A/N: What follows will be a group of untitled Kurt/Diane ficlets too short to stand on their own. They are in no particular order and while I think they are mostly canon compliant, they do not necessarily exist in the same universe. Most were written in response to prompts on Tumbr, so thanks to anyone who submitted a prompt.
"This is a joke, right?" Kurt waves the heavy ivory cardstock in Diane's general direction. "You're not seriously thinking of going to this…event…are you?"
She sets her coffee cup down on the table and walks over to the desk where Kurt has been sorting through the mail. Removing the RSVP card from between his two fingertips, where he's been holding it like it might contaminate something, she taps the ornate script with her fingernail. "I'm seriously thinking we're going to it, yes. You see here, where I requested two roast beef meals?"
"Nuh-uh." He shakes his head and snatches the card back, tossing it in the wastebasket beside the desk.
"What, you wanted the salmon?"
"No, Diane. No way am I going to that psychopath's wedding."
"Kurt, do you know how much that psychopath spends in legal fees every year? I'm not going to offend him just when some of that money is starting to trickle back to my firm. Not to mention, it's generally just a bad idea to offend psychopaths."
"Is that supposed to be funny?"
"I thought it was a little funny, yes."
Carefully keeping a straight face, she watches him watching her, until he groans and bends down to retrieve the card from the bottom of the wastebasket.
"I can't talk you out of this?" he asks, pointing the card at her.
She shakes her head.
"And if I refuse to go."
"Then I'll go by myself. And I'll have no handy reason to refuse the groom when he asks for a dance."
His eyes narrow. "That's blackmail."
"Yes, it is. Come on," she adds, stepping closer and wrapping her arms around his waist, "It'll be fun. There'll be so many people there, we probably won't even see the happy couple for more than a minute or so. We'll eat, have some wine, maybe dance a bit, and come home. Just like a date, only someone else will foot the bill."
He rolls his eyes, but returns her embrace. "The roast beef is fine."
"Thank you." Kissing him quickly on the lips, she drops her arms and walks over to the stairs. "Oh, and you know, Sweeney has friends with some very interesting…ah…practices. Maybe we can pick up some tips."
She laughs when his eyes widen and his jaw drops. "Tips?" she hears him repeat as she proceeds up the stairs.