A/N: I know, I ought to be working on my more important I couldn't ignore the tantalizing pull of this one any longer! So please, enjoy my second drunk marriage fic!

A Drunken Marriage to Schneeze At

Summary: Qrow was having a bad day. Hitting the bar and drinking seemed like a good idea. Except the next morning, he wakes up to find himself between the Ice Queen and her sister with rings on their fingers. What happened last night?

*Chapter 1*

Qrow hated being a teacher sometimes.

His hands were in the pockets of his dress pants, and he was hunched over as he tried to stay awake at his desk. 'Why? Why did I agree to this? What in the name of Oum was I thinking?'

It was night at Beacon now, with most of the other staff already home. But not him.

No, he had to stay and make sure no one tried to rob the prestigious academy. Or set it on fire.

He wondered why the hell he took up Ozpin's offer to become a teacher at his school while Peter Port took a vacation to tend to his cow Edgar. It's not like Qrow was great with a bunch of kids, when he didn't even have one of his own. He tried his best to raise Ruby and Yang while Taiyang battled with depression thanks to losing two lovers, and he liked to think he did a good job with them.

With Ruby, mostly. He did teach her how to become an awesome reaper like him. Still too young to drink though, no matter how many times she insisted she was grown up because she drank milk.

Qrow rubbed his eyes, yawning, and he picked up the black pen on his desk before he started grading the tests from last week's exam on Grimm Biology. The stack was enormous, and he groaned inwardly at the mere thought of having to stay the entire damn night. 'I thought I was done with this crap when I resigned from Signal. And yet here I am, back to grading tests and losing even more sleep. Yay me.'

Qrow picked up the cup of coffee sitting on top of a small coaster, sniffed its contents, and satisfied that it still smelled like delicious hazelnut, gulped it down. "Ahhhhhh, that hit the spot." 'It's not like I can just drink whiskey all day anymore. Dammit Oz.'

One of the rules he now had to follow as a teacher was, 'No displays of drinking alcohol of any kind'. He was also forbidden from wearing a kilt. That joke apparently died when Port chugged a forty ounce bottle of vodka. 'Dammit Port. You had to ruin it for the rest of us.'

Qrow looked over the test of one Weiss Schnee, and he rolled his eyes when he saw the little princess's frilly handwriting. He was tempted to mark it down as incorrect due to the fact he couldn't read it. 'You've gotta be kidding me...I can't even read this crap!'

He would've marked it down, too. But then Glynda Goodwitch entered the room, sympathy in her green eyes. "Ozpin told me that you were still here grading papers. Rough night?"

"That's putting it lightly," Qrow grumbled. "Half of these damn kids' handwriting is unreadable. Especially that little Schnee princess."

Glynda rolled her eyes and patted his hand. "Take the night off. I'll stay here for you."

Qrow was surprised at the kind gesture; Glynda had a fierce reputation as a stern disciplinarian who did not put up with stupid crap.

But one thing was for sure; he was not about to let an opportunity to indulge in a drinking night escape his grasp. "Thanks. I'll give you a call when I wake up." 'The gods themselves have aligned this perfect night. Next stop: the nearest bar and cute barmaid.'

Qrow opened the window and leapt out, transforming into a crow and flying out of Beacon. The crisp nighttime air felt good on his feathers, and he soared into the city of Vale with renewed vigor. Once in the city walls, he reverted his form and landed on the ground, cape trailing behind him. "Hehe...like a boss." 'Thanks for the gift, Oz. It definitely makes things a little easier on me.'

Ozpin had given the gift of being able to shapeshift to Qrow and his sister. But Raven began to mistrust Ozpin, and she left to go back to her tribe of bandits while Qrow stayed loyal. 'Gimme a damn break, Raven. You dump your own daughter on Taiyang and abandon us. Real mother of the year material.'

He stalked down the night streets, stopping once he found himself standing in front of a large bar, aptly named 'Blood Gulch Liquors'. 'Never knew about this place. Is it new?' Qrow prided himself on being the only person in all of Remnant to visit every single bar in the world, so for him to finally find one he never visited, he was surprised.

And he wasn't about to ruin his perfect record.

'Screw it.' Qrow walked in, and he was greeted by a bar fight and loud metal music. A fat brunette man was getting his ass kicked by an old man with a large mustache and beard, while a pair of spectators cheered them on. "Well...that's interesting." 'I'm liking this place already. Bar fights, good liquor, decent music? All I need is a cute barmaid now.'

The bartender was a tired-looking man with tired grey eyes. "What can I get you?"

"Scotch on the rocks," Qrow replied, taking a seat at the bar and keeping an eye on the fight. The fat guy was bleeding from his nose, and the old man was just pummeling him to the ground. "You aren't worried about these two killing each other, are you?" 'That old man sure knows how to throw a punch. Looks like he's been doing it for years.'

"Nah," the bartender replied with a laugh. "Those two are always going at it ever since we opened up two weeks ago. At least they provide us with good entertainment; I imagine it would be pretty dull here without them." He winced when the fat one broke a chair over the other's head. "Come on! Don't break shit now!"

"Fuck you!" the fat guy replied before he got punched squarely in the jaw. He crashed into a table, occupied by a tall pale woman in a beautiful white dress, and she threw him back into the makeshift mosh pit.

"Watch yourself, you pig!" she yelled, making sure to kick him in the back with her heels.

'Hoho, she's pretty damn hot. And it's not like there's a barmaid here,' Qrow smirked. He picked up his glass and made his way over to her, taking a seat. "Hey there, gorgeous. What brings you to a place like this?"

The woman turned to look at him, and he groaned mentally when he saw who it was. 'Ah crap. It's her.' "Oh no...hey Winter. It's been awhile."

It was Winter Schnee. The same woman he had a few run-ins with, and she wasn't too pleased to see him. "Qrow!? What are you doing here!?"

"I could ask you the same thing," Qrow returned, tracing a finger around the rim of his glass. "If you must know, I came here to get a few drinks and hopefully enjoy the company of a pretty woman. And instead, I find you here." 'It's not like I hate her or find her unattractive. That would be a lie.'

He wasn't about to lie; Winter was quite attractive, with her large bust and long legs. She looked particularly good tonight in that dress of hers, as it hugged her frame perfectly.

"Gee, don't you know how to make a woman feel special," Winter replied sarcastically. "Let me guess; you're here because being a teacher sucks and you aren't capable of dealing with it properly?"

"Actually, The Wicked Witch Of Beacon told me to take the night off so she could grade the papers properly," Qrow returned dryly, gulping down his drunk and enjoying the familiar burn as the liquid made its way down his throat. "I thought you Atlesian women were all uptight and hated these kind of places." 'I never would have thought that Winter Schnee of all people would come to a place like this. Full of surprises, aren't you?'

"If you must know, I came here to let my hair down for once while I visit my sister," Winter huffed. "But it seems as though this place is full of idiots."

Qrow chuckled, and the two of them watched the fight continue until finally the old man won by repeatedly smashing his fist into the fat man's face. The loser was unceremoniously thrown out into the street, and the old man wipes smears of blood from his face with a bellowing belly laugh. "And that is how we make orange juice! Someone get me a drink!"

As the cleanup crew arrived to clear the damage caused by the brawl, Qrow stood up, extending his hand to Winter. "Hey, are you a decent dancer at all?" 'I think I can make her less miserable here. All I have to do is use a little charm.'

Winter looked at his hand with a curious look, put down her glass of wine, and took his gesture. "I'll entertain the thought of you being able to make this crappy night worthwhile."

"Hey, I got moves for days, Ice Queen," Qrow grinned. The thumping metal music that was blasting during the impressive fight was replaced by a slow melody, and the two began to waltz.

Qrow held a hand on Winter's waist, and the white-haired woman was looking at him in surprise as they danced. "I never knew you could dance this well. You are an interesting man, Branwen."

"It's part of my charm, Icey," Qrow smirked, spinning her gracefully and dipping her down. "If you think about it, dancing and fighting aren't that different. Two partners, locked together and using fluid movements. Though a mistake on the dance floor only leads to a swollen foot or twisted ankle." 'Sorry Oz. But I'm borrowing some of your words tonight.'

The song ended, and Qrow pushed his bangs back, amused at how worn out Winter seemed. "Want another drink?"

"Yes please," Winter replied breathlessly, latching onto his arm to steady herself. "That is, if you're paying."

"I'll be the gentleman tonight, sure."

Qrow bought them another drink. Then another. And another. And another.

Pretty soon, the two were incredibly drunk; Winter was stumbling all over the place, giggling like a little schoolgirl, and Qrow was having a hard time standing upright himself. "Woah...I think we better call it a night."

"But I'm not Qrow, Drunk," Winter giggled, looking at him with hazy blue eyes. "Don't be a party pooper!"

"We're finding a place to stay and that's final. We don't want to get into trouble now," Qrow returned. The two intoxicated adults started to walk towards the door, throwing lien cards at the bartender on the way out, and the ground rushed up to meet them.

-0-

The next day...

Qrow woke up, and he groaned as he felt his head pounding. "Ugh...where am I?"

He heard movement next to him, and his eyes widened in shock. "Uh oh..."

He was naked.

So was Winter.

She looked horrified. "Qrow!? What are you doing in my bed!?"

Qrow went to answer when another voice perked up. "Winter...? What's going on?" It was Winter's sister, Weiss.

What the hell happened last night?

A/N: I hope you enjoyed :) Word of warning: will contain smut and have irregular updates.

Till next time!