What If
Jacob Black gets fleas
"Jacob Black, get back in this room now!" Bella screamed as she and Edward tried to commandeer the very naked Jacob back to the bath tub.
"Never!" Jacob yelled back and he continued to streak through the house. Jacob skid to a halt in Rosalie's room and locked the door. Edward and Bella ran head first into the wall but didn't seem to care.
"Don't let that mutt in my-"Rosalie started to say but stopped, realizing that her luck had run out. Jacob Black was in her room during God knows what, in her sanctuary, her one small slice of peace and quite.
Rosalie tried to knock down her own door. "Get out of my room, you stinking, naked, filthy-MUTT,"
"Rose, that won't work, its missile proof glass remembers?" Edward asked and he taped the wall, it makes a soft tinkering sound.
"Yes, but it isn't Rose-proof."
Jacob was now hiding under the covers on Rosalie's triple big bed. He quivered and swatted at something that was crawling up his face.
"Stupid parasite," he mumbled.
"What did you call me?" Rosalie demanded and she banged on the glass.
"Not you, the fleas," Jacob amended and he picked another off his ear. He picked up a can of Rosalie's hairspray off the table and took a lighter out off of her nightstand."
"You've got fleas?" Rosalie laughed.
"Not just fleas, but ticks and lice too," Bella said and she tapped on the door.
"Jake, don't do anything drastic, we'll get rid of the fleas, the flea bath will work, I promise."
"No it won't, we already tried that remember? That ended up with me, here, getting ticks on the blonde's bed, butt naked."
"Ticks on my bed?" Rosalie shouted and she sat down in shame on the floor.
"Hey blonde bear, why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? Because the sign said do not walk."
"I've heard that one a bazillion times dog."
"Fine then, one more, why did the blonde try to steal the police car? Because she saw the numbers "911" on it and thought it was a Porsche."
"Wow, and original for once" Rosalie sighed.
Jacob, sighed too and said, "I am not getting naked again, or taking a stupid flea bath." And with that he raised the flamethrower to hair.
"AHHHHH" Jacob screamed as he ran head ablaze, through the house, to the bathroom where the tub was filled with flea bath. He jumped in and sighed as the medicine cured his fleas and his burning face.
"He's just lucky he didn't turn out as Two-Face." Bella said.
But Rose was running, and screaming, and laughing hysterically.
"Want to know why blonde jokes are so short? So, werewolves with fleas can remember them." She yelled.