Well, this is my 'welcome back' story for my favorite fanfiction site. I know, I know, I've been REALLY bad. Y'see, I got this thing called a DeviantART, and I'm a little addicted. I joined this club, and they're working my ass off in missions. This is my only true work of fanfiction on dA. But, it's my pride and joy. i really think my writing style has matured from last year, and I hope you enjoy it!
I hope my (small number of) fans still love me ;-;. R+R, guys!
It wasn't everyday that the Akatsuki base was quiet. Hidan and Kakuzu were out pilaging Konoha, Itachi was on a solo mission, Leader had locked himself up in his room stating he would not come out for a looooong while, Zetsu- mission, Tobi- with him, Konan- well, she had locked herself in HER room, claiming that SHE too would not be out until 'this damn thing was over in a week.'
That left Kisame, Deidara, and the boys 'danna'. Kisame was off somewhere doing SOMETHING, and Deidara was all by himself. Which was good, normally. Not so much today, though; his thoughts were the last thing he wanted to be left alone with. Trying to turn those thoughts away from his redheaded partner, he thought of what made him happiest: explosions. Which reminded him of battle. Which reminded him of clay. Which reminded him of art. Which reminded him of Sasori. UGH. Headwall. Headwall. Headwall.
His head seemed to be making quite a loud noise against the wall; maybe it had gotten harder. Like something else... NO! He was -NOT- going to think like that. Who the hell did he think he was, Kisame?!
Even when he pulled his cranium away from the wall, letting both objects have a rest from the constant banging, the noises continued. This baffled the blonde for a good moment or two until he heard a voice from the other side of his room's door.
"DEI--DARA!! Buddy, it's meeee~ Open up, wouldja?" Came the billowing voice of a certain blue skinned swordsman. Oh joy. OH RAPTURE!! Just what he needed: an annoyingly optomistic fish-man.
"I'm not in, un." He grumbled.
"Oh. Okay then, I can just waltz in all jolly old time... way... lisness....ness...like?" The door flung open and in stumbled the man, obviously drunken out of his mind. "Deidara! You musta completed that mission reeeeal fast like, yer already back!" He cried, grinning.
"What mission, un?"
"Th-the.. the one you were away on just now! You weren't in here. You said so yerself!"
The blonde stared at him as if the blue man's gills had just fallen onto his shoulders and started to tap dance. "What, no I didn't, un?!"
"No, no. Yes. And I quote 'I'm not in....UN!' " He slurred, his grin giving way to a confused demeanor.
Deidara rolled his eyes. "I was trying to get you to GO AWAY, un. And, APPARENTLY, it didn't work, un."
"Oh, really? And whydja wouldja say that, hmmmmm?" The shark/Mist nin leaned forward, his grin lighting up again, challenging the blonde to answer him.
"You're still here, un." Deidara growled, a glare searing from his eyes into Kisame's little fishy ones.
"Well, no SHIT, Sherlock!" Kisame blustered. "You think I would actually LISTEN to you?! Hah! Never!"
Deidara massaged his temples, annoyance flickering across his face.
"Look, Kisame, could you just go away, un? I'm in a horrible mood right now, and you're not helping, un. At all, actually, un."
For a moment, Kisame was silent, then he spoke once more, "A horrible mood? Why now, dear friend of-" He paused hiccuping, before sitting on the bed besides his evil comrade, "Dear friend of mine." He flung an arm around said man, pulling him close for a tight hug. "What's got cha down, hmm?"
"Nothing, Kisame, un."
"What a wonderfully crappy lie ya got going there, bucko. I actually believed it for not at all." He chuckled, slouching forward, threatening to fall off the bed. "Now tell me, tell me, tell me, tell me, what is actually bugging my little terrorist?"
Deidara sighed, figuring if he kept it simple, Kisame wouldn't care about it- or remember- too much once he sobered up. "Danna, un." He mumbled. Kisame paused, contemplating this, before letting out a loud, over dramatic gasp.
"Oh, oh oh! Yourself and Sasori did not have a steamy, sexual union in the shower, now did you?" He whispered, as if this were the hottest new gossip. Deidara gaped, speechless for a brief second.
"NO!!" He cried, blushing fiercely.
"Ah, yes, I see, you WANT to have a steamy, sexual union in the shower with him, eh?" He questioned, raising his eyebrows suggestively multiple times.
"No, no, no! I do not want to have sex with him, un!"
"Not even in the shower?"
"NO!!!" Deidara practically screamed. Kisame's grin stretched further across his face.
"Denial, not just a river in Egypt anymore."
"SHUT UP, un!!"
Kisame stayed silent, letting Deidara's yell echo around the almost-empty hideout. He waited until Deidara was staring at him, then got up and left.
Deidara sighed, laying back on his bed. "Finally, peace and quiet, un."
Said peace and quiet didn't last long. Kisame came stumbling back into the room, toting four bottles of sake under his arms. "And now---! WE DRINK!!" He slammed the bottles down on the bed.
"Kisame, un."
"What, Deidara?"
" I don't drink, remember?"
Kisame raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, so? Now you do. C'mon, it's just sake." When Deidara shook his head, the sharkman raised the bottle in front of the other's face, sloshing the alcohol inside. "You know you want it, Dei. It'll help you with your little Sasori problem."
Deidara sat up, crossing his legs and turning his back on the blue man. "My bodys a temple, un."
Kisame raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, well, now it's an amusement park. Drink it!" He poured a cup for the blonde, offering it to him.
Deidara sighed, taking and draining it in one motion. He paused, letting the taste of the alcohol sink in before holding out his cup. "Another, un."
A couple hours (and too many drinks) later, Kisame and Deidara lay sprawled on the floor, limbs entangled. Deidara's hair was splayed around his head, now officially down, and his scope had found its way under the bed, comfortably nestled in between a pair of his old, ratty shoes. Kisame was sopping wet, having found a tub of water to pour down his front, accompanied by a scream of "I AM A FISH!!!" Somehow, their drunken conversation had gotten onto the topic of gender-confused voices.
"I mean, just look at you! You got such a deep voice, Deidei, but you're- you're like a woman!!" Kisame slurred. Deidara paused.
"Y'know... I know that they know that I look like a woman, but you're the first to say it to my face, un. I love you, man." The blonde exclaimed, hugging him tightly.
"J'know.... j'know... j'know..." Kisame paused, trying to gather his thoughts, a particularly amazing feat for his state of drunkenness. "J'know who else has major gender- voice- confusion thingy? Singers. LIke that one guy.... that one guy." The blue man paused, before breaking out into random song, his voice high-pitched. "If you want my body, AND you think I'm seeeexy..."
"...Come on baby, let me know, un." Deidara finished. Kisame gasped.
"You know that song?!"
Deidara snorted. "Are you kidding me, un?! I have his CD, un!" He spoke, causing Kisame to sigh.
"Why does that not surprise me, man? Someone as gender-confused as you would totally have Rod Stewert in their library. Well, dammit, man. Put it on!!" He waved his hand in the air above them. Deidara giggled, standing to put in the CD. Rod Stewert's voice flooded the room, much louder than usual.
"She sits alone, waiting for suggestions-" The CD sang. Deidara felt a violent urge to dance, and began to do so. Kisame sat up, the world spinning for a moment before it settled and Deidara was the only thing left moving. He laughed wholeheartedly as he watched the other man dance around, singing along. Suddenly, he got an evil idea. "Strip, Dei!!"
Deidara grinned, the alcohol making that seem like a great plan. His cloak slid off his shoulders as he shimmeyed them about.
Sasori was sitting in the main living room, reading, when the nasaly voice of Rod Stewert invaded his mind. 'Oh god, not again. Deidara's NOT going to play that again.' He thought to himself, rising to his feet. The book was left upside down on the couch, holding his place. The closer he walked to his room, the louder the music became. When only feet away from the door, he heard the deep voice of his partner singing along, an unsettling sound. Rod Stewert and Deidara did not mesh well. Pushing open the door, he froze.
Kisame sat on the floor, whooping loudly as he watch Deidara dance in the middle of the room. Said blonde was missing both cloak and shirt, and his hands were at his waist, undoing the belt that resided there. His hair hung loosely, moving with him as he swayed and both his eyes were closed. And at that moment, the chorus started up again, to which Kisame and Deidara sang boistrously. "If you want my body, and you think I'm sexy, come on, honey, tell me so!"
Sasori's mouth dropped open. Whatever it was that he was expecting, it certainly was not this. As the chorus ended, Kisame's attention shifted to him, and the shark grinned widely.
"Well, hey, Sasori! How's life treatin' ya?" His words caused Deidara to freeze midnote. The blonde looked over his shoulder, eyes wide.
"S-Sasori-danna, un!" He squeaked. "Wh-What are you doing here?!"
"I live here." Sasori muttered, still staring at the blonde. "This is my room, too..." He spoke in his normal monotone. Kisame quickly stood.
"This is your room? I'm, like, intruding...Kaybye!" He staggered towards the door. Before leaving, he turned to bid them one last farewell. "You two can have your union in piece." He grinned, bowing before shutting the door.
Both Deidara turned bright red. "K-Kisame, un!!" The blonde cried, mortally embarrassed.
"...Union?" Sasori raised an eyebrow at him questioningly, seductively.
In the morning, Deidara awoke, an arm draped over his stomach possesively. His NAKED stomach. He stared down at the arm, trying to figure out it's owner. Events from the night before reoccured to his hung-over mind, and he gasped. "S-Sasori, un...."
"Mmrph... I actually got to sleep for once, and you wake me up. What the hell do you want?" The redhead looked up at him, eyes half-lidded and aggravated. Deidara stared at him, noting that he was naked as well.
"D-Did we...?"
"Yes." The puppet master stated simply, before letting his head drop back to the pillow. "You're quite vocal, I must say." Deidara stiffened, going red again.
"U-Um...I-I..." Sasori's arm tightened around his stomach, pulling him closer.
"Shut up and go back to sleep, moron."
Deidara snuggled closer to him. "'Kay, un."
R+R, guys!! I hope you enjoyed it!