A/N This is just going to be a two-shot. A little something to help with my writers block for Bloodrayne. The beginning is Jennifer's thoughts but the italicized text in the middle is the song they are dancing to. It's called Lullabies by Yuna. It's totally worth listening to and will help with the mood of this fic. A little angsty compared to my others but let me know what you think :0)
Disclaimer: Nothing pertaining to Criminal Minds is mine….. damnit!
(She really shouldn't stare, but she's in too deep. She's mesmerized by hips as they sway to the beat. She has no right, because her husband is at home. But memories of those fingers have her craving to do wrong. She's lost in thoughts of alabaster skin. Of beautiful legs that never seem to end. Of supple breast that taste so sweet. Of moans that would come when the woman peaks. She takes one more drink, as she makes up her mind. Tonight she would have her one more time.)
"Are you alright gumdrop? You seem a little lost in thought" Garcia couldn't help but notice that something had been off with JJ ever since they entered the bar. She thought the woman would have been thrilled being that this is the first time in eight months since the whole gang had gotten together. Not long after JJ's marriage to Will, the blonde had left the BAU to reclaim her position at the pentagon. Garcia had known of the southern detective's distain of the BAU's abysmal hours, but part of her always speculated that the blonde's decision to leave had more to do with the departure of a certain raven haired beauty. Emily's decision to leave was accepted, although disliked by all. But for reasons unknown to the team, JJ took the woman's departure the hardest. For that reason, Penelope can't understand why the blonde seems so grim. A political gathering of some sort, thrown by the Ambassador, had brought Emily back into the states for an extended weekend, and she thought that JJ would be thrilled. "Earth to Jay-bot! What's the deal with you tonight?"
"I'm sorry… what did you say Pen?"
"I was just asking what has you on a different planet right now. You've been staring off into space for like the last ten minutes." Garcia looks over to the direction in which the blonde had been focused, only to see three familiar figures dancing in varying degrees. Reid, very awkwardly; Morgan very enticingly; and even though Penelope is straight she is not afraid to admit that Emily is moving very seductively. "If you want to go dance with them I won't be offended sunshine. I got the Hotch-rocket and Ricky Rossi here to keep me company" The colorful analyst would've been on the dance floor herself, but due to some bedroom acrobatics involving Derek Morgan, the woman was proudly sporting an ankle brace. Gotta love sex injuries!
Jennifer had been entertaining the thought of dancing. But it was not the kind of dancing that should be done around friends. Especially ones who know that you are married, and don't know what kind of dancing she and Emily had once engaged in. "It's not that. I'm sorry I'm a little distracted. I guess I'm just a little shocked that she's here… I mean that we are all here. It's been so long since I've seen everyone at the same time. I think I'm just realizing how much I missed all of this"
She did miss it. She missed working with people who were more her family than colleagues. She missed the pride that came with being on a team with the nation's most elite profilers. She missed the antics and kookiness of Garcia, the rants of Reid, the brotherly love of Morgan, and the unflappable demeanor of Hotch. She even missed the love Rossi had for his highly over priced Italian shoes. Sure she got to hang out with Garcia every now and again, and Reid would sometimes drop by to play with Henry, but it wasn't the same. Most of all, more than anything she missed Emily.
It was true that Will hated her job and often it was the cause of many fights between them. She told the team that it was the hours he disliked, but in truth her job made him feel less like a man. Often he would say that she should be the one at home, not him. He didn't take well to not being the "bread winner." She fought him tooth and nail because something always kept her there. That something was Emily. When Emily left she took her heart; she took her fight, and again, she let Will win.
As the night creep on, the laughs continued to flow as the group got acquainted again. JJ and Emily would share a few shy glances but kept conversation light, as if they were merely old friends. Soon seven turned to four as Hotch, Rossi, and Reid took their leave.
"Well, I think it's time I took my babygirl home. " Morgan stood and helped Penelope to her feet. He then gave both JJ and Emily hugs "Don't be a stranger Jayje! Prentiss we still on for Sunday?"
"Of course Morgan… I hope you're ready. You might have gotten a little soft without me around to kick your ass!"
"Yeah right Princess. I'll see you In the ring!" With that he and Garcia said their goodbyes which just left Jennifer and Emily.
Neither woman had spoken much throughout the night, but somehow they both knew that this is how this gathering would end. Each was waiting for the rest to leave, both wanting a moment for just the two of them. Both sat in silence for long moments sipping their drinks. Neither knew what to say, but neither made a move the leave. Finally the blonde stood and for a moment Emily looked dismayed, until the younger woman extended her hand.
"You danced with everyone else. I was hoping that you were saving me for last"
Emily simply smiled as she took the blondes hand. She was expecting anger, she was expecting some sort of animosity, but she was not expecting this. The two women made their way to a nearly empty dance floor, and like magnets their bodies took familiar positions. The music was slow, sultry, and was exactly what JJ wanted, but exactly what Emily feared. The blondes arms wrapped around the brunettes neck. Emily's hands fell instinctively to the small of JJ's back. Not a slither of space remained between them as the swayed in perfect synchronization to each other and the beat. As the lyrics seeped into their consciousness, both were overcome with emotions that they'd had been to cowardice to express.
Like lullabies you are forever in my mind
I see you in all the pieces of my life
Though you aren't mine
You are my first love
"You never said goodbye" Jennifer whispered into Emily's ear
I wanted to run away with you
"I didn't know how, I didn't know what to say"
And I will leave all my troubles here
"I came back, and you were gone. You should have said something. Anything!"
I wanted to run away with you
"I didn't want to ruin your honeymoon" The words came out harsher than Emily intended, but she couldn't help it. She watched the only person she ever loved marry someone else. She really didn't owe her anything. "What difference would it have made, Jennifer?"
And I will bring all my dreams and fears
The blonde shuddered at the way the older woman said her name "You didn't give me a chance to change your mind. You didn't give me the chance to ask you to stay. You broke my heart when you left"
Like lullabies you are forever in my mind
I see you in all the pieces of my life
Though you aren't mine
You are my first love
The older woman tensed at the blonde's words "That's not fair… you broke my heart everyday"
Emily was right. It wasn't fair that she had to remain JJ's secret. It wasn't fair that she had been there throughout the blonde's pregnancy, when the detective decided that he couldn't handle being a father. It wasn't fair that he had showed up on Henry's first birthday as 'a changed man' and everyone oohed and aahed at his sudden chivalrous display. It definitely wasn't fair when, in front of friends and family, JJ agreed to give him another chance; silently turning to Emily and mouthing 'sorry'
Jennifer had no words because she knew she was wrong. This woman had been there for her and her son. This woman had loved her fiercely, and did it discreetly all because of the blondes fear. JJ knew she had hurt Emily so badly each time she told her parents that she was just a friend, and she knew she crushed the woman when she publically took Will back again. Truthfully she doesn't know why Emily is even allowing her this moment. For two more years Emily bared their secret and endured Wills presence. The moment JJ agreed to marry him; she knew she had finally pushed Emily away. She shouldn't be allowed to be this close to the woman who she loved more than anything. She didn't deserve this moment, but she was going to make the most of it
I wanted to start again with you
"I broke my own heart too. I regret every move I've ever made since that day" She shifts slightly so that she can rest her forehead against the brunettes. "I should have never let my fear get in the way"
And I will leave all my worries here
"The past is the past JJ. There's nothing we can do now"
I wanted only you
But there is something she could do. Right here, right now in this moment she could do what she should have done long ago. She could leave her sham of a marriage to the drunken possessive detective. She could grow up and not fear what the people of small town Pennsylvania would say. She could make herself and Henry happy, whom always asks for his 'Em'ly' anyways
I know that I fell for you
She kisses the brunette, and although she can tell that Emily is shocked, she is happy that the woman returns it. Their lips are on autopilot. Familiar and sensuous and everything anyone could dream, but comparable to nothing. Both women felt as though they were falling over and over again. Neither wanted anyone to catch them. Only when their lungs screamed for air did they part, but they were still so close that they were sharing breath. Jennifer knew exactly what she wanted and tonight she was going to get it.
"I shattered our past, but I will fix our future." With one final kiss JJ leads Emily out of the bar.