Mass Effect is the property of Bioware

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One shot attempt at humor

I played multiplayer for a while as a Volus sentinel equipped with an N7 Crusader. Not the most obvious combination, but that little guy was lethal.

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"Here they come!"

Yes, Thessia-clan, I can see that. No need to yell.
Here's a tip. There aren't many volus mercenaries, but the few of us that choose this life tend to to know our business. Certainly well enough to notice half a dozen robots with flash-lights for heads walking on a battlefield.

BOOM!

One geth-trooper down. I love this gun! Ever since I picked it up from the corpse of that earth-clan N7, things have been great. Stupid earth-clan vanguard. Tried to charge a banshee! Got her head ripped off before we could reach her. I got a great gun out of it, though.

BOOM!

Still don't understand why they designed a shotgun to be as accurate as a sniper rifle but I'm certainly not complaining.

BOOM, BOOM!

They say some of the earth-clan give names to their weapons. Strange custom. Still, it might be fitting. I'll have to think of something appropriate, though.

Now what? They want us to do what now? Escort a drone? Why would I bother with that? Wait, they're paying? That's different! Where is it?

BOOM, BOOM!

Refresh shields. For me, that is, oh, yes, the rest of the team gets it too. I really should charge them money for that.

"Uploading now"

Took you long enough. Do you have any idea how many geth I could have destroyed in that time? Well, plenty more incoming.

"For Palaven!"

Ah, Palaven-clan again, trying to sound heroic, like he's in the Armiger Legion. As though he isn't in it for the money.

BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!

These are tougher, still easy pickings though. Wait, what? Ranking enemy personnel? That is nonsense! Those platforms aren't even individuals and the software can back itself up, even if you destroy the platform. Besides, they're all the same. They don't have ranking anything. And you want me to kill them? What do you think I've been doing? Never mind, it's your money to waste.
There's the first one. With a whole lot of friends. This is gonna be fun.

BOOM!

If only my people could see me now.

"No head ... for business ... they said." BOOM! "No talent … for finance ... they said." BOOM! "Doesn't understand … the stockmarket ... they said." BOOM, BOOM! "Now look ... who's making money!"

"For Ranoch!"

Yes, keep dreaming, clan-less. Like that is ever going to happen.

"Geth Prime!"

What, where? Destroying those things comes with a huge bonus! Ah, there it is: big, red, and slow. With a whole bunch of smaller geth around it. Too much to handle, but if I place my decoy at the bottom of that ramp...
Look at them now, stupid robots! All shooting at a hologram. I cannot believe they keep falling for that trick. What did that earth-clan say, again? 'This isn't the Volus you're looking for.' Still don't understand why he thought that was so funny.

BOOM,BOOM,BOOM,BOOM!

One dead Prime coming right up. Now THAT's funny!

"Contract fulfilled!"

"Get to the extraction zone!"

Ah, time to go; Get paid. Maybe buy some upgrades for my shotgun. Armour-piercing would be nice. Still haven't thought of a good name for this gun. Wait, I have it! I'm calling you:

"PAYDAY!"