-She's gone. I am abused, and my relief must be to loathe her.-
William Shakespeare
Reid lifts his eyes from his book and sighted. The paine was drilling through his whole body like a thousan knifs, but the physical pain was nothing, the real pain was in his mind. The young doctor shook his head and closed his eyes, as eitch time he did so, the images starded to dance behind his eyes. No ! he shouted. He didnt want the memories. He wanted to forget, to disapear. Tobias Hankle was dead because of him.
"You killed him. You think Ill get to see my mom again."
The team had done their best to help him, they had come to the hospial, send cardes and gifts, yadi yadi yada. But they couldnt possibly understand what it was like to live with the fear, with the guitl and the pain, mostly the pain. Suddenly Elle Greenways face came to Reids mind, he always thought about her from time to time. She wouldve knew, she woudve understand... but she wasnt there. He would have to do on his own.
Spencer walk to the kitchen and took his pain meds, normaly he should have stop taking these a few days ago, but he was still in pain, plus sometime it helped with the flashbacks. He pour himself a glass of vodka to help him swallow the pilles.
"Wanna cheek my ID "
Spencer smiled sadly, a tear ran across his cheek. Reid sat on the floor and rested his chin on his knees. His wounds continued to spread a doll trobbing pain through his body. He took an other sip of vodka, hopping to lessen the pain.
Toc, Toc Toc Toc... Toc Toc!
Reid got up to see who was knocking. When he opened the door he thought he was hallutinating, it couldnt be thrue.
"Well, well if it isn't the young doctor Reid ?"
" Elle..."
She pulled him into a tight hug. He burried his face in her neck, he coud feel his tears, but did care. When he pulled her away, Reid saw he wasnt the only one crying. Elle eyes were bringht with tears.
"What are you doing here ?"
" A few years ago, you were there for me in a similar time. I'm just returning the favour."
When he and Elle were sitting in his living room, Spencer started to talk. He was as honest with her as she once was with him.
"I had to kill the alter-personas, Rachael and Charles, but Tobias himself did nothing wrong. He saved my life."
" You killed someone -well three as a mather of fact- because you had to. If you haddn't you'd probably be dead. I did it because I freaked."
"Well I sort of know what I feel like now."
She stared at him for a while with her eyebrows frowned, then said: "Are you okay Reid ?"
"Yeah, why ?"
"Your eyes aren't focus or something."
"I had a glass of vodka."
"No that's not it. Are you still on painkillers ?"
"Eeeeh...Yeah." He said bitting his botom lips.
"I thought you're prescription was over !"
"You talk to Hotch ?"
"I call him to know how you were doing. He didn't ask me to come."she added quickly when she saw the look he gave her.
"Elle, I know you're worried and I know that the whole team is, but I'll be fine."
She just staired back at him with a sad smile.
"I'm not saying I'm okay now, But I will be. I take the pilles because my wounds aren't completly healed."
"Reid you were tortured for two days and were ask to choose one of the team member to die. We both know that the flesh wounds aren't the most painful ones. The pilles wont help with the other ones."
"What does ?" he ask softly.
"Time mostly. All these old wounds, they heal, they become scars, but sometime they still hurt." She sais toutching her owne scares.
Reid smiled at her and sat close to her. He ran his fingers in her hairs, she simply closed her eyes and pulled her head back. Spencer alowed his fingers to draw her features, as he had so often wanted to do, then he run them on her scars. He noticed that she stifed a little, but didn't say anything, actually, the only sound he could ear was her heavy breath.
"Spencer" she wispered trembling. He smiled, it was the first time she used his first name. Soon his mount replaced his fingers, Elle's breath became heratic even befour their lips found eitch other. She grumble in protestation when his lips left hers, but that growl quickly trurn into a moan when they found her neck insted. Giving the amout on time and attention he gave to it, Elle wondered if Reid had a neck fetish, but, hey, who was she to complaine ? Just went she thought she could go like this for ever she realized that, no, she couldn't. Her body wanted more, mutch more. The young woman gave Reid a pleading look, to witch he ansered with a amused smile. Contrairly to what the other team members seemed to think, he wasn't totally inocent and he had wanted her for so long, but she aways seemed out of reitch. Now it was her turn to wait. Elle was stuned, who would've knew that the young FBI Agent was the type to play this game ? Even with all her strategy to make him lose it, Dr. Reid took his time, he had forgot about the pain right know his whole world was limited to Elle. "Stop teasing, please !" she sais breathless. Spencer rose with a laugh, toke her hand and dragged her to his bedroom.
Elle smiled as she button her shirt up, usualy she would button it all the way up to hid her scars, but today she didn't. For the first time she didn't felt the need to denie what had happened. She lean on the bed and trailed kisses down Reids back to wake him up.
"Hey. Where're you going?"
"I have a Job. I'll call you."she said kissing him."Go back to sleep."
When Reid awoke again he was on his own and and the pain was back. Had he dream it all ? The young man sighted and got up. He reitch for his meds and swallowed two pilles. As Spencer waited for his mind to cloud he noticed a pair of earing on his nightstand. Reid smiled, he hadn't dream...