Moonlight Affections

This had become a ritual for me.

Every night the scene would play out the same way. I would climb up the stairs and through the window of my room, and I would see him there. I always sat down next to him, getting a little closer every time. And we would watch the moon in silence.

Tonight was no different. He was there, and I took my place by his side, smiling slightly as I had done so. Now, we were less than a foot apart. I feared getting any closer. He might have shied away or gotten angry with me. Just as any other night, I dealt with those same fears. Turning my gaze to the beautiful pale form of the moon, I completed my nightly ritual.

There was something else that didn't change as well. I once again found myself glancing uncertainly at him with worry of being caught. But I couldn't resist. My gaze would trail from his auburn hair, so messy yet beautiful, to the almost vacant orbs that stared blankly at the moon. Those eyes were captivating and mesmerizing all at the same time. I found myself lost in those deep pools of perfection, a lovely mix of cerulean and emerald. Although, I suppose I couldn't compare them to jewels, as they were far softer and comforting than that.

Was there really any purpose in this? He was an amazing ninja, the leader of his village and the absolutely most gorgeous creature alive. Why would he take any interest in me? I wasn't a ninja. I'm not some great leader of anything, and I paled in comparison to him in every way. I am unworthy to even be here now, staring as I often had before. I'm apparently pessimistic too...

I lightly laugh at the thought, though it's dry and soft, without the humorous feeling laugher should possess. Then I pale as I realized what I had just done had caught his attention. I can feel the blush creeping onto my features as he stares at me in confusion. I feel delighted, regardless of the reasoning for his staring. The point is, he is staring at me. Though, the feeling is fleeting as he abruptly looks away. Painful rejection strives to settle in my stomach, but can't find any space due to the current butterflies occupying it and fluttering about.

My eyes shift back to the sphere hanging above the village before us. It's lovely. I can't help but broaden my smile ever so slightly as I watch the light rays bathing the world in moonlight. They light up his features too. His eyes seem to glow in an almost eerie manner as they reflect the object of my momentary focus. I just can't seem to look away from him. Although, even that fact soon fades as I come to grips that my previous thoughts were true. He doesn't understand love. He could never return these feelings. We could never be anything more than two people sitting on a rooftop. But I still love him.

I had become lost in my own monologue again. This was no different than any other night. I often scolded myself for doing so, as it prevents me from enjoying the small amount of time that I have with him. It just seemed to play out the same way every...single...night... No. Tonight was different. I had done something that I had never done before. While I had still been lost in those tortuous thoughts, my subconscious had taken over my actions. I saw him through the corner of my eye, turning his downward with a look of confusion. Towards his right. Towards me.

Looking down, I caught sight of what he was staring at. I had placed my hand on his.

Panic shot through me, though I tried to hide it as I knew his reaction to fear. What would he think of me now? Would he leave? Would he tell me to go? Would I ever be able to see him again? These thoughts were tearing me apart. I was almost thankful when he tore me away from them with his broken question.

"Wha-?" he asked as his eyes glazed over with lack of understanding and question.

"It's..." What was I to say to him? The truth would be difficult to admit, but perhaps an explanation would suffice. Taking a deep breath to push back the panicking butterflies, I continued, "It's a way to show affection..."

"Affection." It wasn't a question, but a statement. His eyes never left our hands, but they clouded over worse than before.

I didn't want to see him so confused. It was almost painful really. I knew what it was like to wonder about something that I couldn't comprehend. I would feel somewhat helpless, especially if someone else seemed to fully understand. With these thoughts in mind, I pulled my hand away, and allowed it to gently fall back to my side.

The silence that passed was virtually tangible, as was the thick night air that had settled around us. I was worried. What had I done? I should have been paying more attention. I should have never let that happen...and yet... I couldn't help but smile as I realized I had touched his hand. If only for a moment. There was no doubt now. Even if I could change the past, I wouldn't change that moment. He may not be happy with this, but I loved it. It was worth the risk.

Something touched my wrist. Correction, something was wrapped around it. I lowered my gaze ever so slightly to see what was tugging my arm upward. Sand. There were grains of sand collecting just above my hand and drawing it closer to where he sat. I smiled as I watched it lower back to it's previous position on to rest atop his.

"It's a way to show affection." His voice was not mocking in even the slightest way. It was somehow warm and welcoming, something you wouldn't expect from him.

I smiled at him. For a moment, my eyes had deceived me into thinking he had returned the gesture. I should have been content. But a part of me wanted to push the limits just a little farther. Giving into my selfishness, I curled my fingers beneath his hand and pressed them gently against his palm, watching his expression for any changes. I saw the question in his eyes, and before he could ask, I offered, "It's similar to before, but with a little more affection behind it..."

"Right..." He seemed uncertain, and I thought I had made a terrible mistake. Turning his gaze to the side, he simply said, "It's very warm. You're hand." He had added the last bit after looking back and noticing my look of confusion.

I somehow knew that my eyes were glowing at this point. He was allowing me to touch him. He was allowing me to hold his hand. He was talking to me. My heart was skipping beats at this and my stomach was happily doing flips of all kinds. Both stopped abruptly at a knew feeling. He had pressed his fingers to my own beneath his had. Gaara was holding my hand!

So many things passed through my mind then. I could barely grasp any of them as they were racing across my conscious. All that mattered though, was that I had done what I never thought possible. Turning my gaze back to the moon, I knew that I had been granted the affections of none other than Sabaku no Gaara.