The Girl from His Dreams
Herve was enjoying the peace and silence of the school library as he was sitting in his favourite place in the corner under the window and reading a thick Advanced Chemistry textbook. He sighed, embarrassed by the fact that he again was studying an already well-known diagram of electrophilic aromatic substitution to benzene. As his eyes grew tired of looking at tiny letters, he lifted his gaze above the book and took a look around the empty library, which he could claim as his own. Then he peeked through the window and sighed heavily again, as he reminded himself of the reason why he was contemplating alone in here.
Spring had finally come to Kadic Academy, bringing a light, warm breeze and green leaves on the trees' branches. The nature came back to life and Herve's schoolmates did too. Until the weather was windy and cold and rainy, they stayed within the school walls. But now everyone wanted to compensate themselves for the months of being locked inside by spending as much time as possible outside the buildings. To the contrary, Herve did not feel like joining other kids.
From the windows of the library spread a wide sight of fragments of the schoolyard, the park and the alley which lead to the main gate. Herve looked in the direction of the stadium, from where were coming the sounds of the whistle. Suddenly a ball was kicked from the stadium. It fell in the nearby bushes, form where a couple escaped, avoiding the hit. As Herve recognized the boy, he hissed, "Traitor", being noticeably disgusted. He observed as his once inseparable friend Nicholas ran across the lawn, dragging a girl by her hand and looking around nervously.
That was Herve's gloomy reality. His best friend and roommate became a victim of a hunt in search for a girlfriend, which was almost scheduled in Kadic's calendar like the dates of holidays and exams. As soon as the sun started to warm the Earth a little more, the storm of hormones began, followed by confusion, nervous glares and smirks, provocations and other forms of wild courtship, all of which reminded Herve of wildlife documentaries on Discovery Channel. Some people, including Sissi Delmas, completely subjected their lives to that insanity and claimed the rest of summer term wasted unless they found their better half. Obviously the entire event was widely documented by Milly and Tamiya, who could not complain about the number of fresh scoops provided each day.
Although Herve tried to stay away from the havoc as far as possible, he could not be completely indifferent to it. He would meet "the new" and "the old" couples walking by hand under the arches or occupying all vacant benches on the school grounds during breaks, so he could not just pass by peacefully. Sometimes he would meet them kissing and holding each other tightly in totally unexpected places, which only lead him to frustration.
However, even worse was the fact that since Nicholas started dating their classmate, he neglected his old friend. Their worlds were so apart that their contact limited to quick hellos and goodbyes in the mornings and evenings, when they were together in their room. Sometimes they would not see each other for days, because apart from schoolwork and Nicholas's rehearsals with the school band where he played the drums, he spent his free time with his girlfriend.
Feeling alone and neglected, Herve could only find solace in spending even more time between the library's shelves. Having the beauty and wisdom of humanity at his hand's reach, he could lose himself in books completely and become comfortably numb for a while.
Suddenly he heard whispers and silent footsteps coming from the other side of the room. Herve was not too happy when he found out that he was no longer alone in the library. He hid behind the book, trying to blend in the surroundings, and listened carefully.
"You think we'll find what we're looking for in here, Jeremie?"
"I hope so. It's entitled 'molecular biology and genetics'."
"Well... in case it's not enough there's still the public library Yumi told us about. Or we can use the university library..."
"Yeah... but going to the university is a day-long trip, Aelita. We don't have that much time..."
"What if it's necessary? And how about a trip around Paris?"
"With you any time, Aelita." Jeremie broke the awkward silence and smiled widely to Aelita. Herve noticed that she smiled back as she took Jeremie's hand.
"Oh, hi, Herve!" she said.
As Herve did not expect them to notice him, he jumped in his seat and shook his head in surprise. He could only hope that he could keep the confusion caused by Aelita to himself. He felt even weirder as Jeremie turned to face him.
"Hello", said Herve with the most indifferent tone he could produce.
"Hi", responded Jeremie before he followed Aelita to the exit. Herve watched them until they both vanished behind the library door.
As they left, he could not help processing what he just saw, however hard he tried not to. He realized that the feelings which he worked so hard to tame awoke again. The pain of feeling alone and neglected became even harder to stand when he recalled their cheerful conversation and happiness on their faces, and Aelita's sweet smile.
Herve squeezed slightly the covers of the book he held in his hands.
"What do they have that I don't?" he asked himself, thinking of both Nicholas and Jeremie. He could partially explain Nicholas's popularity by the attention he got by being the drummer in the band. But Jeremie? He and Herve shared a lot of similarities, but their lives were so different. They were both claimed geniuses, but it was Jeremie who got most attention from the teachers. Both were not gifted with physical strength, but these were Herve's glasses kids laughed at. And finally they both seemed so nerdy and weird, but Jeremie had a group of close friends... and a girl with who he walked by hand and learned Biology at the same time.
Herve laughed shortly when he realized how full of contradictory feelings he was. On one hand he hated Jeremie and competed with him. On the other hand, however, he admired him and even envied him. The reason for both was exactly the same. His happiness.
Would he ever have a chance to be happy like that? He wondered as he closed the book and lay it on his lap. He stared outside at the bright blue sky.
Maybe he was a shy and nerdy individualist, but his heart was made of flesh, not stone. Many thought he was a loner, but in fact he needed someone always at his reach, so that he did not have to feel alone. He sometimes wondered what it would be like to fall into someone's warm embrace or walk and hold hands, or go to dates, or get "good morning" text messages each morning like Nicholas did... But the most important was basically being able to talk to a girl without feeling so shy, confused and misunderstood. He desperately needed that, he knew it. He felt like he soon was going to reach the point of obsession, where emotions would take over in his usually rational and thoughtful decision-making process. Only on him depended if he would take his chance of being really happy, even for a moment. But what were the chances he would not screw something up? He knew the bitter taste of rejection and embarrassment. He was afraid, but at the same time some inner voice was telling him to go for it. If he wanted not to suffer any longer he had no other choice.
In the meantime a figure entered the library silently. The person seeked shortly for a necessary book and sat at the table, pulled out a notebook and started writing.
As he was lost in thought, Herve did not notice the person's movement. Not until he lifted himself from the chair as he decided to put his book back on its shelf, he saw her. He froze in front of the bookcase when he noticed the guest. He recognized her immediately; it was his classmate Taelia. She was sitting by the table with her hand buried in her dark red hair. She was turning the pages of her book and from time to time writing something in her notebook.
He stood by the shelf, pretending to be looking for another book and observed Taelia with attention. He smiled, seeing that she decided to give their homework higher priority than wasting time on wandering around the town or pointless gossiping.
He had to admit, the light coming through the window behind her was giving her figure an unusual aura. As he thought of that, he felt his heartbeat speed up.
He memorized that some time ago they worked together during Arts class and it was the first time he ever had a chance to talk to her. He was impressed with her knowledge of Chopin and somehow under the spur of the moment agreed to lend her some CDs from his collection. In his case it was the sign of very high level of trust, although she rarely dragged his attention before. They did not contact each other again since then, but as time passed Herve became even more intrigued by Taelia.
Soon he managed to get some more information about her. He knew she was an orphan who stayed in the Kadic dorm in 7th grade, but then she mysteriously disappeared. He found out she was eventually adopted and moved near the school. He noticed that unlike most of the girls in his class she enjoyed studying and she liked classical music, just like he did. Firstly she appeared similar to Sissi, as she was also courageous and rather proud, but not arrogant and manipulative. Considering her past, she strong, which also impressed Herve.
Right now he knew one thing, he really wanted to catch her attention and he would regret it if he did not try. But he used to resign as his self-confidence was leaving him just when he wanted to talk to her. He used to lack courage and self-confidence. But he realized he could not stand by that shelf forever. Despite mixed feelings which were haunting him, he wanted to move closer to Taelia.
He put Advanced Chemistry back on its place and took a random encyclopedia, then began to walk bravely towards a seat near the girl. He sat down trying to make as little noise as possible and started to turn the pages of the book nonchalantly. At the same time he discreetly observed what her reaction would be. She appeared indifferent at first, but soon Herve noticed that she smiled a little. He smiled back and returned his attention to the book. He tried to control himself the best he could; it was not easy with his shaking fingers and racing heartbeat. He cheered himself up when he realized he was doing fine so far. If only he could start a conversation... Then he realized she still was keeping his CDs.
"Hey, how do you like Chopin?" he asked.
"Huh?" Taelia jumped in her seat, obviously surprised.
"You borrowed some, uh, CDs from me some time ago. I... I wanted to know how do you like them", he explained.
"Oh sure, I remember now." She smiled. "I really like them so far, but I haven't listened to them all yet."
Some instinct was telling Herve he was not going to have his CDs back soon, but he actually did not worry about that too much. He stared at another table in the book, wondering what he should do next. "How should I continue? What is she thinking of me now? Maybe I'm bothering her to much?" He needed help, a strong prod forward or else he would run away from there immediately, wishing he had not started the entire situation.
Slightly squinting, he focused his attention on Taelia's notebook and got an idea.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"Oh, Biology homework", she answered shortly.
He asked her rather in purpose of interacting with her, since he could see what she was working on. On a page he saw her attempt to solve a dihybrid cross task Mrs Hertz gave them. He immediately noticed the alleles were all described in a wrong way and consequently the ratio of all the genotypes turned out wrong.
"Maybe I can help you?" he said as he could not stand the sight of such badly done homework.
"N-no thanks, I think I'll manage", she answered, noticeably irritated.
"Of course she said no. What were you thinking? That she would agree?" thought Herve.
He wanted to give up and get out of her sight. Trying to get over his feeling of rejection, he stood up to put his book back on its place. It was a perfect excuse for leaving Taelia alone. He felt like walking away, smacking himself in the face and waiting until a boy-like blush on his face finally disappears.
"Or... Herve, wait!"
He froze and slowly turned around to face Taelia, who was playing nervously with her pen.
"Actually I could use your help", she admitted shyly.
Herve felt a rush of adrenaline. He had a few seconds for making a decision: fight or flight? Confused, he eventually decided not to leave. Taelia's beautiful brown eyes worked their charm on him.
"S-sure", he stammered, and sat back down.
"Get it together, she won't eat you", he tried to calm himself down. He brought his chair close to her, so that he could see the notebook, but more importantly her face.
"So... what would you like to, uh, start with?" he asked as calmly as the emotions boiling inside him allowed him. If he could, he would shout and jump from joy.
In attempt to hide his excitement he immediately came to the point. He asked Taelia for a pencil. However when he was about to write something, it did a series of flips in the air and fell to the floor.
"I-I'm sorry", he said as he lifted it from the ground.
"It's okay", replied Taelia, who blushed a little. Herve could just smile nervously in answer.
He could not believe his luck. He finally could share his knowledge with someone who really wanted to learn and whom he really wanted to teach. He had to admit that he cared about Taelia's score for that task. As he slowly gained more self-confidence around her and small objects stopped escaping his grip he freed himself from obsessive thoughts. He was focused on two things – the dihybrid crosses and a smile on Taelia's face.