The Gauntlet: A Trip Through MEMEmentos

by Cardinal Kiril

Akira, Morgana, Ryuji, and Yusuke are pathetic, chronically masturbating virgins. After exploring a deadly, uncharted part of Mementos, they discover a modern day god, LuckyLuciano17k, who forces them to partake in No Nut November. Should they go an entire month without whacking it, they will become gods. But if they give in, their wieners are forfeit. Can they make it?

1. Chapter 1

Author Notes:

Sup. My name is Cardinal Kiril. This is my first ever fanfic, but I've had this idea floating around for a while now, and finally got it on paper. Please note, this fic is rated M for a reason, in case the description made you think otherwise. There is a lot of fucked up shit here, so be warned.

Also, I changed the title and description from how they originally were, deciding that they were a bit too pretentious and straight-faced for the story at hand. I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it. I can't promise how often I will update, but there's a good chance I might update this with a new chapter or two.

Anyway, here's the fic. Enjoy!

---

Akira Kurusu accepted how pathetic he was a long, long time ago.

He was also far past the point of caring.

---

Within the dusty, unlit, cobwebbed attic of Café Leblanc, Akira Kurusu laid on his bed. The harsh, vibrant light from his phone in his right hand stung his veiny, bloodshot eyes as they bounced around in their sockets, trying desperately to focus on the image before them. Staring at the super-high brightness of the screen in the almost completely dark room was as painful as looking directly at the sun, and the fact that the phone was only three inches away from his face didn't help matters either. Focusing was already hard enough without the screen practically making him go blind: for some reason, his stupid hand wouldn't stop shaking. He had to squeeze the phone like a vice just to make sure that the damn thing wouldn't suddenly slip out of his fingers and land on the dirty, unvacuumed ground, and if he had to stop everything he was doing just to bend over and pick it back up he knew that we would have to start all over again. His headache was already bad enough, and if he had to start from square one he was sure it would evolve into a full-blown migraine.

As hard as Akira squeezed his phone, it was nothing compared to how hard he was squeezing his little chub. There was once a time where Akira could get harder than reinforced steel just by having a fan gently blow cool air onto his tiny, prepubescent dick. Those days were long past.

Fifth grade was a fun time, he thought. His father once told him that life only gets more difficult as you get older, and now, as he reminisced about the good ol' days where he practically came every time the neighborhood bully randomly nut checked him on the playground (That guy had issues), and compared them to the present, how he had to suffocate the ever-loving shit out of his poor, abused cock just to barely get it to a half-chub, he realized that there was no going back. This was his life now, and this will probably be how he will live for the rest of it.

Akira would normally feel a little depressed at this thought, had he not been way too focused on masturbating to Makoto's Facebook photos.

Her profile was the worst fucking thing on the planet. The student council president barely ever posted anything, and when she did, it was usually some boring ass picture of an event she had to attend, oftentimes accompanied by a bunch of random people who were there too. There were a few photos of her at a beach wearing a bikini, which would normally make Akira cum instantaneously, but they were so low-rez that he could barely even tell the pixels of her left boob apart from the ones of her right. And yet, once in a blue moon, Makoto might, just might, post a cute picture of herself that one of her student council friends took. High resolution, good framing, some thought clearly put into the composition.

And she was smiling. Oh my God her smile.

Akira had spent so many hours of his life looking at this one photo that it was practically burned into his brain. It was amazing, mesmerizing, even. When interacting with Makoto (or any girl, really), he kept his gazes and admiration of her body on the absolute minimum. During those long nights when she would help him study for a big test, or when they would go see an action movie at the theater, or, hell, even just hanging back at the student council room after school hours and just talking to her, Akira tried his best to keep his eyes on hers, averting them from her magnetic hips or long, slender legs. His efforts were enough, just enough, to help him get through the day without melting into a horny puddle. But nothing, absolutely nothing could ever prepare him for those little moments, those precious few seconds when her eyes would meet his, and she would give him the warmest, most genuine smiles he had ever seen. That had nothing to do with his dick. It made his already frantic heart pound against his chest like a pissed off monkey in a cage, desperately attempting to escape. The photo on his phone, in his hands, was nothing compared to the real thing. But goddamn, it was as close as he could get right now. The gentle, wonderful curl on her soft, perfect lips were immaculately replicated right before his eyes, her gaze doing that damn thing that always made his head feel light and his legs like spaghetti, everything about her was so perfect, everything he could ever have wanted was right-

It was a FAT nut. Or, at least it would have been had Akira not already came five times beforehand on this day alone. A tiny driblet of white splooge dripped out of his dick and down his shaft, but this meager amount was exceeded by the convulsions of his penis-muscles. It felt good, but it was a pleasure mixed with pain, his poor nutsack feeling like somebody squeezed it really hard. And, like every sixth orgasm of the day he's ever had, it was really short. Too short to even be worth it.

He looked at the picture. Still there. Still smiling.

He closed the app in shame.

---

Ann: Hey! Just got on the train, be there soon!

Haru: I'm already here. I'll be waiting around the flower shop until then.

Makoto: Futaba and I have already left the train, walking there now.

"Oh, for fuck's sake."

This wasn't the first time Akira seriously lost track of time during a sesh (that's what he called it), but today was especially bad. He checked the time. 5:50 PM, a mere 10 minutes before he was scheduled to meet his friends at the train station and explore Mementos. Even if he jumped right out the window, ran at top speed to the train, and arrived at Shibuya without delay, he would still be almost 15 minutes late.

The boy sighed as he unlocked his phone.

Akira: Gonna be like 30 minutes late.

Futaba: WHAT? You're the one who scheduled the meeting and you're the one who's late?

Ann: Are you serious? This is like the third time in a row.

Akira: I can't find Morgana anywhere.

Ann: Uh huh, sure. That's the same excuse you used last time.

Makoto: It's fine. When the other guys get here we can just train in the first floor of Mementos while we wait for you two. Please be more punctual in the future, leader, especially when you are the one who called us for a meeting in the first place.

That stung. He stuffed the phone in his pocket without replying. His headache hadn't gotten any better, and the last thing he needed was to get roasted by those harpies.

"Morgana! Where are you, we gotta go," Akira shouted. He was met with silence. He sighed again and walked over to the attic's window, struggling to lift it open all the way.

His text was a lie. He knew exactly where Morgana was and what he was doing, but it served as a useful excuse. Usually.

Everybody has their own thing. This was a simple fact of life that Akira learned long ago, when he accidentally walked in on the neighborhood bully smacking his Coke-can sized wiener against a tuning fork while in the school bathroom (That dude seriously had issues). Akira rarely judged people or their little quirks, knowing fully well that, for all he knew, he was just as fucked up as anybody else on the planet when the doors were locked and the porn was up. So, as Akira stuck his head out the window and gazed into the dark alleyway before him, he didn't even blink when he saw his cat friend sprawled on the ground, covered in his own cat-jizz. Morgana laid next to an old pothole, still moist with months' worth of supply, a pothole that the horny cat often referred to as his "Number one cum dumpster."

No, Akira really was not surprised at all. In fact, at this point, he probably would have been more shocked if he saw Morgana doing something that didn't involve beating his feline phallus to Timbuktu.

"Hey, Morgana, c'mon, we're gonna be late," he said to the cat.

"Ohhh heyyyy Jokerrrr, wazzaap?" Morgana was practically cross-eyed and still coming down from the high, his little cat eyes barely managing to find Akira's head from the window. He closed his eyes in bliss. "Weeeeeeeee…"

"Damnit, dude, we're gonna be late. Clean your nut and let's go. I'm coming downstairs now." Despite his harsh tone, Akira really couldn't get mad at Morgana. Even though they were different species, they shared a lot in common, a fact that was made evident to Akira when he and his new roommate got into a bitter argument over who was allowed to whack it off in the attic on the day he moved in.

Akira checked his phone one last time before he left his room. A few messages were sent in the Phantom Thieves' groupchat without him even noticing.

Yusuke: Unfortunately, I will have to be a little late too. I believe I should be there by the time Akira arrives.

Futaba: Oh come on Inari, you spend all of your time looking at people in the subway station anyway, what's your deal?

Yusuke: I apologize for any inconvenience. The muse struck me at the most inopportune time, and I simply had to translate my inspiration into art.

Ryuji: Yo gna b late 2 trafc bad

Ann: Oh, come on! The four of us can't go in without backup, why are you guys always late?

Haru: I agree, I would appreciate it if you boys would show up on time, it's not very polite to be late like this.

Makoto: We will sit-down and have a discussion about this later. For now, just head to the station ASAP so we can explore Mementos before it gets too late.

Ryuji: srry

Akira smiled at this entire exchange. His boys would never let him down.

Akira exited LeBlanc and rounded the corner to the Yongen-Jaya train station. Hot on his heels, Morgana left the alleyway where his dark deeds were often done and hopped on Akira's back.

"Heh heh, sorry, Joker. Looks like I got a little carried away," Morgana said sheepishly. "We'll still have time to explore Mementos, right?"

"We should," Akira stated after checking his phone again. "I just wanted us to get some exercise in, we haven't done anything in the Metaverse for about a week."

Morgana's eyes suddenly widened. "Jesus, Akira. Again?" He pointed his paw to Akira's right hand, which was gently shaking. "That's, like, the third day in a row, what gives?"

Akira looked at his hand and tried to get it to stop shaking. This always happened to him after he masturbated four or more times in one day. He really had no idea why this happened, but it never really bothered him too much. Everyone has their own quirks, right? (This sentiment, of course, did not stop him from fantasizing about him going into Tae's office and raising his concerns to her, one of his favorite fantasies, in fact. "Hmmm, what's a strapping young man such as yourself doing masturbating so much, hm?" Tae hummed sensually as she uncrossed her sexy legs. "Maybe you need me to give you a little examination to see what's wrong," she breathed as she leaned over towards him, her cleavage in full view of his face. "I promise to be thorough, Kurusu-kun," she purred as her hand slowly travelled up from his knee, to his inner thigh, right before gently coming up and -)

"Joker! Hey, Akira, snap out of it!" Morgana kept smacking Akira's face with his paws, knocking him out of his stupor.

The boy shook his head violently. Somehow, through muscle memory, he managed to get on the Yongen train while in the middle of a spontaneous sex fantasy. Akira always found a new way to surprise himself. "Oh shit. Sorry, I really zoned out there for a sec."

"Yeah, you think? Were you thinking about Makoto again?"

"No. Well, I mean, I was a few minutes ago, but this time it was Tae."

"Mmmmmm sexy doctor lady." Morgana started drooling. "Why is bestiality such a taboo? Why do I have to suffer like this? All I want, all I EVER wanted, is to bust a nut in some babe. Oh God oh God oh God I NEED to become human, Joker, I need it!"

"Jesus, relax. Even if you end up becoming human you're most likely going to end up a virgin like me who spends all his time jerking off anyway. What makes you think you'll actually get laid?"

"Can it, dweeb!" Morgana shouted. "As soon as we get through Mementos, I'll get my sexy, six-foot-three-inch alpha male Chad bod back, and before you know it Lady Ann will-"

His eyes widened.

"Fuck, Joker, put me into your backpack."

"Oh HELL no!" Akira shouted. "I fell for that shit way too many times, I'm still cleaning your jizz out of my history textbook. You're just going to have to wait until we get home."

"Oooohhh but Lady Ann!" Morgana was violently humping Akira's backpack at this point. "She is SOOOO hot. Ohmigod her tits, ohmigod her ass, ohmigod her legs, ohmigod ohmigod ohmi-"

"That's enough!" Joker smacked the back of the cat's head. "You SERIOUSLY need to calm down. Do you think she doesn't notice your fuzzy cat boners every time you see her wearing her Metaverse suit? The only reason she hasn't filed a restraining order on your creepy ass is because you're just a cat and doesn't feel threatened by you."

"Damn, Joker," Morgana sighed sadly as he let his ears down. "Why you gotta roast me so hard all the time?"

"Do you see me acting like that around Makoto? And, I mean, this is MAKOTO we're talking about, too. Like, Ann is really hot, I get it, but Makoto is like a fucking goddess, but I still manage to have self-control, unlike your horny ass."

"Yeah, uh huh, sure." Morgana smiled deviously, realizing that he just found some ammunition against the bespeckled cuck before him. "And how many 'quick trips to the bathroom' do you take every time you spend more than 15 minutes with her? She's a smart gal who knows perfectly well how hot she is, do you really think she just thinks that you have a weak bladder?"

Morgana's words made Akira wince. That exact thought had been haunting him for months. "T-that is completely untrue and you are really stupid."

"Pssht, ok cuck." Morgana stretched himself out and yawned loudly on Akira's lap. "I can tell Makoto's the kind of girl who likes her men a little less…" He thought for a second before finishing his sentence. "Pathetic."

"Okay, that's it!"

Ripping his backpack open, Akira grabbed Morgana by the neck and flung him in, zipping it back up and then shaking it violently.

"Ow! Ow! Fuck, ow!"

"Fucking bane of my existence…" Akira grumbled to himself. After a few more good shakes, he let the backpack rest on his lap, sparing his annoying friend a puke session.

The train to Shibuya station arrived earlier than he expected. Stepping out of the train, he immediately began scanning the crowd for his friends. Before he could get a really good look, his eyes spotted the door to the public male bathroom opening, and a tall, lithe, familiar figure stepped out.

As Akira approached him, he noticed that something was off about Yusuke Kitagawa. His normally elegant friend bore an uncharacteristic slouch, and his steps were weak, unsure, as if he spent the last hour squatting heavy weights (I'd love to see that hungry skeleton squat anything, his little lady legs would break like toothpicks, Akira snickered to himself).

"Hey, Yusuke, what's up?"

Akira could barely finish his sentence before the artist jumped back in surprise and spun around, facing his fellow phantom thief.

"What! What!" Now that Akira could actually see his face, he could definitely tell that something was wrong. Yusuke's already gaunt features were intensified, his eyes were bloodshot, heavy bags drooping below them. His pale skin was even paler than it normally was, it was clear to Akira that Yusuke hadn't spent any time outside at all today.

"Oh, Akira-kun, it's you." Yusuke breathily heavily, sweat dripping from his forehead. He let out a deep sigh. "My apologies, you merely startled me."

"Uh… huh. You okay there buddy?"

"Yes, of course I am! Why? Do I appear to not be alright? What are you implying, leader? Because if you have something to say then you should just say it!" Yusuke's face was inches from Akira's at this point.

This guy is the definition of sketch.

Akira calmly placed his hands on the hyperventilating youth's shoulders. "Yusuke. What were you doing in the public bathroom?"

Yusuke's eyes shot open. After five agonizingly awkward seconds of silence, he bowed his head in shame.

"I… I told you all that the muse struck me."

"Jesus!"

"And I needed to convert my inspiration into art…"

"Fuck!"

"But Akira-kun!" Yusuke's dilapidated appearance gave way to a look of determination. "Masturbation is an art in and of itself! The Dutch Masters did it several times a day as a form of meditation. Who am I to denounce their methods?"

"Yusuke. You jacked off in a fucking subway bathroom."

"OKAY!" Akira jumped back a little at this outburst. Yusuke never raised his voice, at least not to him. "I ADMIT IT! I JACKED OFF IN THE SUBWAY BATHROOM. And you know what?" Yusuke grabbed Akira by his collar, his scrawny little arms holding a surprising amount of strength. His face was an inch away from Akira's. "It was the fattest, the FATTEST, nut, I have ever had in my entire life."

It was Akira's turn to sweat now.

"R-really?"

"Well, not exactly." Yusuke let up on his creep. "I should say that THEY were the fattest NUTS (plural), I have ever had in my entire life. But, semantics semantics."

"Holy shit, dude. Look, not even considering the bullshit you said about the Dutch Masters whacking themselves off, I'm sure that jerking off is an important part of the artistic process. But goddamn, why in the subway bathroom? Couldn't you have just gone home? How the hell could you do it MULTIPLE times? Just… just how?"

Yusuke did one of those exasperated sighs that people only do when trying to explain basic concepts to stupid people. "Because, Akira, as I have said twice already, the muse struck me, and I wished to convert my inspiration into art."

"And by 'art,' you mean a masturbation sesh in a public bathroom."

"Yes."

Akira's head still hurt.

"Okay, fine, I get it. But I don't understand what you mean by a 'muse,' did you just randomly see some ho walking around the station and you got so hard that you had to cum right then and there?"

"Essentially, yes. But she is not just 'some ho,' Akira." Yusuke looked beyond Akira, staring into nothing, deep in thought. "Her name is Ayoto. She is in one of my art classes. And she has to be one of the thickest thots I have ever laid eyes on. I always see her wearing our school's uniform. But this was the first time I saw her outside of class. This was the first time I saw her… wearing shorts." The young artist released a small shiver and began sucking on his lip. "Those… hips. Those… thighs. That. Ass." Sweat dribbled from his forehead again at full force. His arms began to shiver, his eyes became desperate and wide. His mind was racing. Images of Ayoto-chan's thunder thighs slamming Yusuke's tiny, malnourished pelvis into oblivion as she cowgirled him into submission invaded his thoughts. "I… I need to use the bathroom."

Yusuke quickly turned around and was about to sprint at the speed of light back into the bathroom, but Akira grabbed his shoulder, spun him around until they were face to face, and smacked his cheek with his palm.

"STOP. You horny motherfucker stop. We are already late to our meeting. If we dawdle any longer the girls are going to castrate us. Please, keep it in your pants until you get home so we can just focus on the task at hand, okay?"

Yusuke was tentative, but he nodded eventually. "You… you're right as always, Joker. Please, forgive me."

Akira smiled and shook his head. Everybody had their quirks.

---

Walking to their usual creep at the underground passageway, Akira and Yusuke found the girls sitting around and chatting.

"There you are!" Ann broke her conversation with Futaba and looked up at the two boys. "What took you guys so long? It's almost 7, we were supposed to be in Mementos about an hour ago."

Akira rubbed the back of his head. "Sorry, Ann. Cat trouble."

"Wait a second." Haru got up from her seat and looked around. "Where is Mona-chan?" Akira mentally kicked himself for forgetting about his friend. Setting his backpack on the ground, he quickly unzipped it, allowing Morgana to hop out.

"Mona-chan!" Haru picked up Morgana and gave him a great big hug, pressing the little cat against her chest. "Did mean-old Akira keep you all zipped up in his backpack? You poor thing!"

"It's fine, Haru, he was only there for a few minutes," Akira protested. "He survived."

"You be quiet!" Haru scolded. "I bet Mona-chan was doing his best to get you to actually arrive on time, and you probably just ignored him. Isn't that right?" Haru playfully nuzzled her nose against the cat's before returning him to her chest. "Poor baby!"

Morgana, for his part, said nothing. His furry face was pressed right up against Haru's rack, the softness making his eyes roll to the back of his head. "Weeeeeeeeee…." He moaned.

Absolutely everything about this scene made Akira extremely uncomfortable. Just as he was about to zip his backpack up again, he noticed something odd within its confines. Raising an eyebrow in confusion, he opened the bag a bit more, allowing the light to reveal a big puddle of cat-cum getting soaked-up by his calculus homework. His mouth was agape as he stared at what was before him, not sure if he should just zip his backpack back up before anybody noticed, or grab the feline fucker by the tail and fling him off a cliff.

He looked up at Morgana, whose face was still smothered against Haru's tits, but he managed to turn his head, look Akira dead in the eyes, and give him the smuggest look a cat could possibly give.

That little bastard, Akira thought, came on my shit, and as a reward, he got to feel Haru's luscious boobs pressed up against his face. Any anger he once felt immediately melted into deep sadness and shame. There was nothing the poor boy could do except take this big, fat L and hope that he doesn't kill himself by the time he gets home tonight. Hell, maybe he'll have time for one quick last wank before he offed himself.

Everybody has their own little quirks, he reminded myself. My quirk is getting owned by a talking sex-addict cat.

---

Makoto was very frustrated. She woke up this morning with a splitting headache, having spent all last night getting student council work done and going to cram school. Her sister was nowhere to be seen, which meant that she was probably somewhere at work trying to forge evidence to get some poor asshole in jail.

She spent a little too long in the shower, forcing her to skip breakfast and get on the train immediately so she could get to school on time. Her hopes of getting a snack at the vending machine before class started were dashed as soon as she walked up the stairs to Shujin Academy: her homeroom teacher immediately grabbed her and told her to help him grade essays for a different class he had to teach. She had half a mind to tell the fat bastard to go fuck himself, but, as usual, her good-girl-model-student persona immediately took over any impulsive thoughts she might have had and she submissively complied to his not-so-gentle request.

To make matters worse, that creepy guy from her biology class was there to help grade papers, too, and he made low moaning sounds throughout. She could practically feel his slimy, yellow eyes move up and down on her legs, his tongue smacking his fat, crusty, greasy lips. Makoto had heard rumors that this guy fucked every girl in the cheerleading team and had a huge, anaconda schlong that he was more than happy to unleash on any poor woman that caught his eye. The very thought of that made her shudder; imagining his pimply, swollen face going anywhere near hers made her want to vomit.

After a few more minutes of trying (unsuccessfully) to grade papers while this guy kept his moaning game up, Makoto suddenly turned around in her seat to face him, which caught the bulbous booger-factory by surprise.

"Taro-kun," she ordered, in her typical Student Council President voice. "Please, stop making those sounds, I am trying to concen-"

Her command was cut short as she took the guy in. There, by his groin, was the largest pants-tent Makoto had ever laid eyes on. At this point in her life, Makoto was generally used to this sort of thing. Guys had been popping boners around her since she was in middle school, and it was a rare occasion when a guy in her class didn't imagine fucking the ever-loving daylights out of her. She hated it; she hated being stared at, she hated being objectified, she hated having to deal with horny douchebags constantly hitting on her. It didn't help that Makoto was already extremely self-conscious as-is. Boys never talked to her unless they wanted something from her, and that something was always sex. Whenever she refused, or made it very clear that she was not interested, her reputation as a "stone cold bitch" or a "prude" intensified, adding negative energy to her already poor self-esteem. They didn't see her as a person. They saw her as a thing, a hole for them to use and forget about the next day. It disgusted her, it made her want to cry, it made her sick to her stomach and hate herself. Most of all, it made her feel powerless. It made her feel weak and useless.

Useless.

Her sister's words rang in her ears.

Useless.

Becoming a Phantom Thief, meeting genuine friends who understood her, finally taking agency in her life and discovering her calling: none of these things stopped that feeling.

Useless.

Why am I so useless?

Makoto didn't realize where she was until she found herself hunched over the toilet, vomiting. This wasn't the first time this happened, but that didn't make her feel any better about herself. Makoto hated how much power these people had over her life. Her teachers, the principal, the boys in her class who whispered dirty lies to each other whenever she passed by. How could Haru and Ann not feel like this all the time? She wondered to herself. Ann was exotic and gorgeous, the boys at school objectified her all the time. And those rumors about her and Kamoshida were no help to her psyche, Makoto was sure. And Haru was not only beautiful, but a minor celebrity to boot, simply because of her asshole father. She had to be aware of all those men that only saw her as a pair of tits and a huge bag of money, right? All those people who wanted to get it in with her just so that they could get a part in the Okumara wealth. Makoto secretly envied Futaba, despite her younger friend's crippling social anxiety. Her shut-in nature prevented her from experiencing this. While running around in her palace and fighting shadows, Makoto did her best to not pity Futaba, but it was really hard, especially when she learned about her mother's death and the psychological effects it had on her. But now… now Makoto wished she could just stay in her room and never come out.

After cleaning herself up, Makoto checked her phone one last time before the bell rang. This was her last hope, her shining light before her day was completely ruined.

Makoto: We are still on to explore Mementos at 6, correct?

Akira: Yep.

Makoto smiled at her phone, and let out a breath that she didn't even realize she was holding in. She was afraid that they would cancel at the last minute. She knew it was stupid, but going to Mementos today seemed almost too good to be true. Honestly, she loved exploring the Metaverse, more than she would care to admit. All of her anxieties, all of her insecurities, all the men and teachers and controlling influences in her life, they all disappeared when she donned her suit and beat shadows into oblivion. She felt most in her element when she was there, protecting the weak, changing evil peoples' hearts. It gave her a rush like nothing else. Finally, she felt like she was her own person. Finally, she felt like her life had meaning, that it had purpose. Had she not met Kurusu-kun and his friends, had she not stumbled upon the Metaverse and awakened her Persona, her life would have been… Makoto didn't want to think about it. After the absolute shit-show this morning had been, going to Mementos was the only thing that kept her from completely breaking down.

Halfway through the day, she got another message, this time sent directly to her.

Futaba: Wanna hang out

Now this was not something she expected.

Makoto: Sure! Class is over in about two hours and I don't have any student council work. If you want, I can go to LeBlanc right afterwards and we can go get something to eat before we meet with the others.

Futaba: It's cool, I'll just go over to Shujin and meet you there.

Makoto: Are you sure? I don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with.

Futaba: I think I leveled up enough for this. See you

Even with her palace destroyed, Makoto worried tremendously about her friend. In many ways, Futaba was an incredible young woman: smart, spunky, and talented with all things relating to technology. At the same time, her social anxiety was a huge issue for her well-being, and it was clearly more severe than anything Makoto ever had to deal with, self-conscious as she was. She loved the idea of being able to spend more time with her, getting to know her young friend outside of official Phantom Thieves business.

By the time the final bell rang and Makoto made her way to the school lobby, Futaba was already there, nonchalantly tapping away on her phone. Noticing Makoto's presence, Futaba immediately stood up and went over to her senior.

"Makoto!" Her face was beaming. "Thanks for agreeing to hang out with me."

"It's no problem, Futaba-chan. Where would you like to eat?"

"Hmm." Futaba began thinking, slowly sifting through all their nearby options. Makoto wished she would hurry up and decide: her stomach felt like there was a gigantic hole burning through it, and she needed at least something to keep her from going insane with hunger.

"How about… Big Bang Burger!"

Makoto sighed. Maybe I'm not that hungry after all. The student council president was usually pretty strict with her diet, limiting herself to fresh vegetables, lean meats, and whole grains on a daily basis. Big Bang Burger was so greasy. Something about the food there made her stomach feel like it was twisting into a knot. She regretted letting Futaba choose a place instead of simply taking initiative so that she wouldn't have to deal with this problem, but she knew that letting Futaba choose a place that made her comfortable in public was more important than her personal tastes. Besides, the young girl was already drooling at the thought of going there.

"Oooohhhh man, I could eat, like, three of those things right now," Futaba moaned.

Makoto forced a smile. "Sure thing, let's go." Mementos could not come soon enough.

---

Makoto eyed one of the trashcans at the underground station.

Alright, she thought, if I end up puking again I'll know exactly where to go.

Her head spun. That burger was disgusting, all the slimy meat and low-quality vegetables. She chastised herself for finishing all of it. She knew that it would make her feel bad later, but she was just so hungry that she had to do it.

Talking to Futaba made it more bearable, however. Futaba was shocked to learn that Makoto shared her passion for action movies, especially Yakuza stuff. Makoto smirked with a small sense of pride, recounting how impressed Futaba was with her deep knowledge of film trivia, listening in wonder as she rattled off all of the obscure flicks she'd seen over the years. In fact, by the time they exited the train and entered Shibuya station, the two girls were in the middle of an animated conversation about one of their all-time favorite movies, The Raid 2.

"…And when Rama was in the prison yard beating the shit out of everyone? I was screaming, I was so excited!" Futaba bounced up and down as she recounted some of the film's more memorable moments. "He was all like, HYAA, and WHATAAAH, he has to be one of my favorite action heroes ever."

"Did you notice that that entire fight was in a single take?" Makoto asked. She was able to forget her protesting stomach for a little while as she spoke. Nothing got her more excited than action films, they could make even the worst days just a little bit more bearable. "That movie utilizes a level of precision that I've never seen in any other film. God, remember when those thugs were fighting Rama in a diner, and he takes some guy's head slams it against a grill for fifteen seconds? I've never been more excited in a theater my entire life."

"God, remember Uco?" Futaba started blushing and clasped her hands together dreamily. "He was soooooo hot, oh my God."

Makoto blushed too. She hated to admit it, but she developed a crush on one of the film's characters after watching it for the first time. Her then-thirteen year old self kept having little daydreams of the young gangster heir sweeping her off of her feet and marrying her in some Jakartan mosque. She even started learning about Islam and what she would need to do to convert, in order to fit in with Uco's native Indonesia. I can't believe I thought about becoming a Muslim just to marry a fictional character. She quickly put aside this embarrassing fact and returned to the conversation at hand. "He was really handsome."

"Heh, you probably wouldn't have any trouble getting him to come home with you, Mako-chan," Futaba teased.

Makoto jumped a little. "W-what do you mean?"

"Oh come on, Queen," Futaba rolled her eyes. "You're like, one of the most gorgeous women I've ever seen. I bet all kinds of guys at school are just dying to get it on with you." Makoto said nothing, but blushed even harder, making Futaba smile even more. "You doooo, don't you? I don't know how you have any time doing Phantom Thief stuff, I'd have thought you'd be spending all of your time wrapping boys around your little finger." Futaba giggled mischievously.

Makoto's blush intensified, but the happy, carefree feeling she felt while talking about movies was gone. Instead, her heart felt like it was sinking into the pit of her stomach. She remembered all the times she puked in the bathroom, which was usually followed by her crying silently in the stall. She remembered the first time it happened, during her first year at Shujin. She developed a schoolgirl crush on an older boy, her senpai by two years. She remembered how cool he was, with his slick, black, styled hair and long legs. She'd stare at him for hours, blushing at the thought of him noticing her. It was the first time she had ever liked a boy that way.

It was also the first time in her life where she actually started looking at herself in the mirror. Not just looking, but looking. Feelings of insecurity creeped up on her, and she barely realized they were happening. She hated her oddly shaped body, she hated her small breasts, she hated her skinny legs. She would often steal one of those fashion magazines her sister lazily flipped through when she was bored, take them to her bathroom, and just stare at the gorgeous models there for what felt like hours at a time. She compared their perfect, symmetrical faces to her plain, unattractive one. She looked at their slim waists and shapely legs. Sometimes she would undress entirely, and just stare at the mirror, stare at her ugly, unshapely form, stare and point out every single one of her imperfections, before squatting down on the bathroom floor and crying.

Her strong sense of inadequacy haunted her even at school. She managed to focus in class and achieve perfect grades, but her mind often went back to those models, those goddesses that could have anything they wanted. It was a daily obsession that never left her, that only intensified when she thought about the third-year that she couldn't stop thinking about.

One day, he came to her. It was completely sudden, and without warning. Walking between classes, he stopped her with his voice.

"Hey, you're Niijima, right?"

Makoto's heart stopped beating. Her eyes were as wide as dinner plates. She stopped breathing.

"Y-yes?" she managed to say. Makoto was suddenly extremely conscious of her sweating hands. She had no idea where to put them or what they should be doing, and she fought the urge to play with her fingers nervously. "H-how can I help you, s-senpai?"

He leaned in a little towards her. Makoto was sure that she was going to pass out, but her mind was completely blank, not understanding a thing that was going on. "You're pretty cute. Look me up sometime, maybe we can bang."

And then he pinched her behind.

Not a single thought went through Makoto's mind. For a few seconds, everything just stopped right in its tracks. The boy had already walked past her. Even as she slowly turned around and saw him laughing with one of his friends and high-fiving him, her brain wasn't functioning.

She stood there, in the middle of the hallway. The bell rang, and next period classes had begun, but she just stood there. She stared at the ground. Her mouth was slightly agape, but she said nothing. Her once fidgety hands were now carelessly at her sides, hanging there lifelessly.

Eventually, she looked up. Eventually, she walked down the hallway, and entered the girls' bathroom. She went into a stall, quietly locked it, turned around, kneeled, and vomited into the toilet.

She spent the rest of the school day on the toilet, weeping.

"Futaba."

Makoto wasn't angry at all. Nobody really knew that this side of her existed, and she couldn't have expected the younger girl to know either. "Please, don't say that. It makes me uncomfortable."

The sudden shift in Makoto's turn must have had an effect on Futaba, because her eyes immediately widened at her friend's response. "Oh, uh, s-sorry, Queen. It was just a joke, I didn't mean to offend you."

Makoto chastised herself for making her friend feel uncomfortable. She forced a smile on her lips. "I-it's nothing, Futaba-chan. You didn't offend me!" She looked at her phone and found two new messages in the groupchat.

Ann: Hey! Just got on the train, be there soon!

Haru: I'm already here. I'll be waiting around the flower shop until then.

Makoto quickly typed away her status into the GM. "Haru says that she's by the flower shop, let's go hang out with her while we wait for the others." Futaba agreed with her as they made their way downstairs. Before they could even reach the flower shop, however, another message came.

Akira: Gonna be like 30 minutes late.

"Really?!" Futaba looked very annoyed as she typed away on her phone. "I came out of my shelter just for this guy to be late for the third time in a row? He's the one who organized this, for Pete's sake."

Makoto frowned, trying her best to hide her annoyance. She also joined the conversation in the GM. "I really wish he were more punctual, this is beginning to get out of hand." Makoto wanted to squeeze every bit of time she could in Mementos. Even with Futaba's companionship, this day had been absolutely terrible. She needed something to help her destress, and soon.

As she said in her text, Haru was browsing the flowers on display at the underground mall. She smiled as she noticed her fellow Phantom Thieves.

"Mako-chan! Futaba-chan! How are you girls doing?"

"Heya, Haru," Futaba said. "Seeing anything you like?"

"Oh yes, these flowers are quite lovely." She picked up a flower pot containing a delicate-looking thing and gave it a gentle sniff. "Mm, remind me to pick this one up after we're done in Mementos."

The three girls chatted for a little while, until Ann showed up.

"Hey guys!" Ann bounded toward them. "What's up?"

"Hi, Ann," Makoto greeted. "I didn't expect you to be here so soon. Isn't your house's train station a little further away?"

"I wasn't at home." The blonde stretched and gave a tired yawn. "I had a quick modeling shoot after class today, the station was just one stop away from Shibuya."

Makoto pursed her lips and stared at some flower. She felt disgusted at herself for feeling this way, but she had always been jealous of Takamaki. It was ridiculous, and completely childish, and she wished she could just smack herself and make those thoughts go away, but she couldn't. It wasn't just that Ann was beautiful, but that did play a big factor. Ann was one of the most level-headed people she had ever met. Even with all those rumors regarding her and Kamoshida, Makoto knew that her friend just had her shit together. She was confident, resourceful, independent. She never let anybody boss her around, she always did what her heart felt was right, never having to be a puppet for somebody else's wishes. Those were all qualities Makoto felt she lacked and desperately needed.

All of those things, though, were not really at the heart of Makoto's jealousy. If anything, they only made her admire Ann and increased her drive to improve herself. No, at the center of it all, was the simple fact that Ann was a model. Makoto wanted to scream at herself for being so stupid. Those gorgeous women that Makoto stared at in the magazines, those women that Makoto constantly, unconsciously, compulsively compared herself to, those women that made her cry and made her hate her body: Ann was one of them, and Makoto was not.

She loved the blonde with all her heart, realizing what an amazing person she was soon after joining the Phantom Thieves. But every time she was in a room with Ann, those feelings of inadequacy that she tried extremely hard to bury kept coming back up, dominating her thought processes. She hated it, hated it whenever Ann mentioned one of her stupid modeling gigs. And she had no idea what was stirring in her heart, she was completely ignorant to how much frustration she caused her every time she talked about modeling. Makoto clenched her first as she stared at that flower.

Calm. Down.

The girls, as usual, didn't notice anything. They talked amongst themselves for a bit before Ann let out a frustrated groan.

"Oh come on!" Ann typed away at her phone. "Are we ever going to Mementos? Why are these guys always so late?"

Makoto checked her phone.

Yusuke: Unfortunately, I will have to be a little late too. I believe I should be there by the time Akira arrives.

Makoto could hardly believe it. Her day just kept getting worse and worse. The rest of the girls were quick to grill the boys, and she calmly vented her frustration a little bit as she typed out a response.

I NEED to kick something's ass, Makoto thought.

---

Makoto had an immense amount of respect for Akira Kurusu, aside from the fact that he could be a tardy jackass.

Makoto really couldn't place a definite finger on what exactly she thought about him. He was definitely an admirable person, risking his life many times to help those in need. He was caring, understanding, extremely good at helping people work out their problems, and had a knack for bringing the best out of people. Makoto couldn't understand why, but something about Akira just attracted good kinds of people towards him. He was also an incredibly capable leader. Upon joining the Thieves, Makoto was appointed second-in-command, and she prided herself in her ability to solve problems clearly and efficiently. But she had to admit, without Akira, the group would have perished long ago. He was the glue that kept them all together, he was the one who guided them through the palaces, he was the one who always had a plan up his sleeve.

But there was more to him than just his capabilities as a leader. Makoto had trouble describing it. Akira was… Akira was different. He looked at her… different. He talked to her… different. She kept comparing him to the boys at Shujin, the ones who always wanted something from her, the ones that fueled her insecurities, the ones that looked her up and down and catcalled her and made inappropriate remarks to her, the ones that made her feel like garbage, like a thing. Akira just wasn't like that. He cared for her, not just as a teammate, but just as a person. He wanted nothing from her, and expected nothing in return for his support. When she had a problem, she knew she could always sit down with him and just talk things out.

But there was still just something off about Akira. Despite her admiration of him, she hesitated calling him a close friend. True, they hung out a lot and she always enjoyed his company. But her hesitation stemmed more from how she believed he perceived her. Akira had this weird habit of keeping his face completely neutral around her at almost all times. He also had a hard time keeping eye contact with her, or even looking in her general direction, often averting his gaze somewhere else, as if he were mindful not to have her in his sights for too long. Sure, he would occasionally smile or frown, or do something to remind her that he wasn't a robot, but this was completely different from how he acted around his other friends, even girls. Akira came to life whenever he was talking to Yusuke or Ryuji, those two were clearly his besties. A spark in his eye lit up every time he played games with Futaba, or gardened with Haru, or ate crepes with Ann. Makoto could tell how much Akira enjoyed the company of his friends, how much he needed them to keep himself sane after a bout of traversing the Metaverse.

So why? Why was Makoto the odd one out? Was she too bossy? That couldn't be it, Akira constantly asked her for her advice during missions, and she learned to keep her thoughts to herself unless they were necessary. Was it… Was it just that he didn't like her? Did he only spend so much time with her out of necessity? This was a common thought that Makoto had, and as the days went by she started becoming more confident that it was the truth. She wanted Akira to like her, she really did. He was one of the few males in her life that she felt any connection with, and she really did not want to ruin it. Not that Yusuke, Ryuji, or Morgana were bad guys, far from it, in fact. They were polite, kind-hearted gentlemen just like Akira, and she was proud to call them her friends, although they each had their own little eccentric habits. But Akira…

Well, Akira was just different.

She watched him slowly zip the backpack back up from the ground, his face hidden behind his hair. Haru was petting Morgana on her lap now, and was done roasting Akira. Futaba almost immediately went over to Yusuke and commanded him to draw some character from an anime she saw last night, which he quickly obliged after he took out his sketchpad.

"Ann-chan, would you like to pet Mona-chan?" Haru asked kindly.

Morgana shot up on his legs. "Yeah, Lady Ann! I love it when you get the back of my ears!"

Ann giggled at the cat's innocent request. She reached over and gently scratched his ears. Morgana began to melt.

"Oooooh yeahhhh," the cat moaned. He quickly flopped himself on his back. "Now my belly! Do my belly!"

Ann looked apprehensive, but she fulfilled her friend's request, rubbing his stomach with her palm. His eyes rolled to the back of his head again. "Weeeeeeeee…"

Makoto gulped. This was her chance. She slowly walked over to Akira and tried to catch his attention. "Hello, Akira-kun."

The boy froze a little when he heard her voice. He turned around to face her, the glint in his glasses obscuring his eyes. "Hey Makoto-senpai. Sorry we were a little late. We'll do better next time, I promise."

She sighed. This was getting out of hand. The boys in their group were consistently late to these meetings. What on earth could keep them for so long? "Its fine, Akira. Please, just remember that when you schedule something, other people are waiting for their leader to come. Just try to be more responsible in the future, okay?"

"Okay," Akira said. He tilted his head to the side and looked over at some sign close by.

Not this again, Makoto thought. She needed to figure this guy out. She didn't want to lose him, especially after everything that they've been through. More than anything else, she wanted to be sure that she could call him a friend.

"Hey, Akira?" He looked over to her. "I know we've been busy and all, but if you want, maybe this weekend we can catch a movie or something? There's some mafia flick playing at Shujin, and I remembered your favorite actor was in it. We could go see that if you want."

Oh jeez, she thought, did I come off too strong? I don't want to creep him out. She gave him a smile. "Unless you've got other things planned, of course."

Akira stared at her for a few seconds, not saying anything. Makoto became nervous. Did she say something wrong?

"I… I have to use the bathroom."

And there it is.

Makoto watched as Akira sped off into the public lavatory. She sighed. Why does he always do that whenever she tries talking to him? She pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration.

"I NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM TOO!" Yusuke sprinted past her and zoomed into the men's room at a speed she never saw the artist run at before.

"Wait! Yusuke! You guys, we need to go to Mementos before it gets too dark!" But by the time she finished, he was already through the door, away from earshot.

"Uh, Mako-chan?" Makoto turned around and saw Ann standing before her, holding a very satisfied Morgana in her hands. "M-maybe you should pet Mona for a while." Ann transferred the cat into Makoto's arms. The blond looked at her own hands for while, shuddered without really understanding why, and walked toward the bathroom. "I'm… gonna wash my hands real quick. I feel dirty."

Makoto sighed as she scratched Morgana's belly, not noticing his tongue rolling out of his mouth. What is with my friends?

---

"Okay, so are we FINALLY ready to explore Mementos? No more bathroom breaks or forgotten cats?"

"I feel like we're missing something…"

"Oh, God, what now?"

"Shit! Where's Ryuji?"

Akira groaned loudly. He just wanted to get this over with. His headache hadn't gone away, and his latest trip to the bathroom took more time than he would care to admit, mainly because Yusuke had the sense of mind to use the stall RIGHT NEXT TO HIS and kept banging the walls every time he moaned in pleasure, the creep. Akira tried to put aside the realization that he had just sunk to Yusuke's pathetic, bottom-feeder level after he wacked off a fattie in a fucking subway bathroom stall. His right hand still shook, but this time his nutsack screamed in pain every time he took a step.

God, where the fuck is Ryuji?

As if on cue, the blond delinquent himself appeared. His eyes, at one point so vibrant and full of energy, looked completely dead. His back was slouched, even more than it usually was. His gaze simply stared off into space, and his mouth was open, drool drippling down from his moist lower lip.

"Oh my God!" Ann quickly walked up to him. "Ryuji, are you okay?"

The boy's eyes slowly traveled to Ann's. There was no life in them.

"Heyyyyyy Annnnnnnn," he slurred. Ryuji blankly nodded to everyone else. "Ssssssup?"

Akira ran his hand through his hair and pulled tightly. He knew exactly what was going on, but he didn't want the girls to worry. "Don't worry about him, you guys, he gets like this sometimes. All he needs is a little exercise in Mementos and he'll be right as rain. Right, Ryuji?" Akira smacked his shoulder, causing the blond to perk up a bit.

"Y-yeah! Let's uh, let's go…" His words trailed off. "Uh, where we go again?"

"To Mementos, idiot!" Morgana shouted at him. "Goddamn, you are so stupid."

"I knew that!"

Akira pulled his phone out and open the MetaNav. Everything's gonna be fine.

---

This was a brand-new floor in Mementos, but Akira really couldn't give less of a shit. After a while, they all started blurring together and looking the same. And what's up with those names? What was it? The Paths of Cumquat and Milquetoast? Some stupid bullshit like that.

Why does my head hurt so much oh my God oh my God oh my GOD.

Of course, he knew the answer to that one already, but Akira had a habit of asking himself obvious questions. If there's one thing he's learned in his short, virgin life, it's that a man can't bust seven hard nuts in one day without feeling like a tooth.

"Woahh, okay." Futaba was focusing, scanning the floor with her goggles. "Huh. This is kinda weird."

"What's up?" Akira asked.

"I… don't see anyone here. Like, this floor is big. REALLY big, but nobody is here. I can't detect any shadows whatsoever."

"That-that has to be a mistake," Makoto said. "Oracle, check again, please."

"Already did. Like, three times already. Ain't got anything."

Makoto gulped for some reason. "Mona?"

"I don't sense anything, Queen," the cat said. "Oracle's right. There's nothing."

Makoto let out a big, long, sigh and rubbed her forehead. "A-alright…"

What is her deal?

Akira didn't waste any time on making a decision. "Great, so if there're no enemies, we can just split up and cover more ground. There's probably a treasure or two here. Mona, Skull, Fox, you guys are with me. The rest of you can explore the other parts of the floor. Sound good?"

Everybody nodded.

"Great. Let's go."

---

Once the girls were well beyond earshot, Akira called the boys to attention. "Guys, we've got some serious problems."

Ryuji, who had been drooling during the entire ride over, focused his dim, beady eyes on Akira. "Whaddya mean, Joker?"

"Ryuji," Akira said, "how many times have you masturbated today?"

Normally Ryuji would be taken aback at the directness of this question, but today he was being extra stupid for some reason. He craned head up and mindlessly scratched his neck. "I dunno. I kinda lost count after the tenth or eleventh time."

Yusuke, Akira, and Mona stopped dead in their tracks and stared at the blond.

"E-eleven times?" Yusuke was amazed. "You lost track after ELEVEN times?"

"I mean, I think it was eleven? Definitely more than ten. Yeah, definitely."

"Daaaaamn dude!" Morgana laughed. "Why am I not surprised that a big retard like you spent his entire day jerking off? I didn't even bust that many nuts on the day I met Lady Ann." Morgana started drooling. "MMMMMMMM Lady Annnnnn…"

"Ryuji, you can't be serious." Even thinking about cumming that much hurt Akira's brain. He could practically hear his malnourished, bruised, battered pecker screaming in pain, begging him not to follow in his retarded friend's example. Sometimes, Akira felt genuine pity for his dick: if he were trapped in a room with nothing but his phone and an internet connection to keep him company, he knew that he would tugboat his cock until the damn skin came off and nothing but red-hot muscle greeted his hand.

"Nah dude, I remember it like it was yesterday. I came a lot."

"It was TODAY you idiot!" Morgana, having put up with Akira's world-class taunts and bouts of physical abuse, was grateful to have a retarded friend like Ryuji around. He was a great guy that he could roast 24/7 and not feel an ounce of remorse for.

Yusuke, however, seemed to take this situation in a completely different way. He grabbed Ryuji by the shoulder and looked deep into his eyes. "Ryuji," Yusuke breathed, a hint of desperation in his voice. "Please. Tell me your secrets. How do I become like you?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. Watch a lotta porn I guess? Don't go outside for an entire day?"

Akira could tell Yusuke was mentally taking notes. "What the fuck is wrong with you two? Guys, focus!" He shouldn't have yelled; his already pulsing headache just got even worse. He took a deep, long breath, and composed himself. "This is exactly what I'm talking about. Guys, we are addicted to masturbating!"

"No we're not," Morgana said immediately.

"Um, yes we are."

"Nope."

Akira hated this. Morgana was one of those people who automatically disagreed with people immediately after they suggested something, without even thinking about what was being said or why it should be disagreed with. Akira couldn't tell if the cat was a genuine ignoramus or was just trying to take the piss out of him. Probably both.

He sighed. "Look, guys, the girls are really mad at us. Do you know why?" His teammates stared at him blankly. "Because we're always late! And do you know why we're always late?"

Yusuke scratched his chin for a moment. "Because it takes longer to orgasm the more times you do it?"

"Ye-NO! We're always late because we spend all of our time jerking off! How are we supposed to be effective Phantom Thieves like this? Are we really just fine with spending our entire lives jerking off and not actually getting laid? Ryuji, buddy, who were you thinking about when you came?"

"That depends," Ryuji replied. "Which time?"

"Anytime. The first time."

"First it was Ann." Morgana gave Ryuji a quick low-five, complimenting his taste. "Then Haru. Then that hot girl in my gym class. Then some k-pop star whose name I don't know, then Haru again…" Ryuji trailed off. "Yeah, tonight was primarily a Haru night, now that I think about it."

Akira nodded sagely. He's been there before. "Okay, great. Now, have you ever considered the possibility that you don't have to just fantasize about banging Haru?"

Ryuji's blank, mindless stare didn't change a bit. Akira sighed.

"Have you ever thought that, maybe, you could actually, I dunno, talk to Haru, or Ann, or that hot girl in your gym class, or whoever really, and ask them out on a date? So your fantasies could become realities and you wouldn't have to spend all of your time masturbating?"

Ryuji looked genuinely confused, as did Yusuke. "I don't follow," the artist said blankly. "Are you suggesting that we should…" Yusuke spent a few seconds thinking about how to phrase this foreign concept into words. "Are you saying that we should ACTUALLY have sex with women, and not just spend all day busting nuts to the thought of it?"

"Yes, Yusuke. That's exactly what I'm saying."

Yusuke didn't seem to understand. "But… but why would we do such a thing?"

"Are you kidding? The only reason why we masturbate is because we can't get laid. And we can't get laid because we're pathetic virgins with no idea how to interact with women. And we're pathetic virgins because we spend all day masturbating. Do you see what I'm saying? Something's gotta give, you guys! We have to do something to break this cycle! Aren't you tired of using your hand as a substitute for a vagina?"

The boys thought for a moment. Yusuke shook his head. "No, not really."

"Me neither," Ryuji said. "I don't see anything wrong with it."

"And what do I care?" Morgana asked. "I'm a cat! Once I get my sexy human body back, I'll be clapping so many cheeks that I won't even think about my hand!"

Akira knew that this would happen. Truth be told, this wasn't the first time this thought came to mind. Some days, after an intense session, he would stare at himself in the mirror, flinging insults to himself, chastising himself for resorting to jerking it instead of actually talking to girls. Akira wasn't exactly a vain person, but he had to admit that he was a pretty attractive guy. He showered regularly, made sure he didn't stink, made sure his clothes looked nice.

I mean, I'm not some god that can get any girl he wants just by flexing at her, he often thought to himself, but come on, I shouldn't be spending this much time masturbating! Can't I get a girl? Any girl?

Akira knew, however, that deep down, he didn't actually want 'any girl,' despite what he kept telling himself. He wanted THAT girl, the girl who he spent more time thinking about than any other, and not even in a sexual way. He thought about holding her hand. He thought about comforting her when she was sad. He thought about taking her out, laughing with her as he cracked stupid jokes, her giving him that warm, sincere, heart-melting smile that made his mind race.

It was so weird. When Akira thought about Ann, he thought about ramming her from behind, and that usually did the trick. When he thought about Haru, he thought about her riding him on a bed, and that was enough to make him cum. But Makoto was…

Makoto was just different.

"Listen, Joker," Yusuke reasoned. "I understand what you are getting at. I think that it is admirable that you are trying to help us, and I understand that masturbating this much is not what society deems a 'healthy amount.' But I truly think you overestimate us. I'm adept at using katanas and ice magic to curbstomp mythological creatures into the dust. I am also an artist, and can draw you anything you want. Ryuji has big muscles and an excellent respiratory system. He can smack shadows around like he's Conan the Barbarian and then run for several miles without even getting winded. And Morgana is a naturally gifted fighter, his wind magic and knack for detecting shadows proving an invaluable asset to our team. But, Joker, you must understand. All of us, you included, I am sure, would much rather spend all day in our rooms, beating ourselves off, than risk the shame and humiliation of getting rejected by a woman. Am I right, fellas?"

Ryuji and Morgana nodded sadly. "He's got a point, Joker," Morgana said. "We're pussies."

This response didn't surprise Akira at all. In fact, that was often the same exact conclusion that he came to himself. He didn't want to admit it, but despite his good qualities, Akira knew that he was too much of a coward to try and date a girl. There were so many times, so many times during his stay in Tokyo, where it was just him and Makoto, all alone. Maybe they were in the Shujin Student Council room, discussing their strategies for infiltrating the next palace, or maybe he was walking her back to the train after a double feature in a movie theater. And every time he found himself in that situation, he always got nervous, always started thinking about the what-ifs.

Makoto Niijima…

For all her annoying quirks, Akira valued Makoto as a friend, as a teammate. He often thought about how happy he would be, how fulfilled his life would become, if his fantasy of gently kissing Makoto's soft, perfect lips became a reality, if he could actually reach out and wrap his arms around her thin, shapely waist as she pressed her body against his.

But for some reason, for some damn, stupid, silly reason, he could never take the first step. He wanted to be with her, and he wanted it badly. But every time he thought about taking the initiative, every time he wanted to ask her out, every time he wanted to propose being more than just friends…

Well, usually he would just go to the bathroom and masturbate until his urethra burned, really.

"Guys," Akira said. "Have you ever thought that it's just… I dunno, a little creepy?"

"What do you mean?" Ryuji asked.

"Like…" Akira struggled with his words. "We all masturbate while thinking about these girls, our friends. I know that it's a natural thing to do. Everybody masturbates. But we do it so often. Don't you ever feel like we're objectifying them by doing this? We constantly think of them as things to have sex with, right? I mean, when you're masturbating, there's really nothing wrong with that, you just need an outlet to get rid of all your pent-up sexual energy. But this is so common for us that… I dunno, what if the way we think about them while we masturbate is the way we think about them in reality? What if, deep down, we all actually view them as nothing but objects? Isn't that fucked up?"

Yusuke was taken aback at Akira's words. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but no words came. Finally, after thinking over what was just told to him, he spoke. "N-no! Absolutely not! Akira, how could you say that? I…"

It was clear to Akira that his words caught Yusuke by surprise. This thought never occurred to the artist before, and he could tell that Yusuke was trying his hardest to leverage this new point of view.

"I love our friends. They are wonderful young women. Haru, Makoto, Futaba, Ann. Even our female allies who are not necessary part of the Phantom Thieves. All of them. They are strong, they are resourceful, they are admirable. No. No, Joker, I… I cannot agree with you! I admit it, I masturbate a lot, and when I do, I think about women in rather… disrespectful ways. But when everything is said and done, when I return to reality, when I join our friends on an adventure, I never, ever, think of them as anything else except as my equals. And that goes for all women as well!"

Morgana also spoke up after thinking about what Akira said as well. "I know I joke around a lot. And I know it's hard for me to control my… urges. But I would die to protect Lady Ann. Hell, I would die to save any of our friends. I'm with Yusuke on this one, even though… Even though what you said about objectifying them when we jerk off is pretty true."

Ryuji nodded. It seemed to Akira that his marbles were slowly restored, and Ryuji had a bit more of his wits about him. "I get what Joker is saying, though. I can be a… I can be a really shallow guy sometimes. Women aren't just things for us to stick our cocks into. I know that! But I'm horny a lot, and when I get horny I just start thinking about girls in ways that normally would never cross my mind. Oh God, and actually seeing those girls after you spent an hour jacking off to the thought of them fucking you…"

The other boys shuddered as Ryuji trailed off. They knew exactly what Ryuji was talking about, and it wasn't a feeling they ever quite got used to.

The four friends stood there in silence, forgetting all about Mementos or exploring this floor. They just stood there and thought to themselves, not saying a single word. A cold, heavy air weighed down on them, keeping them in place.

Suddenly, Akira remembered something. He looked up at Yusuke. "Hold up. What did you just say?"

Yusuke tilted his head slightly. "Um, what do you mean?"

"You said that the girls are wonderful women and the way you think about them in reality is different from your sex fantasies. You said that, didn't you?"

"Essentially, yes." Yusuke was visibly confused. "What are you trying to say?"

"I'm sorry, I'm just a little a confused. Repeat to me, word for word, who exactly are you talking about?"

"Our… our female teammates, leader. Haru, Makoto, Futab-"

Yusuke's sentence was interrupted by Akira's scream.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

Morgana and Ryuji jumped back at Akira's outburst. What was going on?

"Akira, what has gotten into you?!"

"YOU JACKED OFF TO FUTABA!" Akira began hyperventilating. "Oh my God, what the fuck Yusuke? What the fuck what the fuck what the FUCK! What is wrong with you!?"

"Umm…" Yusuke wasn't sure where this was going. "Yes? I think we have already established that we all masturbate the thought of our female teammates. What's your point?"

Akira was at a loss for words. He only just noticed that his headache, which disappeared as their conversation went on, was back again. His hand began its masturbation-dance (that's what he called it) again.

"How the fuck could you masturbate to Futaba? Like, HOW!?"

"Jesus, dude," Ryuji chimed in. "Chill. What's the big deal?"

"What's the big deal? She's my sister! She's like, a sister to all of us!"

"Okay, first off, no she's not," Ryuji said. "She ain't related to you, or any of us. And second: bro, I know she ain't as tall as the others and she doesn't have big boobs and whatever, but Futaba is cute AF, man."

"I have to agree," Yusuke said. "I don't know what kind of quasi-familial relationship you have with her, but Futaba is quite attractive."

Akira turned to his freaky cat-friend. "You too, Mona?"

He nodded. "Yup. She's a cutie patootie wootie."

"Never say that again."

"Fuck you."

Akira was about to give a retort and explain his reasoning for why all of his friends were being fucking creepy, but Morgana's ears suddenly perked up. He looked down the hallway of Mementos and squinted, before opening his eyes widely in surprise.

"Um, guys? We got a problem."

"Hm? What is it?"

Morgana stepped back. "I… can't tell. I sense something. It's kinda like a shadow, but I can't put my finger on it."

"Hold on!" Ryuji gripped his weapon tight. "You and Oracle both said that there was nothin' on this floor, remember?"

"Yeah, we did, but I guess we were wrong." Morgana gulped. "I just, I just have a really weird feeling about this right now. I can't tell what I'm looking at."

The other boys unsheathed their weapons and took an aggressive stance.

"Do you think it's the Reaper?" Akira asked.

"I'm not sure." Morgana gulped. "Oh, oh man! It's coming towards us!"

Akira scolded himself. He was the leader, how could he let his guard down so easily? "Fox, Skull, Mona! Call out your Personas! I want any buffs you guys have on us, NOW!" The three thieves immediately obliged, quickly casting magic mirrors and strength boosts to the four teammates. Akira called out his own Persona, and cast his own buff. "What's its ETA, Mona?"

"It's getting closer by the second!"

"Can we outrun it?"

"We can't! It's going faster than my top speed when I transform into a car! God, it's so fast! Get ready!"

Akira hadn't been this nervous in Mementos for a long time. What the hell could Morgana possibly be seeing? He was ready for a fight, but he began to regret telling the team to split up. He knew that he could trust his friends' abilities to scan areas for enemies, so splitting the team up to cover more ground seemed like a good call. Something like this never happened though. If this shadow, or whatever it was, became too hard for them to handle, then they needed to regroup with the others, or else they'll be sitting ducks.

The boys could hear it. It was travelling far down the tunnel, its loud steps getting closer and closer as the seconds ticked by. The boys could only see so far into the dark tunnel, but eventually, the thing's form began to materialize before them. It was fast, and only getting bigger and more defined.

Sweat dripped down Akira's head. This is it, he thought. C'mon already!

Before Akira could give out any orders, before the four friends could start dishing out their attacks, the creature before them appeared in full vision in front of them or a brief second. Before they had any time to react, the creature jumped up into the air at the speed of light, zooming past all of their heads. Before the thieves knew what was going on, the thing was already behind them.

They turned around quickly, startled at the creature's impressive speed. They saw it, its back turned to them as it landed from its jump. It appeared humanoid. It fell into a crouching position, before slowly rising on its two legs. Without warning, the thing spun around, facing the Phantom Thieves.

The boys had never seen anything like this before. It wasn't some kind of mythological being that they encountered so often, nor was it a legendary hero or abstract god. It was… some guy. He looked like a perfectly normal human. There weren't any weird tentacles or weapons on him, or any semblance, really, of some hidden power. He looked like any guy you would see standing on the sidewalk.

He even wore perfectly normal, human clothes, although Akira immediately thought that he looked like he just came from some frat boy douchebag convention. He wore a white, slightly pink Oxford button-down with matching shorts, a typical, brown belt holding it in place. His sleeves were rolled up to reveal somewhat muscular forearms, and on his left wrist, a gold, expensive-looking watch, the kind you only see Soundcloud rappers wear. His shorts revealed a pair of shins, which were harshly faded toward the bottom. Akira couldn't tell exactly, but it seemed like this guy had a really bad case of sock-tan. This faux-pas was made all the more awkward by the guy's brown, sockless boat shoes.

His face was clean-cut, and his head was attached to one of the thickest necks Akira had ever laid eyes on. Curiously, he was a white guy. This wasn't exactly a super-uncommon sight to be had in Tokyo, especially in this day and age, but Akira still wasn't used to seeing anybody who didn't look Japanese, having spent most of life in a small town on the east coast that rarely received tourists or any international attention at all. A large, fake-looking gem sparkled on his earlobe.

For a while, nothing happened. The four friends were still a little stunned, and not quite sure what just happened. The two parties simply stared at each other, not saying anything. After about twenty seconds of waiting, the unknown guy before them broke his plain, neutral expression, and revealed a magnificent, cocky smile. His hands slowly rose up from his sides. Yusuke and Ryuji shifted their weight, preparing to strike if the guy tried anything funny. Coming closer and closer together, the guy raised his hands to his midsection, until they were firmly, yet comfortably, clasped together.

Everything shook. Akira thought the tunnel would collapse on them as they stumbled to and fro, trying to regain balance from the violently shaking Mementos. The guy was clearly undisturbed, remaining completely stable as the ground cracked and debris fell from the ceiling.

"Shit! Shit!" Akira didn't expect this at all. Had they ever met a shadow that could do something like this? The dude barely did anything, and suddenly the entire world felt like it was going to collapse. Any thoughts he once had about the white guy being human dissipated immediately. "Yusuke, throw some ice at him!"

The artist obliged, summoning his Persona, and casting his most powerful ice attack at the newcomer. The attack bounced off of him, clearly doing little damage. He didn't even seem to notice that it was there.

"Fuck. Ryuji, lightning!"

Even with the powerful thunderstorm Ryuji created, it had just about the same effect as Yusuke's ice. Without waiting for orders, Mona sent a powerful wind attack, but to the same effect. Akira grit his teeth. Could anything harm this guy?

The leader was just about to summon his own Persona, when something unexpected happened. The dude spoke.

It was low, deep. It made Akira's heart shudder and his arms shake. What the fuck is going on?

"Stop." The guy's voice reverberated around them. It was loud, but he clearly wasn't shouting. Their bodies suddenly froze, they couldn't move their limbs, no matter how hard they tried.

"W-what the hell?!" Ryuji cried. "I can't move anythin'!"

The boys began to levitate into the air, making Akira's heart beat even faster than before.

"Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck," Morgana screamed. "IdonwannadieIdonwannadieIdonwannadie!"

"Mona! Skull! Calm the fuck down! Everything is going to be alright!" Akira commanded. Despite how terrified he was, something seemed off about this whole situation. If he wanted us dead, why didn't he just do it by now? Akira thought. What's he trying to do?

Mementos stopped shaking. Everything went quiet as the boys stayed levitated in the air, unable to move. Was this guy some kind of god? What did he want from them? What was he trying to accomplish?

Slowly, the boys were pulled towards the monster before them. His expression hadn't changed in the slightest. His hands were still clasped together, that smile still plastered tight on his face. As they got closer to his face, however, the boys noticed something odd. That thing's eyes. They were black, beady. There was no life, no soul to be found in them. Despite his earth-shattering smile and cocky demeanor, staring at that dude's eyes felt like staring into a bottomless pit.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the thing spoke again.

"What day is it tomorrow?"

That question hung in the air for a while. Nobody wanted to say anything. Akira looked around. His friends were sweating just as much as he was, and they were all thinking the same thing, whether or not they should reply, or what would befall them if they gave the wrong answer. The guy didn't seem to care, however. Despite their silence, his expression remained unchanged, not showing even the slightest hint of annoyance at their muteness.

Finally, Ryuji opened his mouth. "W-Wednesday?"

The thing turned its head and looked Ryuji square in the eyes. The boy gulped loudly.

"Yes," the guy said. "It is. But what day will it be?"

Akira thought for a moment. "Um… November 1st, right?"

The guy snapped his head at lightning speed to face Akira. He was sure that he could hear the dude's bones cracking in his neck, there was no way a guy could move that quickly without getting his shit fucked. The sudden movement and eye contact took Akira by surprise, and he only just barely stopped himself from pissing his Metaverse pants.

"Yes," the thing said, plainly. "It is. November 1st. Otherwise known as…"

The tunnel began to shake again. It was more violent, more chaotic than before. Akira was surprised that the walls didn't crack. The monster's eyes began to change, too. The dark, lifeless color they once had gave way to a bright, piercing, blue shine. They lit up suddenly, and with such an intensity that the boys thought they would go blind at its power. The monster's voice was even louder, even more threatening than it was before, but accompanied by a horrible, ear-splitting quality that reminded Akira of a guy screaming into a poor-quality microphone.

"OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE FIRST DAY OF NO NUT NOVEMBER."

Any piss that Akira managed to keep in his bowels rushed out entirely.

A dark, ominous glow began to materialize around the boys. It focused, and came down on their crotches. Akira could feel a tight, tight pressure on his nutsack and yogurt shaft, making him howl in pain. The other boys were in the same boat, screaming and desperately trying to break free from the monster's hold so that they could grab their poor petite pricks.

After what felt like hours, but was probably only for a few seconds, the monster released his hold on the four, letting them collapse on the ground. The package-crushing light was gone, and the boys could freely grab their crotches and try their best to nurture their aching dicks back to health. They groaned and groveled on the ground, completely powerless before the god before them.

His eyes still glowing and the ground still shaking, the monster opened its mouth again. "YOU FOUR HAVE BEEN CHOSEN TO CARRY THIS WONDEROUS MONTH TO HEART. FROM NOW, UNTIL THE VERY LAST SECOND OF NOVEMBER, YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO NUT. YOU CANNOT JERK OFF. YOU CANNOT LET THE TEMPTATIONS OF WOMEN WEAKEN YOUR SOULS. YOU MUST CARRY THROUGH THIS HELLISH GAUNTLET UNTIL THE BITTER END. SHOULD YOU PROVE VICTORIOUS, YOU WILL EXPERIENCE A POWER UNLIKE ANYTHING YOU HAVE EVER FELT BEFORE. BUT, IF ONE OF YOU FOUR GO SLAPPING SOME THOT'S CHEEKS, OR DECIDE TO PRACTICE THE SKIN FLUTE…"

The dark light returned on their crotches, squeezing their dicks again like a vice, their hands doing nothing to protect them from the pain.

"THEN YOUR DICKS SHALL BE FORFEIT. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"

There was nothing Akira could do. He was drooling on the ground, the pain making his mind go blank. He was only barely registering what the guy was saying, but he had to say something, anything to stop this hell. "Y-YES! I UNDERSTAND!"

"I UNDERSTAND!" Yusuke cried. "Please, oh GOD please put an end to this!"

Ryuji was smashing his head against the ground, obviously preferring to get a concussion than feel his junk getting this fucked. "I UNDERSTAND," he screamed.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'LL DO ANYTHING YOU SAYYYYY!" Morgana screamed.

Almost immediately after Morgana said those words, the pain vanished. They boys no longer felt like their manhoods were in danger of going extinct, but it left them with a horrible soreness that they knew would be there throughout the coming weeks.

Mementos also stopped shaking. The ground stabilized, allowing the boys to grovel and writhe in peace.

The fiend's eyes stopped glowing, and returned to the black, formless void they once were. His smile and clasped-together hands, however, hadn't moved a bit since the ordeal began, keeping that godly, otherworldly pose.

"Okay, then," the guy said. His voice was at a normal pitch, no longer the deafening rumble it once was. He turned around and started walking back into the dark depths of the tunnel. "See you fags later."

Akira couldn't believe it. This, this… this douchebag wannabe white boy motherfucker with sock tans brighter than the fucking sun just put a curse on their dicks and was about to leave as quickly as he appeared. Just what the fuck was going on? None of this made any sense!

"W-wait!" Akira managed to scream. That managed to get the guy's attention, as he stopped in his tracks, his back still turned to them.

"W…why?" Akira had a million questions running through his mind. Where did this guy come from? What was he? WHO was he? How did he manage to get into Mementos? Was he a shadow? But despite this, only one question managed to escape his lips. "Why are you doing this to us?"

The guy said nothing. He slowly turned around and faced them again. He had the same exact expression, the same exact pose he had before. But something was different. His eyes, which were once so lifeless and cold, now shone with the faintest, tiniest glimmer. It wasn't much, but all four thieves could see it. Something about this shine moved their hearts immensely. It was unlike anything they had ever seen before.

The guy opened his mouth one last time and spoke his final words before he slowly faded away and disappeared before their very eyes.

"You know I had to do it to em."

And like a dream, he was gone.

The boys said nothing. The confusion of what they just saw, combined with the pain their dicks were still in, warranted no comment. Akira could feel himself lose his grip on his own consciousness, the soreness and situation being too much to bear.

"What. The. Fuuuuccckkk…." Akira moaned, before gently closing his eyes, and passing out on the ground.

---

A/N

And there we have it. What are your thoughts? Leave a review!

pls bully

-Kiril