A Dark Path
A deep breath fills my lungs. Slowly I exhale as my eyes weigh heavily. Its amazing what stress can do to you. No rest for the weary tonight. My mind simply won't shut up. Am I right? Am I wrong? I re-adjust myself on the leather sofa and simply stare at the cold steel ceiling. Flashbacks just won't let me sleep. I never knew bombs and blasters could be so loud in the dead silence. Screams of the dying seem as loud as though they are laying on the floor right now. Will they ever be as silent as their corpses? Does a soldier every truly leave the battlefield? How did I survive the nightmare? And what do I do with the ones that never end? Hopefully home will help to quell the memories and not just add to the screaming silence.
Home seems so far away now, especially if you measure distance in time and not parsecs. Five years of war seems like a lifetime. Home seems the only logical choice for me now. I couldn't stay with Victor on Nar Shadda. It's been too soon. He is my brother in arms, and god only knows how many times that veteran saved my hide. I owe him more than my life. I intend on catching up with him later. Now is not the time.
We agreed to go our separate ways for now anyway. It seems so hard to deal with myself by myself though. I just want to cut the memories from my mind with a vibro knife. I wonder how he is taking all this in. I need another drink.
Shawn rose from the dewback sofa that just about filled the small lounge of the Cargo transport that he had newly renamed the "Iron Raven". His hand held the wall as he walked the few short feet to the drink cabinet. A bottle of Duro whiskey was almost empty. He knew it was a bad idea to poor himself another glass full. But sometimes one evil seems to out weigh another. He sipped his fresh glass and walked zig-zaggedly into the cockpit. The Chronometer read three standard hours and change to Carpolia. Plenty of time for a soldier to relive an entire war again.
"What the hell?" Shawn thought as he heard the ear-piercing scream of the hyper drive warning. He rolled off his couch and into a sprint toward the cockpit. Nothing will sober you up faster than a good shot of adrenaline. The chronometer counts down in the double digits as Shawn takes the pilots seat.
That could have been close. Who knows if this piece of rebel heap has an emergency dis-engage. I could have blown right into the atmosphere and into a billion particles. Fitting. Save the rebels the trouble of hunting me down and bringing me back for a court marshal. At least that might be what happens to a spec-force deserter. Of course the Lt. may just send Koth to silence me instead. To Hell with the Lieutenant, to hell with that self righteous Jedi wanna be Koth, and to hell with the rebellion. I've given them more than my life. I've lost part of my soul thanks to them.
Shawn watches as his home comes into real space. A short conversation with the Space controller gets him clearance to land to land at a spaceport in Jarconia. Its daytime as he makes his approach over the Kinscale mountains, and settles the freighter down on the landing pad. The Iron Raven is classed as medium freighter but he assumes its still much too large to land at his fathers house for now.
I wonder how much this is gonna cost me, Shawn grumbled to himself. The credits I sold that rebellion contraband for on Nar Shadda should help me get through until I can get established. My Rebellion credit account isn't gonna be worth womprat spit now anyway. The supplies Me, Victor, and Reek loaded up is a fair trade for our credit accounts. Especially once you throw in the Iron Raven. Though I doubt The Rebellion is gonna agree with me. Oh well, They have enough to deal with anyway. Especially since they destroyed the sphere o' fear and the Emperor along with it.
Shawn grinned slightly at the pun of the death star. He gathered up his important gear and glanced at his damaged speeder bike in the cargo hold. He lowered the ramp and proceeded to rent a land speeder. He was in no mood to haul himself the 50 kilometers up into the mountains to his fathers house.
Nothing smells as good as home, Shawn thought as he drifted the speeder up the lane. I wonder how the homestead has held up since my father died. I know that technically its my homestead now, but it will always be my fathers house in my eyes. Perhaps I should have stayed when he died, but I know how much he hated Palpatine and it felt like the right thing to do. Besides I'm sure the galaxy is better off without a few Imps.
Shawn pulled up to the overgrown drive and shut the speeder down. He grabbed a Duffle pack full of his stuff and began making the trek up the weed filled drive. Perhaps some of the maintenance bots still work Shawn thought as he looked around the place some good memories had come from. He didn't even notice that there was finally a cease-fire in his mind. If only for a short time.