Warm dappled light slid around her closed eyes. Cool silky grass rustled on her skin as she turned over. A long languid yawn escaped with the shadows of her nap. With a refreshed energy Korra sat up and opened her eyes. The light and colors of the spirit world greeted her. A warm glow drifted down from the sunless rose colored sky. The light sparkled on the surface of the silent cerulean pool.
Korra pushed herself up of the ground and stretched, trying to wake up all the muscles that clung lazily to the malaise of the wonderful nap. Splashing some of the cool water on her face Korra watched the ripples run around the pool until they reached the edge and echoed back.
Korra sat down before the pool and crossed her legs. Closing her eyes she let the serenity of the place seep into her consciousness.
Warm dappled light.
Cool silky grass.
Cold crisp water.
Sweet gentle breezes.
And all around the peaceful powerful aura of the spirits that called this place home.
Slowly Korra began to become aware of the fruity aroma drifting over from the massive orange blooms on the other side of the water. And even more slowly the tiny star-like points of life and light that were the spirits drifting just beneath the world visible to the human eye. Opening her eyes she could see ripples in the air, like invisible shadows, that were the unformed shapes and faces and bodies of the spirits, that for her and Asami's sake remained quiet and unseen. The spirit world was never empty. Though there were places that she had seen during their vacation that seemed like empty twisted and yet hauntingly beautiful deserts, she was gradually coming to find that there were spirits everywhere here, hiding underneath the world that could be seen with a corporeal eye.
The awareness she was seeking came most slowly. It was like watching mountains dance. The humming beating river of light and energy that ran even deeper than the invisible spirits, too deep for the minds eye or the gaze of the spirit to penetrate.
From the level of her body, Korra hear someone approaching. From the level of her mind's eye should could recognize the aura of her best friend. From the level of her spirit, Korra could see the unique, irreplaceable, invaluable, most-precious existence: Asami.
"Oh, for a moment I thought you were finally up," she said, probably to her self, but Korra heard. Korra's focus drifted away from the dancing mountains and toward the young woman near to her.
"I'm awake, I'm just meditating," Korra replied. From this deep, her voice sounded weird and disconnected, like it was somebody else entirely talking. There was someone speaking the words she was going to say, using her mouth and breath to form the sounds and words and sentences, but some how using somebody elses voice.
Korra felt the existence like warm brass cut into strong gears with beautiful delicate teeth sit down next to her.
"Any progress?" Asami asked.
Korra felt more and more of her attention turning toward her companion, even the forms of the invisible spirits were being drowned out by the light of Asami beside her. Korra opened her eyes, her bodily eyes, and turned to Asami. Shaking her head she replied: "No not yet."
For a while they sat in a comfortable silence.
"Look, Asami, I'm sorry I've been like this. This was supposed to be a vacation for the both of us, but recently I've just been meditating and trying to figure this thing out. I feel like I'm being unfair to you by..." Korra trailed off and looked down at the delicate and wrapped around her own. Her dark skin was rough and a couple of her fingers didn't lay quite straight after they had been broken. Asami's fingers were long and thin, where her's with shorter and muscular. However Asami's fingers were covered in hundreds of thin pale scars of interesting shapes.
"Korra, you don't need to worry about that. It's been wonderful here, just walking around here. I don't think I've ever been more relaxed in my life."
"Just don't wander too far, not all spirits are as nice as the ones here." Korra smiled, playfully.
"I'm sure I could handle my self, and even if I couldn't, I'm sure the Avatar would do everything she could to save me."
"Everything and more."
Again they lapse into silence.
"Asami, who am I?"
"What? Korra, are you feeling okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. Great even! But I think I know the reason that I've been trying so hard to get this."
Asami nodded, "Okay, and why is that?"
"Back for for the fight with Kuvira I was struggling to figure out who I was. For so long I had always just been the Avatar. Avatar Korra, that's how I defined myself. I was always doing things because I was the Avatar. And then... Then when Unalaq—" Korra's voice caught in her throught, but she focused on the hand on her own and let the raw emotions ebb away, "When Unaloq severed my connection to the previous Avatars, I felt lost. And during the whole thing with Zaheer and the Red Lotus, I don't know I just..."
Again the emotions welling around in her surprised Korra and jumped down her throat. Asami reached over and wrapped her arms around Korra. "It's okay Korra, you don't have to talk about this, I understand."
Korra leaned into the hug and let the comforting warmth melt away the fear and anguish that was choking her. Finally, when she could speak again, she said, "No, I do have to say this. It's been eating at me for so long and I—I need help." Her shoulders sagged a little in a mixture of defeat and relief.
"Okay then," Asami pulled back and looked Korra in the eye, "I'm here to help."
"Back when Jinora's ceremony, after everything that had happened with Unalaq and everything that Zaheer had said, I was thinking that the world might not need an Avatar anymore. I think that fear was part of the reason I couldn't heal properly. And even fighting Kuvira, after letting go of all those past fears and battles, that one still remained. I was fighting so hard to prove that I was still needed, that the Avatar still had some meaning in the world. Because if it didn't... what good was I. If the Avatar didn't matter, I thought that meant that I didn't matter. I was still trying to define myself only as the Avatar, because I didn't know who I was otherwise.
"But when I was bending the spirit energy, trying to save Kuvira, I had this sense that I knew who I was, that I was more than just the Avatar. I had the feeling that I knew who I was seperate from being the Avatar. But now... I'm not sure who that is. It faded just as quickly as it came. After seeing that glimpse..."
"And you thought that learning how to bend spiritual energy again would help you find that?" Asami asked.
Korra nodded, "But I think that I have to know who I am—who I am apart from the Avatar—before I can do it. I think I got it backwards. So, I need help figuring out who I am."
Asami sat for a little while thinking. Then she put her hand back on top of Korra's, still thinking.
"I think," she finally said, lacing her fingers in between Korra's, "that you are the strongest, braves, most wonderful person I know. You say that you did all those amazing things because you thought you needed to as the Avatar, but I think you did them because you are always trying to do the right thing. You can sometimes be a little selfish, and you are lots better than you were, but in the end you tend to put others before yourself. Which I both love and find incredibly frustrating. You want other people to do the right thing too, and it frustrates you when they don't. You like to go fast, get straight to the point, maybe rush a little, which gets you in trouble a lot of time, but I think thats because you want things to be simple and people to be good and competent. You used to be brash and impatient, and you still are, but now your thoughtful and careful, which only makes your natural kindness even more wonderful. Even if you're the Avatar and sometimes over do things with your strength and you have an incredibly strong personality, and you used to hurt people without meaning to, you've become very aware of your own strength. And you've developed this incredible sense of confidence and poise. But the most attractive thing about you is that you don't let anyone or anything hinder your individual uniqueness."
When she finished, Korra suddenly became aware of their closeness. She could feel Asami's breath, warmer and sweeter than the breeze rustling the flowers across the water.
And somehow, what followed seemed easy and natural in a way that nothing before ever had.
"Did that help?"
"A little."
When the light of the spirit world began to change, signalling the approach of night, Korra and Asami finally moved. Their joints protested fiercely, but they needed to gather something to eat. Just outside the little glen there was an orchard of fruit bearing trees with sweet peach-like fruites. As they walked Asami said, "You know, Korra. I'm not the only one who can help you. Back home there are lots of people, who would be happy to help you, and know you in lots of different ways than I do. If you're really looking to find your self, you should talk to them."
Korra nodded, "I suppose you're right. It's just been so nice here for these two months. I guess you should probably get back to your company, shouldn't you?"
"Oh, I had completely forgotten about that. But yeah, I wonder what everybody's been doing while we've been gone."
"Tomorrow then?"
"How about the day after?" Asami said wrapping her arms around Korra.
"Deal." Korra smiled and returned the favor.
And again, nothing in history every seemed easier or more right than that.