The Diary
Entry Number One
Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with the owners of, Inuyasha
Inuyasha leaned his head sleepily against the trunk of the cherry blossom tree. Normally Kagome would be excited about the beautiful blooms, but it was deep winter, and the limbs were devoid of any blossoms. So, at the moment, she was sleeping in the abandoned hut a couple yards away from the tree, probably dreaming about silly girl things. Inuyasha breathed deeply, happy to finally be able to relax. A soft jangling broke his train of thought, and Inuyasha looked down irritably to see the Buddhist monk, Miroku, emerge from the hut's door and make his way over to Inuyasha's sleeping place. Growling to himself, Inuyasha leapt from the tree to meet his travelling companion on the ground.
"Good evening, Inuyasha," Miroku said pleasantly. "Are you comfortable out here?"
"Just peachy," Inuyasha replied, crossing his arms. "What do you want, Miroku? I'm trying to sleep."
"I'm sorry," the monk said, frowning sadly. "I only wanted to come sit and talk with you. Do you have a few minutes?" Inuyasha shrugged, taking his place on the roots of the tree. Miroku sat in the grass nearby, resting his staff on the ground and massaging his right hand, now Wind Tunnel-free, since they had defeated Naraku. Inuyasha was barely able to accept it himself; it felt odd to not have to worry about Kagura coming to harrass them on the evil demon's orders now. Of course, she might choose to of her own accord; she had escaped Naraku's grasp when he was beaten. And took his jewel shards with her, Inuyasha thought angrily to himself.
"What is it you want, Miroku?" He asked again, crossing his legs and glaring at the monk. Miroku, who was used to this, merely shrugged.
"Inuyasha," he began, looking thoughtfully at the moon, "Have you heard from Kikyou?" Inuyasha glanced curiously at his friend before studying a small clump of grass near his knee.
"No," he replied quietly. "Not since..." Miroku nodded, understanding.
"Well," he continued, frowning as he scrutinized the starry sky above them, "Have you thought about going to find her yet?"
"Yet?" Inuyasha snapped, glaring openly and angrily at the monk. "What's that supposed to mean? I told Kagome I wouldn't leave her to go find Kikyou anymore, and I meant it!" Suddenly the area around the tree was very quiet as Inuyasha glared at Miroku and Miroku stared firmly back. Quieter, Inuyasha continued, "Besides, what will happen to Kagome if I leave? Kagura could come back, or a big demon might come across the hut, or-"
"Or the sky could fall about our ears and the Great Buddha could land on the hut in all his fat glory," Miroku said angrily, making silent apologies to Buddha as he glared at Inuyasha. "You know that Kagome has beaten Kagura before on her own, and Sango, Kagome, and myself could handle any demon. What really keeps you here, Inuyasha?" Inuyasha glared at the ground again.
"I don't want to lose her," he finally admitted. "Kagome. Kikyou is... was... my lover. But she is dead now, brought back to life by that evil witch. She has no emotions to spare on a hanyou, no matter how much he may love her or what sort of past they had. If anything, she took her anger and hatred for me to the grave, and then brought it back as well. I can't leave Kagome to look for a woman that will probably try to put an arrow through me again, especially not that particular woman."
"Why do you care so much about losing Kagome?" Miroku asked, crossing his arms. "Is it love? Lust? Just the affections of a protector? What, exactly, keeps you here, while Kikyou is somewhere out there?" Inuyasha stood up.
"Look, Miroku," he said, glaring down his nose at the still-seated monk. "I don't know what all these questions are for, or where they came from, but I've already answered more than I ever wanted to. So unless you want to explain your questions, you better get moving." Miroku sighed, standing as well.
"Let's go for a walk," he said, grabbing Inuyasha gently, but firmly, at the elbow and leading him toward the woods nearby. After walking through the thickly knit trees for several minutes, they came to a small babbling brook. Miroku released Inuyasha and sat by the brook, staring at the bubbling water. Inuyasha came to stand behind him, waiting for him to speak. "Inuyasha, women are confusing." Inuyasha snorted, looking to the side as he marveled at Miroku's abstract way of breaching a subject. "They will taunt and torment you to no end, or they will flirt with and show affection for you that will make you melt. Either way could be just friendly, or more than friendly. It depends on the woman, and the man." Inuyasha yawned loudly.
"Come on, Miroku," he said boredly. "If you need advice on a girlfriend or something..."
"I am not the one who needs advice," Miroku stated simply. "You are. I know where I stand with the woman I love; Sango is unwilling to show her affections for a perverted monk. I must do something about that, but right now you need more help than I do."
"Help with what?" Inuyasha grumbled. "I cannot say that I have someone to love, nor that that woman would love me back. So what is the problem?" Miroku sighed again and shook his head.
"Inuyasha," he said gently. "Do you not get it? Kagome is Kikyou's reincarnation. Kikyou's living self loved you, even after Naraku convinced her that you were after the Shikon Jewel, and that love is embedded in Kagome's heart. They are not the same, I admit that. But Kagome is, and always will be, the one that truly loves you. Now, my question is this: do you love Kagome?" Inuyasha blushed before covering it with a flush of anger.
"What do you mean?" Inuyasha barked. "Kagome is a teenage girl! She's not even a woman yet, and how do you know that she loves me? Did she tell you? I didn't think so!" Miroku stood again, gazing at Inuyasha with pity in his eyes.
"If that is truly how you feel, I pity the poor girl," he said sadly. "In her own time, she is merely a young girl. But here she is so much more. She is the young woman that helped to vanquish Naraku, the feared and most evil demon of darkness that was slowly driving the world into death. She is the young woman that defeated so many other demons. And," Miroku glared at Inuyasha, "It is this young woman who fell in love with the hanyou, Inuyasha. You." Inuyasha shook his head.
"Miroku, I cannot believe that," he replied simply. "Kagome did not want me to leave because every time I do she nearly dies. She protects me because I protect her. Just drop it, okay? Kagome is... different. She's not like the women you know, and she'll probably rather marry someone from her own time, so stop making up notions that I love her. It's just not that simple." And he left, heading for his cherry tree again, leaving Miroku sad, but thoughtful, at the brook.
As he passed the small hut, Inuyasha heard Sango, Kagome, and Shippo talking quietly to each other inside. Curious, he stopped by a half-shuttered window to listen.
"Are you serious?" Shippo was squealing, as the girls laughed. "He really told you he feels that way about you? And you told him no?" Kagome giggled again.
"Shippo, it's not as easy as it seems," she replied kindly. "He was nice, but he's not... Well, honestly, he's not as noble as I would have liked. He's kind and sweet, but he just doesn't know me for who I am- you know, the one I am here. He's not strong, or sensitive, and he doesn't treat me like an equal like the guys here do. Ever since I came here, guys have respected me because of who I am and what I can do. Well... most guys."
"Yeah, but not Inuyasha," Shippo said derisively. Inuyasha gritted his teeth, wishing he could rap the fox demon on the head. "He's still under the impression that you're an annoying little girl that shattered the Shikon Jewel." Inuyasha frowned; was that really what they all thought about him?
"Inuyasha," Sango muttered. "He's almost as bad as that perverted monk. It's no wonder Kikyou pinned him to that tree!" Inuyasha growled softly; so he deserved that, did he?
"Come on, guys," Kagome said then. Inuyasha listened attentively. "He's just... hurt, I think. Kikyou really broke his heart, and it was all that terrible Naraku's fault. I don't think he respects me because of Sesshoumaru. Think about it: ever since he was little, Sesshoumaru's treated him like nothing special because he's a hanyou, and now that Inuyasha has someone more inferior- a human with no prior training in battling demons or even any sort of strength- he feels that it's his responsibility to let me know I'm inferior. And I can't blame him; after all, I am the one that took away his one chance to become a full demon just because I couldn't handle a bow. But I think he's getting accustomed to me being around; the ramen definitely had a positive turn on him." The three laughed and then dispersed for the night; Kagome stayed in the current room, but Sango and Shippo went to the second room, where Sango could take care of her hiraikotsu and Shippo could play with Kirara.
For a moment, Inuyasha stayed where he was, just listening to Kagome getting ready for bed and then her soft breathing as she searched for sleep. Then, realizing what Miroku would think if he found him there, Inuyasha continued on to his tree, thinking about the night's events. He was tired, but his mind refused to let him sleep; he couldn't stop thinking about Shippo's and Sango's words, and Kagome's reply. He found it hard to believe that Kagome felt anything more than friendly affections for him, especially if she thought that he disrespected her so much and he was so low as to accept her merely for her food. With a sigh, he jumped to the ground yet again and walked idly to the hut. Sango and Miroku had gone for a walk not too long ago, so it was only Kagome, Shippo, and Kirara in the hut.
Peeking into the open doorway, he saw a small light in the room Kagome occupied. Frowning, he crept through the first room, where Kirara and Shippo were sleeping soundly, curled up together, and poked his head into the doorway. Kagome's back was turned to him, and she was leaning over something in her lap; there was a lit candle on the floor beside her, and she had not heard his approach. Inuyasha considered leaving her to whatever task she was doing, but changed his mind; he just wanted to see if she had any ramen. Quietly he entered the room.
"Hey, Kagome," he said in his usual obnoxious tone. Kagome spun around, grasping a small book to her chest, with one of those 'pen'-things in her right hand. To Inuyasha's surprise, she glared at him, before carefully clasping the lock on the book and hiding it in her bag.
Then, drawing a breath, she said, quite irritably, "Inuyasha! What do you want so late? I thought you were asleep!" Inuyasha frowned.
"Sorry," he grumbled. "My stomach woke me up; don't you have any ramen I can eat?" Kagome glared at him a bit more, then sighed.
"Sure," she replied tiredly. "Let me just get it out; can you go make a small cooking fire outside?" Inuyasha nodded and set out, recruiting Shippo with a knock on the head to collect some firewood. As he scuttled around outside, trying to make a small fire from going out in the softly gusting wind, Inuyasha thought about Kagome's sudden hostility. She may not think he was the best half-demon in the world, but she was still kind to him on a regular basis. Once Shippo had collected all the needed wood, he glared at Inuyasha one last time and stumbled off to bed again, telling Kagome the fire was ready on the way.
As she exited the building, Kagome practically threw the ramen at Inuyasha, who winced.
"What was that for?" Inuyasha snapped, quite perturbed. "I didn't do anything!"
"Next time you're hungry," she growled back, "Go hunting or something like that, because I'm tired of you waking me up whenever you want to eat!"
"You weren't asleep!" Inuyasha sputtered. "And why are you so suddenly uptight? You never minded before!"
Kagome started cooking the ramen before she answered. "I'm just tired of you using me. And I've been thinking... isn't it time for me to go home?"
"Back to Kaede's village?" Inuyasha asked in contempt, ignoring the feeling rising in his stomach. Surely she didn't mean-
"No, Inuyasha," Kagome sighed. "Back to my own era. With my family. And my friends."
"And all those silly little boys hoping to get a peek under your skirt," he mumbled irritably, somwhat hurt that she would prefer them to travelling with her real friends. Kagome wasn't supposed to hear that, but Inuyasha could tell from the way she flushed and glared at him that she had.
"Inuyasha," she said commandingly, "Sit, boy!" Inuyasha didn't even have time to glare at her before he went face-first into the dirt.
He sat up, rubbing his nose and glaring indignantly at Kagome. "Well, if you're going to be so rude to me all night, you can eat the ramen yourself and I'll go back to sleep!"
"That sounds like the best thing to do! Besides, I'm sure Kouga is hungry, wherever he is! Maybe I should call him, instead!"
"If you want to fend off hints that he wants to have you for his little lapdog, you can call that moron wolf demon all you want! But don't count on me to come save you from his grasping little fingers when it gets too much to handle!" Kagome glared at him a moment more, then stood up and made her way into the woods by herself. Inuyasha glared after her for a moment, then went back to his tree, not bothering to put out the cooking fire; let the woman deal with it when she got back from her little temper-tantrum.
As he laid back in his tree, Inuyasha growled at Kagome's audacity. Why was she so mean to him now, when he least deserved it? Maybe when he'd been chasing after Kikyou all th time, but not now. He had basically sworn to protect her for the rest of her life! Couldn't she be at least a little more accomodating? Thinking about Miroku's words, he blushed; he didn't want her to be that accomodating. At least, not if she only meant it as payment. And maybe not even if she really meant it affectionately. Women really are complicated.
As he rested, he heard an odd noise. Sitting up, he sniffed at the air; he sensed nothing unnatural. Frowning, he listened again. To be honest, it sounded like some sort of dying animal, but he smelled neither sickness or blood on the wind. Finally, he decided to go check it out; maybe it was downwind. But as he jumped from the tree, he heard it again; it was coming from upwind, after all. Gently unsheathing the Tetsusaiga, he crept into the woods, narrowing his eyes as he glanced around him. Entering a clearing, he found a sight that nearly made him drop his sword.
"Kagome?" He asked, seeing the girl sitting in a ball, her arms around her raised knees, and crying so hard he doubted she had heard him. But she had, and as her head jerked upward to stare at him embarrassedly, Inuyasha suddenly felt like the biggest idiot in the entire camp.
He had made Kagome, the girl he had sworn to protect, cry. She was crying because of him. And he knew it.
"Go away, Inuyasha," she said, her tears muffling her words as she rubbed her eyes. "I don't want to see you right now!"
"Kagome..." The arm holding the Tetsusaiga dropped limply to his side as he continued to look at his travelling companion. He didn't know what to say, other than the fact that he didn't know what to say. Suddenly he had a newfound respect for those who admitted to that fault. Finally, he put his sword away and walked over to Kagome.
"Inuyasha, I told you to go away."
"I know." Kagome stared at him a moment, hearing the sad note in his tone. Inuyasha sat down beside her and continued, "Kagome, why are you crying? Did I really hurt your feelings?" Kagome's eyes widened in shock, then narrowed in anger.
"No!" Kagome shouted, jumping up. "I'm not crying for you at all! I'm crying because... because... because I can't find Kouga! Geez, Inuyasha, why does everything have to be about you? I'm going to bed! And you can put that fire out yourself!" And she stomped off... Again. Inuyasha scowled, then sighed and laid back on the grass. About an hour later he heard Shippo giggling and laughing to himself in the woods nearby. Grinning mischieviously to himself, Inuyasha went to find him.
When he did, he almost laughed himself. Shippo had rolled around in the mud to make himself black in the night, and he was clutching a small, rectangular bundle in his left hand as he cheered himself on in a little dance. Reaching out, Inuyasha jerked the little bundle out of the fox demon's hands.
"Now, what's this?" Inuyasha asked with mock curiosity. "Shippo, did you steal this?"
"Hey!" Shippo began leaping at the bundle, trying to get it out of Inuyasha's hand. Inuyasha rolled his eyes, holding it just above the smaller demon's reach. Finally, panting and heaving, Shippo grumbled, "Yeah, I stole it! But I'm gonna give it back, I just wanted to know what it is!" Inuyasha looked with true curiosity now.
"Well, let's open it." And with that, he uncovered the item currently under discussion, and neatly threw it at Shippo.
"Shippo!" Inuyasha roared. "This is Kagome's! Why didn't you just ask her what it is? She'd tell you!" The small, brown, clasped book laid on the ground.
"Besides," he continued, crossing his arms, "What's so special about that book?"
"It's a diary," Shippo mumbled, as if Inuyasha was a complete moron. "And she won't read it to me."
"So?"
"She always reads her books to me! Why won't she read this one?"
Inuyasha snorted. "Maybe it has mature content or something in it. Why does it matter?" Shippo glared at him.
"I doubt that Kagome would write dirty books, Inuyasha, and she was writing in this one. I wanna know what it says!" Inuyasha peered with renewed interest at the book.
"So this is what she was writing in earlier." Glancing at Shippo, he grimaced, "Well, at least I didn't steal it. But while it's just sitting around in the woods, I suppose we can take a look." Shippo nodded excitedly.
"Okay!" He said, grinning. "You read it; I'm still not used to her writing." Inuyasha rolled his eyes and picked up the small book, opening the clasp as he sat in the grass and Shippo took up position beside him. Then, opening to the first page, he began reading.
"Dear Diary," he began quietly. "Today I told Grandpa I was going back to the feudal era. I really miss my friends there; especially Sango and Shippo! Before I left, he gave me this diary. He told me to keep it safe and write in it every night before I go to sleep. When I asked him why, he just said that memories are the best things to remember, and after a while your mind becomes incompetent. Then he started dancing around with a stray cat! Oh, well; I guess you can't pick your family. Anyway, I decided to write in it after all, if just to remember my friends. I don't think I'll be welcome in the feudal area much longer; once we put the Jewel back together, no one will need me anymore. I wonder if they've thought of that. I hope not; Inuyasha already thinks I'm useless. I wonder... If he'd followed Kikyou, would he be happier?" Suddenly Inuyasha stopped, finding that he could not go on any longer. His throat was closing up, and Shippo jumping on him didn't help.
"Inuyasha!" Shippo groaned. "Come on! What'd you stop for? It was just getting interesting!" Inuyasha hit Shippo soundly on the head, then stood up.
"That's all there is!" He lied angrily, glaring at the boy. "Now leave me alone! That's all I'm going to read; this is Kagome's personal diary!" And he stomped off, back to his bare cherry tree. However, once there, he sat on his branch, leaning against the trunk and thinking. He tried to think about the demons they had fought that morning, but his thoughts kept straying to Miroku's words and Kagome. Finally, he pulled the small diary out again, deciding to finish the entry he had started. Opening it to the first page, he quickly picked up quietly where he'd left off.
... If he'd followed Kikyou, would he be happier? I know he promised not to go after her again, but still, I think that his happiness is more important than if he gets the Jewel shards, and that's the only reason he really needs me. I wish he really didn't need me for that; maybe he'd be more honest to me when I ask him why he wants me around. That way, if he honestly did want me around, he wouldn't have that excuse to hide behind. But, of course, he still does, so I guess it doesn't matter. I just wish that I wasn't so expendable; what if Kikyou's reincarnation from the future comes back to this era? A different one, I mean? Then he wouldn't need me, and he might not even want me around anymore. Life is so confusing, no matter what time period you're in!
Inuyasha closed the book softly, frowning at the star-filled sky. Slowly, his glance turned downward, toward the hut. He sighed then, seeing that Kagome's light was off. Sango and Miroku had returned while he was reading and now sat on the porch, talking softly. Inuyasha watched the two for a moment, seeing that Miroku was, for once, being respectful and leaving Sango's bum alone. As he watched, Miroku gave Sango a small good-night kiss and made his way inside the hut, leaving Sango on the porch alone, a graceful hand to her lips. Inuyasha sighed again and faced the other direction.
Thank you so much for reading! I am going to start work on the next chapter soon, I promise! And please review... I don't want to write any more if it's deathly terrible, you know? Yeah. So, please review! It's my first Inuyasha fanfiction.