"Time present and time past

Are both perhaps present in time future

And time future contained in time past.

If all time is eternally present

All time is unredeemable."

-Burnt Norton

T.S. Elliot

Gravity – Chapter 1

((Every chapter is gonna start with a quote, most from Burnt Norton because that's what this fic was inspired by. This takes place just after the whole Frieza fiasco and the three years where Goku was on Yardrat. Any historical inaccuracies are subject to the plot.

-Shinsun))

It was a mistake. Hear me now, though I'm likely to reiterate; it was a mistake. I could call it human error; a simple miscalculation that could have been avoided… but I am not human. Regardless, it was completely my fault that planet Earth was destroyed. I could have stopped it if I could have stopped myself; but I was blinded by anger.

Anger at the petty humans that surrounded me day in and day out, at the way they stared at me like I was a freak, the whispers… Gods, I hated the damn whispers. Anger at the world, and by extension the universe, for cheating me out of any semblance of "normal". Anger at my wife. Oh yes,she was definitely the holder of a significant chunk of unadulterated unfairness that caused me to do what I did.

Always mocking me, degrading me, controlling me, like I was her personal property. She assumed me an inane delinquent that couldn't add two and two , much less decode the blatant abuse she threw at me like dirt with her words. But I was no fool, nor am I now, nor have I ever been. They say love is blind, and I no doubt loved my wife. But I suppose the saying doesn't go as far as Saiyans, because I wasn't blinded. I knew what she did, what she said, and why it was wrong.

And I hated myself a good deal of the time, simply because I wanted to strangle her – and just about everyone else – for buying the charade I'd put up myself years ago. For my own good, of course.

I disguised myself as a simpleton and hid my true intelligence behind a careless grin and a limited vocabulary to keep myself safe. If anyone knew how cunning and sharp I could truly be, they would either treat me like a monster or shun me. I'd seen it happen before; and I thanked my stupid self-imposed mask where I'd hated it in the past and resented it now.

I don't know why, but I wanted someone to see past the barrier I'd put up. Perhaps an age-old pursuit of a trust and companionship I'd never have.

And now I'd never have it, because I destroyed my home; the home of billions, in fact.

Like I said, it was a mistake. I see that now, but I sure as hell didn't then.

I'd finally snapped. I'd had enough of wife's undisguised insults, my "friends'" pity, my ex-rival's taunts. And it was in fact during a spar with said ex-rival that I finally did snap. Vegeta. I suppose this whole mess was more his fault than anyone's, simply because he couldn't keep his stupid mouth shut.

I was already simmering from a spat with my wife, in which she'd called me an incompetant moron (and much worse) and I'd taken it without retalitation. Yes, I could very well have blown her head off her shoulders and been done with it; but I decided the mature thing to do would be to walk away.

I tried to vent off steam by engaging Vegeta in a spar like I usually did. The usual taunts and smartassed remarks bounced off like always, and I closed my ears to him in favor of simply fighting. Left, right, duck, block. I got lost in the rhythm after a while, and he pulled me violenly from me reverie with an underhanded comment that I thought was below him.

"In a rush to get your defeat over with, are we? Got someone else you need to utterly fail before day's end?"

The barbed words sunk a little too deep, I think. Sure, I knew I was little more than an idiot third-class punching bag in the prince's eyes, but I'd never thought myself a failure.

"That wasn't nice, Vegeta." I admonished. Usually I didn't really care what he said, but I was in a bad enough mood already and it was a struggle not to insult him in return.

"All the fire's gone out of your eyes," the prince sneered, "Did I touch a nerve?"

"Stop." I said warily, "I should go, my wife'll be waiting for me."

Just an excuse to leave; ChiChi could care less whether I came back or not. Still, I'd rather not face whatever scowling taunts His Highness was sure to throw at me.

"Speaking of," Vegeta said sleekly, "I haven't seen the little whore in a while, you know."

I flinched at the cruel word, but otherwise kept my cool on the outside.

"Why do you even care?"

"I'll tell you," he was on a roll here, and I could tell he was enjoying himself, "Shh, it's a secret." He leaned close and whispered in my ear, "I slept with her."

I backed away from him like he was something ungodly foul.

"Wh-What? Why?" Notice I didn't accuse him of lying. Vegeta did many things, but he never lied.

He shrugged carelessly, "Why not?"

"Why not?!" I shouted.

He ignored me cockiy, "She was a tolerable fuck, but I've had better." he put on an absolutely evil leer, "What's the matter, Kakarot? Going to cry?"

I said nothing, but I was shaking with rage. Next thing I knew the planet was just gone. I must have teleported at the last second to escape the blast; and I found myself on New Namek, scratching my head and wondering what the hell happened. Gods, I was so stupid. It makes me almost sick to think about now.

TBC