A/N: This is a gift for my lovely friend, kjtgp1. We made a deal to send these wonderful Halloween boxes to each other months ago, and fanfiction was definitely part of the deal. This is for you, Rose Tits! I hope you enjoy.
For everyone else, please be advised that 1) This is total crack. And 2) If you have never seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show, this will probably make no sense to you. You have been warned, now proceed with caution and don't forget the newspaper for your hair! ;)
Science fiction... ooo ooo ooo… double feature…
Regina groaned upon hearing the opening song to that movie Emma seemed to be obsessed with floating through the mansion again. Regina felt lied to. When they had begun dating, Regina was under the impression that Emma's little quirks were nothing beyond adorable. When she had asked her to move in, she was certain the most annoying thing Emma could do was leave her dirty socks lying around in strange places. While it was a pest to deal with at times, she put up with it, because not even a pair of dirty socks was going to keep her from her happy ending this time.
That was all before the movie. While going through some of her things in a box that had been promptly shoved to the back of the closet when Emma moved in, she had located her old beloved copy of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Regina didn't know it was possible, until that moment, for an adult woman to cry tears of joy over a little plastic DVD case. The movie was driving her mad, making all hell break loose inside the mansion on Mifflin street, and causing general endangerment to her son.
She never should have left Emma alone in the house with her son and that movie unsupervised. She was lucky he didn't come away with any broken bones after trying to run down the stairs in her now-ruined high heels.
Emma's own attempt had left her idiot girlfriend with three stitches across her forehead. Of course. She shuddered at the thought of what their "Time Warp" attempts had caused, not wanting to remember the sight of her shattered lamp.
She'd threatened to take the movie away, but the heartbroken look on Emma's face at the prospect ruined her resolve. Regina was certain that had she continued, her girlfriend would have pulled the "this was all I had when my parents abandoned me because you tried to curse them" card, so really it was just saving time.
But now, as that damn opening song continued to blast through the mansion as though seeking her out with the sole purpose of antagonizing another migraine, Regina regretted her weak resolve.
"SLUT!" Emma screamed suddenly at the top of her lungs.
Regina jumped, nearly knocking over her entire decanter of cider in the process. She downed her glass in one go before refilling, hoping that with enough alcohol she might be able to pretend the movie wasn't still playing while Emma laughed and shouted alone.
Emma knew how to move right past adorable and into terrifying with this movie as her expertly wielded weapon.
Another drink down the hatch and Regina could feel a nice buzz taking over her mind. And another the moment she heard the opening beat to "Time Warp," needing to be prepared for the worst damage Emma could do.
Regina wasn't sure how long she sat in her study drinking, but the warm burn of cider was sitting nicely in her stomach. Head spinning, she groaned and turned over in her sprawled out position on the couch. She wanted to go to bed, but the movie was still playing, and Emma refused to stop the damn thing before the end.
"I'll show her just how annoying it is," Regina slurred, waving her hands about dramatically. She thought it looked like purple smoke in the air, but keeping her eyes open was beginning to get too challenging for more than a few seconds. With a deep sigh, Regina shut her eyes and tried to block the purple from her mind, forgetting it almost immediately.
"Emma, will you please stop giving me that ridiculous pout. I honestly do not know what happened to your movie. Perhaps you've watched it into oblivion." Regina sighed and reached to rub her temple.
Emma had woken up three hours ago with the realization that it was indeed raining. There was a time when Regina would have found the weather almost soothing, but now it just made Emma want to watch her movie. Again.
When she first sullenly announced the missing disk to Regina, she had been relieved. But of course, Emma wasn't satisfied with the idea that the gods took pity on them all and finally removed it. Instead, she seemed to be silently blaming Regina for her misfortune.
"I'm just saying, it seems really suspicious that it would just disappear conveniently after you complained about it," Emma huffed in response.
Deep brown eyes rolled. "I've been complaining about your insipid movie for weeks. If I had any intention of removing it, I would have done so before now."
"Whatever," Emma grumbled, her sour mood continuing to worsen.
Regina was about to meet her with another retort, but both were cut off from further discussion by the sound of knocking.
"Were you expecting anyone?" Regina crinkled her forehead in confusion.
"No, Rubes is working and my parents are home with Neal in their stomach flu quarantine. Is it the kid?"
"He's at the Tillman home and didn't call to say he would be returning until tomorrow."
As she spoke, Regina moved to head to the door.
To Regina's surprise, there were two strangers on her porch—a feat of its own in Storybrooke considering all the magical barriers they had taken the care to install. The man and woman appeared to be a couple from how they were standing, and thought she had no recollection of having ever seen them around town before, there was something familiar about them.
"Hi! My name is Brad Majors, and this is my fiancée, Janet Weiss. I wonder if you could help us. You see, our car broke down a few miles up the road… do you have a phone we might use?"
"No fucking way!"
Regina jumped, surprised to find Emma standing behind her and straining to see over her shoulder in the only slightly opened doorway.
She knew the second he said his name that it couldn't be a coincidence. Regina recognized it and the familiarity clicked almost immediately, though her knowledge did little to explain what was happening.
"Right this way, I'll show you the phone!" Emma exclaimed before Regina could express her confusion. Brad and Janet were pulled into her home, dripping water all over her nice floors, and led up the few steps that led into the rest of her home.
"You're wet," she groaned, though no one minded her as they nervously followed the scarily happy blonde.
"Emma, may I please speak with you!" Regina barked. She had a feeling Emma was somehow responsible for this and was not about to let whatever magic it was get further out of control. Forlornly, Emma pouted, but she stopped and walked back to where Regina was, just out of earshot from Brad and Janet, who were too caught up in their discussion on rich weirdos.
"What do you think you're doing? End this right this minute!" she hissed through gritted teeth.
"Huh? I thought this was a present from you?" Emma's forehead crinkled and she sniffed the air. "It smells like your magic."
Regina frowned, but sure enough, she realized Emma was right. Her personal residue was all over this. And then she remembered the cider.
"Oh no."
"What?" Emma whispered nervously.
"I think I may have caused this last night. You were annoying me with that insipid movie so I tapped into my cider supply a little too heavily," Regina admitted.
"You drunk magicked them here? Babe, did I mention lately that I really love you?" Emma asked cheekily, a grin threatening to tear her face in half.
"Emma, this is no laughing matter!" Regina growled.
Emma sobered up and rolled her eyes but managed to look somewhat serious once more. "Fine, you're right. What do we do?" she asked.
"I'm not sure. I think the only way to end it may be to allow the film to play out to the end."
Emma's grin came promptly back. "Yes, this is gonna be so much fun! Don't think of it as a bad thing, Regina. Think how lucky we are!"
"You're lucky, he's lucky, I'm lucky! We're all lucky!" A boisterous woman with highly teased hair came sliding down the railing to Regina's expensive staircase just then, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. It would be a miracle for her to walk away with no splinters between her legs. A bald man came limping in after her with a lustful look in his eyes, and before Regina could do a think about it, there was singing.
"Oh my god, Regina! Hurry, they're gonna do the time warp!" Emma squealed and took off after the four characters, right into Regina's good living room. It occurred to her the destination they were moving toward and she promptly panicked.
"Wait, Emma no! There will be no time warping in my home!" She didn't make it before a loud crash could be heard.
She endured the time warp. She even laughed a bit as Emma joined in with all the strange people in brightly colored outfits. She didn't even mind when a man in makeup and fishnets came strolling in. His song was rather catchy after all—not that she would ever let Emma see her interest in it. She even allowed them all to reconvene in the study, and play Frankenstein. But this was just too far.
"Mr. Eddie, I can assure you that the remaining half of your brain will be promptly melted if you do not remove that motorcycle from my home immediately!" Regina yelled and stomped her foot. Even Frank seemed a little nervous.
"Awe man, come on Regina. He's about to die anyways," Emma grumbled.
The seemed to set Eddie's fear off even more, and before she could stop him, he was back on the bike being chased around her home.
"Emma Swan you will pay for that!" she screeched. Feeling bad to have to put the end to Eddie's life, but fearing her antiques even more, Regina waved a hand and encased him in a fireball. All that remained was his perfectly cooked corpse on a pile of metal a few seconds later.
"Eddie!" a woman named Colombia cried. She fell into the arms of Magenta, who only seemed too willing to comfort her with kisses.
"It seems you've caused a very tender subject, Regina." Frank chuckled to himself and smirked. He sauntered in his heels right up to her, stopping just a few breaths away.
"Hey, hands off! You can play with Brad and Janet all you want, but dude, she's my girlfriend," Emma whined when Frank's hand found Regina's waist. She only smirked and allowed him to move closer. He was very attractive, after all.
"You better wise up, Emma Swan," Regina purred. She saw a mix of impression and annoyance flit through Emma's face. "I just might have to go play for a bit with someone else."
"Oo-oo-ooo-oooh! Makes me shiver with antic-" Frank paused his words to walk over to Emma, putting his mouth right to her ear before finishing, "-pation."
Emma definitely shivered, and she wasn't the only one.
"Hey, babe. Do you think we have time for a quick stop at the bedroom before the floor show begins?" Emma asked with a gulp.
Regina laughed and turned toward the steps. "Come along, dear."
Regina felt absolutely ridiculous. She was barely even clothed. Somehow she and Emma had been talked into doing an odd little dance in her bathroom with Brad and Janet. Frank had insisted they needed a swimming pool, and seeing as she didn't have one, the group had settled on her bathtub. How five people were expected to fit, she didn't know.
Regina lifted her arms when she was supposed to, according to Frank's choreography, but the corset was a little too short. Unlike when Emma moved, Regina's breasts came popping out the top, putting her nipples on display.
"Ha, Regina, maybe you should be singing Rose Tits My World instead." Emma laughed.
"I suppose I'm just a wild and an untamed thing, dear," Regina retorted.
The bathtub turned out to be just as awkward as she had anticipated. She was certain Frank wanted an orgy, but there wasn't proper space to move. Instead, she ended up crammed between Frank and Emma, both kissing her neck while she kissed Janet. Someone's hand was between her legs, rubbing frantic circles against her clit, but it was a complete mystery as to whose hand it might be. It was enough to make her wish, just for a moment, that maybe it wouldn't all go away.
Regina didn't consider herself a prude, but this level of sexual freedom was entirely new to her. She never wanted it to end. Being with Emma made her feel alive, but there was something so appealing about how much more they could be introducing. She hoped that even after their new partners were gone, maybe she could speak with Emma about trying some new things now and again. It certainly couldn't hurt, and by the look on her love's face, Regina got the impression she would agree.
The fun was interrupted much too soon, however, when Riff Raff and Magenta threw open her bathroom door before partaking in another round of their incestuous elbow sex.
The couple had to look away when Frank was killed, and as annoyed as she had always been with him when Emma replayed that movie over and over, she couldn't stop herself from shedding a tear or two for his loss.
"Emma, what happens next?" Regina asked, confused when his death didn't immediately end the charade.
When Emma stayed silent, Regina opened her eyes and turned to look at the blonde, who looked suddenly very nervous.
"Emma?"
"The house goes back to home and there's an explosion," Emma admitted quietly.
"Wha-" BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM.
Suddenly everything around them turned purple with a cloud of magic, sound and feeling all disappearing from their persons like falling asleep. Just as fast as it came, it was gone. Regina and Emma were once again alone on the bathroom floor, splashes of water and smudged makeup the only signs that anyone had been there with them before. A few feet away sat Emma's DVD, right where Frank's lifeless body had been.
"Well, that was…" Regina trailed off, not sure if a proper word existed to summarize their experience.
"Intense?"
"That's one way of describing it." Shakily, Regina stood up, offering a hand down to help Emma up.
"It was fun. Even if it was accidental, I still want to thank you," Emma admitted. She kissed Regina's cheek and blushed.
"Really?"
"Yeah. You let me meet all of them. You also left me with a lot of… questions and things that I hope we can discuss exploring. Is that okay?" Emma asked nervously.
"I think I have some for you as well. Just, let's wait until tomorrow? Frank left me awfully sore when he started to do that thing with his knee."
Emma chuckled and nodded, relief washing her face. "Done. Now come on, how about we order some pizza and relax with a movie for the rest of the evening. Does that sound okay?"
Regina groaned. "Emma, love, please. I miss them too but I can't take hearing those songs again anytime soon."
Emma laughed harder and rolled her eyes. "I'm with you on that. Don't think so little of me. I was actually thinking we could watch something else."
"Oh, and what would that be?" Regina asked while she followed Emma out of the bathroom.
"Have you ever seen The Nightmare Before Christmas?"