A Prologue of Incredibly Stupid Events to Come
There was once a little boy with a problem. Not a problem such as 'what shall I do with my life?', or 'must I get a job during the school year?', 'why can't I stay up past 10:00?', or even 'how can I get that cute Arabic girl with the perky breasts in the front of my English class to like me?' but rather a Philosophical Observation.
This Philosophical Observation was a very odd thing for a nine-year-old boy to think of.
In fact, the basic concept of this Observation is not even picked up by children until they begin to enter their final years of primary school. After that, they still don't realise its existence, but act out this 'Observation' in their everyday social life. It is only once they turn the 'Holy 18 Years Old' that they actually acknowledge it, but refer to it simply as an Unspoken Social Law that is tucked in the back of their mind, and never verbally mentioned.
Finally, when people do observe this Observation, and they finally and fully understand how the Industrialised World turns every day, it will be too late; as they are well into their 80's and unable to effectively use this precious knowledge.
This 'Philosophical Observation' is one that someone should have always known the effects of, and probably even complained about it to their friends, family, and guidance-counsellors who would like to have nothing better than for this child to shut up and be happy.
In fine, the ability of this nine-year-old to actually grasp this concept, understand it, and be annoyed by it, is truly nothing short of a miraculous miracle. And this Philosophical Observation, which has hitherto been ridiculously kept from you all, is a very, very, simple one; so simple it need not even be 'philosophical':
People Care Only About How They Look.
This simple fact of life came so quickly upon this young boy that, he realised much to his horror, there was not a thing he, or anyone else could do about it. Being a practical boy, he thought there was a solution to every problem regardless of how silly or far-fetched it was. Unfortunately, this was one instance where his mind drew a blank on how to make a fix. So one day, while this particularly bored boy was unsuccessfully learning how to multiply negative numbers with positive numbers on a very muggy day in February, he arrived at his solution:
He would simply have to kill every single Human Being on the face of the planet.
This boy's name was Pip Bernadette; and as of the 18th of December in 1999, he was frightfully close to achieving it.
I really hope you all enjoyed this Prologue. If you actually liked it, please leave me a review letting me know what you think so far, if I should continue, or if it's total and complete rubbish. Seriously, they help me know what you guys like, and plus they make me feel very, very good.
If I don't get any, or if you all agree this is a waste of space on the internet, I'll just delete it, and save both your and my time by moving onto a different project.
Also— For all future purposes: I do not own Hellsing, it belongs to Kouta Hirano.