Matt felt the draft of cold air against his thighs and the dull clump of shoes against the thread bare carpet. He felt the angry grumble rumble past thin pursed lips and then felt the cigarette plucked from his lips. He sighed and sat up, crossed legged, before leaning his head back so he was dangling from the back of the sofa and looking at the fuming back of his blonde stamping his cigarette into the floor.
"It wasn't even lit," he complained, before springing up and dropped onto the floor, picking up the Nintendo DS and inserting the first game he found.
"I don't care," Mello said, kicking aside a few more games boxes. His shoe landed upon an empty packet of cigarettes. He sighed for a moment, turning round. He saw Matt's face lit up by the screen of the games console. Pulling a small rectangular foil wrapped chocolate bar from the back of his pocket, he unwrapped it slowly and crunched on it thoughtfully, his eyes never leaving the back of Matt's head.
"Hey, Mello, do you have a Superman complex or something?"
Mello growled threateningly, swiping his tongue swiftly over his lips to stop the chocolate escaping.
"What the fuck are you talking about, bastard?"
"It's just that you were staring at my head. I was wondering if you were trying to burn a whole through my head or something."
Stalking stiffly into the kitchen, Mello finally let out his sigh, now out of ear shot of Matt.
"I'd rather do that then see you whither away under those cigarettes... your younger then me, dammit! I wish I could take on all those addictions of yours... and possibly not have met you in the first place... God knows I don't deserve you..."
He went to grasp the rosary that hung round his neck, and then realised Matt had left it on the floor somewhere the night before.
He growled with annoyance and instead crossed himself. Muttering a quick prayer, he calmed himself down with another bite of chocolate and walked back into the living room.
"Matt?" he called softly, stuffing the chocolate into his pocket again.
Matt gave a non-committal grunt, not even looking up from whichever game made his emerald eyes even harder to see as the light reflected off his orange tinted goggles. He hissed softly and kicked a near-by console, fingers hovering over the keys of his hand held so fast they seemed a blur to Mello.
Mello wandered over, through himself on the couch, and put his hand on Matt's.
"You play that too much, the world's going to pass you by," he said simply. "Why not spend it doing something else? Other than smoking...?"
Matt blinked and jumped slightly, squeaking and dropping the DS onto the floor. After registering Mello's hand on his, and the words made their way into his Final Fantasy hazed mind, and a grin plastered his face.
"I've found a pleasure just as dangerous and addicting as my cigarettes," he moaned hooking one leg around Mello's ankle.
Mello pulled his leg away.
"Bad boy!" he said, poking Matt on the ear.
"Dangerous am I? We'll see about that!"
Matt pouted, reaching a hand out for Mello's leg... which was slapped away with a scolding glare. Matt just grinned like a three-year-old and employed the age old tactics of the puppy eyes.
"Mello, of course you are dangerous! I'm more scared of you then I am of the whole Mafia!"
Matt swooped down and picked up the DS, scowling at the 'GAME OVER' message flashing across the screen.
"You died; you lost this time, unless you change my mind." Mello turned away, watching out of the corner of his eye at Matt. He lifted the chocolate bar up again and nibbled on a corner daintily. The comment about the Mafia amused him, and he gave a grin. This evaporated quickly though, as he resumed his normal stance.
Matt wasn't sure if he imagined the grin that flashed momentarily across his lovers face, but just the thought that perhaps he'd sparked a smile made his own face light up as he settled down once again with his game, before cursing under his breath and searching for the dropped stylus. He came across the crushed box of cigarettes and shook his head. When he sat up, his red hair was mussed and covering his eyes, having removed the goggles to search better in the dingy apartment he and Mello shared.
Mello reached over and brushed the hair out of Matt's eyes. He looked at the grin across Matt's face and pressed a finger to his bottom lip.
"Not a word, Matty," he said, half jokingly.
However, despite having made Mello grin, the fact that Matt said he was scared of him was almost too much to bear.
Matt cocked his head to one side, looking at Mello and wondering if the suddenly more icy look in Mello's eyes had any real reason, or if he just wanted to look more Mello-ish. Not that that made much sense, but Matt played Naruto. Nothing made sense. Matt reached out and swept Mello's fringe aside and smiled, patting the blonde's head.
"Hey Mello" Matt muttered, "Why are we sitting on the floor?"
"Because we can't afford a couch," Mello replied testily, "you spent most of our money on cigarettes and games for that blasted games console of yours." He shuffled away for a moment, then turned round and looked Matt in the eye.
"Why can't you consider both of us?" he asked, "if you were more considerate you may have had a chance with me ages ago."
Blinking rather confusedly, Matt tilted his head, and shuffled closer to Mello, so they're knees were touching. He reached out a hand towards Mello, expecting the other to flinch away.
"Mello, what are you talking about?" Matt asked, not sure where this was going. "I... I'm sorry if my games have... stopped you from, I dunno, something, but I need them. Like you need your chocolate.
There was moment's silence.
"Mello... have I said something? Something to hurt you?" Matt wasn't usually very good at reading into people, but Mello was Mello, and Matt's area of expertise.
"Just, if... if we didn't waste our money," at this he grinned sheepishly, holding the bar of chocolate up, "then we could move, into somewhere better than this place. It's depressing, this place." He touched the scar on the side of his face, tracing the spiky edge. "But, ehh. I think it's me. Sorry," he said, patting Matt's knee awkwardly.
"There's nothing to be sorry for," Matt assured, lacing his fingers with the hand of Mello's still lying on his knee. "In fact, it might be nice to move out, but I sorta like it here. It's... well it's ours I suppose. Mine and yours."
Matt drew his knees up to his chest, rested his head on his knees, and waited for Mello to pull his hand from his and to scold him for being soft and one enormous pansy.
"Mine and yours?" Mello asked. He looked at the hand that was entwined with Matt's and raised an eyebrow. He turned away, staring at the plasterboard.
"It's a bit gloomy though..." he murmured. And yet his hand never left Matt's.
Matt blinked, raising his head off his knees a little. He said nothing about their hands, liking the way they felt resting against each other, fearing if he said something Mello would snatch his away. He observed the back of Mello's head and giggled a little in the thought that now he was the one with the "Superman Complex".
"I suppose it is a little bit..." Matt trailed off, slightly nervous now. A thought struck him, and it pulled his previous grin down into a solid frown. "Mel...?" he questioned, shivering at a nonexistent breeze, "Mel, if you want to move out somewhere else on you own, I'll be fine here..."
Mello turned round hurriedly.
"Move by myself, why would I leave you?" he asked. "What gave you that idea...? Matt?"
This time he did take his hand off of Matt's. He pulled the bar of chocolate out of his pocket and closed his eyes for a moment. "I'm going to stay with you, you know it." He opened his eyes and grinned "You're stuck with me."
Matt whined quietly at the loss of Mello's hand, but kept his thoughts to himself. Eyeing the bar of chocolate, Matt stifled a groan of frustration until it came out a tired sigh.
"Sometimes I swear you love that stuff more then you love me. I mean, you've never told me you love me. And, well, you were getting so worked up about saving money and all, I thought we could split it and you can go live on your own... But I do want you with me, and I'm glad I'm stuck with you!" He rushed on, hoping to get across that he needed Mello there, more then anything.
Mello froze. He licked the last crumbs of chocolate from the inside of the wrapper.
"I never knew you felt that strongly, Matt," he said stiffly. "I'm a bit of a hypocrite really... but if you're glad. Well, I'm glad." He trailed off and looked Matt in the eye. "And, I could never love chocolate more than you..."
Matt's head rose completely from his knees, recognizing that that was probably as close as an "I love you" he'd ever get from the blonde. He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, grinning again.
"Glad of what, Mello?" Matt asked pushing slightly, needed so badly to just hear it straight out. A straight out, "Glad you want me" or straight out "I love you" or just something other then Mello's usual, "You taste better then chocolate" or something else meant to be recognized as a confession.
"Glad of..." he trailed off again. He leaned against Matt. "Well, uh... you're not alone?" he winced, staring straight ahead at the wall again. He looked down at his hands, where he had been subconsciously rolling the foil into a tight little square. "Uh, this cube?" He held it up. "Well, let's say... uh, it's me. And this-" he searched on the floor and lifted up a game chip. "That's you. Well, this little cube, it can't live without that game chip. And uh... well, that's me. That's how I… sort of... feel."
Matt growled angrily, grabbing Mello's shoulder roughly. "Why can't you just say it? Why not! Does it hurt to love me!? Is that it? Mello!"
But now Matt is shaking Mello, but also shaking himself, trembling as water pools in his eyes, making them sparkle, threatening to fall.
Mello jumped back, "Near always surpassed me as he had no emotion, I let them get in the way," he sighed. "I was slightly jealous of him, but now. I don't want to use my emotions..." He reached over and put his arm around Matt. "I can't say it..." he whimpered.
"Oh Mello," Matt circled his arms around Mello, clinging tightly, trembling violently as the tears fall; head buried in Mello's shoulder. "Mel, I should have remembered, I'm so sorry!" His voice cracks and he can't say anything else, collapsing into Mello and clutching even tighter. "I should have understood, I should have... Mello I love you!" He shouted, latching on even tighter, if that was even possible, tears still falling and staining Mello's top.
Mello looked down at his top. He reached out and wiped Matt's eyes gently.
"Ssshh," he muttered, glancing around, as if Near were somehow watching. He hugged Matt back. "Matt, you're... I..." he began. "I, you're a great person," he finished lamely. He pretended to take great interest in the back of Matt's top, when he saw small marks appearing there too. He touched his eye, to discover it damp. "You touch a completely different side of me, Matt."
"Different side, huh?" Matt asked, grinning, reaching up a hand to catch the final tear sliding down Mello's face. "Come on, lets go get cleared up."
Mello hurriedly wiped his face, "I didn't realize it was that obvious," he concluded. He stood up and took Matt's hand,
"Off we go then."
"Realize what was so obvious?" he asked cheekily, swinging Mello's hand between them where he'd hung on and not let go.
Matt pattered over to the small bathroom and pulled off his top, before splashing water one his face to clear the tear tracks.
Mello raised both eyebrows and followed suit. Looking at his face in the dirty, cracked mirror, he saw that tear tracks weren't that obvious. When he was little, he'd always thought it was such a big deal. He rubbed them off, pausing at that scar again. He stared at it for a while, then turned round and grinned nervously at Matt.
"Sorry, what did you want to do again...?"
"Huh?" Matt asked, not really paying close attention as he cleaned his face with the less-then-clean water from the tap. "I said lets get cleared up... is something wrong?" Matt asked, turning to look at Mello.
"Thought you said something... never mind. Maybe I'm losing my mind," he replied. He ran a finger under the water as the sink slowly filled up.
"Ugh, it's blocked again," he moaned, kicking the sink.
"Nah, you're to smart to go mad... I think..." Matt flicked the water still on his fingers at Mello, giggling happily before practically bouncing out of the bathroom. Matt threw himself onto the old sofa and heard the springs creak and groan.
Mello chased after him, threw himself at the sofa, missed, and hit the floor; he sat up and glared at Matt.
"That was not your fault, but I'm blaming it on you."
Matt mock pouted and crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, that may not have been my fault, but as you've already blamed me, I might as well do this!" And he threw himself onto the floor towards Mello, landing next to him with a solid thump and began tickling him mercilessly.
"Get off, get off, stop it!" Mello squealed, rolling away and under the sofa.
"Don't... tickle... me!"
"But I thought you liked it," Matt pouted, crawling under the sofa to lie beside Mello and almost choking on a spider that dropped from the base of the sofa. Mello laughed softly and drew Matt closer, suddenly protective of his precious little puppy.
Lying there, in the semi-darkness, the steady feeling of Mello's heartbeat against his cheek and the sound of his breathing, Matt knew Mello would be able to say it eventually. Matt reached out and felt the lost DS stylus under his fingers. Giggling slightly, he felt for Mello's hand and gave it a light squeeze.
"Hey Mello," Matt said in a whisper, like a best friend sharing a secret, "Near's creepy... and really, really scary. Scarier then you scary. Wonna know why? Because he doesn't feel."
And with that, Matt fell asleep, surrounded by what the needs most in the world.