Me: So school started. And my life went down the drain. Sorry. : /
This was a request from the wonderful Rianan D' Halmsu, who has been super supportive even though I'm a jerk and I can't manage to post anything.
Did I mention school started?
This is a bit of a change from what I usually write, but I hope you'll like it. The title refers to a yūrei – a "faint spirit".
Enjoy!
…
Everything hurts.
The advantage of the Nine Tails' Chakra is that he heals very quickly; broken bones mend within a week, gashes close in a matter of days, cuts and scrapes are gone by morning. That doesn't mean it doesn't sting like a bitch in the meantime.
By the time he reaches the gates of Konoha he's staggering, his own weight feeling far too heavy in addition to the weight he's shouldering. His legs are like lead. But he presses onward.
Someone shouts his name as he nears, but there's blood in his eye and he can't see well enough to tell who it is. Suddenly there are hands grasping at him, pulling him up and along, but he shakes them off with a grunt, determined to make it inside the village walls himself. He's done everything alone thus far – he's not going to break that record now.
When at last he passes through the gargantuan doors, he stops, and allows the body he's carrying to slide off his shoulder, uncaring of the dull thud it makes.
Sasuke can handle one more bruise.
There are voices all around him, shouting, murmuring, and more hands on his shoulders and his face, and now he lets them touch him. Someone is bold enough to wrap him in a hug, smelling of antiseptic and, under that, flowers. Sakura. He lets his head drops onto her shoulder, too tired to even return her embrace. Her voice sounds very far away, even though her mouth is practically at his ear. "We need to get you to the hospital," she says firmly. He wants to shake his head no. No, not yet. He wants to ask her if she's seen the body. If she's seen Sasuke.
But he can barely manage to stay standing, and in a moment he's not even managing that anymore. Sakura catches him as he crumples, letting him lean heavily on her. There is a fuzzy darkness at the edges of his vision, so he closes his eyes. An odd thing to notice, but he wonders if he's getting her hospital uniform bloody. He wonders if she's even wearing it. Is it her day off? He struggles to remember her schedule, but it won't come to him.
Every part of his body protests when she hoists him onto her shoulder, even though he can tell she's trying to be as gentle as possible. She wouldn't be transporting him like this if she didn't know he could take it. Time is of the essence.
He wants to tell her to go back, or at least let her know that Sasuke is there, because he doesn't think she's seen him. And he needs her to see. To tell him that it's real.
This is his last conscious thought before he finally gives in to the creeping darkness.
…
He doesn't wake up until a full day has passed, and night has fallen again. They won't discharge him until morning, at least; but Naruto has no inclination to sleep in the hospital again tonight.
His muscles and bones protest faintly when he steals out the window, but he ignores them. It's nothing compared to what they felt like earlier. He has to give the hospital staff credit – after all these years, they know how to fix him up real well.
As he runs across rooftops, he wonders where they put Sasuke. The boy was still breathing when Naruto last saw him. Obviously they would have taken him to the hospital as well. Surely they wouldn't have left him in that condition… He thinks of going back, but then convinces himself a thorough search of the hospital just to find where Sasuke is being treated is a waste of time. Especially when he's so tired he can't see straight.
His apartment is pitch black, save for the strips of grey moonlight from the windows falling across his floor. He doesn't bother turning on any lights – he knows his apartment like the back of his hand, and navigates his way to the bed without any difficulty, though he's sure his floor is littered with various knick-knacks and weapons.
He falls into bed with a relieved grunt, kicking off his sandals, not even bothering to get underneath the blankets. He's home.
Moments before he blacks out again, something stops him, and his eyes pop open. He can smell it.
Moss and lilies. Rain.
His stomach churns, and he is thankful there isn't anything in it. He turns his head and buries his nose in his pillow, trying to fill his nostrils with the scent of linen instead. But it's no use now. He can feel it, there in the room with him. The presence settles down on him like a damp sheet. He shudders and wills sleep to take him.
Finally, mercifully, it does.
…
He is questioned by Ibiki himself, as is standard procedure, but it's more of a formality than anything. They don't really care that he left the village unauthorized. The prize he brought back far outweighs the things he did to get it.
He answers in as few words as possible, but by the time Ino is called in he is already tired again. "Hey, Naruto," she greets, kneeling down and smiling at him. Ino has a nice smile. Cheerful. "How are you feeling?"
He cracks a grin. "I've been better," he mutters. She pats his knee sympathetically, then sets to work.
Ino searches his mind carefully, but not thoroughly. He recognizes that she is respecting his privacy, and is grateful. There are some things he would rather not have known. She finds nothing he hasn't already told them, and finishes with another smile and hands him glass of water, which he drinks while they fill out paperwork for the interrogation.
He is dismissed, and someone claps him on the back as he leaves the facility.
He begins wandering around the village, but finds that he draws too much attention; attention he can't genuinely appreciate right now. Women clasp his hands in theirs and thank him, children beg him for stories, and by the fifth person who stops him he has used up all of his smiles. He retreats to the training grounds and begins to practice taijutsu, although he is still sore in some places and winces every time he bends too far.
This is where Sakura finds him. She is wearing civilian clothes and carrying a book bag. So today is her day off. He hopes the blood came out of her uniform okay.
She greets him again with a wordless hug, and this time he is able to return it. She says nothing other than to ask if she can read here while he practices. He says yes, if only because he does not like the idea of being alone right now.
The silence between them is companionable, but Naruto again wants to ask her if she's seen Sasuke. As an afterthought, he adds mentally that he should ask her if their former teammate is okay. If he's even alive.
Instead, he asks, "How are you?"
Sakura shrugs, half-smiles. "I've been better."
He'd laugh at the irony, only his chest hurts and he doesn't much feel like it.
"What's going to happen to him?" There's no need to ask who he's referring to.
Sakura keeps her eyes on her book, probably for a reason. "I'm not sure," she says quietly.
They fall again into silence, and Naruto aches. He aches to hear that she's glad he's back. That she's happy he's home. That she's proud of him. That she releases him from his promise.
But she says nothing, and he says nothing, and he goes back to his taijutsu, wincing with every kick, and she continues reading, immersing herself in a world of knowledge and fact.
…
The next day, Naruto is called down to the Hokage's office and told that he has been cleared to see Uchiha Sasuke.
Where? He wonders. In a jail cell or the morgue?
He is escorted to a room underneath the interrogation center and there sits Sasuke in a solitary chair in the middle of the room, chakra restraints binding his hands behind his back and his ankles to the legs of the metal chair. Well, he's breathing, at least. When Naruto enters flanked by two Anbu, Sasuke doesn't even raise an eyebrow.
Another chair, a more comfortable one, is pulled out for Naruto, and the Anbu bow and slink out of the room, probably stationed just outside the door. Just in case.
Neither of them speaks for a minute.
"You look terrible," Naruto mentions.
Sasuke grunts dismissively.
But there are dark circles under his eyes, and bruises mottling his skin, and in some places his flesh is still raw where the Nine Tails' chakra burned him. Doubtless his arm is still broken – it can't have healed that quickly. And yet it's twisted behind his back, something that can only be causing him immeasurable pain.
They could have tied his hands in the front. Naruto briefly considers bringing this up, but knows that Sasuke will only look at him like he's stupid. 'What, did you think they were going to treat me nicely? Just because nine years ago I was on your Genin team? Don't flatter yourself, dobe.'
At least there's no hole in his stomach anymore.
"They shouldn't have let you out of the hospital," Naruto says finally.
Sasuke gives him a little half-smirk. "They shouldn't have let you out of the village."
"I did what I had to do to stop you," Naruto mutters. Then adds, with more conviction, "And you deserved every bit."
Sasuke leans back a little in his chair, clearly not in agreement. "What are you doing here?" he asks impassively.
Naruto shrugs, not really knowing the answer himself. "They told me I could see you."
"I was wondering why the guards were suddenly pissing themselves in excitement."
Naruto studies him, but only sees a tired and apathetic boy chained to a chair. For some who has been detained in a village he despises, by people he has sworn to kill, Sasuke appears rather calm. "You don't seem upset," Naruto observes.
"That so?" Sasuke leans forward, his tone exactly the same. "If I could, I would tear out your eyes, right now. I'd dig them out with my thumbs."
Naruto is silent, but not from shock. At some point a statement like that would have had him in a cold sweat. What's happened to you, Sasuke? He would think to himself, horrified. But now he only accepts it. This is what Sasuke is now.
He doesn't have much else to say to him, except, "Has Sakura been to see you yet?"
Sasuke shakes his head.
Well, that's…everything. Sasuke's alive. Sakura hasn't seen him yet. That's all he really wanted to know. To be honest, after chasing him for months and months and months, picturing his face, focusing all his attention and energy on him, Naruto is weary of Sasuke. He stands, hesitates. What does he say? 'Well, bye'? Perhaps he should just stay silent. But he's already opened his mouth, is already saying, "I'll see you around."
This amuses Sasuke, and he smiles coldly. "Drop by sometime," the black-haired boy murmurs.
…
It's around midnight that his eyes open, heart already beating faster, while he lies on his back, confused; his body knowing something is wrong before his brain.
And then his senses kick in, and the smell of the woods and rain permeates the air.
He shoots up in bed, heart pounding now, and his eyes settle on the chair in the corner.
She's there. Just sitting, staring. Unmoving. Unblinking.
His heart misses several beats.
He chokes out an exhale, trying to speak – what exactly he was going to say, he doesn't know.
She is perfectly still, hands folded neatly in her lap, immaculate except for the one noticeable flaw in her appearance. He realizes his eyes are drifting there, and he quickly flicks them up, determined not to look. His fingers clench the sheets, his chest heaves, but he can't get himself to calm down. It's not a panic borne from her close proximity; he knows she won't hurt him. She won't lay a finger on him. It's a panic borne from her mere presence. "You shouldn't be here," he finally croaks out.
She stares.
His fast-beating heart feels like it's sinking; but beating all the same, as if determined to go down fighting. "I did what you wanted," Naruto insists.
She gives no indication she has heard him.
"Why aren't you gone?" He demands. "I did it. It's done. Go see for yourself, he's there, I promise!"
She only looks at him with her sad eyes, and after a few seconds he has to look away. "Why aren't you gone?" He repeats brokenly. "What do you want me to do?"
In response he gets only silence, and eventually he lies back down, pulling the sheets over his head, hoping that when he looks again she'll be gone. After a long while, he falls asleep, and when he opens his eyes in the gray morning light, she is.
…
Tsunade apologizes for sending him out again on a mission so soon, but they need him. It's a simple escort mission, but a high-profile client, and is expected to attract at least some of the wrong kind of interest.
His partner is Tenten, and he's grateful that it isn't Lee because he doesn't think he can keep up with him. He hasn't been getting a lot of sleep lately.
Tenten eyes him throughout the mission, concerned, but keeps her distance. He wants to thank her, but knows she will deny it and play it off as a joke.
"You're different," she says to him one night in an inn, as they are securing the perimeter around their client's room. He grins at her. "Just hungry," he assures, patting his stomach, but she's already shaking her head. "No. It's something else…" But doesn't elaborate, can't say exactly what.
"I'm fine, really," he says, and she leaves it at that. But he can feel the worry radiating off of her in waves.
When he returns, he finds himself even more exhausted than before. As if the simple act of interacting with people is too much for him. Maybe it is. It's a struggle to put up a smile. He just doesn't feel like it.
The only person he can stand to be around for an extended period of time is Sakura. He doesn't know if she feels the same way, because he hasn't talked to her about it…but she doesn't prod him, she doesn't ask him if he's okay, she doesn't stare at him pityingly. She just offers him her silent company, and together they train, or go on walks, or eat at Ichiraku, spending hours sometimes without saying a word. She's quieter, too. More contemplative. Still always ready with a smile, though, and he wonders if she goes through the same struggle to put it on.
The urge to see Sasuke again nags at him. Naruto feels obligated to him – he is, after all, the reason Sasuke is incarcerated. Bound in chains in some windowless room with no company other than his thoughts. And for what? Sakura hasn't even been to see him.
And it is getting worse. His whole apartment smells like it now, sweet rainwater, and every night it's there; she's there. Bringing Sasuke back didn't fix anything. So what was the point? Why did he bother? Who was it for? The village, a voice he doesn't associate with his usual thought pattern reminds him. You did it for Konoha.
Yes. Of course. Konoha. Home.
When he returns to Sasuke's holding cell he sees it has been rearranged. Sasuke now has a bed, a standard-issue cot, and he is shackled to the wall by a long chain. He looks up when Naruto comes in, seemingly not surprised to see him. Naruto pulls up a chair, the same one from before. "Sorry, I was busy," he says.
Sasuke snorts. "No you weren't."
Naruto debates arguing but realizes there's no point. It's true. He's purposefully avoided coming here. "How are you?" He asks, inanely. Sasuke looks pointedly at where the chain connected to his handcuffs is attached to the wall. "Right," Naruto mutters.
They sit in silence for a time, Sasuke with nowhere to go, Naruto with nothing to say. Except – "You killed her."
Sasuke looks at him again.
Too late to turn back now, it's already out there, he thinks, half regretfully, half…something else. "You killed her," Naruto repeats. "Hinata."
He has Sasuke's full attention now. Black eyes study him, nearly wary but not quite. For a moment, Naruto wonders if Sasuke even knows who he's talking about. "She was alive when I left," Sasuke says finally, acknowledging that he does indeed remember the quiet girl.
Naruto nods. "She was alive hours later, when we found her." He wonders how he's talking so calmly about this. "Then she died."
The chain clinks as Sasuke shrugs. "I didn't kill her."
"Not right away. You stabbed her. She tried to heal herself, but…didn't have enough chakra. Just made her bleed out slower." Naruto remembers the hand she'd held over her stomach, not letting them look at it, insisting she was fine. And when she had let them, when they'd made her, he'd seen the jagged red hole in her abdomen, revealing skin and muscle and deep, deep down inside of her. And for one horrible, insane moment, all he could think was that her jacket was ruined.
"I told you," Sasuke says, interrupting his thoughts. "If you tried to stop me, I'd kill you."
"Me," Naruto says back, his voice suddenly sharp and weak. "You said you'd kill me. You didn't – you never said – " He stops himself, wondering if he's about to cry. He might. He might just punch something. But suddenly he's tense and angry and sad and lonely and confused and vengeful and he doesn't know why things can't just go back to the way they were. He doesn't want Sasuke in chains, he doesn't want Sakura sad, and he wants Hinata to be alive.
Sasuke is studying him, almost curious. "Did you love her?"
"No," Naruto says, his voice hollow. "She loved me."
This is where Sasuke apologizes. This is where he realizes what he's done, and regrets it. This is where he sees how much he's hurt everyone, all the damage he's caused, all the lives he's ruined.
But Sasuke doesn't say anything. He just looks at him with his black eyes, fathomless and uncomprehending. Unrepentant.
Naruto stands up. "I'll be back in a week," he says automatically. And then he turns around and walks out, numb, like in a dream.
…
For the first few months, Naruto was driven and focused, as he always was. Determined to complete his goal and finish his mission. And even…afterwards, after Hinata had died, he was still driven, and angry now, too.
But days had started to run together, and people he talked to seemed less and less sure that the dark-haired boy they'd seen had really been there. And Naruto, as well, began to question it, his brief glimpses of Sasuke seeming to blend with the pictures he had in his head; he might see Sasuke on the other side of a river, or walking through a crowd, and think There he is, it's finally over, only to wake up in bed. He started seeing him everywhere, awake or not. The colors red and black suddenly made him paranoid; he distrusted lightning storms. He watched the ground for snakes and the sky for hawks, and was constantly listening – for conversations, for footsteps. And then he began to see her.
At first it was just the smell. As time went on, Naruto found that he could recall less and less of the actual event, but the insignificant details were fresh in his mind; the sound of the birds chirping, the heaviness of the forest air, and the smell of moss and lilies and recent rain. Hinata's face was cloudy in his mind, but three months later he could remember exactly where in the sky the sun was when she drew her last breath. The first time he woke up to the smell, he knew right away what it was. Not only was it out of place in the desert, but it was one of only things he could recall about Hinata now. He'd tried to remember her from before, when they were kids, or at least teenagers; her hesitant laugh, her small smile, her shy blush and odd mannerisms. But whenever he called her to mind he could only picture the cool, quite forest and the giant tree she had been found under, the slats of sunlight falling across the ground, the blood-stained grass revealed when she had been helped to her feet.
At first it was just the smell, and like many things in his life at that point, he wondered if he was simply imagining it. But he became more and more certain it was real. And it wasn't just one night in the small desert town – it followed him to Lightning Country, Earth Country, the Land of Tea, only present at night, just before he went to bed. It began affecting his sleeping pattern, and often he waited for nightfall, waited for the sun to sink below the horizon, trying to pinpoint exactly when he could smell it; other times tried to avoid it altogether by going to bed very early or staying up all night, on the move. And then he began to see her.
The first time Hinata appeared to him he was so taken aback that he did nothing but stare at her, for what could have been hours. Everything was the same. Everything looked so real. Even the bloody, gaping hole in her stomach. He couldn't have said anything even if he'd wanted to. He couldn't tell you now what he'd felt that first time – fear? Relief? Confusion? Maybe all three. But he just stayed up and stared at her, and she stared back, and when the sun rose, he blinked once, and she was gone.
Naruto wondered if she was a spiritual guide. He wondered if she was there to torment him. Most of all, he wondered if he was crazy. But when the second night came, she again did nothing; made no move to harm him, gave him no advice. And again when the sun rose, he blinked, and she was gone. And this happened exactly the same, night after night. Eventually he tried talking to her, but received no answer. He tried touching her once, but his fingers went straight through her and came away ice-cold. Naruto knew, of course, that she couldn't be real; she was dead, he had seen it himself. She only looked real. She was just a product of his tired mind. It was just stress, he finally told himself, if only to give some reason to it. She'd be gone if he could get some sleep and relax.
But he couldn't relax, because he was closing in on Sasuke, always just one step behind him, sometimes missing him by mere minutes. There was no rest, not when he was this close, not when the prospect of returning home to Sakura and Kakashi and his friends was so nearly attainable it made his heart ache with such intensity he thought he could feel it contracting in his chest.
The idea that these visions of Hinata wanted him to catch Sasuke also occurred to him. Maybe she was a ghost, and she wanted closure, wanted her murderer brought to justice. It made some sense to him, when almost nothing else did, and he clung to the idea for comfort. It seemed to him that if he could bring Sasuke back, he could fix everything; he could protect Konoha, fulfill his promise, save his best friend, make Sakura happy, and give Hinata peace.
Everything would be fine if he could just bring Sasuke back.
…
There's a knock on his door, and Naruto shuffles over to it, hoping it's not another villager wanting to thank him for his good and noble deed – he's not sure he can even summon the enthusiasm to say "you're welcome". Luckily, when he opens the door, he finds Kakashi.
For some reason the main emotion he feels is a palpable relief. "Kakashi-sensei," he says.
A hand falls on his shoulder, the gesture somehow much more paternal and comforting than a hug. Kakashi never hugs. And he doesn't say "good job". He doesn't say "you're a hero". Not even "it needed to be done". Not for the first time in his life, Naruto is most grateful for the things Kakashi leaves unsaid.
"When did you get back?" Naruto remembers someone telling him days ago that Kakashi was on a recon mission but was expected to return soon.
"Last night." Kakashi studies him with his unobstructed eye, taller than him, still, after all this time. "How's the brain?"
Naruto automatically reaches up to rub the back of his head. Kakashi is referring, of course, to his concussion. The one that had him unconscious for nearly a day. "Agh, you know me," Naruto smiles cheerfully. "Head as hard as a cannonball!" He knocks on his skull for emphasis.
Kakashi smiles a bit, the only indication a slight crinkling of his eye, but then he's serious once again. "The Council is deciding what to do with Sasuke," he says. "They've been in session for hours now."
Naruto looks past Kakashi, at the almost-noonday sun. They must have started early this morning. Ostensibly, Kakashi was with them until now. "They want to kill him," Naruto says quietly.
Kakashi doesn't deny this directly. "They're debating. If they can, they want to…rehabilitate him."
"…why?"
Normally phased by nothing, this makes Kakashi shift uneasily. "Sasuke is the last true Sharingan holder. The argument has been made that the village has use for his genetics."
"They want to…" Naruto shakes his head. "They want to breed him?" The idea is repulsive. He waits for Kakashi to dispel the thought, to explain it or perhaps make it better – somehow, somehow, he has to make it better, he's their sensei, their teacher – but is given no such reassurance. After a beat of silence, he shakes his head again and moves forward, Kakashi stepping aside for him. Naruto walks out into the sunlight, squinting, then continues down the steps. He stops at the bottom. "I shoulda just killed him, huh?" He chuckles humorlessly.
"Naruto…" Kakashi's voice is quiet, but all too audible.
The blonde doesn't turn around. "I'm gonna go for a walk," he mutters.
…
His walk takes him to Sakura's apartment, and he stands there for a minute or two, wondering why he's here. Or maybe hoping. Sakura will know what to do. Sakura understands.
He's about to knock on her door when he hears a voice behind him. "Naruto?"
He turns around and she's halfway up the stairs, holding a bag of groceries. She looks surprised to see him, but pleasantly so. He jogs down to her and reaches for her bag. "Hi, Sakura," he says with a smile. She gives it up without complaint, looking curious now.
"What are you doing here?" she asks him as they reach her door. She digs around in her pocket for her keys, and he wonders how to answer that. The Council wants Sasuke alive so they can have his Sharingan children. Then they'll probably kill him.
They walk inside and Sakura takes back her groceries. "I've been putting off shopping for weeks," she explains, taking items out and setting them on the counter. "I literally had nothing in the refrigerator – I had to eat peanut butter for breakfast." She makes a face.
Naruto just stares at her, and after a moment she snaps her fingers at him, jolting him. "Hey! What's up?" She leans forward, brow furrowing. "Is something wrong?"
"They're, uh…" Naruto swallows. "They're talking about Sasuke."
"Who – " Understanding lights her eyes. "Oh."
Naruto takes a seat at the counter across from her. "They might not kill him."
"That's…good," Sakura says after a moment, hesitantly, but Naruto's looking away, scowling. "They want his genes," he says bitterly.
When he looks back at her, she's leaned slightly over the counter, looking disgusted and confused and disappointed and so very, very sad, all at once. Naruto hates that look on her face. "I'm sorry," she says. "That's…awful." Then, shakes her head. "No, that's not the right word. It's…I don't know. It is awful. But…more than that, too."
Naruto nods. She does understand. Sakura always understands.
Her hand reaches out across the counter and covers his, fingers thin and callused, but warm. Warm like her eyes. Soft and green and alive…a sharp contrast to the dead white irises that haunt him.
Moss and lilies and rain.
Naruto goes rigid, heartbeat increasing in tempo, and Sakura notices. She withdraws her hand, perhaps worried she's overstepped some boundary. "Are you okay?"
"Do you smell that?" Naruto asks before he can stop himself.
Confused, Sakura straightens. "Smell what?" She sniffs the air.
"The woods. Moss."
"No…I don't smell anything. Naruto, are you alright?"
"Yeah, I…" Naruto's eyes dart around distractedly. Why here? Why now? In the daytime. That's never happened before. It can't happen. It prickles along his skin, cold and damp, and he shudders once, involuntarily. "I gotta go."
He's turning and walking out the door, quickly, trying to escape the scent. Sakura calls to him again, worried, but he's down the steps already, into the street.
…
It's never bothered him before in the daytime. Never. It's always at night. So why? Why now?
It was at least manageable when she appeared at night. He was alone. In a safe, controlled environment. But Naruto doesn't think he can deal with it during the day, with other people around. It'll drive him crazy.
Crazier.
As he moves aimlessly through the village, he realizes that it means something. It must. He could never smell it in the daytime before now. Something's changed. Something –
Sasuke.
As soon as the name crosses his mind he feels a fresh wave of nausea. Sasuke is the problem.
But what is the solution?
…
Me: Oh man. I'm never going to find time to update this. : /
I promise I will eventually update Courtship and DoveFoxSnake – I haven't abandoned them. I've just temporarily lost all capacity to do anything but schoolwork. And a brief foray into NaruSaku.
Leave a review – I'd love to know how I did. : )