All familiar characters belong to Janet. The mistakes are mine alone.
This is the first time I've actually given a shit when, where, and what time, I returned home. I left because I had a job to do that no one else could, but I definitely would've preferred not having to go overseas. Normally, I'd just let Tank know that I'm still alive and ask him to tell my family that I'll be home when I can, none of my men even knowing I'm back until my vehicle was at the Rangeman gate. This time is different. Tank promised me that he'd bring Steph to the airstrip I'd be using after I called in a favor just to get my ass home to her without the usual wasted time and bullshit.
I got my pack and left the chopper, scanning the lot in front of me. When my eyes made contact with Stephanie's blue ones, I would swear on anything holy that the ground shook. My boots needed no direction and they took me straight to her. They only paused in their mission when my eyes roamed her body, remembering every detail of it, and I zeroed in on her breasts and then her stomach.
No one else would see the slight weight added to either, but I've been over, under, and in-between, that body ... and I know every inch of it better than I know my own. I'd just spent six weeks picturing it in any spare moment I could grab, so I can pinpoint any change in and to it ... and there is obviously a huge change from when I left Trenton.
"Ranger ..." she began, her voice sounding shaky.
I know she's happy to see me, but clearly nervous as well.
"Don't be mad," she continued. "Let me explain."
I was willing to let her do just that, but my anger flared when Tank felt he had to step slightly between us, unsure of how good or bad this conversation will go. A clear tell that he knows.
"Steph, calm down," Tank told my woman. "You know Ranger loves you."
It appeared as if she ignored him, but I did see that she was listening and purposely tried to take deeper breaths.
"I didn't tell you for two reasons," she said, her eyes pleading with me to understand. "You had to have your mind on your mission, and I was terrified you'd be so worried about us while you were stuck being somewhere else, you wouldn't be solely focused on the job at hand and could get hurt … or worse because of it. I needed you to be - and stay - safe so you could come home to me."
"And the second reason?" I asked, walking up to her now that the shock has worn off a little.
"Don't make fun of me ..."
I wrapped an arm around her and combined our personal spaces. "I haven't seen you in close to two months, Babe. I'm not about to fuck up this moment by being angry."
She sighed and I felt her body relax. "I know it sounds stupid, and my mother would be the first to call me selfish for it, but I didn't want to tell anyone until I felt comfortable that my body wouldn't do anything to screw up this pregnancy."
Knowing how often she's been accused of screwing things up or of being a screw-up, I can see why she'd think that way ... which is why I should've been here to help her through this.
"When did you find out?" I asked, instead of giving myself a mental ass-chewing.
When I enlisted, I knew what I'd signed on for. The rules don't change, and wars don't stop, just because I have someone in my life that I hate leaving.
I felt her turn rigid in my hold. "Ummm ..."
"Stephanie ..." I warned.
She blew out a breath. Just the feel of it on my skin had my dick hardening. It's been too long.
"I found out thirty-two hours before we found out the wind needed you back."
My earlier shock was back. "You knew I was going to be a father again and you let me leave without telling me?"
"No one 'lets' you do anything, but I was still struggling with my own thoughts on me being a mom. And then you got called in and I didn't want you to be distracted. I wouldn't have been able to live with it if my telling you right before, or in the middle of, a job got you killed because you were thinking more about me than yourself. You had to get your head in a different place to do whatever was asked of you, and I had to sort out my feelings before I hit you with all of them. You and the baby deserved me to be strong for the three of us, so I kept my mouth shut. I'm sorry. Don't be mad," she repeated. "I wanted to tell you, but ..."
"Ranger, the only reason I know about this," Tank said quietly, not wanting to intrude on what is obviously a private moment, "is she had been experiencing some mild cramping and was quietly freaking out at her desk about it. Knowing you'd kill me if something happened to - or with - her, I didn't let her move until she told me what was going on. The baby's fine. Apparently slight cramping is normal at this stage according to the doc ... though how the fuck that can be called 'normal' is a teeth-grinder. I was kicking my own ass about whether or not to get word to you, but I understood Steph's point."
"I'm the best because my focus stays where it's needed," I reminded him.
"But this is different."
"Don't be pissed at Tank," Steph told me. "This was all me. If I would've had another day to process all this before you had to go … and maybe I should've somehow gotten the news to you, but I really wanted to tell you in person when I felt ready to so I could watch your face and see your eyes, so I'd know exactly how you feel, instead of just thinking about my reaction. Only the three of us know about this. I didn't even tell Mary Lou."
"I've made sure she takes care of herself. I've driven her to the doctors, pulled rank and ordered her to go home early, used you to guilt her into switching out doughnuts for more nutritious options, and I took her off apprehensions and reworked her schedule to reflect the job-shift," Tank informed me. "I'm not losing my niece or nephew to some psycho."
"Hellooooo ... I'm still here. Stop discussing me like I'm just a walking uterus, Tank."
And that is exactly what makes Stephanie different, she can piss me off and then make me laugh in a two-second span.
"You will always be more than that," I told her. "To everyone."
I lowered my head to do what I've been dreaming of doing since the second I left our apartment, but Tank purposely interrupted ... just to be an asshole.
"I was hoping you'd be back before all the throwing up began," Tank told me, "but ..."
I paused to glance at him and then down at Steph.
"I'm going to kill you, Tank, in a really, really painful way," she threatened. "I have not thrown up in a grand total of an hour and three minutes. And I brushed twice afterwards and rinsed my mouth with that alcohol-free mouthwash. So shut your pie-hole so I can kiss my husband before I do have to vomit again. By the way, I'm gunning for you when the urge hits."
The knowledge of a Rangebaby must have mellowed him, because he grinned at her before slapping my shoulder twice in a 'Congratulations/Welcome Back' gesture before heading to his vehicle to give us a moment of privacy.
"I can't tell you how much I've missed you, Steph," I whispered, right before I fused my mouth to hers.
"I can relate," she said, when the need to breathe ended the kiss. "If you have to go unreachable again, I won't be responsible for what I do."
I could feel the battlefield being sloughed off my skin as she held me tightly to her. She has the power to lighten what I've always believed was a dark soul.
"You gonna get pregnant again?" I teased, surprised how fast I could.
"Depends how quickly you're needed again."
That wasn't the answer I was expecting, and my face must have shown that.
"I'll admit that I wasn't at all happy about not being able to talk to you whenever I wanted to, but I didn't feel as lonely as I was expecting I would. Whatever I wanted to tell you, I just said to our baby instead," she shared with me, her hand sliding between our bodies to include our baby in our conversation. "Pretty soon, I was just talking to him or her without even realizing I was doing it. I actually had you here with me, no matter where you were in the world at the time. You had a job to do ... and so did I, to keep this baby safe."
"And you're okay?" I asked, cupping her face in my hands so she couldn't downplay her answers or look away from me while giving them.
I hate that she had literally been sick and tired and had to rely on Tank instead of me.
"Yes. Are you?" She countered, scanning my face and body like I'd done to her.
"I'm alright."
"Will you tell me what you can about it?"
"Tonight. Right now I want to hear everything that has happened since I left."
"You didn't miss much. The gist is lots of peeing, vomiting, freaking out before Tank found out, and tons of wanting to be with you. Luckily, the guys know how protective you are, so I haven't had to outright lie to them about why I haven't been doing apprehensions anymore. They're used to my constant yawning and whining that I'm tired all day long, so no tip-off there. And a sudden aversion to the smell and taste of coffee and bacon, I explained away as not being hungry when I'm thinking about you."
"But you have been eating?" I asked, knowing how difficult it is to get her to eat a well-balanced diet on a good day, never mind when she'd battling morning sickness, which doesn't sound limited to just the morning hours.
"Yeah. Ella has been incredible. She thinks you're the reason for me being such a specific-eater, and she's been trying to find foods, and experiment with recipes, that I won't make faces at. Despite me saying that she doesn't need to keep feeding me, she actually started hanging around just to talk after bringing me a tray ... which I've enjoyed even knowing it's a cover so she'll know that I'd put a healthy dent in my meal."
"If I couldn't be here, I left you with the next best thing," I said, one-handing my pack and leading her to the parking area.
"You did. The only way I could be in better hands is when I'm in yours. FYI, if I weren't already pregnant with your baby, that uniform you're filling out nicely ... would've done the job."
"Good to know," I said, looking down at the cammies I normally would've switched out for civvies before leaving base, and I appreciated them in a different way.
"You ready to go home?" Tank asked, when we reached his fleet vehicle.
"Yes."
"You driving?"
"Yes. Steph calls shotgun."
"I do?" She asked.
"Yes," I once again repeated.
"Okay, then. Shotgun!"
I got the door for her, cutting off Tank who appears familiar with the job. I kept hold of her left hand when I could, and I was glad to see and feel it drift to my thigh whenever I had to shift gears ... her oval diamond, stacked-ring set creating blind spots where the sun hit and quickly bounced off the three bands. I was concerned that any time apart could have her regretting her decision to marry me, even as I understood how insulted she'd feel if I ever voiced that. She loves me for better or worse, and I should fully and finally accept it. But her being happy about having a child with me is something else entirely.
She mentioned being scared, freaked out, nervous about telling and then not telling me, but never once indicated that she's unhappy about being pregnant with our child. Coming from a woman who's claimed in the past that she didn't want kids, the difference is clear. I drove the familiar streets and actually felt home when I turned onto Haywood. Julie has stayed with me, then us, for weekends and school breaks, but raising a child here had me looking at the building with new eyes, similar to when I first purchased it and was deciding what changes were needed.
I parked, and since Tank was closer ... being crammed in the seat behind hers, he helped Steph down because it is a climb for anyone under six-feet. He waited for me by his front fender.
"Glad you're back," he told me.
"Me, too."
As expected, he used our handshake to pull me into a shoulder bump-style hug, which ended as quickly as it began, and he smacked me on the back on his way to the stairs.
"Watching you two gives me the warm fuzzies," Steph said, at witnessing our understated and under-voiced reunion.
"Smartass."
She glanced behind her and down. "Thank you for noticing. My ass is feeling particularly scholarly today."
She surprised a laugh out of me. "God ... have I missed you."
"I know. I think I felt how much every day, which was probably your night."
"But not tonight."
"Nope, not tonight. We get to share the same one again," she said. "Gather your gear, Soldier. You're off duty ... or whatever the heck you say that means the government has had its turn ... and now it's mine."
"That sounds promising."
She waited until we were in our apartment before her flirting turned into a fresh case of nerves. "I should warn you, I don't look pregnant with clothes on, but when they come off ..."
"Better tell me your concerns fast, Babe, because you just put one hell of a visual in my mind that won't take me long to make a reality."
"My body already feels like it belongs to someone else ... like bigger boobs that seem to come with a 'Hands Off' warning most days. They lie, bigger isn't always better. And my jeans are taking longer to button, so I guess I have to admit that my waistline is also increasing."
"You look beautiful, Steph."
"Considering how, and with who, I've pictured you spending your last few weeks with, I would look good."
"I didn't say good, I said beautiful. Sexy, too."
"You think so?"
"Yes. Want me to prove it?"
"Uh-huh," she murmured, because her lips were already on mine.
I normally would've slung her over my shoulder and made tracks to the bedroom ... or the counter or couch if we couldn't wait. This time I'm purposely waiting even if it kills me. This will be the first time I'm knowingly making love to the mother of my child.
"I know your normal 'I'm home' routine involves taking a really long shower to feel like you are back home," Steph said against my neck, since being picked up put her even with it when she snuggles herself into me. Her mouth brushes mine when she sits straight up. "I can wait ... or we could start our homecoming in the shower."
"I'm good ... unless you think I smell like I need a shower," I teased.
I felt the tip of her nose press into the skin right below my ear and she inhaled deeply. Maybe it's just the time apart talking, but it was one of the sexiest things she could've done ... at least my dick thinks so.
"You smell good, not like your evil shower gel, but something almost as good. You also smell like someone who's been gone too long and the man I love like crazy."
"The crazy love is mutual," I assured her.
I put her on her feet by the bed, but I had to do one thing before I got her onto it. I flipped up the hem of her Rangeman T-shirt and went down on one knee in front of her, pressing my lips to her now bare navel after looking for any outside sign that my baby is already growing in there. Her fingers threaded through my hair and her body jerked from pure emotion before she could catch herself.
I got up and caught her as she crumpled in my arms. "I'm so glad you're back," she whispered. "I didn't want to go through this alone."
"I'm home, Babe. I'm safe and I've got you and the baby. You've never been, and never will be, alone."
She got herself under control and was able to shift from reliving her fears to becoming desperate for me. I said a mental goodbye to my plans of going slow, and said 'Fuck yeah!' to whatever she was up for. It's a good thing there's no one except me to see her blatantly disregarding property issued by the U.S. government. As tempting as she claims I look in my BDUs, she can care less about what's currently on my body, she's far more interested in gaining total access to her Soldier.
I was happy to oblige, but I underestimated her determination. She grabbed my 'coat' in both hands and let herself fall backwards. It was a trust fall of the safest kind. Not only is the bed right behind her, she knew I'd wrap my arms around her and buffer her fall.
"Easy, Steph. The baby ..."
"Is doing great," she finished for me. "Guess what information I saved to tell only you?"
"If it's that you love me ... I know."
"There is that ... but at my next doctor's appointment, we'll be able to hear our baby's heartbeat for the first time. If you want to make it a date and come with me. Tank's been great and all, but he's definitely not you."
My hand went to her stomach as my lips touched hers. "My heart would have to no longer be beating for me to miss it."
I turned that lip press into a kiss-promise that felt like it couldn't end. I may not have been here for everything, I may miss even more in the months to come, but for every moment I have with my wife and our kids, I'll make count as two.