True Love's Kiss
It's been 37 days since the fall of the black knights, the fall of Schneizel, the fall of the nations. For 37 days Lelouch has been sitting in his palace, ruling and subjugating the whole world, while the people he had once fought with, the people he had once called friends, his own beloved sister, were sitting in his prisons and waiting for their execution.
37 days in this hell.
Lelouch sat in his room and stared into the darkness. It was night and he was supposed to sleep, but he couldn't. He couldn't remember the last time he had really got a single eye shut. How could he? After all, it wasn't the people in the prisons who were truly waiting for their execution, but him.
No matter how perfectly he had managed to keep his composed expression during the day, at night when he was alone his mask always started to crumble.
So many things were going through his head and they were driving him crazy. The loneliness, being surrounded only by people he controlled with his Geass, no one to truly talk to, no one to truly trust.
Nunnally has been locked away and thought of him as a monster, hated him. How much did he want to see her, talk to her, hug her ... He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, that he'd do anything for her. He wanted to just take her and run away, somewhere where no one knew them, where no one would try to kill him.
But such a place didn't exist. He was the ruler of the world now, after all, and his people hated him with all their heart. It was weird how his own twistedness was tearing him apart. He feared death and at the same moment he couldn't wait for it any longer. For him.
A small breeze touched his face and Lelouch instinctively took a deep breath of the fresh air coming in. He looked at the open window, wondering why it was completely open all of a sudden, even though he had only opened a small gap.
Then, when a shadow hushed by, his heart almost stopped. There was someone in this room, someone who shouldn't be here. An assassin?! No, that couldn't be! He couldn't let himself be killed by someone … someone other than him.
But before he could call for the guards, he already felt a hand on his mouth, preventing him from screaming. He reached for the arm belonging to that hand, prepared to fight back, but the guy behind him was stronger. He held him so tightly, that Lelouch couldn't even move.
"It's alright ...", a familiar voice suddenly spoke up, "It's me."
Lelouch instantly calmed down, the tension in his body was gone and he lowered his arms again. Why?
"You're early ...", he mumbled without turning around.
"I'm sorry ...", Suzaku answered hesitantly. He really sounded sorry. "It's just ..."
"Did you miss me that badly?", Lelouch attempted a joke after Suzaku had stayed silent for an awkwardly long time.
"And what if I did?", he talked back. Lelouch hadn't expected this answer. He was still standing there with his back to him and wondered what face he was making right now.
"Don't tell me you were lonely without me?", Lelouch continued as his body tensed up again and a lump started building up in his throat. "What's the real reason you're here?"
"It's lonely playing the role of a dead man. Isn't it lonely to play the role of a tyrant king as well?", somehow Suzaku had a hard time sounding composed, what made it even harder for Lelouch as well.
"That's no reason for taking such a stupid risk. Do you have any idea how many guards there are lingering around here? What if someone had seen you? You're risking our whole plan!", Lelouch scolded him, trying hard to sound mad. But it wasn't that easy. In fact, his heart was about to jump from his breast when just hearing his voice. If he'd turn around and see his face …
"I know and I'm really sorry … but …", he paused and took a deep breath, "Lelouch, can I be honest with you?"
Lelouch didn't really know what to think of that. Honesty? What exactly was that again? But still, he nodded.
"Being honest, huh? Could be nice for a change. Let's try that out."
"Lelouch ...", Suzaku gulped and suddenly wrapped his arms around Lelouch from behind. His whole body was shaking and he put his head on Lelouch's shoulder. "The truth is … I couldn't stand the thought that the next time I'd see you would be the last time. That I'd just … you know. I couldn't take it, so I just had to see you again one more time before that."
"Suzaku …", Lelouch sighed, "you really are ..."
He wanted to continue the sentence, but the lump in his throat prevented him from doing so. He felt warm drops of tears hitting his shoulder and noticed how his own eyes were starting to get wet. What was going on with him? The emotions were preventing him from putting on his mask and were forcing him to stay honest for once.
"I actually feel the same way ...", his lips admitted on their own.
"Lelouch …?", Suzaku couldn't believe his ears.
It was the truth. Not a single day has passed that Lelouch hadn't wished to see his face once again. To talk to him once again. To see his smile just one last time. Now he had the chance, he was standing right behind him. And yet he didn't have the heart to turn around.
"Please let me see your face ...", Suzaku mumbled. Lelouch hesitated shortly but then gave in. He slowly turned around, searching for Suzaku's eyes in the darkness.
There they were, light shimmering in his tears. How much he had longed to see this face. He couldn't have taken it, dying without seeing it once again. Even though it was utterly stupid from Suzaku to just show up here, Lelouch was so utterly grateful.
"Lelouch ...", Suzaku let his fingers glide across his face, "So this is how the ruler of the world looks like … you look exhausted. But at least you're still alive."
It wasn't hard to notice that a shadow hushed across his face when he said that last sentence. Soon, very soon, this matter would change.
"You're not drawing back, are you?", Lelouch rose a brow.
"No, of course not!", Suzaku shook his head vehemently. He grabbed Lelouch's shoulders and looked him deeply into his eyes.
"Lelouch. I will be the one who will take your life." Suddenly his voice was loud and clear. Lelouch didn't know whether he liked it that Suzaku said this with such a firm determination.
"I know ...", he answered.
"So please ...", he moved his hands from Lelouch's shoulders to his hips and pulled him closer. "Just tonight … let me be the one who makes you feel alive."
Lelouch flinched and his eyes widened. "Huh? What is that supposed to mean?"
He tried to back off, but Suzaku wouldn't let go of him.
"You know exactly how I mean this. Lelouch ...", he put one of his hands on Lelouch's cheek, let his fingers slide across it and finally kissed him.
Lelouch's body froze and at the same time it started heating up like crazy. It wasn't the first time someone just kissed him out of nowhere. Shirley had done it … Kallen, too. He should be used to it by now. But this time it was different. This time it was Suzaku. Lelouch felt the blood rushing to his face. When Suzaku drew back and pulled him closer, hugging him as tightly as he could, it felt like all the oxygen was leaving his lungs and he was about to collapse.
"I'm so confused …", Suzaku whispered in Lelouch's ear. How ironic. The one who was confused was without a doubt, Lelouch. "I really want to kill you … I really do. I want to make you pay for everything you've done. I can't wait ..."
Great. That was exactly what Lelouch had wanted to hear. What kind of speech was that right after kissing someone?
"But at the same time … I can't imagine losing you. I can't and I don't want to imagine living in a world without you, never being able to see you again. Giving up my best friend. It tears me apart. I don't know what to think anymore. I don't know what to do."
Lelouch buried his face in Suzaku's shoulder, trying to calm down again. So Suzaku didn't feel any different from him.
"Do you think I want to die? Do you think I wouldn't prefer living on, together with you and Nunnally … and Kallen and Shirley and Rivalz and Milly … even Nina. Just returning to these innocent days in the Ashford Academy?", Lelouch paused and took a deep breath, trying to fight the returning lump in his throat. He wouldn't allow himself to cry now, not in front of Suzaku.
"But it's too late. We can never return. We can never turn back the time. We have decided to do this, for the sake of the world. We need to see this through."
"I know that!", Suzaku had given in to his tears. They were running down his cheeks, dropping on Lelouch's shoulders. "But that's exactly why ..."
He pulled himself together and looked into Lelouch's eyes again, the determination burning like fire.
"Lelouch, I want you to know, that I will never forget about you. I will cling to every single memory we have together, every positive and every negative one. No matter what the world thinks about you, I will be the one who knows the truth and I will keep it in my heart until the day I die."
Lelouch gulped and looked away, his face slightly blushing. What was that? An early funeral eulogy? Or a confession?
"Lelouch … please look into my eyes when I say such embarrassing things!", Suzaku grabbed his face and forced him to look at him.
"I … I got it okay?", Lelouch stuttered, "I really appreciate it. So … was that all? Don't you want to leave now?"
"No.", Suzaku answered immediately. "I want to make one last memory with you. I told you, I'm here to make you feel alive for one night. Before it's too late."
Before Lelouch could react, Suzaku kissed him again, grabbed him, and drew his paralyzed body to the royal bed.
"W-wait. You can't be serious!", Lelouch started a pathetic attempt to free himself, but he had not the slightest chance when he was up against Suzaku.
"Do I look like I'm joking?", Suzaku threw him on the bed with a dead serious expression on his face and bowed over him.
"What are you doing to your king?", Lelouch hissed at him, still not prepared for what was going to happen.
"I'll make your majesty feel really good", Suzaku answered and put his lips on Lelouch's for the third time. But this time it wasn't just a simple kiss.
No matter how hard Lelouch struggled, Suzaku's tongue managed to find its way into his mouth nonetheless and managed to shut down all of Lelouch's final defenses. When the tips of their tongues touched, his body went numb and his muscles relaxed.
This feeling, this taste, this warmth. It was something he had longed for all his life without even knowing.
"Why are you doing this?", he asked him in a second that Suzaku gave him to breathe.
"Because I love you", Suzaku answered casually. "I love you and I hate you … both from the bottom of my heart. Killing you will be the ultimate last act of my hatred. So please let me show you my love before this happens. Isn't that alright? Don't you feel the same way about me?"
Suzaku's eyes were suddenly filled with anticipation and anxiety. He was hoping for a yes. But unfortunately, Lelouch couldn't give him this answer.
"No, I don't", Lelouch reached out his hands and touched Suzaku's shocked face. "I don't hate you. I only love you."
Why was it, that no matter how much he tried, he just couldn't bring himself to hate him? He had betrayed him, not only once. He had brought him to his father – his greatest enemy – and had silently held his head while the king had taken everything he had left from him. Nunnally, his mother … precious memories gone and replaced by lies. But for some reason, he was unable to hate him.
In the end, he couldn't even truly hate Rolo, for deceiving him, trying to pose as Nunnally and killing Shirley. But still … humans aren't evil. Humans are just weak and stupid. What good did it hating them?
"I don't hate you, Suzaku. Even though you're my deaths man, I don't hate you." It was weird that he had taken such a long time understanding his own feelings. How glad he was that he managed to do so, before it was too late. "Go ahead. You may do to your king whatever you please."
"Are you trying to make me feel guilty about my own feelings?", Suzaku tightened his grasp around Lelouch's wrists. "Does it make me weaker than you, that I can't overcome my hatred? You will regret saying such things."
He slowly licked across Lelouch's lips, letting his tongue slip into his mouth. Lelouch couldn't hold back a moan when their tongues touched again and his mind went hazy. He barely realized it, when Suzaku's hands let got of him and started to undress him. A knee touched the inside of his legs and slowly moved towards his crotch. He couldn't decide where to put his hands.
Suzaku drew his head back and granted Lelouch a moment to breathe before he directed his attention to Lelouch's undressed upper body. He licked across one of his nipples and carefully bit it. Lelouch panted for air and tried to keep his voice down when Suzaku's hands slipped inside his pants and touched his hard dick.
"Su …. zaku! Wait!", Lelouch squealed and grabbed his hair, trying to pull him back, but all the strength had already left him.
"No", Suzaku answered and bit stronger into his nipple.
Lelouch screamed as quietly as he could in shock and the next thing he knew, Suzaku had already pulled his pants down and had his hands around his dick.
He felt the strong and long fingers holding it tightly and the wet and warm tongue sliding across its tip. His whole body went hot and somehow itchy.
"Stop it ...", he mumbled somewhere in between the moans.
"You said I could do whatever I want ...", Suzaku didn't even think about stopping, no. He put two of his fingers in his mouth and slightly lifted Lelouch's legs.
Before he could even guess what was going on, Suzaku had already put one of his fingers into Lelouch's anus, forcing it all the way in. Lelouch flinched and gasped. It felt so weird, but then Suzaku continued licking and sucking his dick. He couldn't concentrate on any of the two feelings, it felt so good and at the same time he couldn't describe it. His legs were trembling, but Suzaku just pushed the second finger inside him without any mercy.
Now it started to hurt, but at the same time, he started to feel an odd pleasure. Suzaku slowly moved his fingers inside him and bowed back over Lelouch's face.
"Don't give up just yet, we need to prepare you for that."
He took Lelouch's hand and pushed it inside his own pants, showing the king what was waiting for him. Lelouch's heart almost stopped when he felt it, it was huge and already wet, pulsating in anticipation. This … would … oh no.
"What a nice expression ...", Suzaku noticed, "I have never seen such a terrified expression on your face, not even when you faced death."
He drew his fingers out a bit and pushed them back in, moving them even deeper inside Lelouch. How was he supposed to maintain his poker face in such a situation? It was just impossible, even for him. He gasped and moaned and tried to avoid Suzaku's eyes.
"Finally I get to see the real you."
His movements got faster and he added another finger. Lelouch felt like he was about to explode.
"Enough already ...", he shouted.
"No way", Suzaku shook his head, "I haven't even-"
"Just put it in already!", Lelouch gasped. "Put it in!"
Suzaku had obviously not expected this answer, but he immediately reacted. He pulled his fingers out and quickly undressed. It was really fast, Lelouch only blinked and suddenly had Suzaku's stark naked body in front of his eyes.
He reached for him and touched the smooth skin, felt the trained muscles, but wasn't granted even a second to mesmerize some more. Suzaku grabbed Lelouch's legs tightly and lifted them, carefully pushing his dick into Lelouch's butt.
Lelouch flinched and panted for air, feeling it forcing its way through. It really was way bigger than the fingers and it hurt, but still …
They were becoming one. Never again they would be so close to each other, never again would they feel like this together again. Suzaku bowed over and kissed Lelouch again, forcing his tongue inside. Lelouch's heart was beating like crazy and he felt hotter than ever before. It was so weird but so good.
When Suzaku drew his face back, he just grinned.
"It's in", he gasped, "It's all in."
Suzaku's face was already high red and he was almost out of breath, but it looked like he was also fighting to not be overcome with pleasure instead of being exhausted already.
"Lelouch ...", he slowly started moving his hips and Lelouch felt his insides being carefully rubbed. He gasped and grabbed Suzaku's body. "You're mine now … and I'm yours."
Lelouch passed on enlightening Suzaku about the fact, that it has always been like that.
It was madness. This heat, this feeling, this ecstasy … Lelouch had never imagined that it was possible to feel like that. His heart was beating like crazy as his eyes locked with Suzaku. Since when was he able to have such strong emotions? It almost felt like he was devoured by the love he felt for this man.
With every thrust, Lelouch felt his whole existence being crushed and rebuild in mere seconds. Suzaku pulled him up, making him sit on his lap. Now it was Lelouch's time to move and he tried his best with his trembling body. They both were totally covered in sweat and at their limit, but it made Suzaku only sexier. Lelouch could just stare at him forever.
He opened his mouth to say the words "I love you", but he couldn't get them out. Instead, he suddenly started crying. The tears ran down his face like a waterfall and that after he had tried so hard to hold them back.
"Are you alright? Does it hurt that bad?", Suzaku asked shocked. It was the very first time he saw him cry, of course, he was overextended with the situation.
He laid Lelouch back on his back and attempted to draw out again, but Lelouch stopped him and clung to his back.
"No … don't stop. Go on." Lelouch whispered out of breath. "Harder."
It was true that it hurt, but that wasn't the reason for his tears. He had just wanted to tell Suzaku that he wanted to be with him forever, but then he recalled that this wasn't possible. And then it became clear to him. He didn't want to die. He wanted to stay alive so badly but it was impossible. And now the thoughts were running through his head unstoppable, like a mantra. 'I don't want to die.'
And these thoughts were finally breaking down his composure and drove the tears in his eyes. 'I don't want to die. I don't want to die.'
Suzaku, on the other hand, did what he was told by his king. He continued thrusting into him and gradually got faster and more forceful. The voice inside Lelouch's head suddenly went silent with a thrust that made him pant for air and almost scream.
The pleasure had suddenly multiplied several times and made it impossible to think of anything. He felt his body twitching and tightening up around Suzaku's dick.
Suzaku seemed to feel it and moaned loudly.
"Lelouch … I think … I'm about to cum ...", he breathed heavily, his movements gradually becoming faster.
"Me too ...", Lelouch moaned and pressed his legs against Suzaku's hips.
So this was what it felt like. The tension that Suzaku had thrust inside him suddenly snapped and made him scream of relief. Suzaku joined him and slowed down his movements and finally let himself fall on Lelouch's body like a wet sack.
It was so hot. The hot fluid was spreading inside of him while his body was still twitching like crazy. Half a minute passed until Suzaku found the strength to rise up again and pull his dick out of Lelouch's butt, only to drop on him once again.
"Incredible …", he sighed.
"Yes … incredible", Lelouch admitted with a faint smile on his lips. "Do me a favor, Suzaku, and don't put that much passion into killing me as well."
It was supposed to be a joke, gallows humor, something to grin about, but Suzaku didn't grin at all. He looked up at Lelouch shocked and somehow devastated. As if he had already forgotten about what he had to do in the near future and was mad at Lelouch now for reminding him.
"I won't …", Suzaku was dead serious about it and looked at him with determined eyes. He raised his upper body and looked down on Lelouch. "I will make sure to make it as painless for you as possible. I … really … love you."
Now it was his time to cry. His eyes went wet and huge tears ran down his cheeks and dropped on Lelouch's face. He could barely take it to see that. Who would have thought that a bit sex would make the two of them so emotional, regardless of all the horrible things they had already seen in their lives.
"I know." Lelouch nodded. "And when you kill me I will make sure to take all your hatred to hell with me. So that only your love remains. Maybe then I will be able to rest in peace."
Who was he kidding? Of course, he couldn't. Not after what just had happened. Why? Why did Suzaku do this to him?
Suzaku didn't answer anymore. He just wrapped his arms around Lelouch and held him tightly while sobbing some more. Lelouch cherished every single second they could just lie there and he could feel Suzaku's warmth, knowing that it could be the last.
And then it eventually came, the last moment. Suzaku got up without a single word, put his clothes back on and pressed one last, short but passionate kiss on Lelouch's lips. The gaze in his eyes spoke volumes. In this very moment, all they felt for each other was longing and regret, mixed with grief and sorrow. The next time they meet would be the last time. And knowing that Suzaku melted with the darkness and was gone.
Lelouch spent another few minutes lying on his bed and staring at the spot in the darkness that Suzaku had disappeared to until he finally sat up.
He was naked, his body sticky and damp of sweat, tears and … cum. Now that Suzaku was gone and the window had been left open it was starting to get chilly, but Lelouch couldn't get himself to stand up. He had never felt that overwhelmed with emotions and empty at the same time.
"I had never thought I would see you like this one day ...", suddenly a voice broke the silence. A voice Lelouch knew very well, especially in this cold, derisive tone.
"C.C. ...", he couldn't deny himself a grin, "I seriously need to tighten my security."
"As if this could stop me ...", she answered and her light green hair shimmered through the darkness as she approached Lelouch's bed.
"Why are you here? I thought you had already given up on me?", Lelouch sighed. He didn't even bother to hide his body beneath the blankets. There was nothing he could hide from her anyways.
"That's true, I had. But I've decided to give you one last chance to fulfill our pact", she stepped into the light of the faint lamp on Lelouch's nightstand and finally revealed her face to him.
"Why? What makes you think I changed my mind?", Lelouch asked her. For whatever reason, her presence calmed him down. Even though he was well aware what she was asking of him and that he wouldn't give it to her.
"I know that you changed your mind. Or do you want to tell me that you have not?", she cocked her head.
"I have not", Lelouch was slightly confused by that sudden certainty of her.
"Is that so? Then you want to tell me that you still want to die?", she hissed at him.
Lelouch was speechless. The answer to this question was no, but only an hour ago it would have still been yes. This is what has changed. But how did she know?
"It seems you still haven't figured it out yourself, so I will help you", she shook her head and sighed. "Before Suzaku had shown up, you had made your peace with the world. You had accepted death, had laid down your hatred and desires and just waited for the day of your release to come. I know that feeling very well. But now it's different, right? Desires have returned to you, along with the hatred, and your fear of death has returned stronger than ever before. Am I not right?"
She was right. She was absolutely right with every single word she had said. He had been prepared, perfectly prepared for his last moments to come. He had been ready to leave this world and everyone he loved behind. And now … Suzaku had destroyed everything. With his selfish appearance, his confession and his kisses he had shown him all the things he would miss now when he just died. And it drove him crazy. Just thinking about it enraged him and made the hatred, that he had so successfully let go of, return to his heart.
"I don't want to die", Lelouch finally admitted, "but I don't want your immortality either. I don't want to dirty my hands any more than I already have."
"There are moments in life where you have to choose the lesser of two evils, knowing that either choice will leave regrets." C.C. just shrugged. "And sometimes you just need someone to help you with this choice."
Deep below the castle, in the dark and icy cold dungeons that almost seemed ancient, the corpse of the king laid on a stone table. He had been placed there after the deadly parade that should have ended with the execution of the rebels. Yet, instead it had ended with the slaughter of the tyrant king by the hands of the mysterious rebel leader 'Zero', who had taken the control of the world in his own hands now.
This Zero walked down the slabs to this long forgotten dungeon and took off his mask. Down here there was nobody but him and Lelouch's dead body, so there was no reason to hide his true identity anymore.
He approached the corpse of his former friend and stared at him with an emotionless face. How weird it was, that he came to see the face of the man he had killed one last time, before he would give him some kind of proper burial. He hadn't thought about it yet.
"Lelouch ...", he whispered. It was the first time in years that he looked at the face of this man and didn't feel any resentment at all.
Lelouch had been right. He had taken all the hatred in Suzaku's heart with him to hell, and now only love was left. Love that turned into grief and deep sadness when he saw the motionless body in front of him.
Suzaku bowed down to him, closed his eyes and put his lips on Lelouch's for one last time. But something was weird. Suzaku had expected the lips to be cold and stiff but they were as warm and soft as he remembered them from the last time kissing them.
And moreover, he suddenly felt a just as warm and soft hand on his cheeks. Suzaku flinched and drew back, staring at what he believed to be the corpse of his best friend with huge eyes.
Lelouch slowly let his hand drop back on his body and opened his eyes. Suzaku couldn't believe what he was seeing. Had he gone mad?
"Lelouch?! You're alive?!", Suzaku was slightly terrified. What was that? Witchcraft? When he saw that Lelouch smiled at his horrified face, he believed it even less. "How is this possible?"
Lelouch slowly sat up and cocked his head. "True love's kiss?", he chuckled.
Suzaku turned red and thought about it for a few seconds until he realized that Lelouch was only messing with him.
"Are you kidding me?! Tell me the truth!", Suzaku answered.
Tears started running down his face and his heartbeat gradually became faster as he came to understand that this really was happening. Lelouch was alive. He was sitting right in front of him.
"Does that really matter?", Lelouch avoided the question and reached for Suzaku's hand.
Suzaku was to answer 'no', but he could stop himself from saying it last minute. If he said that now he would never learn the truth.
"Suzaku …", Lelouch put his lips on Suzaku's. Maybe he was just dreaming all of this. This couldn't really be happening, could it? Lelouch was alive. He was alive and kissing him right now. Suddenly he felt another hot feeling started to light up inside of him. Whether this was a dream or not …
"What's the meaning of this?!", he pulled Lelouch back and pinned him back down on the stone table. "I killed you! I killed you with my own hands. And I grieved and I cried and I regretted and hated myself for it weeks before I had actually done it. And now you're just standing up, alive and well?!"
Lelouch's smile faded and he sighed.
"Could you please let me stand up at least? I've been lying on this stone thing long enough. My back ...", he pushed the startled Suzaku back and slowly stood up. He seemed to have serious problems doing so, his whole body was stiff.
"Believe me …", Lelouch started talking without looking into Suzaku's face, "this was not the way I had wanted it. She just … I'm sorry. I'm sorry for putting you through this all. For being alive. But now I can't help it anymore, it's too late."
Suzaku didn't answer for a while. He just stared at Lelouch's back and thought about it.
"What would you have done if I hadn't come for you? What if I just had ordered someone to get you and bury you alive?", he finally spoke up.
Lelouch just snorted and turned around with a content smile. "I knew you'd come."
Before he had even turned around completely, Suzaku had already launched at him and wrapped his arms around him.
"I'm so mad at you right now", he admitted, "but I'm also so god damn happy. Nunnally will be, too. You can't imagine how furious she was at me for killing you. Even after I revealed my identity to her. Actually, she was even angrier after that ..."
"Nunnally ...", Lelouch mumbled and held on to Suzaku's back, "after all the things I did to her ..."
"Here ...", Suzaku let go of Lelouch and reached him the mask. Zero's mask. "It suits you better than me."
Lelouch was confused at first, but then he took it. He hadn't thought that he would ever hold this mask in his hands again. Part of him had been delighted about that, part of him melancholic. He closed his eyes and sent a grateful prayer to C.C., wherever she was now. He just hoped that she finally found her peace.
"Welcome back, Lelouch."