Author's Note: Lately I can't write or watch anything but C/B angst. I can't write happy stories so even if I love S/N, I can't write a S/N story 'cause they're not angsty enough for me to write about them. So here this is! This is very depressing actually. I actually wrote this on my phone during English and lunch LOL. This isn't the best writing and this isn't beta-ed so please go easy!
Disclaimer: I don't own Gossip Girl. If I did, I would've shot myself after writing the monstrosity that Season 5 was.
Fatal Attraction
"No limits," Chuck said harshly and walked away. Blair fled to the bathroom and locked the door. The salty tears began pouring down her face as she sobbed. He must have hated her. He never deliberately tried to hurt her before. The simple reason was that Blair wasn't good enough. Someone was always prettier. Someone always outshined her. She was never enough for anyone. He cared so much about Eva, much more than he cared about Blair. Blair eyed the ceramic toilet bowl with interest. She had been so good for so long, for what? For who? Blair took a deep breath, then stuck her finger down her throat. She felt awful, but so alive. Blair got some petit fours, macaroons, and a bottle of vodka. She ate a bite of the petit-four. Fuck Serena and her blond hair. She ate a macaroon. Fuck perfect Eva. She took a swig of vodka. Fuck Chuck Bass and her fatal attraction to him. She repeated that cycle until her throat was raw from vomiting. Her eyes were puffy and red from crying. Her mouth smelled like bile. No wonder Chuck didn't love her anymore. He found someone far superior to Blair. And it hurt like hell to Blair.
Blair put on the perfect façade at Columbia. Even when Chuck took that class away from her, she couldn't care less because she couldn't wait to get home and repeat the cycle. Blair had a bottle of scotch this time. Drink. Vomit. Drink. Vomit. That cycle continued when she finished the bottle. She closed her eyes and collapsed onto the floor.
"B! Where are you?" Serena screeched. She eyed the light on in the bathroom. "No," Serena whispered as she got the spare key to the bathroom. At first, Serena was too shocked and horrified to make any noise. Then, she screamed. Blair was laying on the floor, unmoving and covered in bile. The alcohol bottle was empty and the bathroom stank.
Chuck was actually at Blair's, to remind her of the no limits, when he heard a scream. Out of habit, he was sprinting upstairs. Then he reminded himself that he hated Blair, she was his biggest mistake, and he wished he never fell for her. It was probably just Blair causing a scene in front of Serena, Chuck reasoned. The bathroom door was open. His conscience flashing warning bells at him, but his I-don't-give-a-shit-about-Blair-fucking-Waldorf façade brushed it off. He hated himself for flinching, breaking the façade that he didn't care. He did care. He still loved her with all his heart. He hated himself for driving her towards this. He hated himself for loving her, because he would never be good enough. Eva was a façade, his image of a perfect girl. After talking to Blair at the train station, he convinced himself that if he could be a good boyfriend to Eva and showed Blair that, maybe she would take him back. It backfired. Chuck ran from the penthouse. Because that's the only thing he did when he was scared. Ran from the monster that Chuck Bass was.
Blair awoke. Serena winced at her appearance. Bloodshot eyes, puffy skin, and hair askew. "Everything's going to be okay," Serena whispered hugging Blair. Blair remained limp and simply stared at the toilet bowl.
It was okay for a while. Blair spent a few weeks at the Ostroff Center and when she returned, things were great. Chuck eased off on her, Columbia was going well, she had struck up a "friendship" with Cabbage Patch, Nate was back in her life, and Serena was her best friend.
It started when Blair read of Gossip Girl that Chuck abruptly took off for Paris a few months later. Maybe he's off in Paris back with that French whore again, Blair thought maliciously while lifting the joint to her lips. Blair had added drugs to her drink-and-purge cycle. She used whatever she could get her hands on-pot, roofies, LSD, opium, anything. Serena was simply too busy to notice Blair with her new job. They hardly spoken in the past few months. On a particularly shitty day, Blair went to Victrola. She wanted to remember her old self. And the old Chuck Bass. She was drunk and went to the top of the roof. She dipped a toe off of the edge of the roof. "Blair! No!" Serena yelled. She stumbled and slipped. As she fell, she recalled a similar night. Then everything disappeared into darkness.
Chuck Bass still got Gossip Girl notifications. Usually he disregarded them, but the subject of this one was "Ding Dong the witch is dead!" The curiosity won over him and he checked the blast. "Our favorite Queen B dead? Drunk B jumped off the roof of Victrola. A source says that she was trying to remember the ex Dark Knight. How sweet! Maybe they can join each other in hell. Now who will Manhattan be ruled by? Only time will tell. You know you love me. XOXO, Gossip Girl". It can't be true, Chuck tried to convince himself. He forced himself to call Nate. "Is it true, Nathaniel?" Chuck asked without saying hello and braced himself. "Yes. And don't bother coming to her funeral. You brought this on yourself," Nate said harshly and hung up.
It was true. It was all his fault. If only he hadn't slept with Jenny and had waited for Blair. Everything would be different. If only he got a chance to tell her the truth. But he didn't. He was too much of a monster, too much of a coward. He felt sick. He had lost everyone in a few months: Nate, Serena, Eric, Lily, and the most important person, Blair. Eva had left him months ago, because he couldn't say the precious three words eight letters to her. If two people are meant to be together they'll find their way back. Chuck looked for the sleeping pills and alcohol. Game over.