Disclaimer: I do not own CSI!
AN: uh yeah, it seems like I am writing more CSI fan fics this week than I did in a whole year... see what all the speculation about the season premiere does to me!
Thanks to Rhee for beta-reading!!
Summary: After Sara was brought to the hospital there's a whole different problem that Grissom has to deal with and you wouldn't guess who's willing to help him.
Spoilers: not that I know of.
The atmosphere in the room was weird, from time to time Grissom asked her how she felt and she'd tell him that she'd be alright but other than that they remained silent. It wasn't so much because he thought she'd need rest more than a conversation, it was just that there was something he knew he needed to tell her but he tried to push that moment as far away as possible. And he knew that if they started to talk about what had happened, then eventually the conversation would lead to exactly that one confession he had to make to her. And he just wasn't ready to tell her yet. He'd probably never be ready, if he'd tell her what he had done, then she'd think of him as someone who was not at all better than her father or all the other men she despised because they had laid their hands on a woman. He was scared that she'd look at him differently when she found out what he had done to Natalie.
From time to time a nurse would come in and check on Sara, so Grissom didn't expect anyone else to enter when the door opened. It wasn't a pleasant surprise to see Conrad Ecklie coming through the door, followed by two officers and the Sheriff. Grissom swallowed hard, well aware of what this was all about. He just hoped Jim wasn't in trouble for letting him go and search for Sara with the rest of the team after he had calmed down.
Sara threw a worried look at Grissom and he reached out for her hand. "Everything will be fine, Honey. Don't worry." Then he got up and turned to the Sheriff. "Can we take this outside?"
The Sheriff nodded and while the officers, left the room with him and Grissom, Ecklie stayed with Sara.
"What's going on here?" Sara asked him.
"Listen Sara, I don't think Grissom would appreciate it if I'd tell you. And I know you already went through a lot in the last days so I don't want to stress you out."
Sara raised an eyebrow. "Now that's news to me."
Conrad sighed. "I know you're not used to me being nice or helpful to anyone, but believe me this is different." He took a seat in the same chair Grissom had been sitting in earlier. "I need to ask you a couple of questions. It's important that you tell me the truth, nothing but the truth, okay?"
"Is this going to be an interrogation?" Sara asked unsure what to think about all this.
"It's not an official interrogation, but the outcome of this conversation will lead to my decision on what will happen with Gil's case." Conrad told her while he set up his Dictaphone.
"I don't even know what happened, how am I supposed to tell you anything?" Sara sighed.
"This is not about finding out what exactly happened, it's about me wanting to understand why it happened. I am not as emotionally dead as you guys think, you know... if I can understand why Gil did what he did then I might recommend that we're not going to follow protocol the way we should, if you understand what I mean."
Sara shook her head in disbelief. "Why would you do this for him? I mean, it sounds like you finally have the chance to get rid of him, to get what you always wanted and you're not taking it?"
"I don't know." He shrugged. "I guess I am human after all."
A soft smile built up on Sara's lips, although she didn't know why. Grissom seemed to be in deep shit but the fact that even Conrad Ecklie was willing to help him made the whole situation seem brighter. She was worried though, what was it that Grissom had done? And why hadn't he told her?
"Ready?" Ecklie asked and Sara nodded. "Okay." He switched on the voice recorder and after naming the date and time he turned to Sara. "Miss Sidle, what kind of relationship do you have with Doctor Grissom?"
Sara swallowed hard. Now what was she supposed to do? Tell him the truth and risk that Grissom would get even more problems? Was the truth going to cause him more problems? Ecklie already knew the truth, didn't he? That was the whole reason he was questioning her, wasn't it?
Ecklie noticed Sara's inner turmoil. "The truth, Miss Sidle."
Sara nodded. "I guess you'd say we are romantically involved." She bit down on her bottom lip, afraid that she had just blown everything she and Grissom had achieved in the last two years into the wind.
But Conrad really didn't seem to be surprised about that statement at all. "And exactly how far would this go?"
"What exactly do you mean by this?" She asked a little confused.
"Are you living together? Plans of marriage or children? Anything like that?"
"We bought a house about half a year ago... and we have a dog." She wondered what else she could tell him. What exactly was he trying to find out? What had Grissom done that would be more excusable if Conrad could "understand" why he had done it? "We discussed marriage but I am not a big fan of the whole getting married thing... he was pretty disappointed by that." If it didn't help his case this was at least something that Ecklie could not use against Grissom so she figured she might as well tell him.
"What would you say means more to him, your relationship or his work?" He paused. "I know that question is hard to answer but just tell me what you think."
"He loves his job. He wouldn't risk it for everyone."
"He's risked it for you a couple of times." Conrad admitted.
Sara bit down on her bottom lip and turned her head away from Ecklie. "You know this question just feels a bit too personal." She wouldn't admit to Ecklie that she had no idea what exactly Grissom was feeling for her. She wasn't really the "tell me" type; it was enough for her if he showed her that he loved her but in the last months even that had gotten less and less. If she was honest with herself she had no idea what she meant to Grissom.
"I'm sorry about that." Conrad nodded. "If all this is too much for you right now, we can take a break. It's just that the sooner I finish my report the sooner..." He switched off his voice recorder.
"What did he do?" She interrupted him. "Just tell me, not knowing what the hell is going on is stressing me out much more than knowing what he did. I mean it's not like he killed somebody."
When Conrad remained silent it felt like her heart stopped beating.
"Oh God, he did not kill anyone, did he?" She shook her head, trying to push the thought away, but once it had entered her mind she couldn't let go of it. She felt tears rising up in her eyes. "What did he do, Conrad?" She was pleading now; she needed to know, now!
Conrad sighed. "I don't think I should be the one to tell you."
"Is this why Jim said that Natalie got what she deserved?" Her voice was shaking. "Did Grissom, did he..."
"Gil is not responsible for Natalie's death," Conrad hoped he could calm her down. "There was an incident while he was talking to her, while the cops tried to calm him down she escaped and one of the younger officers tried to play hero and shot her."
Sara closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "So she is dead."
Conrad nodded.
"And you you're questioning me because you could explain Grissom's... overreaction, or whatever happened, with him being in a relationship with me?"
"Well it's not like Natalie's lawyers are going to sue us for what Gil did, the only one who has to explain things to her lawyers is Officer Brandt. But the department has to decide what to do about Gil."
Sara shook her head in disbelieve. "Gosh, you could ax him and you're not doing it."
"Well I am trying to prevent the worst." He shrugged.
"Thank you." Sara couldn't believe she was actually thanking Conrad Ecklie.
"You didn't see Gil suffer, it wasn't petty, and nobody should go through what the two of you went through in the last two days." He took her hand and squeezed it. "But you, don't worry about him, focus on getting better. I'll help him get out of this without losing his job."
"Thank you so much." She whispered.
Conrad gave her a soft smile and got up from his chair. "You're welcome." He walked over to the door and was about to leave.
"I am taking back everything bad I ever said about you." Sara tilted her head to the side. "You do have a good heart."
He chuckled. "But that remains our secret."
She smiled and nodded.
"I will talk to Gil really quick and then I'll send him back in." He told her and left the room.
Sara sighed. Conrad Ecklie being willing to help Griss and her had distracted her from wondering about what Grissom might have done to Natalie but now that Ecklie had left her mind went crazy about it again. Why hadn't Griss told her about it already? It must have been pretty bad if he wasn't even able to tell her about it.
She wasn't able to think much more about it because the door opened and an, obviously relived Grissom entered the room. "Hey." He said softly and tried to smile.
"Hey." She faked a smile, and then her expression became serious. "We have to talk."
He nodded. "I know." He sat down on the edge of her bed and took her hand into his. "I... I don't know where to start."
Sara took a deep breath. "Just tell me what you did to Natalie."
"I am scared of what you'll think about me if you find out what I did." He confessed.
Sara couldn't help but chuckle, as ironic as it was. It hurt her ribs and she grimaced from the pain but she wouldn't let this distract her from finding out what the hell had happened. "Nothing can be as bad as the scenarios in my head."
"First I just wanted to talk to her, trying to trick her into telling me where she left you." He started. "But then she started to recite some song and she wouldn't answer me and I just lost it. I wanted to know where you were, where I could find you... and she wouldn't tell me. She was the only person who could tell us where you were and I knew I needed to make her tell me... and then... actually I can't remember what exactly I did because I guess I simply lost it... next thing I remember is being pushed back against the wall by two officers and seeing Natalie running out of the room... then the officers left and I heard a shot..." He couldn't look at her while he was speaking. He stared down at his feet, too afraid of what he might see in her face if he'd look up. But their hands were still joined and this helped him to go on. "Jim told me she was dead. I... I was handcuffed to the table so I didn't see anything... Jim told me that I had grabbed her and shaken her and that I had pulled her off her seat and pressed her against the wall to make her tell me where you were." He took a deep breath, trying to stop his voice from shaking. "I... I hate myself for what I did Sara. I am sorry that I did this... and I wish that Conrad wouldn't have showed up here tonight because I didn't want you to find out like this. You shouldn't have to deal with this right now, first you almost died and then you have to find out that the man you're living with is a monster and all that on the same day..."
She couldn't deny that she was shocked. And she didn't know what to think about all this. She had always trusted him blindly until now but the fact that he had done this to a woman did scare her.
When he finally managed to look up into her face he felt his heart breaking. Tears started to run over his cheeks and he made no effort to wipe them away. "Sara, you know I could never hurt you, right? You know that. Honey I could never be like your father, you have to know that."
She ran her hand over his arm and gave him a soft squeeze. "I know that you're not like him."
"I just did this because I was so scared to lose you forever." He started to shake again. "I couldn't stand the thought of losing you. I just tried to make her tell me where she left you." He slipped off the bed and down on his knees, turning to face her, holding her hand in both of his. "Honey, I'm so sorry."
"I don't know how to deal with this." She finally confessed. She knew it hurt him but what was she supposed to do? Hiding the truth from him wouldn't help. "I don't know if I'm strong enough to deal with this right now."
He wiped away some of his tears with the back of his hand. "I just want to be there for you, I want to help you through this, through what happened to you. I want to be there and help you to deal with what she did to you."
She sighed and leaned back into her pillow.
"Sara please, let me be there for you." He pleaded. "Sara you're my life, please, don't let this... I know what I did was horrible but," He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. "Don't let this be the reason to break us up. I love you too much to let this happen Sara."
She really had no idea what to do about all this, but at the moment she just needed him with her. If there was someone who could help her get over what Natalie had done to her then it was Grissom, despite of what she had just found out. Her trust in him was scarred but right now she knew that without him there was no way she'd make it through this. After all, the thought of him had been all that had kept her alive out there in the desert.
"I did this because I love you, Sara, I love you so much and I didn't know what else to do to make her tell me..." He started again.
She gave his hand a soft squeeze. "I know." She whispered, she tried to be convincing but it didn't help that tears started to make their way down her cheeks.
"Tell me what you need me to do to make this better?" He asked desperately.
"Just hold me."
THE END
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