the Ravenclaw common room. Everyone was surprised to see me there, but i didn't care; they better get used to it.
"Well if it isn't mudblood Granger. Aren't we out a bit late?" A cold voice said from behind me. I laughed and turned slowly around, eyeing the speaker.
"Don't antagonize me Malfoy. What the hell do you want?" Malfoy's eyebrows rose, surprised to hear foul language out of such a perceived pure mouth.
"What's gotten into you Granger? Given up on innocence, or did someone just slip a little something into your butterbeer?"
"You are just so funny. Forgive me if I don't laugh. Now, I have better things to do, like hmm say talking to a brick wall, or maybe cursing myself to do a tap dance. Actually that could be quite amusing, but that's not the point." I started rambling.
"What is the point Granger?" He asked, I could tell he was becoming annoyed and regretting that he had ever come up to talk to me in the first place. I laughed and bent over a little, spilling the contents of my cup onto his expensive robes.
"Oops, sorry." I repressed my giggles and turned my face to avoid looking at his reddening face.
"You bitch, these are made of silk! How dare you! No wonder you didn't get into Magical Alliance, they wouldn't want such a klutz in their organization." I stared at him, contemplating what he had just said. He had struck below the belt. I shook my head, going quickly from laughing to crying, silent tears welling up in my eyes.
"I suppose you got in, by the means of your fathers money I assume." He nodded.
"It matters not the means, all that matters now is that I'm in, and you, perfect little know-it-all, are not. How does it feel to be beaten?"
"Pretty shitty to tell you the truth. Which is why I am going to get another drink. Hopefully I won't remember this foul encounter in the morning. Now if you will excuse me..." I turned to walk away. I could feel his eyes bore into the back of my head, he had to know what had caused me, this 'good girl', to go bad.
"I think if you want something to help you forget, you should come with me. You won't find any here." He whispered. I gave him a questioning look, but followed him, against my best judgment. "Don't let anyone see you're following me until we're out of here."
We ascended the stairs and exited the tower, walking leisurely down the hall. I wavered a bit with each step; my balance was beginning to be effected by the alcohol. I broke the silence with a hiccup, and Malfoy's laughter followed.
"I've never been drunk before." I said matter-of-factly, catching up with him.
"Really, I never would have guessed." He said sarcastically. What a git.
"Are you drunk right now, Malllllfoy?" He shook his head, and I continued. "Why not? You should try it sometime. Cause like, right now, I don't think I've ever been this upset in my life, but it doesn't matter. That's a great feeling, you know?"
"Oh yea, I know." He said lightly, ignoring me for the most part. I really was stone drunk, I bet my speech was barely coherent. Malfoy noticed I was walking closer to him, and then all the sudden I was whispering in his ear.
"Can I ask you a question?" He nodded, pushing me away slightly. "I was just thinking, I've never spent any time outside of class with you. And you are a lot more... nicer... now. You're such a meanie sometimes." I was silent. He waited, and nodded.
"There was no question."
"So? Why does there have to be a question?" I asked, confused. It's amazing what alcohol can do to you.
"You said you wanted to ask me a question."
"No I didn't." He laughed again, only the second time I had ever heard genuine laughter out of him.
"I assure you, you did. But it doesn't matter. We're almost to my dorm, so be quiet OK? We'll talk when we get inside." I nodded. He walked up to a statue and said the password quietly. The statue moved and allowed us passage. I could feel the warmth of a fire when we stepped inside, and I followed silently behind him.
"You're Head Boy too? Jeez. You've got it all."
"Oh please. Even you've got more going for yourself than I do. Sit down; I'll get that drink for you." He walked up some stairs and I heard a door open. I followed him, I wanted to see the bedroom since I wasn't going to be staying in one. At the top of the stairs I pushed open the door and stepped inside.
"Do you mind if look in here?" I called. He stepped out of his closet, and shrugged before going back to his search.
"It's like a palace." I commented as I ran my hand over the silken green comforter.
"Hermione, come here for a second. I need help." I walked over to the closet and saw him trying to pull open a floorboard. He handed me a box filled to the brim with different potions of sort. "Hold that for a second will you?"
He finally got the floorboard up and placed much of the contents of the box underneath it. He also grabbed a few books from behind his trunk and stuffed them in as well. Replacing the board he got up and took the box from me.
"Had to get my stash in order." I nodded, looking at him strangely.
"Why are you doing this?" He bit his lip and then sighed.
"I didn't mean what I said earlier. And then I felt bad; you looked so sad." I shook my head.
"You don't have to pity me. I'm a big girl."
"I know." We stood in silence for a moment before Draco sat the box down and pulled me after him downstairs.
"What was that all about?"
"That's my bedroom... and it has my bed in it." I nodded, looking at him as if he were a child. "No, OK what I meant was... Once I give you that potion, you won't remember anything. And I would be way too tempted to do something if opportunity arose."
"Thank you then. But I don't know if I really want to take it. I have to remember otherwise I'll never get over it." He nodded. "Is that the only reason you brought me here? Because you felt sorry for me?"
"No." I'm sure I looked surprised. "I thought that even though we aren't friends now that we could be. I really need a friend. And in your drunken state I figured you would just do whatever I asked, and so far I've been right." We smiled.
"That was unexpected. But in a good way I guess."
"So you'll consider it?"
"Consider it done."
**********************************
"Hermione, sweetie, you should come inside. It's starting to rain." Eric yelled from the kitchen. He was cutting up the chicken and putting it onto a plate. I nodded and strode quickly and quietly from the balcony, out of the living room/kitchen, and into our bedroom. I didn't look at him as I walked away. I couldn't bear to see that disappointed look he gets whenever I'm thinking of Draco.
Of course I've never told him what I'm thinking about at these times. I think he knows though, it wouldn't be that hard to figure out. I didn't tell him about Draco for a long time. He was sympathetic of course, and he knew that he was part of my past. I finally told him about Hogwarts as well, and while that was harder to comprehend, he accepted it, and even found enjoyment in me using magic sometimes.
He once asked me why I left London, why I lived in New York now. I wasn't sure how to explain that one. I cut the story short, telling him that I had to escape my past life after Draco, and that there were too many memories in London. This was true, but there was more. There is always more to the story...
**********************************
-FLASHBACK- "Mia, can I ask you a question?" I glared at him across the library table.
"Still making fun of me for that? Well har har, very funny. And you know I hate it when you call me Mia." I said. Ever since my drunken night two weeks ago Draco always asked if he could 'ask me a question' just to irk me.
"No really, I want to ask you something." I mouthed 'oh' and nodded. "Well, I was thinking we could go to Hogsmeade together next weekend. It would be fun."
"Sure, sounds fun. I'll tell Harry and Ron-"
"Don't tell them you're going with me."
"Why Draco?" I asked. I wasn't very good at lying to my friends.
"Because they hate me. And I don't want them following us around the whole time. You know they will too, just to make sure I'm not causing you any bodily harm or some crap." I sighed, resigned to the situation at hand.
"I have to tell them sometime. We can't keep this a secret forever. I mean, we're just friends, it's not like I'm dating you or anything." My face went pink.
"Oh, no, of course not. Because that would be weird." He replied hastily. We both nodded. I was so embarrassed, feeling disbelief that something so stupid had come out of my mouth.
"So, Hogsmeade on Saturday morning?" I said, changing the subject. He nodded and I looked back down at my assignment on the table, trying ever so hard to conceal the smile that tugged at my lips.
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"Mia, please open the door!" Eric called from the hall. Doesn't he know I hate when he calls me that? He knocked softly on the door. I stuffed the letters and newspaper clippings back in the box I kept them in, stuffing it hastily in our closet. I opened the door and gave Eric a half smile. He cocked his head to the side and reached out to stroke my cheek. 'Just like Draco used to do' I thought.
"You wanna talk about it?" He asked cautiously. I shook my head, but leaned against his chest to make him feel needed. He kissed the top of my forehead and stroked my hair. Why did he love me? I guess it's because I gave in so easily to whatever he wanted, I was so malleable. He could be complacent with me; it wouldn't be hard to convince everyone I loved him. But my heart already belonged to another.
"I'm sorry Eric. I wasn't trying to keep you out. My mind is just kind of scattered today." He nodded, though probably not convinced in my explanation.
"It's fine. I'm just here to make things better." He chuckled and leaned in to kiss me. I let him. I even put my arms around his neck for dramatic effect, to make him really believe I loved him. Maybe that's a reason I picked New York, because I'm such a great actress. I should really market my skills... Pulling away I squeezed his hand.
"Thank you baby. I needed that." He shook his head as if to say 'don't worry about it' and then walked back into the kitchen. Free at last...
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-FLASHBACK-
Draco and I walked down the streets of Hogsmeade in peaceful silence, occasionally pausing to look in the windows of shops. I hadn't told Ron and Harry who I was going with, just that I was going with a friend from another house. At least I wasn't lying. I was simply omitting a big portion of the truth. I noticed that Draco kept looking over at me, and I wondered what he was thinking.
"Draco, can I ask you a question?" He smiled broadly, thinking I was joking. "Oh my gosh, will I never live that down!?"
"No, unfortunately you will not. But do ask your question." I rolled my eyes exaggeratedly before speaking.
"I was just wondering what you were thinking. Before the whole question nonsense, obviously." He blushed, a rare occurrence, and tried to change the subject.
"Oh, look! A sale in the quidditch shop!" I kept him from walking away by grabbing his hand, and when our eyes met it was like electricity.
"I was thinking about you." I smiled, embarrassed.
"What about me Draco?" I stepped a little closer to him.
"About how wonderfully... nosy you are." He said, only inches from my face. I groaned and pulled away from him after that comment. "No, Hermione, just kidding!"
"That was not nice. You totally ruined the moment there."
"The moment? What moment?" He asked, obviously trying to make me more embarrassed than I already was.
"Urgh! Never mind, you stupid oaf." I said angrily before continuing walking. He caught up in a second and pulled me to a halt once again.
"I was thinking about how beautiful you are." I tried to keep the smile from coming, but it was an unstoppable force.
"I guess that changes things a bit." I leaned in, pretending I was going to kiss him. But I stopped just short of his face and whispered "But you're still a stupid oaf."
"Talk about ruining the moment." He said as we continued to walk down the streets, this time, hands intertwined and with a lighter step. I'll never forget the way his eyes glimmered that day.
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I lay still in bed, hoping that Eric will go to sleep. But alas, his cold fingers found their way to my stomach and his lips touched my shoulders. I opened my eyes in defeat and rolled over to face him. He moved closer until finally he was on top of me. I didn't protest, I didn't want to offend him.
He fumbled clumsily with my shirt and his, and finally he was ready. I was never ready, but I let it occur anyway. My strategy was always the same.
Pretend it's Draco. Think of Draco.
As Eric and I began to rock back and forth I let my mind wander to Draco. He could always pull me through...
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-FLASHBACK-
We were laughing hysterically as we stumbled into his bedroom. We had just escaped Filch. He found us making out in a broom closet and we ran. I don't know if he knew who we were, it was dark and his eyes weren't so good anymore. Hopefully he wouldn't be able to identify us. But the subject was abruptly changed when Draco moved to continue what we had been doing in the closet.
He kissed me with such skill and precision that I had to admire him for it. He was so incredible. No one knew we were dating, we figured it was for the best. I was steadily falling in love with him, and I knew the same was true with him.
As our kiss deepened, we moved over to the bed. We laughed through the kisses as we tried to maneuver ourselves to the bed without breaking the kiss. It was simply impossible. I broke away and ran the rest of the way, hopping on the mattress. Draco didn't follow however. I gave him a questioning look, but he just grinned maniacally at me.
He slowly began to remove his clothes, one piece at a time. I laughed so hard that my stomach hurt. Finally he was in just his skivvies and he sauntered over to me, beckoning me to meet him halfway. I rose and took three paces before we were in very close proximity to each other. He caressed my face and kissed me softly. Then, like a true gentleman, he took my clothes off for me.
It wasn't long before we lay together on his bed, breathing heavily into each other. He was gentle with me. He asked my permission before he did anything. He was so good to me. In the end, I gripped tightly to him, holding back a deep moan. And then I was lying still underneath him, trying to commit every moment of this incredible night to memory. He trailed butterfly kisses down my cheekbone and then rolled over so he was next to me.
"Wow." I said.
"Yeah. Definitely wow." He said. I snuggled closer to him, nestling my head into his shoulder. He was glistening with sweat, and in the dim light looked like an angel.
"I think I love you." I said finally. He didn't respond for a while and then when the room was eerily quiet again he broke the silence.
"Good. Because I think I love you too."
"Then can I ask you a question?" I knew he would laugh at that, and I was right.
"Sure, ask away my drunken princess."
"Can we do this again tomorrow night?" We laughed together, and he kissed the top of my forehead, and we were happy.
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Eric grunted, and finally it was over. He tried to cradle me but I kissed his cheek and rolled over, feigning exhaustion. He sighed quietly, and I knew he must feel flawed in some way. I wish I loved him as much as he loved me. He deserved better than me. I figured he probably wouldn't be around forever.
After a while I could hear his steady breathing, he was finally asleep. 'Goodnight Eric' I thought. I got in the shower and washed the sweat off of me, I couldn't sleep like that. When I was fully clean, I crept back in the room only to be greeted by a despondent voice.
"Why do you always do that Hermione?" I sighed. I pulled on my robe.
"I'm so sorry Eric." I answered before leaving the room in a hurry.
I sat out on the balcony, tears streaming down my face.
"I guess its luck but it's the same hard luck you've been trying to tame. Maybe its love but its like you said, 'love is like a role that we play'. But I believe in you so much I could die for the words that you say. But I believe in you so much I could die from the words that you say." I started to sing the words of the song that had become my anthem since that day. That horrible day.
"But you're chasing the ghost of a good thing haunting yourself as a real thing. It's getting away from you again, while you're chasing ghosts." I heard Eric come out of the sliding glass door but I kept singing, singing words that I knew would hurt him.
"Just bend the pieces till they fit. Like they were made for it, but they weren't meant for this."
"Hermione, everything's going to be OK. You'll see baby, we can work through this."
I shook my head vigorously, he had no idea. This wasn't a problem to be worked through.
"Hermione, I'm so sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt you, please just talk to me. I want to help fix this." I laughed.
"Oh, God, you think you hurt me. I don't deserve you."
"What do you mean? Of course you do. You deserve so much more. You deserve everything." He said, putting a hand on my shoulder. For once I pushed him away.
"Eric, I'm not in love with you. I've always had Draco in the back of my mind. And you just... aren't him." He nodded gravely, and went inside the apartment thinking about what I just told him. I never wanted to hurt him.
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(A/N) There is more to come. Please review and tell me what you liked, what you didn't like, etc. Thank you for reading!! Reviews are appreciated. Expect Chapter 2 very soon. *Drowning in Misery or DiM*