"Um, hello? Dr. Shepherd?"

"Yes?" I tore my eyes away from what I'd been staring at and turned to see Isabel Stevens giving me a strange look.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Why?"

She glanced at my hands.

I looked down and saw that I had crumbled someone's lab results into a tiny ball. "Oh, shit." I quickly smoothed it out. "Go check on your patients, Izzy," I snapped quickly.

"Okay." She turned and walked briskly away.

I shook my head in frustration. What was wrong with me? Zoning out in front of the interns? Insane.

I couldn't help looking back again to the patient in exam four. Some old woman with a tumor was being attended by my husband… and Meredith Grey.

He'd promised me he wouldn't talk to her. He'd promised.

But what was I supposed to do, demand that every assignment in the hospital be fitted to my own liking? I'm not that dumb. I knew they would have to work together.

But did she really have to look at him with those big, sad, homeless puppy dog eyes? And pout and give a small smile as she takes a pulse? And did he really have to smile back at her as they talked to the patient?

He still had a thing for her, that much was obvious. I knew it, Meredith knew it, and the entire hospital knew it. Everybody knew I was the ice bitch who stole him away from his precious little intern. They all whispered about how he loved her but came crawling back to me because he's too much of an honest man to leave his wife when she wants him.

I wanted to walk over there and tell her that I'd won, so she should just back off.

No. I wasn't going to lose control, even though it took every muscle in my body to hold back.

Addison Shepherd does not lose control.

- - - - -

"I saw you with your little girlfriend before," I said, walking up behind him in the staff lounge that afternoon. It was empty besides the two of us.

He turned around wearily. "Give it up, Addison, I have to talk to her while I'm working. What do you want me to do, wear a tape recorder?"

I shut my mouth. I hated the way he was looking at me – like someone he didn't want to be with, someone who was holding him back from what he really wanted.

Well, there was one way I knew he would always want me.

I took a few steps towards him until our faces were inches apart. "Derek…" I started softly, biting my lip.

He clenched his jaw and tightened his grip around the coffee cup he was holding. "Not going to work."

"Why not? We're married, it's perfectly legitimate." I traced my finger lightly down his chest and I felt him shudder.

"That's never stopped you before," he muttered, leaning over to set his coffee down on the table.

That stung, but I ignored it. Apparently it was going to take awhile for him to get all of the little 'my wife cheated on me' comments out of his system.

"I miss you." I pouted slightly, gently putting my hand on his arm.

"I hate you," he whispered, but he leaned forward and kissed me hard anyway.

His hands were creeping up my blouse when the door swung open and we guiltily jumped apart, like kids caught making out in the school bathroom.

Alex Karev was grinning at us from the doorway. "Don't let me interrupt." He help up his hands and turned to leave.

Derek looked disgusted with himself as he straightened his tie. "I have to get back to work."

"Wait," I said desperately. He turned to look at me with empty eyes.

"What?" he asked exhaustedly. "What more do you want from me, Addy? I broke it off with her. I'm going to a fucking therapist with you. You've got another million dollar job where everyone will fawn all over you. What else do you want?"

I felt my jaw drop open as I stared at him.

"I'll see you later." He walked out.

I stood in the middle of the empty lounge, feeling like I'd just been hit by a truck.

"I want you to love me again," I whispered.